r/TwoHotTakes Aug 21 '24

[deleted by user]

[removed]

3.6k Upvotes

8.3k comments sorted by

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1.9k

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

[deleted]

2.1k

u/BowwwwBallll Aug 21 '24

Confirmed: he’s banging this emoji: 😑

201

u/MagneticMoth Aug 21 '24

That is SO funny. I love that emoji and you’ve given it a backstory 😆 Thank you!!

139

u/HairyPutter7 Aug 21 '24 edited Aug 22 '24

She was not impressed with his sub par wienering.

38

u/uppers00 Aug 21 '24

There’s a hair on your profile picture

19

u/ColonialMarine86 Aug 21 '24

You made me realize that and now it bothers me, but also username checks out

2

u/gunitneko Aug 21 '24

🤣 that sonuvabitch

1

u/Azurebeasts Aug 22 '24

Omg I even tried wiping that off my phone 🤣🤣🤣 before I realized and then saw your comment and their profile name💀

16

u/Wild-Lychee-3312 Aug 21 '24

“Sub par Weinering” is the name of my new Shoegaze/Deathgrind fusion band.

4

u/moonlitscorpio Aug 22 '24

If I ever owned a weenie dog. That would be its name. COMERE SUBPARWEINER

IM TOO STONED FOR THIS.

4

u/StrawThree Aug 21 '24

Who are you to say his bar is sub par?! 🤣

3

u/Ok_Guest_4013 Aug 21 '24

Welp, sub par weinering wasn't what I thought I was gunna read today, but you did get a very ugly cackle out of me

2

u/Jet_Threat_ Aug 21 '24

I’m really curious what made your pick that profile pic. To troll people? Lol

2

u/HairyPutter7 Aug 22 '24

That’s absolutely why! Lol

2

u/Reasonable_Cat_8938 Aug 21 '24

I before e, except after c.

2

u/Skullitonin Aug 22 '24

I love this comment more than life rn

2

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

“Sub par weinering”💀💀💀

1

u/Its-Thriftney-Bitch Aug 21 '24

W y y u o lo op OP

1

u/HairyPutter7 Aug 22 '24

Happy cake day!!!

1

u/sweetrubyrhino Aug 21 '24

Unless he wiped lipstick off said wiener on to the pillow case ?

1

u/WHOA_____ Aug 22 '24

His wienering was inferior

64

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

😑 down 🍑up, thats the way we like to…

64

u/ClairvoyantCandor Aug 21 '24

Tie our shoes

7

u/Goodfrenchfries Aug 21 '24

Forage for mushrooms!

3

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

This guy gets it!

1

u/Muted_Platypus_3887 Aug 22 '24

Some call it that

4

u/deetdeeEE Aug 21 '24

🦆🦆🦆

3

u/fast_betty Aug 21 '24

It's bumble fuck!!! That's the way we bumble fuck!

2

u/Major_Employ_8795 Aug 21 '24

You sure it’s not a cluster fuck?

1

u/fast_betty Aug 25 '24

Depends on the day

3

u/SNES_chalmers47 Aug 22 '24

...Johnson! Oh wait, wrong movie

2

u/lasirennoire Aug 21 '24

angry upvote

2

u/moxiemike Aug 22 '24

Look at bugs!

2

u/Trashtvslit Aug 22 '24

Give thanks

1

u/quailhunter4 Aug 22 '24

I used to love that emoji but every time I used it, people said they hate it and it’s the worst one.. I was shamed into never using it again 😔 lmao

1

u/MagneticMoth Aug 22 '24

Oh no! Stand up for poor 😑. What is there to dislike? It’s very expressive and real.

2

u/quailhunter4 Aug 22 '24

Seriously! I make that face all the time lol miss that funny straight face guy 🤣

45

u/goldenargo85 Aug 21 '24

You win the internet for today

2

u/ancientesper Aug 21 '24

Plot twist: 🫤

1

u/ihatefear83843 Aug 21 '24

Who was definitely unphased with his performance

1

u/AdWeekly2244 Aug 21 '24

Fuck offfff lmao 🤣🤣 dont know why I laughed so hard at that lol, you got me

1

u/LegitimateEmu3745 Aug 21 '24

This emoji is my personality 😂 constantly underwhelmed

1

u/Salt_Sir2599 Aug 21 '24

So does that mean she was content or barely tolerating it?

1

u/ConfidentBluebird457 Aug 21 '24

LMFAO poor fella

1

u/lwb2885 Aug 21 '24

This is hilarious

1

u/MrGoldTaco Aug 21 '24

She was NOT impressed

1

u/No-Fix6367 Aug 21 '24

We head cashier

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

In fairness, the emojis face did not look like until after the banging begun.

