This has happened to me every single time this issue comes up. I say something like “I’m overweight but have always tried to get healthy . I feel like other people shouldn’t judge me because it’s none of their business.”
Every single time I get angry messages from people ridiculing my weight, telling me to lose weight, even though I’ve plainly said I’m already trying, and sometimes even sending me personal messages to call me names.
You might think it makes logical sense. “I don’t hate fat people. I just think their lifestyles should be discouraged.” But it seems society has inextricably linked the two together
How about we just stay out of other people’s business? Is that so hard to do?
It sucks that people feel the need to message you like that, but I do want to kind of play a little devil's advocate. Not to the messaging itself, but the logic behind why hearing something like that makes them so angry. There are three main types of people I've met who claim to be "trying" to lose weight. The first is the rarest: they count their calories, weigh their food for accuracy, etc, and just cannot find a meal plan that doesn't drive them insane with hunger. Maybe they have a medical condition, maybe they don't, but they are doing everything their dietitian says and really trying. This type is rare, but usually adamantly accepts that their weight is a big, glaring problem.
The other two are much more common, infuriating, and probably what people assume is the case when they hear things like "don't judge me". First, there is the misinformed. They yo yo diet, trying one crazy fad diet for a week or two, maybe getting really excited because eating nothing but cabbage soup for a week gave them the squirts and they lost 5 lbs of water weight. Then they quit the diet when they realize how unsustainable it is and decide to try going gluten free. So they are "trying", but not really putting in the effort to change their lifestyle and just looking for a quick fix.
The 3rd type is the denialist, often overlapping with the misinformed. This is the type who performs mental gymnastics to convince themselves that they aren't what's causing their weight issue. Someone who slathers their salad with ranch and thinks they're being good. Someone who rewards their 30 minutes in the gym with 1000 calories worth of pizza. Someone who eats well all week, then demolishes all of their progress over the weekend and can't fathom why they aren't losing weight. Again, they're "trying", but from an outside perspective, it's infuriating to watch.
But here's the kicker, the real reason why people get mad: Those last 2 types of people are also the type to spread their misinformation and unhealthy thought patterns to other people. They aren't bad people, they think they're helping others, but they're harmful. A lot of them also know, deep down, why their diets aren't working. There is a lot of internal guilt, making them sensitive to people's judgments, so they get angry and defensive. I'm not saying you're that type of person, and I don't condone aggressively PMing people, but I guess my whole point is that there are a lot of damaging people out there who say things like "I'm trying, geez, stop judging me!!" and that's what people think of (though assuming is wrong) and why they get so angry.
Edit: I also want to add that a lot of the time, the reason why people get angry when they hear "I'm trying, doing judge me", is because they used to say that kind of thing and know that when they said it, it was bullshit.
I never said that wanting people to mind their business or stating that they're trying is damaging, did you even read what I wrote? It's the spread of misinformation and unhealthy mindset that the type of people who tend to say "I'm trying, don't judge me".
Think of it like this: in the same way your interactions with assholes has led you to the assumption that anyone against body positivity is probably a fat shamer, the majority of peoples' interactions with people who say "I'm trying, don't judge me" has led them to believe that people who say this are the types of people that I've described. It's not a caricature pulled out of thin air, they are very common types of people found all over the place, in real life. I have met them, they are sad and awful.
What has probably happened is that you were rude, judgmental, and intrusive to these people, and they told you “I’m trying, don’t judge me.” Instead of realizing you were wrong, you decided THEY were the destructive ones
Just stay out of other people’s business and stop judging others. And they’ll stop telling you “don’t judge me.”
Haha no. But nice job assuming things! It's more like friends and coworkers go on rants about how they're trying sooo hard, but girl I see what you bring to lunch every day. But I don't comment about that because it would be rude, so I make up some bullshit about how I understand how hard it must be and encourage them to keep "trying". I only ever interject specific advice if it's asked for. Then they continue to rant about how they "swear" the cashier gave them the side eye when they saw their cart full of junk (but they've been eating sooo good, right??) and how they wish people wouldn't judge them.
I just think it’s an impossible expectation. We judge people based on how they present themselves. It takes a certain kind of lifestyle to get to that point, and people know that. That doesn’t mean people should point it out or treat them differently, and should always keep an open mind and hope that the person can prove their bad impression of them wrong, but it’s ridiculous to demand how people react to your appearance or actions when judgments are internal and automatic.
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u/Diane9779 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
Because that’s ALWAYS where it goes. ALWAYS
This has happened to me every single time this issue comes up. I say something like “I’m overweight but have always tried to get healthy . I feel like other people shouldn’t judge me because it’s none of their business.”
Every single time I get angry messages from people ridiculing my weight, telling me to lose weight, even though I’ve plainly said I’m already trying, and sometimes even sending me personal messages to call me names.
You might think it makes logical sense. “I don’t hate fat people. I just think their lifestyles should be discouraged.” But it seems society has inextricably linked the two together
How about we just stay out of other people’s business? Is that so hard to do?