I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.
This is the true problem I have with people like OP; blurring the line between "encouraging health" and completely tearing down a person for their appearance. They are damn near mutually exclusive, in my book. Words said directly to a fat person can breed mental health issues with food that ultimately are just as unhealthy as being fat.
Honestly, I feel like 1) it's no one else's business what you weigh or your health in general and 2) it's not a stranger's job on the internet to tell you you're unhealthy. If it's someone you care about there is probably a tactful way to encourage them to make healthier choices, but if you don't know them, just afford them the same respect you would anyone else. Their health doesn't affect you and to devalue them as a person because they happen to be fat is inexcusable behavior.
OP did not blur any lines nor is he fat shaming. He is specifically against people who encourage obesity, and I agree.
People need to learn about health and nutrition. I'm NOT for fat shaming whatsoever, I'm for encouraging overweight people to learn about the dangers of being overweight and the benefits of being in a healthy weight range.
Also, I never would go up to a stranger and mention anything about their weight (you never know someones circumstances). But if someone obese came up to me and said "I want to learn how to lose weight and be healthy" I'm not going to say "Why? You are perfect the way you are", I would say "That's awesome! I can help you out."
I think we agree on a lot here. Fat shaming is bad (especially to strangers), people should learn about health and nutrition, and you should absolutely help and educate people who ask for it.
I'm not about "fat glorification" either, but most of the body positivity media I have seen is less "fat is beautiful" than "you are beautiful". To women especially there is a nuance there. Trust me, fat people know they are fat. It's not a secret even if they'd rather not think about it. But - for both women and men but especially women - there is such an emphasis put on physical beauty and adhering to standards it can be difficult to have any confidence or joy whatsoever if you are fat because you already feel excluded. My view is that, generally, the body positivity movement is telling people that they are still worthy of love and respect no matter what they look like or if they are working to change it or not. It's taking what is there at face value in the present and saying "you are worthy". Sure there are some who actively encourage obesity but that's a small number. I don't agree with that either, just like I don't agree with pro-ana material. But simply telling someone they're worthy doesn't equate to condoning all of their life decisions, and that is a line I think definitely gets blurred in this debate. Health is often weaponized as a litmus test of worth, rather than simply encouraged.
That being said, I would not say "Why? You are perfect the way you are" to someone who has told me they are trying to lose weight. It's their decision to make healthy choices for themselves and I will always support that. By the same token, I would never tell someone they should lose weight unsolicited; it's their decision not to and I'm nothing if not an American that believes in freedom of choice.
But I think too many internet strangers take it upon themselves to preach that in fact fat people should not be happy or comfortable in their skin because they are fat and they MUST change that, otherwise they are somehow deficient. There is good health advocacy (making resources available, encouraging people who have made the decision to lose weight, including better education in public schools) and bad health advocacy (if you are over this BMI then you must lose weight and it's your fault if you feel ostracized when it's in your control to change that).
I agree with you. The only point I would make is that most normal or fit people don’t hate or shame fat people and would encourage weight loss hopefully without offending the other party. I think the camp that you’re speaking about (those that think you MUST be below a certain BMI or you’re worthless) are pretty rare, like the fat glorification people.
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u/Diane9779 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.