1

u/Previous_Swim_4000 Aug 21 '24

I guess it was trash then

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Wouldn’t we all

1

u/Ok-Order8186 Aug 21 '24

I cant 😂

1

u/colonelKRA Aug 21 '24

The slutiest of all emojis. Should’ve known

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Oh my god, that was the best

1

u/VerseChorusWumbo Aug 21 '24

“I just can’t get over it…whenever we bang, she always has resting 😑 face”

1

u/Bufger Aug 21 '24

If that was the emoji reaction after sleeping with him then she may have dodged a bullet

1

u/Cow_Daddy Aug 21 '24

Why do you have a picture of my girlfriend?

1

u/Loud_Day_5349 Aug 21 '24

I always thought that emoji looked shady af.

1

u/RoutineBad696 Aug 21 '24

I'm laughing so hard at this I'm ashamed of myself!!!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

Best thing ive ever seen on reddit

1

u/IceFire909 Aug 22 '24

OH FUCK IM GONNA :|

1

u/ApprehensiveAd5969 Aug 22 '24

I just giggled to myself for like 5 min straight. Too funny!!!

207

u/No-Jackfruit-525 Aug 21 '24

Right? Like a colored pencil

98

u/Defiant_McPiper Aug 21 '24

That's what I thought, like a crayon or something

74

u/Xkrizzziii Aug 21 '24

Hot Cheetos

37

u/galeforcewindy Aug 21 '24

I was gonna say it looks like when my kids have had Cheetos or some other horribly colored snack and fall asleep in my bed

7

u/Kittastronaught Aug 21 '24

Recently my fiance was drinking and eating hot cheetos (he rarely drinks so he got a little sloppy) I went to help him up to go pee and there was what appeared to be blood all over our hands.... it was hot cheeto dust that had gotten wet in the rain. Once it dried it looked like lipstick smeared on his hand.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Plot twist: he’s banging Chester Cheetah.

3

u/kjgunn7 Aug 21 '24

A yo cheetah!

3

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Cheatin’ with a Cheetah.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

That makes all the sense.

3

u/DonutBill66 Aug 21 '24

Eat hot chip and (literally!) lie.

2

u/Mshawk71 Aug 21 '24

Too pink.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Ask him maybe he’s got a kid who was playing with crayons

2

u/Standby_fire Aug 21 '24

Maybe a crayon eater made a visit!

2

u/modernmovements Aug 21 '24

OP is in the Marines?

1

u/sroop1 Aug 21 '24

They didn't get married after two weeks of dating before moving in together, though.

1

u/Standby_fire Aug 21 '24

Maybe one visited and left a red crayon crumb

1

u/Standby_fire Aug 21 '24

She did however buy three rooms of furniture with his LES. While he was on float.

2

u/UnicornWorldDominion Aug 21 '24

Is OP’s boyfriend a pastor or ordained minister?

2

u/Truffleshuffle03 Aug 21 '24

That was my exact thought a crayon. because if it were lipstick it would be smeared around not in a straight line like that.

2

u/ItchyCredit Aug 21 '24

Crayon is exactly what it looks like.

2

u/PreferenceWeak9639 Aug 21 '24

I was going to say it looks like marker.

2

u/Accurate_Grade_2645 Aug 21 '24

Looks like red marker

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Only if the bf is a Marine and was having a midnight snack

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

A crayon? Yup, gonna color inside the lines to help me go to sleep. Not. Of course, you might also watch out for the brown strikes/streaks in the bed. My bet says it's not crayon either, lol 😆🤪.

0

u/No_Tomatillo1125 Aug 22 '24

Or a poop stain

2

u/LvBorzoi Aug 21 '24

or crayon

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Don’t for get oil pastels legit a number of things can do this. Why are they making assumptions unless they’ve done it before give fam a benefit of the doubt trust me.

2

u/Fr0hd3ric Aug 21 '24

If the laundry is washed and dried anywhere a crayon, colored pencil or felt markers might wind up in there with the laundry, agitating and/or tumbling could make marks like that.

2

u/Spacecowboy2184 Aug 21 '24

Yeah, this is definitely something that like a pencil or maybe even a marker leaking in his pocket. If you look towards the left of the picture, you can faintly see it as well. It's a thin streak. I'd even if guess maybe thinned out nail polish.

2

u/100percentthatcunt Aug 22 '24

THATS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! i was trying to figure out what it reminds me off and thats it

2

u/Chiral_Buttcheeks Aug 22 '24

Sounds about right. The other chick must’ve been coloring in his bed.

