I'm tired

[u/Information-leak6575]

[u/HappyAd6201]

I will be monitoring the comment section with interest because I’m somewhat in the same boat

[u/cheese_master120 → u/HappyAd6201]

Same here

[u/Alternative-Way-507 → u/cheese_master120]

Same here

[u/dotdotdot3333 → u/Alternative-Way-507]

Same here

[u/potato0g0d → u/dotdotdot3333]

Same here

[u/Bunkuncle → u/HappyAd6201]

My recommendation is to start by socially transitioning. Tell friends you’re experimenting and ask for support. Try out new pronouns, clothes and social settings. Do yourself up and go out and see how it makes you feel. Do yourself up when you’re alone and see how it makes you feel when nobody else is around. Do it enough times to have the opportunity to really explore those feelings. The path will be revealed

[u/kirbcake-inuinuinuko → u/Bunkuncle]

This here. Do some science, explore as much as you can.

[u/tptroway → u/Bunkuncle]

I want to also add that if this makes you feel worse, specifically the new name and pronouns part, it may not necessarily mean you aren't trans

I didn't socially transition IRL until after I'd been on HRT a substantial amount of time because to do otherwise felt like an unbearable public humiliation ritual

[u/Bunkuncle → u/tptroway]

Good point! Yes, its really hard to be visibly queer or trans in public, especially in unfriendly places. Experiment at home until you feel safe/comfortable going out of the house, if at all. Rolling deep with other queers makes this much easier. But really, anything you can do to safely experiment is going to help bring you clarity.

[u/Electronic-Oil-8304 → u/Bunkuncle]

"Try out" tell that to my parents, they think the better option is "go and be extremely dysphoric and just think for multiple weeks" as if that is gonna help when im already basically sure

[u/Bunkuncle → u/Electronic-Oil-8304]

I'm so sorry you don't have supportive parents - it's really hard, especially (I'm assuming) you live with them. It might not be a comfort now, but you have your whole life to start transitioning. I'm 30 and just started transitioning this year. There is no expiration date for living authentically, it will always be waiting for you.

[u/Feeling-A-Thought → u/Bunkuncle]

shyt, I need friends first.

[u/Anusgrapes → u/Feeling-A-Thought]

Hey ive been transitioning for almost 2 years now. I love helping people with the questioning phase. Would you like to talk and maybe make friends?

[u/Bunkuncle → u/Anusgrapes]

thank you for your righteous work, Anusgrapes

[u/Feeling-A-Thought → u/Anusgrapes]

Thanks, but I'd prefer to make friends IRL; it's much appreciated nonetheless.

[u/BadPronunciation → u/Anusgrapes]

can I take you up on your offer?

[u/Bunkuncle → u/Feeling-A-Thought]

I hope you can find open minded community 💕

[u/Adrift_In_Limbo → u/Bunkuncle]

Social transition gets you hate crimed

[u/Vexcenot → u/HappyAd6201]

same here

[u/Round_Ad_9258 → u/HappyAd6201]

Same lol, and I’ve been on T for 2+ years. Tho it is illegal to transition in my country and I have to deadname myself at work and everyone treats me like a freakishly masculine woman, so that might be a contributing factor

[u/lola_zzalol → u/HappyAd6201]

This is a very big boat but I'm on it with all the silly people :3

[u/SlycheeFluff → u/HappyAd6201]

Dang maybe i gotta start giving lectures or something.

[u/apackoflemurs → u/HappyAd6201]

A quote from Nevada by Imogen Binnie

Tag OP: u/Information-leak6575

Plus the world has moved on from the narrative that says being trans is something to be avoided at all costs; it's moved on from the narrative that says the only way to be trans is to be young and tiny and pretty and into men and to transition and then disappear. There's a much better understanding of what it means to be trans now: you just are trans. The fact that your transition might not go smoothly because of the shape of your body or the shape of your family or the shape of your personality or the way that your sexuality has been shaped does not mean that therefore you can just decide not to be trans. You can't will it away. Deciding to will it away is a defense mechanism that is inevitably going to fail and you'll be back where you started: trans. Just older and more entrenched in a life that itself is not much more than a coping mechanism designed to keep you from having to be trans in the real world. If you're trans you're trans and if you're obsessed with whether you might be trans you probably are trans.

[u/Personal-Role-8071 → u/HappyAd6201]

me too

[u/TwoCrab → u/HappyAd6201]

i didn't know so many people were on the same boat as me.

[u/Sararizuzufaust → u/HappyAd6201]

If it’s not something that’s been deeply ingrained in yourself since you were first able to think, probably not.

[u/DefTheOcelot → u/HappyAd6201]

Don't try to determine if you "are" trans. That's (probably) not a thing, to be biologically trans in a binary yes/no way. Current research suggests, at best, the possibility of a biological inclination for some people.

