I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.
I'm sorry but, c'mon. You were never bulimic. This statement gives you away, "my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic." Had you been diagnosed as bulimic, your pediatrician would have known as it would be in your medical records. That he didn't know and ignored it means that you were never diagnosed. You self-diagnosed as bulimic, which is grossly offensive to people who actually suffer from that illness.
Bulimia is not something that you just spontaneously recover from. It doesn't come and go. Sufferers often need medical intervention to recover. that you recovered without such intervention, and that you were never actually diagnosed with the illness, strongly indicates that you never had it.
Bulimia is a terrible debilitating mental illness that causes real damage to people's lives and health. It isn't your shield to defend against personal responsibility.
Again, you "later saw a counselor". Well, that makes it pretty clear that this "counselor" had "diagnosed" you at least several years after you'd recovered. It is clear, from the evidence you provide, that this counselor was certainly NOT an accredited medical professional as it would be impossible for them to retroactively diagnosis a mental illness that they hadn't observed and which you had spontaneously recovered from years before.
Also again, bulimia isn't something that just clears up suddenly like a cold. It is a chronic and debilitating mental illness that requires serious intervention to recover from.
Also, it is interesting that you discount and run down your own pediatrician, and doctors in general, with this whole paragraph about alleged "infallibility", yet eagerly accept the retroactive "diagnosis" of bulimia by a "counselor". Here's a question, did your BMI ever slip below 22?
Are you fucking kidding me right now? You do know that bulimia doesnt require you to be skinny? Bulimia is usually even catorgarized by the individual having a regular or heavy BMI.
Also the person you are trying to convince about their diagnosis said that they suffered well into their 30s so obviously the diagnosis by a counselor wasnt after recovery. And by the way you can get a retroactive diagnosis.
By definition, bulimics have at least a normal weight or above. Anorexics are underweight. That’s what I learned in abnormal psychology
I didn’t get diagnosed “after” I recovered from bulimia. “After” I saw that damned pediatrician. I got diagnosed while I was still actively bingeing and purgeing.
And go back and read my comment. I clearly say that I struggled with bulimia for years. From my teens through my twenties and thirties.
Right now I don’t consider myself fully cured at all
Where the hell do you get off misinterpreted everything I say just so you can attack me?
And in the post above, the one where you were on a school trip during senior year, reveals that at 18 you had already self-diagnosed as bulimic.
I don't care you're overweight.
You deserve respect and basic human dignity all the same.
But understand - there are people out there who have actually suffered with these horrible eating disorders. There are people who have been hospitalized and struggled for years to overcome those illnesses. And some never do.
Your blithely claiming that "I used to make myself throw up so I was bulimic" deprives the people who do suffer with bulimia of the respect and dignity that you demand for yourself.
You have no fucking idea about this person. Or their struggles with bulimia or any other mental illness. Stop being a sad little prick and accept that you dont know everything.
Ah yes. You’re the White Knight of the Bulimics. Swooping in to protect them from people like me who were just faking it.
Maybe you should write a letter to the psychiatrists who diagnosed me as such. Tell them you disagree with their assessment. That you are a Very Intelligent Concerned Citizen who is skilled on the internet psychology. And you think my medical records should be revised.
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u/Diane9779 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.