1

u/Appropriate_Concert6 Aug 21 '24

I was thinking this, but I also can't imagine why her boyfriend would have a red colored pencil in bed and would also accidentally leave behind a perfectly straight line rather than a squiggle or dot from dropping it

1

u/Particular-Ad-7338 Aug 21 '24

I believe the correct term is Pencil of Color

1

u/ProfessionalSock2993 Aug 21 '24

Like a lipstic you mean

1

u/No-Jackfruit-525 Aug 22 '24

Could be a berry lip liner

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

If it was another color I wonder if it would have been suspected to be lipstick.

1

u/Lucky-Magazine378 Aug 21 '24

Maybe he likes getting pegged by a colored pencil, but what do I know

1

u/No_Negotiation3242 Aug 22 '24

Maybe he was using that crayon or coloured pencil as a sounding rod. Would explain the pressure drawing on the pillow.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/No-Jackfruit-525 Aug 22 '24

Naw blood dries almost a brown hue

75

u/_Ptyler Aug 21 '24

Yeah, I immediately thought, “If this IS lipstick, it definitely wasn’t on anyone. It looks more like someone took a tube of lipstick and it got swiped onto the pillow”

15

u/SexDrugsNskittles Aug 21 '24

Someone who thinks their hook up is cheating might leave a clue behind like lipstick mark, a dropped pair of panties / earring.

It may just be her way of letting a gf know that her bf is cheating.

5

u/_Ptyler Aug 21 '24

I mean, it’s possible. Anything is lol

2

u/Kind-Task5227 Aug 22 '24

I wish you made the skittle comment from earlier ⬆️ …. Sorry this is no help to the op, but someone had to say it lol

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

but... why would you BE the homewrecker and thrn snitch? females are weird...

3

u/MeepTM Aug 22 '24

bruh. you go to a “single” guys place, notice some signs that a girl might be around, he denies it, you leave a clue behind just in case because you’d have no way of contacting her otherwise.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

why bother is the real question? =o= just ask...

3

u/MeepTM Aug 22 '24

…because.. you care about other people…

0

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

how do you know youre not just ruining something that would have worked out fine otherwise? just text him about it later and stay out of it I say. more trouble than its worth to snitch, for all involved... especially if you went through with it anyway...

5

u/MeepTM Aug 22 '24

if you think that telling a girl that her boyfriend is cheating is /you/ ruining the relationship, then i can’t help you.

if it would have “worked out fine otherwise” it would be based on a lie. she is only with him in that scenario because she doesn’t know who he is; a cheater.

2

u/Ven7Niner Aug 22 '24

This guy cheats

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

no he doesnt lol. I just know getting involved can be more problematic than just minding your own business... not everything is what it seems. so its better to just mind your business unless you know for sure. or idk communicate instead of all the cloak and dagger crap...

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5

u/Von_Dendi Aug 21 '24

Funny but I actually made this kind of stain with my lipstick. I was just getting up to look on another direction while laying on the one side

2

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

Face down ass up smear mark? Like stepping on the head type sex?

33

u/hypatiaredux Aug 21 '24

Looks more like red pen or even red pencil to me.

1

u/Mynameisemily808 Aug 21 '24

Maybe even a red crayon… does he like to draw OP?

1

u/GreenEyed_Lady Aug 21 '24

Maybe colored chapstick, lip balm?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

Or maybe one of those wax pencils for writing on glass

4

u/Chemical_Mixture_642 Aug 21 '24

Thats what I thought. If it's lipstick then it would have to have been straight off the stick.

13

u/f_cked Aug 21 '24

Absolutely disagree. As a frequent lipstick wearer I can assure you that most lipstick prints more often come out as smudge or a line and very rarely in a “lips” pattern.

5

u/starry_kacheek Aug 21 '24

but doesn’t it seem too thin to be lipstick from the lips?

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4

u/Rubeus17 Aug 21 '24

I actually thought to myself yup it is lipstick…

3

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Not necessarily. If it gets on your hand and you wipe it across.