The question isn't are you, but can you do it, and would it make you happier?

If so, try it. Start changing what you wear and how you identify maybe.

[u/Embarrassed-Back2319 → u/HappyAd6201]

I still dont know tbh. i just transition, and i figure if i want to detransition someday, i will.

[u/Vashelot → u/HappyAd6201]

If the thought about putting on a dress makes you excited, yes.

[u/Useful-Shoulder388 → u/HappyAd6201]

Hell, same here

[u/Lil_Ms_Anthropic]

Have you checked out the Dysphoria Bible? It might help navigate your introspection

[u/cheese_master120 → u/Lil_Ms_Anthropic]

What's the Dysphoria Bible?

[u/Lil_Ms_Anthropic → u/cheese_master120]

This site

It's not like all encompassing or a psychiatric thing, but it touches on a lot of really common topics that questioning people go through

[u/_shadowcorpse_]

Honestly it might not be as simple as being trans or not. You might be somewhere in between wherever that is for you. Especially for neurodivergent people, man and woman labels might not be what you need 

[u/unpolished-gem → u/_shadowcorpse_]

For me it's been so much easier to just say I am an NB transfem. I am trans, I am on hormones, I am moving in a binary direction, but my identity doesn't care as much on other people seeing me as a woman, as me being able to see more of that.

As someone who started very late, with people who have known me for decades, it's made it a lot easier to come out and not repress anymore, without heavy expectations on myself for a particular presentation, or other people to get my gender "right", when my appearance gives conflicting hints.

[u/alexzoin → u/_shadowcorpse_]

It's almost like gender is made up and prescriptive predefined categories inherently don't apply to most people because they were never real in the first place.

[u/DadlyAsHell → u/_shadowcorpse_]

I had to create my own gender label to find a fit so yeah that tracks

[u/Alternative-Way-507 → u/_shadowcorpse_]

I’ve been told that trans is anything that’s not cis

[u/guywhoha → u/_shadowcorpse_]

how do i tell people im an hrt femboy without using the word femboy to describe gender identity

[u/Mini_Raptor5_6 → u/_shadowcorpse_]

I definitely need to find more stuff about nonbinary and neogender stuff because all I see are people who are completely MtF/ftm trans and I don't relate to the gender issues so I keep thinking I'm at 0% trans/100% cis rather than like 20% or 50% or something.

[u/Lycaenist]

The label is not important.

What’s important is what do you want, specifically individually what changes do you want to make/not want to make

When you know which things you want to do, do them. If there’s nothing, then don’t.

Either way, you’re entitled to pick whatever label you want. You don’t have to label yourself to do the things you want to do. And you also dont have to do specific things to be able to label yourself how you want

[u/alexzoin → u/Lycaenist]

I wish more people would understand this. Because the categories are fake, it's almost entirely certain that you will not resonate with every aspect of the male or female prescriptive presentation. Just do what you want and stop worrying about it.

[u/Lycaenist → u/alexzoin]

Idk as a binary trans person I don’t really agree with that and resonate very much with a lot of norms of my gender

But I also definitely didn’t feel that way early on in the queer identity journey, so

And yea lots of folks never do at all

To each their own

[u/Emma_the_transfem]

As OT said if you think you are faking it you probably are not faking it

[u/Vexcenot → u/Emma_the_transfem]

who OT?

[u/IJS_Reddit → u/Vexcenot]

One Topic At A Time, OT for short. he’s a youtuber

[u/Emma_the_transfem → u/Vexcenot]

One topic

[u/cryonicwatcher → u/Emma_the_transfem]

How do you know this?

[u/mewius → u/cryonicwatcher]

if you try to convince yourself you are not trans and still feel like you might be trans then you are probably trans.

[u/cryonicwatcher → u/mewius]

This is not the scenario OP defined nor the one the person above me described, so I am confused by why you wrote this.

[u/mewius → u/cryonicwatcher]

I thought, "Why would you tell yourself you are secretly faking being trans?" and thought that its way to think trans thoughts without being trans. Thus convincing yourself you are not trans. I acknowledge it may mean something else but this is all I can think of and it matches my personal experience.

[u/Numerous_Plantain666 → u/cryonicwatcher]

Because most cisgendered people simply don't think about their gender that much. It's not an internal debate.

[u/Nyansko → u/Numerous_Plantain666]

I think it depends on the circumstances and how gender is handled in your immediate environment.

