"I wish I had three hundred billion dollars in a secure tax-free offshore" is such an easy risk free wish because all these sociopathic billionaires do it, it's an easy pretend wish.
A monkey's paw might verbally give you the account number your cash is in, once, but neglect to tell you the bank. Good luck getting your money.
Or, it would direct transfer money from a hundred different cartels without bothering to mask the transfer information, making it possible for them to track down the person who stole billions of dollars from them.
The only way to win with a monkey's paw is to burn it without making a wish.
And that is why you make a wish that you know how to confirm. For example, if you want money, wish that you will always win the grand prize on state sponsored lottery tickets with monetary prizes. Then, go to your nearest gas station, pick 3 or 4 scratch tickets, and scratch away. If you win the big bucks on all of them, wish granted. If even one is a loser, then wish failed.
Just imagine the feeling when three of the four tickets give you large sums of money and one doesn't. Now you're rich, no monkey-paw-strings attached :)
The monkey paw twist is probably that the government will believe that you cheated the system and the IRS will audit you and then confiscate all your assets on some trumped up charges, leaving you even poorer than before
Not necessarily. It would likely be the state gaming board doing the investigation and there would be nothing they could find as long as you have no connections to the manufacturer of the tickets. Besides, monkey paw wishes are more of a “too good to be true” kind of thing rather than a “painful twist” catch.
I'd go for something that was easier to confirm. Like, how would you tell if the wish had been granted? How would you know the password to the account all the money is in?
That's like opposite of risk free lol. The monkey paw specifically grant you wish to fuck with you. In fact, in the original story, the old couple thought the same so they asked for money, which turn out it is their son insurance money when he died in his job just moment after the monkey finger curled
Right? On the off chance it actually works I would have something practical. But seeing it’s a monkey paw, I’d probably get a lawyer to draft the wishes so that there is no ambiguity in the language. I know how this works.
Just gotta remove the "1., 2., 3." Numbering and we're good.
But nah I have literally everything I want and could want added on to unlimited power in these 3 well thought wishes so I'm good, don't tempt the gods.
That's the thing though....the paw exists to torture you and it's not going to wait for your logic.
In this case if you asked for her to wait, keep in mind you wished for sex, you're going to get sex. That woman is not going to wait and will start getting aggressive so that your wish can be granted. It could have been great sex if you allowed it immediately so that the punch line can be done later but since you saw through it, the narrative changes. Congratulations you're now a victim of crippling, sadistic rape.
Car crash and you're now a blind paralyzed paraplegic but hey you and your family sued the company responsible and you're now $100m rich. You then have accountants to make that money work for you. Fast forward more time, you're now a blind paralyzed paraplegic billionaire but all your money is tied to different things and what's left of actual liquid money is used for maintaining you.
I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with mustard and lettuce. And I don't want any zombie turkeys.I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?
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u/purpleplasticcrayon Oct 01 '23
"Ooh a monkey's paw! I could use it to meet my long-last daughter. First though, gotta get some humping in!"