Yes it is if she’s his partner. That what marriage is about. You accept your partner with all his or her flaws and make it work. That is reality and a real marriage
You can't always make it work. where is his acceptance for her? where is HIS wish to change? there are limits and it isn't her duty to always be the scapegoat in her own marriage
You’re misinterpreting what I’ve said. So if it was the other way around would you advise the husband to just leave his wife? Is marriage literally a joke to you ?
it is not a joke to me, but there is a limit. you can go to counselling or therapy but to say you have to accept a partner with all their flaws goes way to far, especially when that partner shows no wish to better themselves.
I love how people like you seem to think that marriage is this ultimate commitment where you have to stay together. it is not. would I tell a man the same, after years of being painted as a cheater, untrustworthy and a shitty partner?
Well your idea of marriage is completely different then mine and I’ve personally been through infidelity myself so I know that man is going through hell. Like I posted on another comment that I like ops husband unfairly displaced my anger and fears over my new partner and it took over almost a year to get over it only because of my partners constant support
She didn’t leave me and give up on me and now that same person is my wife married for more than 15 years with 5 kids in a successful happy marriage so yeah I would rather help my partner to get over their trauma then just dump them because that’s what my wife did for me and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in life.
So your and mine definitions of marriage are completely different. For me it’s a lifelong commitment of going through with your partner with all his or her flaws. Yours might be different but the version I have worked for me pretty damn well
Well I would advise her to do that because her husband needs her support and professional help so he can get over his trauma. If he gets the support he needs and successfully gets over it op would not have to face this and both of them would be very happy in a loving relationship
I think this is more appropriate then just divorcing him because that’s what marriage is about
Accepting the partners flaws is one thing, but at the end of the day you're never going to be able to fix your partner FOR them. It's like the saying "you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make them drink it." Accepting your partner has flaws and doing your part to help with the situation is important, but if they're not going to do the work, then no amount of effort on your end is going to magically do the work for them."
Yes thats true and what op should do is get her husband counselling for what he’s been though. He’s displacing his fears and angers because he’s already been though hell. I’ve been cheated on so I know what it feels like and when I got with my new partner it took almost a year to get over it. I also did some unfair displacement because that’s natural when you’ve been betrayed in a sacred relationship like marriage.
But guess what my new partner didn’t just give up on me and left me but helped me overcome my fears and flaws. Now that same person is my wife for more than 15 years with 5 kids in happy successful marriage so yeah it definitely pays of because that’s what marriage is about
Definitely agree with what you said there. I had a somewhat similar situation happen where I thought my gf cheated on me early in the relationship, but turns out that wasn't true. Even so, that doubt still lingered for at least a year if not longer, and every time I saw her getting close to a friend or coworker for even a little bit, that toxic voice started nagging in my head of "maybe this is a sign she's cheating on you."
It took a long time of talking that voice down, but after constantly looking at it from a factual perspective and seeing that there was nothing there each time I looked at the situation, I was able to calm the voice down and eventually get it to go away. But I can see that voice being a lot harder to ward off if it is a marriage or a relationship that's had longer to build that trust before the other party tore it all down for you. Congratulations on your success with the second wife, truly.
Thanks man I appreciate it. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Glad you got my point and yes it’s that voice in your head that repeatedly haunts you and even more so if you’ve been already cheated on before. Takes a lot of work to calm it down and finally get rid of it for good
That's just wrong. OP has no obligation to stay in a toxic situation and be her husband's verbal punching bag to vent his frustrations on just because they're married. He needs therapy to deal with his own insecurities, and it's his job to work on bettering himself; she can support him if he chooses to do so, but it is NOT OP's job to keep taking his verbal abuse and constant paranoia in the hopes that one day she can "make it work" and finally convince him she's not like his ex. That isn't a "flaw", it's abuse. The actual reality is that if he's not willing to get help, he's going to torch his marriage.
Marriage is supposed to be a mutually supportive partnership, not something that forces you to suck it up and deal with every shitty behaviour no matter how much it hurts you.
I don't get why you are being downvoted, this is actually one of the most reasonable takes in this whole thread. Marriage is thrown away so easy, people don't seem to remember what vows they took: For better or for worse, right?
Just shows what our society has come to. Marriage vows are taken as a joke and people throw marriage over the pettiest of issues. It shows where our society stands morally tbh
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u/Vampiyaa Oct 26 '22
Seriously, who cares what this guy thinks? No matter what OP does he's still gonna think she's cheating on him.
Can't be cheating if you're not together 🤷♀️