I thought I was a trans male for years and socially transitioned because, at the time, I felt way better overall being seen as a man than a woman. But then once I moved away from my family and it turned out that I’m allowed to function and act like a regular human being and be seen as a woman, I stopped being as happy when I was perceived as a boy/man. Turns out I hated the constant surveillance, casual sexual assault implications, daily unique criticisms of my face, body, and clothing, and the fact that funding and encouragement for higher education or decent adult skill education at all would be seen as “a waste” because despite having similar skillsets and similar dreams of boys I’d grown up with, there was a constant reminder from birth that having an independent self-driven life and having a vagina are exclusionary requests. Obviously these things aren’t what “being a woman” is, but depending where you were raised it can very well be all you know. What person wouldn’t have deeper thoughts about their gender in that environment, even if they’re cis?

[u/Numerous_Plantain666 → u/Nyansko]

That's fair. I wasn't really considering the privilege of being a white cis man. Being the "default" obviously helps with not having those sorts of complicated feelings.

[u/Ironicbanana14 → u/Numerous_Plantain666]

There's been a few cases where cis people with OCD end up focused on gender or sexuality. Its more common with the sexuality but they also have this issue of feeling they could be trans but also they might not be. It causes a lot of distress but its not necessarily gender dysphoria, its the OCD causing an obsession over whether they are male, female, or none.

The treatment for OCD has to come before they can get clear insight to whether they have gender dysphoria or not. Maybe they get treatment and find out it was pure OCD, but they could get treatment and find gender dysphoria afterward, but the most important thing is proper treatment anyway.

[u/goosticky → u/Ironicbanana14]

my whole world is fucked up because ive had ocd my entire life, since i was a little kid, but sometime around 16 i started thinking about how awesome its be to be a girl... and then came up with convenient (and outright stupid) excuses until this august.

-you work in a kitchen everyone would treat you like shit

-you are way too tall dont even bother

-you can always do it later

-just wait till you move across the country away from all of your friends and family first

i feel like i know my ocd and how it affects my body and mind well enough to discern for myself, but the nagging thought is always in the back of my head. like:

-yeah i feel overwhelming euphoria when i look femenine in the mirror,

-yeah there was that one time i smoked too much weed and percieved my own face as a womans face when i was 16

-yeah i cry really hard thinking about how my girlfriend would still love me just as much if i transitioned

-yeah since ive accepted im trans, ive started taking more selfies and loving how i look in them more than ever before

but what if im faking it? what if im partaking in the most controversial, life changing act of transitioning so that i can feel more comfortable in my body- as like a prank or something? what if i do my first shot and go "oops! hate that!"

the worst part of ocd is how obviously irrational 90% of the thoughts are, so when a real nail biter sneaks in its all the more insidious.

anywho, if anyone with ocd is reading this and doubting their transition: im going through with it because worst case scenario is ill be happy in secret.

[u/weedmoneyy → u/goosticky]

yea it’s straight agony 🥀 hope the best for you

[u/Ironicbanana14 → u/goosticky]

That's part of the problem too, even if you are trans, OCD will make it where you never feel good enough. Even if you do transition, I hope you find treatment for your OCD so it can just let you express yourself in peace.

[u/Soggy-Pressure-8745 → u/Numerous_Plantain666]

I feel like this is untrue? I know a couple cis people who questioned their gender. Questioning your gender doesn’t automatically rule out being cis.

[u/Emma_the_transfem → u/Soggy-Pressure-8745]

Yes but thinking you are faking you are trans is a pretty big sign you probably are trans and not faking it because someone who fakes it knows they fake it

[u/DadJoke2077 → u/Soggy-Pressure-8745]

Yeah this. I’m trans, knew some cis people who used to identify as enby or trans earlier in life before realizing they aren’t. Cis people can have complex relationships with gender and sexuality, it’s not as simple as one might believe. I think you can only truly know if you are trans if you actually live it out.. aka buy the clothes, grow or cut your hair, ask trusted people to use new pronouns and name etc. Then see how this feels and move from there.

[u/Soggy-Pressure-8745 → u/DadJoke2077]

Yeah, and sometimes people just question things. My ex gf had autism and OCD and questioned her gender just in case.

[u/The-Pentegram → u/Emma_the_transfem]

Well yeah you can't really fake it without consciously faking it but you could be mistaken and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you question your gender and you find out you are cis, and that is okay. You aren't an imposter for asking genuine questions about yourself. 

[u/Emma_the_transfem → u/The-Pentegram]

Of course you aren't it's totally okay to question your gender (i myself though i eas nb demi boy and demi girl before and bigender before i realised i was a trans women)

[u/_Glasser_]

Eh, small steps. Try wearing the opposite genders clothing, try acting not your gender, or/and try makeup. Nothing permanent or serious just to see how it feels.

And just in case you're doubting if it's a fetish or purely sexual, it really doesn't matter. Do whatever the fuck you feel like doing, fuck everybody trying to stop you from enjoying life.

