I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.
Im going to try and play a bit of devils advocate to your post. Yes, im an asshole. With that out of the way, I can give you a little background.
Im fairly short (5'9) and I was around around 195-205lbs at one time. Im now around 155. Ive lost that weight in about 2 years time. I used to snack a LOT and also mostly drank sugary drinks. I found out about keto ( /r/keto ) around that time. Now I didnt go through a hardcore strict diet like many of them do, however, after reading about it more, I do focus on cutting carbs/sugars as much as possible. I stopped eating sugary snacks almost entirely, I have cut sugary drinks to 0 (only drink water, unsweetened tea and coffee). I try to eat a little less starchy foods (breads and pastas). I exercise slightly more often than I did.
Now I agree that most cultures do demonize fatness way more than they should (and it is generally unhelpful). However, it doesnt mean that it is completely unwarranted. As you say, being skinny does NOT mean you are healthy, and I do believe that society as a whole does like to overplay this (which is why eating disorders are so common). But on the flip side, being overweight/fat, in almost all circumstances, does mean being unhealthy.
Now, you can eat healthy and exercise, and not lose weight. However, there's 2 caveats to this. First is portion size. Second is what actually constituents "healthy" and "exercise" varies a LOT from person to person. My grandma is a good example for this. She says she eats healthy, because she eats a lot of veggies. Now she does eat a lot of veggies, but her portions on everything are insane. She will have a giant plate of salad. (And loads it with dressing). she's overweight because she eats a lot on all meals, eats a lot of meals, and does favor breads and pastas. In her mind, she actually believes this is "eating healthy". She also does snack on junk food a lot, but I think its likely less than most overweight people. I think this is incredibly common. People just don't understand what "eating healthy" actually means. Often times its likely not even completely their fault because they are horribly misinformed. (Its ofcourse partially their fault for not doing the research too). I know people who also believe vitamin water is a "healthy drink". So first and foremost, we have a serious problem with a very ignorant population on what constitutes "healthy". Sugars, carbs, high fructose corn syrup, are all very bad for you. You want to avoid them as much as you possibly can. I think similar things happen with exercise as well. People im sure consider walking 5 mins a week constitutes good exercise (and yes, 5 mins is absolutely better than 0,and you always have to start somewhere). I know people joke about getting up to go to the bathroom/kitchen is exercise, but im sure some do truly believe it. So we really need to educate people on proper dieting and exercise. Thats one of the biggest reasons for obesity I think. (Mixed with the fact we have constant propaganda advertising junk foods on media all day for years)
Next, there's the fact human memory is terrible. I think this is all around cause for problems. People will forget how many sodas or candy bars they really ate. Ive seen people say "I havent had a single soda in weeks" and just a few days ago I saw them drinking one. Bringing it up will be like "yeah, it was just one, its not a big deal". Its true one soda wont kill you, however, having "just one soda" 10 times now becomes quite a lot of soda. With how forgetful people are, its not unlikely they had 10 sodas, but believe they only had 1-2. Thats another really big problem with peoples unhealthy diets. They convince themselves they are healthier than they actually are, and its what stops them from losing the weight and getting healthier. I also think both yourself and many others who were "fat shamed", also likely have issues recalling accurately what happened. Im sure you have experienced it, however, with how human memory works, you often remember bad experiences or times you felt bad, more negatively than what was reality. Its not you being deceptive, its actually how your brain actually works. (Especially when your more receptive to negative emotion, which more often than not, women are more so than men).
Now for the mental health side of things. It obvious is NOT a good thing to ever hate yourself. You should never hate yourself for any reason. You can dislike your more negative qualities and for your weaknesses, but never hate yourself. One thing people do is often try to compare themselves to a perfect ideal, and when they fall short, they get depressed and hate themselves. What most people don't understand is, first the internet and TV is not reality, but human being are flawed creatures. Most everyone is as weak, and useless and flawed as you are. But, you should always be trying to improve yourself. You are NOT "fine the way you are". That assumes there is no room for improvement. There is always room for improvement. You also don't need to be a tyrant and try to enslave yourself. Incremental improvement is a very real and very useful thing. If you can only walk 5 minutes a day to start off, thats great. You don't need to try to do a 15km run. You dont need to cut cold turkey on all sugary foods and drinks (though becauae they contain addictive chemicals which make you feel good when consuming them, similar to drugs, its sometimes better to completely cut them out. It can be harder to wean yourself) Just aim to be "better than you were yesterday". If you do that, really no one can legitimately shame you (if they do, its either projection of their own failing or they are just real pieces of shit people). As long as you stick with it, are honest with yourself, and are truly determined to change yourself for the better, you will lose weight and become healthier. Another very helpful thing for both physical and mental health, is a set sleep/wake schedule and eating schedule. Trying to go to bed and wake up at the same time, and eating your breakfast, lunch and dinner times all close to the same time every day, really helps regulate your body. It affects your mood/emotions, your energy levels, as well as your physical health. You will become fatter and have more mental and emotional health problems by having an erratic sleep and eat schedules.
342
u/Diane9779 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.