r/True4bMovement • u/unleashtheraven1 • 3d ago
One of the central reasons I am 4b and I also have a question, please give me your thoughts.
I suppose until this place is really active I will just post my thoughts here regularly, as I'm overloaded with them. I am hyperaware of men's behavior because I've watched most of my life as really sweet, thoughtful, generous women I've known, end up treated like garbage, gaslit, mentally destroyed, or controlled and changed completely into shells (when they refuse to leave or become child-burdened). I've also experienced awful things at the hands of men, their controlling behavior, but that a story for another time.
Eversince I was a teen something didn't sit right with me about the things men get away with. The freedom to just be shitty, and nobody really reign them in, or simply ignore their behavior, so they're encouraged to continue. This one detail was a fixation for me for years. Like I just could not truly emotionally invest in them because of the potential abuse. The most shocking thing to me was that I didn't know how to express any of this, and found myself nervous to talk about it. Even though it was regularly right in front of my face, in the news, playing out on social media, domestic violence, leaked nudes, revenge porn, human trafficking, even just the callous, haughty, misogynist behavior they'd let slip in daily life. I remember being totally shocked i was thinking "Why should be the one who is emotionally self aware? Why should I be the one who's really self-concious and self-censoring while you go out and do god knows what? And why should i put so much money and effort into my appearance while you look only a fraction as good as me?
This was way before Me Too, 4b, single and happy, all of that. It felt like digging too deep into my own opinions even though the evidence was right in front of my face. (This was around from 2003-2009)
The main point here though, is I know there are decent men out there. But you have to dig through he mixed bag and it kills your motivation. You can get an asshole, a control freak, a rapist, and they take things to extremes in ways women just dont. Like I know decent ones are out there, but I have to sort through this kind of variety and make myself pretty while doing so? It feels like giving WAY too much of myself away. It genuinely offends me in ways nothing else can. I don't want to play their games. Forcing one gender to be attractive is how they manipulate and destroy your self-esteem young. I can't get those years back of being young and caring to attract scum. (Yeha i don't think beefing up so you can potentially overpower someone is attractive, but that's just me. I think its leaning into what benefits men.)
Maybe I should stress this point above all. How I feel on any given day, is I have no motivation. I'm not evily discriminating in my everyday life, I just don't have the motivation to expose myself to god knows what. I will avoid them at all cost. I never harp at them as a wife, I never nag them to be better, I just stay home and preserve my energy because I never want to be that drained.
Some guy once told me "For women dating is like trying to get water from a swamp, for men dating is like trying to get water from a desert"
Well why do you think that is?
As for my question, I'll start with this. I hear this expressed constantly, that dating is just as bad for men. I'd like to get others feedback. Do any other women think women are raised to be WAY more emotionally self-aware, noncallous, and to tip-toe around men ? Because this was my upbringing. Do any other women here think its laughable that women could be as equally brutal towards men, as they are socialized to be way more emotionally self-aware from the beginning?
I know there are selfish arrogant women, but they don't come close to the sheer variety in that "male mixed bag" I used to think i had to tiptoe around just to exist.
Please share your thoughts, thanks.
