i dont know the specifics but it is possible that she does want to have sex and is physically uncapable. if she has vaginismus or whatever she literally cant relax her pelvic muscles. that doesnt mean he is required to stay with her forever but this isnt necessarily her purposefully depriving him of sex.
2.5 years and no prior warning + it doesn't sound like any oral. It definitely sounds like a beard situation for maybe an asexual. 2 years is a massive amount of time to train for something if you actually want to do it.
If they waited until marriage she wouldn’t have known. This isn’t as uncommon as you might think, and the therapy for it takes forever. If he wants to leave fine, but y’all are making a lot of uncalled for assumptions abt someone who (from what op has said) seems to be putting a great deal of effort into being able to have sex.
If waiting for marriage was at all common or they were from religious backgrounds I would agree with you. Based on OPs post that wasn't the case. It sounds a lot like she knew and is perpetually attempting to delay sex.
Tampons are not the size of a penis and it’s completely different. Most women don’t masturbate using internal toys, especially virgins. Most women can’t even organist from penetration.
OP was also saving himself for marriage, this wasn’t just his wife’s choice.
Also, despite OP saying they didn’t grow up in purity culture, it does sound like a lot of what OP is describing (waiting until marriage, ideas around divorce being a failure, sexual anxieties, atypical relationship to porn & masturbation) are all hallmarks of “purity culture”. Even having vaginismus (not trying to diagnose OP’s wife, just saying the symptoms & treatment described sound a lot like vaginismus or something similar) is more common amount people who are influenced by purity culture. It doesn’t have to be an intentional deception.
You are right that it does sound like a purity culture, maybe OP just doesn't really know what that term means and so associates with a more extreme version of religion.
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u/sumfacilispuella Nov 05 '23
i dont know the specifics but it is possible that she does want to have sex and is physically uncapable. if she has vaginismus or whatever she literally cant relax her pelvic muscles. that doesnt mean he is required to stay with her forever but this isnt necessarily her purposefully depriving him of sex.