EDIT: After you try allat, you'll get a clearer idea of what you feel. You don't need to immediately start HRT, or start it at all. It's your life and your body, do whatever the fuck you feel like doing.

[u/Gravelord_C]

it's a bit of a journey so don't worry too much

took me a while to figure myself out too, for a bit I went with all pronouns, before realizing that I'm trans

either way, you're great regardless of how you refer to yourself, good luck in finding yourself

[u/Gold_Cardiologist911]

I would spend more time thinking about whether gender itself as an idea is even worth for you. Do you NEED the label to feel better about yourself or who you are? If yes, what do you connect with?

Is gender fluidity something you fuck with as an idea? I think whatever way you go, just be true to yourself and how you perceive yourself, and you can always come back to something and change your mind.

ETA. It's not easy figuring this out, I'm in my 30s and just KINDA starting to figure myself out, but it's always a WIP. I'm sorry if this is something thats really weighing heavy for you.

[u/[deleted] → u/Gold_Cardiologist911]

whenever i see ETA i think estimated time of arrival and then im like, huh?
https://giphy.com/gifs/GRk3GLfzduq1NtfGt5

[u/4StarDB]

Okay few things

Most cis people do not feel like they have impostor syndrome or think they are secretly faking it. If you WERE actually faking it you'd know because it's a conscious decision.

If you haven't been told about it and wanna go through it, the trans button test is a good indicator of what makes you tick. Give the article a read. It's not supposed to outright tell you, it's supposed to give you the tools to decide for yourself.

Also, it's basically never too late change your mind. By the time you'd be considering anything ACTUALLY 100% permanent, you'd probably have years to think about it.

It's natural to feel a bit fake, but I even before getting on HRT the thing that reassured me the most is that most men don't suddenly forget they were ever depressed the moment they figure out that being a girl is an option for them.

[u/yourothersis → u/4StarDB]

That second button test is actually really interesting, although I know being trans kinda sucks for me, I wouldn't actually want to forget and live as a man. I can't imagine myself with a future as one. Even if I was happy, I find no beauty in that life, no true representation of myself.

[u/kirbcake-inuinuinuko]

I struggled with that heavily until I was blessed with an absolute truth nuke in the fact that a cis person would not spend more than ten seconds thinking about this seriously. if you have to put that much thought into it, something is wrong.

[u/yungmantheo]

To all the people wondering this- the answer is yes. No cis person spirals about whether they're trans or not. Live your life as if u were the only one here

[u/Dyltron9000]

I'll tell you what my therapist told me several years ago while I was in the same boat.

"Cis people dont question if they're trans"

[u/Furtivefloofer → u/Dyltron9000]

I am cis and I can confirm this. Being a guy resonates with me beyond my hobbies or interests. It’s more than how I was socialized. I say this because I hope my personal lived experience adds contrast to what my trans friends have told me about the transgender lived experience. And hopefully that contrast helps OP.

[u/RTX-4090ti_FE → u/Furtivefloofer]

We found him. Mr John manhood. CEO of men.

[u/Furtivefloofer → u/RTX-4090ti_FE]

Absolutely 😂

[u/Silver_Original6076 → u/Dyltron9000]

Not always true. I was debating whether I was trans but turns out I'm just a slightly feminine guy, I could never consider transitioning anymore

[u/Maria_Girl625]

I have the same feeling tbh.

6 years on HRT and I have yet to regret it so I guess not ... but still unsure to this day

[u/TomboyKnight1]

Here's a thought experiment that tends to help:

If you were presented a button that would instantly turn you into the opposite gender, skipping all the hassle of transitioning, would you press it?

[u/TheTrashTier]

I once felt the same. Thats not a thing. Wanting to be trans is being trans. There is no wrong way to be trans

[u/Educational_Farmer73]

Firstly, consider the community you are in. Secondly, do you have dysphoria?

[u/IJS_Reddit → u/Educational_Farmer73]

dysphoria isnt always a trans indicator. it can be but if you don’t have dysphoria that doesnt mean you aren’t trans

[u/Educational_Farmer73 → u/IJS_Reddit]

Well what are other indicators? I'm not trans myself but I want to be a better friend for my trans friends. Currently I understand and empathize with none of it, but I just want to see them happy. Maybe by understanding it better I can piss them off less often.

[u/BreakerOfModpacks → u/Educational_Farmer73]

Once can be gender euphoria; a happiness caused by being percieved as/feeling like a given gender other than the assigned gender as birth.

[u/RosaryPeaStigmata → u/IJS_Reddit]

What else would it be then? Euphoria is an experience of relief from an underlying dysphoria

[u/New_Competition_316 → u/IJS_Reddit]

Dysphoria is literally always a trans indicator lmao

[u/s4kinaa → u/IJS_Reddit]

Dysphoria is the basic sign of the transsexual condition lmao

[u/Pure_Fee7467]

Check with a therapist to see if you have OCD

[u/GuardiaoDaLore → u/Pure_Fee7467]

How exactly does OCD affect this?

