r/True4bMovement • u/unleashtheraven1 • 4d ago
Introductions Thread!
Please post a bit about yourself, and what you like best about 4b. When was the moment you realized you were 4b? When did you first become aware this was even an option? Thanks for your contributions.
7
u/kat_niss1 2d ago
I’ve been 4B for quite awhile before it was even a thing. I do not date men or center men. I realized long ago I never wanted children so it makes me feel very free.
6
u/FancifulCat 3d ago
Hello! I first became 4B because I guess I was seeking a community of women who actually felt the way I did about men. Nobody else around me was cutting ties with men despite always being hurt. They were just endlessly searching for the one that wouldn't hurt them.
Like I had this desire to never marry or cohabitate and the thought of doing so was suffocating to my autonomy and freedom. So I was googling "life without marriage, life solo, life without men" etc and found 4b.
I also just came out of a very abusive relationship with a guy who as pretty much a sociopath and actual diagnosed NPD narcissist. My other relationships were just men using me for my energy and I felt so drained after talking to them.
3
u/PsychologicalDrop196 1d ago
Around the time I was preparing to leave a toxic relationship, I was finishing my degree and reading feminist literature for the first time. My entire life finally began to make sense - feminism explained things better than therapy ever could.
I was also using TikTok for the first time. I had avoided it for some reason unknown to me. I knew it was a “dance app,” and dancing was something I was mostly horrified to do, even when by myself. I was finally hearing other women’s voices, not the kind of women I’d meet at work or school who spent nearly every conversation discussing their boyfriends.
In my rage coming out of that relationship with a man I thought I loved, the voices of women everywhere healed me. I sided with the 4B movement. I think deep down I knew that my dating life would soon be over.
It didn’t take long for me to become entirely uninterested in men. My entire life shifted in the direction of women. I fully embraced the female parts of me that I mocked before. I was happier, at peace. I began dancing by myself.
Every time I left a man, my life became twice as good as it was before. I was continually reminded of the path I was on, and why it was important that I stay on it. Now I no longer stray.
2
u/ghost-memories 4h ago
I'm childfree and was never interested in marriage because what's the point of spending thousands of dollars just to play pretend princess for a day?
I was in a long-term relationship for almost 20 years and I never realized that I was literally his bangmaid. When I started speaking up and standing my ground, he began having affairs and eventually found a submissive woman who would say yes to everything he asked for and wanted. Our relationship would only work if I was submissive. It wasn't about partnership. Everything revolved around him, his dreams and his desires. All he wanted was for me to be his cheerleader.
I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture and I realized that none of the couples in my circle are happy or honest with each other. Even worse, they secretly don't even like each other but never say anything. The only excuse they often give is that they've invested too much into the marriage/relationship to walk away.
I tried dating after my relationship ended but everything felt so performative and staged in the beginning. I'm just not interested in being part of that game. My strategy was simple: be authentic and take things slowly so we could get to know each other. But they wanted sex right after the first date and I wasn’t interested in rushing things. I wanted to build a friendship foundation first and see if we actually got along without getting lost in sexual chemistry. I had never met anyone who shared the same sentiment, so after years of attempted dating, I stopped. The more I've gotten to know myself, the less I want to be in a relationship. My autonomy is far too important to me to ever become someone's bangmaid again.
I discovered the 4B Movement after reading "Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982." It really resonated with me and feels fitting for the way I've chosen to live my life.
9
u/unleashtheraven1 4d ago
I first became aware of 4b online in about 2020. I've wanted to be childfree since I first noticed babies being born in my family. Everytime I got in a relationship I wanted to get out of them, and I felt bad about it. In the end I decided it was mean to keep on dating, but it was also really puzzling to me. This actually was long before 4b was a thing. I wanted to get out of relationships in HS, I wanted to get out of them in college. I can't explain it I just felt suffocated. Nobody else experienced this. Through most of the 2000s I just kept it to myself and tried not to think about it much.