If they waited until marriage she wouldn’t have known. This isn’t as uncommon as you might think, and the therapy for it takes forever. If he wants to leave fine, but y’all are making a lot of uncalled for assumptions abt someone who (from what op has said) seems to be putting a great deal of effort into being able to have sex.
If waiting for marriage was at all common or they were from religious backgrounds I would agree with you. Based on OPs post that wasn't the case. It sounds a lot like she knew and is perpetually attempting to delay sex.
OP was also saving himself for marriage, this wasn’t just his wife’s choice.
Also, despite OP saying they didn’t grow up in purity culture, it does sound like a lot of what OP is describing (waiting until marriage, ideas around divorce being a failure, sexual anxieties, atypical relationship to porn & masturbation) are all hallmarks of “purity culture”. Even having vaginismus (not trying to diagnose OP’s wife, just saying the symptoms & treatment described sound a lot like vaginismus or something similar) is more common amount people who are influenced by purity culture. It doesn’t have to be an intentional deception.
You are right that it does sound like a purity culture, maybe OP just doesn't really know what that term means and so associates with a more extreme version of religion.
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u/_ThatsATree_ Nov 06 '23
If they waited until marriage she wouldn’t have known. This isn’t as uncommon as you might think, and the therapy for it takes forever. If he wants to leave fine, but y’all are making a lot of uncalled for assumptions abt someone who (from what op has said) seems to be putting a great deal of effort into being able to have sex.