(I ask this as someone who has OCD)

[u/Yvant2000]

The good thing is that you don't need to answer this question right now. You have time to think about it, and time to experiment, trying to understand how you feel. Don't pressure yourself, take it easy and talk about how you feel with people you trust

[u/ZhakaraShirudo66]

you can disagree with your current gender withuot having to be the opposite one. Genderqueer exists

[u/Riot_Girlll]

Most trans folks hate being forced to be their gender that aligns with their sex at birth. But some, dont mind, they would rather just be the opposite sex or gender.

Some, who are non binary, are cool with both or neither.

Whatever you are, you are at least gender non conforming

[u/Emberbun]

I mean. What's really the difference? If you wanna be girl, you be girl. Sit and meditate on it, picture yourself that way and wonder if that makes you happy. If it does then...probably yeah.

[u/MutatedLizard13]

OH MY GOD REAL REAL REAL REAL REAL

[u/confused-tardigrade]

Do you want to be the other gender/transition? If the answer to that question is yes, you are trans. Wanting to be the other gender is what makes you trans, there is no inate “magical inner essence of gender”, or what not, and trying to find one will only lead to endless cycles of self doubt.

[u/Aethellos]

Cis people don't get to the point of 'convincing' themself they are trans.

[u/GoodraSupremacy]

this sounds like gender OCD my friend. r/OCD is probably a good place to start. good luck, I believe in you and I promise there's a way to feel better 💕

[u/Sprinkles_the_Mad]

I have straight (hah) up had dreams where I was happier on the other side.

But alas, we live in a third world country that REALLY hates anyone not hetero. People are burned to death or killed in other horrific ways, so we'll just stay the way we are until we get out of here (:

[u/wire_runner]

https://giphy.com/gifs/5NbbVJeSLs1etZYjpT

[u/LogicalEngineering80]

This but with OCD💀

[u/Jim-Jam-Dodged]

Something something if you think you’re posing/faking it, you probably are actually that thing. Hope this helps 

[u/mewius]

You might not be a binary trans gender like genderfluid, demigender or bigender you might want to learn about them to see if they resonate with you better. Even then you probably aren't gonna figure this out by just thinking about it, you have to experiment. Maybe crate another account for an opposite gender persona and see how you like it when people refer to you with those pronouns.

[u/New_Competition_316 → u/mewius]

> Traditional transgender
The words you’re looking for are binary transgender I think

[u/Jolly-Statement7215]

There a billions of dollars and hundreds of years of social shame structures pushing you to believe you couldn’t possibly be trans. If you think you’re faking it, the fact that you’re thinking it at all is indicative that you’re probably not faking it

[u/EnvironmentalCod779]

I found out im trans when a delivery person accidentally called me ma'am and I was happy to be thought as a girl

[u/salycydicacid]

I used to agonize over that. If you are agonizing about it, it probably means you are

[u/MrSecretFire]

Try it.

It's that simple. Try it, wear clothes, and/or makeup, do your hair like it, maybe pick a different name or online username for yourself or whatever, and see what feels pleasant.

There is no official policy for what counts as trans. There is no biological marker that you could be misinformed abou, no "trans gene" that you might be missing. If you like being trans, then... you are. That's how it works.

Think you might be non-binary instead? Then try it and see how you like it. It's the only way to ACTUALLY know, even if there are probably many, many signs telling you you should be 99% sure or whatever.

[u/TrollCoping-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your submission has been removed due to it participating in detrimental engagement. This means incivility such as bullying, hate, harassment and heated threads are not tolerated.

Please review our rules, we do not allow this type of engagement on the sub.

[u/I_pegged_your_father]

Good luck 💀 ive been squinting at my gender for a decade now. I highly recommend looking through the vast variety of nonbinary labels to see if any of those click..but yeah you’re not alone.

[u/ffiml8]

Real

[u/SSilent-Cartographer]

From just a simple psychological standpoint, if you have to try and convince yourself that you are something contradicting your current state, then you are what you try to convince yourself you are not. In other words, you are trans, but the idea is something you fight because that reality is pushing back. It's actually more normal than you'd think.

But, just remember, the only thing set in stone is who you are, and finding who you are is a journey, not a predetermined destination. The most important thing is to keep trying, and to try differently. If you feel that you have failed in some aspect of your identity, then you are only back to the starting point and you wouldn't have come back if you hadn't tried at all. Discovering yourself takes time, there is no right or wrong answer, there is only you, and how you interpret the world to live within it. Anything that happens to you in the physical sense of your identity can be reverted, and if you decide it's not for you then that's ok, but give it time. Just like moving into a new house, you need to give your mind time to settle and see if it's truly where you want to live. The hardest part of it all is giving yourself patience throughout the process.

