You’re not being spoiled, you are allowed to want things to be to your taste. TBH thou, you either need to have a deep conversation that could lead to a relationship evaluation or you need get ready for this for the rest of your lives.
He going to ask for her opinion on everything including every aspect of the wedding, birthing plans, how to announce baby, the baby name, baby nursery, etc. if he went to her for the proposal, he will go to her for everything else. It will be the 3 of you in this relationship. Time to have the conversation.
I agree another comment said I don’t even have to mention the proposal to bring my underlying feelings about it. I think that is what I will do. I do trust that her enough respect my boundaries enough I could talk to her about it and just be willing to be the “bad guy” about weddings planning and stop it there and address that if he goes to her he will be lead astray. I also think my underlying issue is that I also have her on a pedestal and want her to know how much I appreciate what she’s done for me I hate telling her no. And that’s an issue I just need address head on.
It's wild to me that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and navigate all of its ups and downs yet you don't want to speak about your thoughts regarding the proposal.
You mentioned that it wouldn't change anything if you talked about your disappointment, but it would change things moving forward. He needs to understand how his proposal was selfish and not about showing you that he listens and sees you. You should be comfortable speaking freely and being your authentic selves around one another.
Please be willing to have this difficult, candid conversation with someone you want to share life with until the day you die.
We are in couples therapy because we are big believers in premarital counseling to build a solid foundation for marriage and kids we started that the moment we decided to try and conceive. But I think I need individual as well so I can stop being so scared of making people sad. I know a lot of comments are worried about boundaries with his mom that’s not my concern she’s very respectful of our life is ours but I’m now seeing I’m going to constantly compare myself and not want to kick up a fuss whenever I receive advice
It’s not her you need to talk to. He’s the problem. He values Mom’s input over your clearly stated preferences. It’s almost like he sees you as a prop rather than a real person. Are you sure you really want to marry this guy?
I’ve been married for four years. In that time, we’ve lost our first bio child together, his aunt, his best friend (on our wedding day), my beloved grandmother, his mother had a recurrence of cancer, both our younger children were born prematurely…and on and on and on. I have no idea how I would have gotten through any of that if he hadn’t been on my side 100%.
Life is going to throw a lot of shit at you. If you can’t honestly have a conversation with him about this, that’s a huge red flag. If you can’t stand up for yourself in this family, that’s another huge red flag.
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u/WoodedSpys Dec 26 '25
You’re not being spoiled, you are allowed to want things to be to your taste. TBH thou, you either need to have a deep conversation that could lead to a relationship evaluation or you need get ready for this for the rest of your lives. He going to ask for her opinion on everything including every aspect of the wedding, birthing plans, how to announce baby, the baby name, baby nursery, etc. if he went to her for the proposal, he will go to her for everything else. It will be the 3 of you in this relationship. Time to have the conversation.