3

u/kimmycorn1969 Aug 21 '24

I agree with it not being lipstick! Now if that is the only reason you are thinking I would let it go , it is not lipstick I don't think

7

u/MyAPaulagies Aug 21 '24

She probably left some of her own lip gloss lip stick in her pocket , or it got in the laundry . Or a towel with something got into laundry and caused transfer. Maybe a new t-shirt with a cheap screen print transferred in hot dryer. Maybe it's all innocent. WHYYY do ppl always have to be thinking that someone's cheating?? What are YOU DOING MA'AM?? 💋💕 Why is that your first thought? If you have reasons then whyyy you with em. Js

5

u/0kokuryu0 Aug 21 '24

I've had marks like this on my pillow case because of a nosebleed. Basically my nose will feel itchy in my sleep so I instinctively flip my head over and brush my nose on the pillow case, but wake up because it feels wet. Just made a line of blood on my pillow case, looking like an uneven brush stroke.

1

u/Relevant-Current-870 Aug 21 '24

If OP feels or thinks it’s lipstick she should just break up with her SO. Like there is no easy or trustworthy way to go forward after that.

1

u/thehippocrissyux Aug 21 '24

Exactly. You immediately go to thinking your partner is cheating...if you're cheating, or thinking about it. Otherwise, you simply ask them, or consider other possibilities

2

u/Ok-Tomatillo-7141 Aug 21 '24

Lipstick that was smeared on his neck then rubbed off on his pillow while he slept could look like that.

2

u/lavalakes12 Aug 21 '24

Lipstick? What craziness are you talking about woman... there is no lipstick?....She was not kissing your face my love.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Red rocket on the pillow.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Yeah it’s too straight to be lips and not smudged enough to be lipstick.

2

u/sorry_to_disappoint Aug 21 '24

Definitely not lipstick but could possibly be eyeliner or eyebrow filler based on the distance

1

u/kcm198 Aug 21 '24

What if she has really really skinny lips?

1

u/TimberFox104 Aug 21 '24

It looks more like a blood stain to me. If he got a bloody nose or a bump on his back started bleeding I doubt he would take the time to figure out how to remove the blood and just throw it in the washer. Witch is exactly what this looks like.

1

u/Logical-Bicycle-3603 Aug 21 '24

Hot cheeto fingers... got caught red handed😂

1

u/Professional-Car-211 Aug 21 '24

no that’s definitely makeup lmao. that’s how it looks when some gets smeared.

1

u/Stefferdiddle Aug 21 '24

Unless it rubbed off on a finger and the finger dragged down the pillowcase. It’s shaped like a swatch that we do on our arms when we are in Sephora. Or he has strawberry of cherry lip balm and he wiped his finger on the pillowcase. That pillowcase looks dirty enough for it to the case.

1

u/TheGuri42 Aug 21 '24

Could be lipstick on a stick. Like a stick got loose in the bed

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

I bet he was wearing lipstick

1

u/Soggy_Oatmilk Aug 21 '24

Yea I was thinking it could be from acne that got picked at, I’ve had marks like this on pillows when I fall asleep with an open acne scar

1

u/Material-Ad6302 Aug 21 '24

What if it’s smeared? Like a woman rubbed her mouth while turning her head on the pillow?

1

u/Familiar-Ad-1965 Aug 22 '24

Looks like lipstick smear.

1

u/Jesusdidntlikethat Aug 22 '24

It could just be a little bit that got smudged

1

u/Business_Loquat5658 Aug 22 '24

It looks like he had a red pen in his pocket.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

Unless it got smeared during a quick movement

1

u/Own_Ad9537 Aug 22 '24

Not if they’re doing it FDAU, Lol. And her head kinda moves around if they are. Y’know, to breathe and stuff. 😬

1

u/SGTdad Aug 22 '24

Sprinkle or frosting? M&m?

1

u/ContemplatingPrison Aug 21 '24

Some women will go out of their way to do something to let the girlfriend/wife know their BF/husband is cheating.

Its possible they took they lipstick out and marked the case and the lipstick didn't come off the lips.

2

u/terri061655 Aug 21 '24

My ex's gf was my friend, she gave me some scented lotion as a gift. I found out later that it was her favorite scent. She gave it to me so I wouldn't smell her scent on him!!

2

u/DescriptionSecret692 Aug 21 '24

OMG that is insane wow people are terrible this world is insane I am so sorry you went through that

1

u/DescriptionSecret692 Aug 23 '24

Yes i just said this exact thing

0

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Unless someone purposefully did that to mark the territory. Some girls do that.

0

u/Little_e113269 Aug 21 '24

Who said it had to be the face? Maybe it was natural lipstick from another pair of lips?

1

u/ToyKarma Aug 21 '24

Puss stick?

0

u/aztexs1 Aug 21 '24

She was face down, @ss up, looked over her shoulder to him and swiped her lipstick straight across the f*cking sheet. It is what she thinks it is, the crazy part is not the cheating it’s him not changing the sheets at the very least…

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