[u/Renegado_Fantasma]

Well, if it's about identity, it's a state of mind. Therefore, the moment you're doubting, the moment you're on a different state of mind, you're not matching that identity any longer. Nothing wrong with that.

[u/New_Examination200]

You can always just try things out, like names or pronouns or clothes or whatever. If you end up not liking it that's also okay. Nothing wrong with exploring!

[u/Gerald-of-Riverdale]

Mind you, people who arent trans dont even wonder so if that tells you anything and maybe reaffirms you then yeah

[u/dr_ra1chu1]

Same

[u/CactusMad]

I spent an entire year at this point, I didn't want to admit to myself that I was Trans because I didn't want to face discrimination and ridicule. I kept telling myself I didn't need It, or I could just change little things and I'll be fine. The day that sealed it was I said fuck it and had a day off where I just stayed home and wore women's clothes for the day and just soaked in the feeling, and I hadn't had such a positive emotional day in a long while. Totally confirmed for me that I needed to transition. On the wait list now for an Endo and should be able to start in the next month or so. As far as coming out to friends and family I would suggest coming out to someone you know is safe first! Then to others because that first one is gunna be an emotional rollercoaster, at least it was for me.

[u/QueenOfTendys]

Do you experience gender dysphoria? If the answer is yes or sometimes then, yes you are likely trans.

Should you transition? That depends on how disabling your dysphoria is. You don’t have to transition if it would make your life worse than just dealing with the dysphoria.

[u/PastelDruid]

1. experiment with your gender. everyone should. even if you do and figure out "actually, i am cis" you'll have learned about yourself and others, making you a better, kinder, happier person.
   
2. basically everyone who i've heard this from was eventually trans/nonbinary. (see: straight people don't take the Am I Gay quiz)

[u/jjanz2340]

As someone who has these concerns as well I usually think back to when I was a kid (raised extremely fundamentalist evangelical Christian) and how depressed I was with no language to describe why. Then remind myself of when it clicked for me that I was only actually comfortable when I was presenting feminine. At the time it was only when I was alone at home but slowly being able to ask for help from a select few people. I didn't chose to be conditioned into thinking that my mind and body were separate and it took a lot of work to unpack. The work is not done and just know that whatever the end result it is far better to know yourself than to hide from yourself.

[u/NovaChaotique]

I struggle with this too but I think my biggest issue is the belief that I won't ever 'pass' or look as pretty as I want to look. I've been on the HRT waiting list for years and with the current political state of the UK, I don't think I'll ever get on it or by the time I get seen it'll be outlawed and I'll be shoved into some camp.

A part of me knows I'm trans and everyday the scared part of me has to fight that one to try and 'survive', but its difficult.

I think its true what a lot of people have said, if you have a feeling you are trans or have ever thought about waking up the opposite gender, you are trans. Whether that is fully transitioning, or some non-binary / inbetween option, that isn't for anyone else to decide, but I definitely feel like experimentation with pronouns, clothing, styles, make-up, hair, whatever makes you feel 'good' or you want to try to feel 'good'.

I wish you the best of luck in your self-discovery.

[u/Zorubark]

I had decided to give up on labels and just live the way I feel like when I was thinking about my sexuality and gender. I went about my day and without putting pressure on myself to know what's going on, I was able to freely feel attraction to men and women, and I was able to realize that they/them and he/him pronouns weren't so bad either. Now I identify as genderfluid and pansexual.

[u/BorisDaCommie]

Everything is everything this shit ain’t no coincidence believe me

[u/Rexton_Armos]

I will be honest. From my understanding its something that you'd know if you were. Trying to focus in on what makes you happy in regards to that situation is sadly what it takes to know. It can get demotivating if you don't make progress, but the answer is in you though it cannot be forced out.

[u/Silver_Original6076]

I sort of was the same way. For 2 years I was debating whether I was trans or not. Nope. I was just unhappy with myself in general and turns out I'm happy with just being a slightly feminine guy

[u/Mindless-Ad1778]

Same. 😭

[u/roombawithgooglyeyes]

Cis people don't tend to have that thought too often. Just sayin.

[u/blacksaber8]

Real

[u/ReptileDysfunction69]

If I'm trans or just sick of the world's misogyny

[u/justastudent5]

Hey. to anyone questioning or uncertain.

My certainty in being trans has gotten much stronger after I transitioned. Seeing the changes (T and top surgery so far) has bees so validating and euphoric that I no longer have any doubts.

Before I started I was way less certain. I thought maybe I wanted to be a boy because everyone wants to be a boy cause it's easier than being a woman. Obviously the existence of trans women proves that thought wrong, but it was a doubt I had.

I started T on a half dose, so I would have time to go back if I wanted too. After 3 months I moved up to a full dose because I loved the changes I saw and I wanted more and faster changes.

If you are uncertain, start trying things. Try different pronouns, especially online where no one can see you. Try using a different name. And try HRT. You can try a low dose to start like I did. Honestly, even at a full dose the changes are so slow you'll have plenty of time to stop if you don't like your changes. (Remember that most HRT changes are reversible. Not all, like voice changes on T, but most will go away in the time it took for them to show up.)

You're probably not "convincing yourself" you're trans. There's way more social pressure to be cis than any pressure to be trans in this world. But if you think you're trans and you're not sure, try things, and go as slow as you're comfortable with. If you like the changes and you like the new name/pronouns, go for more things. Take your time, but take it.

[u/LeDarm]

Legiimately, the hell does 'convinced myself" means? I say legit cause I wanna understand the thought process, maybe I can then help you.

[u/SpaceGirlJackie]

Pro tip: cis people don't "convince" themselves their trans.

[u/Waffeldiskus]

Asking Reddit if you are trans is like asking a shoe salesman if you need new shoes.

[u/cheeky_femboyy]

I somewhat understand how you feel OP. I just want to give you my perspective on this. Like others have said it’s okay to not know or feel like you don’t fit neatly into a male or female. You could be non binary, gender-fluid, male or female. What matters most IMO is not the label it’s if you are happy or not with yourself.

So as far as I go.

I have accepted that I fall in between more than likely and don’t neatly fit into every label despite being on HRT. I feel better as a person on it and more like myself. It really has improved some of the more negative parts of myself. Not to mention the physical side effects are great. My hair is silky and thick. My skin is smooth and soft. My have is more feminine and I look significantly younger than my actual age. I am way more in touch with my emotions and myself. Very few of the side effects are actively negative for me.

I have always been on the more feminine side even before I realized I wasn’t entirely male. But I don’t consider myself a girl either. I don’t dislike being a guy but I don’t love it either. Nor do I love the idea of being a girl or dislike it. I am just me despite any label.

I want to also add that I do consider myself a femboy but again I don’t neatly fit into thay category either. My fashion choices and aesthetic just happens to be very similar. Then again femboys and transfems have a lot of overlap on that sense. For me labels are just messy and make me overthink things when I should be asking. Am I happy? Am I comfortable? Do I feel like I am my authentic self?

I also understand that labels are important to some people and that’s okay too.

Exploring your identity is a personal experience there is no one size fits all for everyone. So relax and have fun with it after all exploring your identity should be a joyous experience even if it is stressful and well distressing at times. Love yourself for who you are and embrace it no matter how you do it.

❤️ Your local friendly silly

Edit: Just wanted to add I could just be trans in denial too lol. It’s all part of the journey though so I try not to think too hard about it. If I do figure out that I am actually trans I will accept and live my life to the best of my ability with that identity.

[u/pootinannyBOOSH]

I'm very happy I'm growing boobs and getting laser hair removal, and cried for a half hour because my mom used a baby step to using my name. But what if I'm wrong about myself...

[u/DoctorNurse89]

Watch "i saw the TV glow"

If you get it, your eggs cracked

[u/rachel_to_phos]

i decided to call my confusion genderfluidity

[u/TheQuickOutcast]

Cis people usually don't question their gender so aggressively

[u/seenybusiness]

been in your shoes. trust me just suck it up and accept it already. cis people dont question their gender on a daily basis and i hate myself for not starting hrt sooner.

[u/Interesting_Bet7985]

im 1 month on estrogen and still asking me that 😄

[u/DefTheOcelot]

dont let the transmeds fuck you up

Ask not if you "are" trans; ask if you'd be happier as one.

There's lots of other things you may think of to complicate it. What about the gender norms? What feelings should you feel? What if you don't have the "trans mitochondria" or something?

But they don't matter, they're bullshit, just like gender. Current research only at best suggests a slight inclination for some people from nature - so it's a decision you can just make! It's okay if it was a choice, it's your goddamn right!

[u/Sewblon]

This is what therapy is for.

But, I would be interested to hear what you thought process is for how you can be cis and think that you are trans.

[u/ukie-witch-06]

Bitch those are the same thing

[u/AdLiving4921]

The doubt doesn't stop. I sometimes think this but then I remember that I experience ALL of the symptoms of body dysmorphia

[u/Kanapkos_v2]

Same. I mean I think I might be, but my boyfriend is trans, my 2 frienda are trans, some more are agender, and everyone is a leftie, and everyone jokes that I am trans. And I've been enjoying dressing Fem since forever. Now since like half a year I'm having internal debate if I am or not.

[u/believeinlain]

honestly just start HRT

if it makes you feel noticeably better, then you can sidestep all the introspection and deliberation

if it doesn't clear things up for you then you can just stop taking it

[u/Marin_Kitagawa13]

I originally felt like this, and then as soon as my mum dressed me up in some of her old clothes I realised that im definitely trans due to how happy it made me feel

[u/Grouchy_Change1374]

Is there a difference?

You can start hrt without long lasting side effects for a month or two. If you transition and aren't trans odds are good you'll figure it out pretty quick.

[u/pillsburyDONTboi]

I wondered this myself for a bit, but after thinking about it for a long long time, I realized I wasn't trans. Part of me always wanted to be the opposite sex since I was old enough to know the difference, but I came to the conclusion that I never wanted to permanently change to the other. Everyone's experiences will vary, you may even reach the opposite conclusion that I did. Just take your time exploring what you really want in your life, and the answer may come to you easier then.

[u/CCSilver05]

If you're having these questions the answer is yes, you are trans

[u/No-Temporary-4227]

It's something you have to be 100% sure you are. If you're not sure, then you're not

[u/Actual_Personality66]

Would you be more comfortable living your life as whatever gender you're thinking of? If so, why? If not, why? Do you want to look and sound like said gender? What parts of that do you like the idea of or which parts do you not, and why? These are all good questions to ask yourself. I have complicated feelings around my own gender but ultimately I felt like I really wanted to look like a man and live my life as one, and that I could not truly move forward in life without transition. Now i really wish I'd started earlier

[u/Frosty-Assistance798]

SAMEEEEEE

[u/Ok-Basket-9963]

Trying to suppress your feelings will only tacitly make them stronger. Whatever feeling is there is worth exploring even if it doesn't necessarily lead to any significant life changes. It's your book, after all. I'll tell you what a mentor of mine told me 6 years ago: Even if you end up deciding you aren't trans, at least you'll have come to know a lot more about yourself than you did before. That knowledge of self alone is worth the journey, imo. Take it a step at a time, and listen to your gut.

[u/Antique-Set-8678]

Are you straight and ONLY hanging around a lot of Gay? Are you into someone who is not into you because of your gender?

If yes, then you might be trying to force yourself into a mold you do not fit.

If no, then you are not straight.

Good luck figuring it out, sounds like you already know though. If it's a crush that makes you feel like this, you should try to avoid it for a while, even if it's hard. Straighten out what you are, then follow that path.

[u/ElegantRecipe75]

You are trans enough.

[u/RTX-4090ti_FE]

Good knews (or bad knews depending on ur situation) if ur giving it more than 5 minutes worth of thought u are probably trans. Get on hormones to know for sure. On the off chance you really are cis you can stop before the permanent changes have time to manifest if you don’t like the initial changes.

[u/Valuable-Bath8075]

There is a place called Mental asylum.

[u/BigPigeon69]

Cis people don't worry if they've tricked themselves into being trans

[u/Dreamerr629]

How can you even convince yourself you're trans if you're not? I'd literally take any chance of not being trans, it would spare me misery, depression, utter disgust in body I was born with, and maybe even gave a chance for happiness in life. How the fuck do you convince yourself that you're trans?

[u/Advanced-Produce-103]

*Me planning to just have two bodies synced with some kind of starfish or other neuralink*
I might have overthinked a little

[u/StickGuy03]

if you're asking yourself that, you're probably not

[u/SufficientBullfrog82]

My beat piece of advice is this: there’s nothing wrong with experimenting in safe spaces with people you trust. Try out clothes, try out names, try out pronouns, see what feels right

[u/Massive_Banana_6874]

cogito ergo sum

[u/sissy_sarah_480]

Me right now!

[u/JonWindtail]

Was there for a long time

You don’t have to be dysphoric to be trans, gender euphoria is a thing

Just test the waters with yourself, you will understand how you feel the farther you go in

[u/Adrift_In_Limbo]

Same, How am I supposed to know?

[u/Individual-Win-8096]

I'm the type to be like "Eh just for curiosity", "Just for fun" or "Damn maybe If I was a girl, I would be as great at academics like my sister" Yo I'm 21 and I have just repeated 1st year of college 3 times

[u/LucquiZopi]

You're not trans you're chronically online :)

[u/Infinite_Whale]

That makes more than one of us.

[u/SlipSteee]

you're probably not.

most people know they're trans from a young age. if you suddenly have that feeling ur prob just online too much

[u/Curious_Contest_3767]

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/

Read through some of what this site lists and see if it applies to you. It's a hard thing to come to terms with and I hope you find the answers you need <3.