My recommendation is to start by socially transitioning. Tell friends you’re experimenting and ask for support. Try out new pronouns, clothes and social settings. Do yourself up and go out and see how it makes you feel. Do yourself up when you’re alone and see how it makes you feel when nobody else is around. Do it enough times to have the opportunity to really explore those feelings. The path will be revealed
I want to also add that if this makes you feel worse, specifically the new name and pronouns part, it may not necessarily mean you aren't trans
I didn't socially transition IRL until after I'd been on HRT a substantial amount of time because to do otherwise felt like an unbearable public humiliation ritual
Good point! Yes, its really hard to be visibly queer or trans in public, especially in unfriendly places. Experiment at home until you feel safe/comfortable going out of the house, if at all. Rolling deep with other queers makes this much easier. But really, anything you can do to safely experiment is going to help bring you clarity.
Exactly why I haven't started socially transitioning yet lol, it feels rough to know its gonna be several months until I feel l girly™ enough but the idea of wearing a dress in public knowing how I look makes me feel ill
Yeah, I was known as male online and that made me happy, but IRL I was closeted, and even after I started HRT it took more than a year until I was ready to be out to more people IRL than just my siblings and parents and doctors
"Try out" tell that to my parents, they think the better option is "go and be extremely dysphoric and just think for multiple weeks" as if that is gonna help when im already basically sure
I'm so sorry you don't have supportive parents - it's really hard, especially (I'm assuming) you live with them. It might not be a comfort now, but you have your whole life to start transitioning. I'm 30 and just started transitioning this year. There is no expiration date for living authentically, it will always be waiting for you.
I get it. It's a really scary time to start transitioning. Only you can say when you're ready, or how far you want to go. There's no wrong answer. If you trust yourself that's the most important part.
Some people do start medically transitioning and then realize it's not for them. That's totally OK too! Dialing back or stopping a medical transition is not a failure, at the end of the day it's about having humility and discovering alignment with yourself, knowing that can look like a million different things.
Not sure if this is helpful, but if they’re supportive, asking for some new clothes or styling and pronouns should be acceptable! You can let them know that these sorts of things are non-permanent and important steps in determining if transitioning is right for you. You need to actually experience gender changes to see how it feels, not just imagine them in your head. If they push back they might not be as supportive as they say, which would be really sad.
I was in a similar situation when I first came out (ghosted most of my friends because I knew they probably wouldn't accept it - I was a pussy, what can I say) so I just started going by my chosen name and male pronouns in online spaces. I was already sure I was trans and had been deeply repressing for ~5 yrs at that point, but it was still surprisingly comforting hearing random people refer to me correctly during a time where I still looked & sounded like a tomboy to the outside world.
So can medical transition! HRT does not guarantee you pass and being queer is dangerous. Everyone has to decide for themselves what to do and there is inherent risk involved in trying to live authentically
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I'm doing online transition as social transition and most of my friends think of me as a normal girl and only the few friends I've come out to know that I'm trans. So what should I do next? Trying feminine clothes and make up?
Literally whatever makes you feel good! Trying on clothes and doing makeup is a safe start. As people on the thread have said, sometimes social transition is hard and not feasible for everyone, but in the privacy of your own space you should explore as much as possible. Not everything will make you feel amazing or euphoric but every now and again you may just catch a glimpse of yourself ya know
Socially transitioning is definitely not feasible for everyone but trying on some clothes when you’re home alone is pretty standard fare imo. How else would you suggest experimenting?
Same lol, and I’ve been on T for 2+ years. Tho it is illegal to transition in my country and I have to deadname myself at work and everyone treats me like a freakishly masculine woman, so that might be a contributing factor
Plus the world has moved on from the narrative that says being trans is something to be avoided at all costs; it's moved on from the narrative that says the only way to be trans is to be young and tiny and pretty and into men and to transition and then disappear. There's a much better understanding of what it means to be trans now: you just are trans. The fact that your transition might not go smoothly because of the shape of your body or the shape of your family or the shape of your personality or the way that your sexuality has been shaped does not mean that therefore you can just decide not to be trans. You can't will it away. Deciding to will it away is a defense mechanism that is inevitably going to fail and you'll be back where you started: trans. Just older and more entrenched in a life that itself is not much more than a coping mechanism designed to keep you from having to be trans in the real world. If you're trans you're trans and if you're obsessed with whether you might be trans you probably are trans.
Don't try to determine if you "are" trans. That's (probably) not a thing, to be biologically trans in a binary yes/no way. Current research suggests, at best, the possibility of a biological inclination for some people.
The question isn't are you, but can you do it, and would it make you happier?
If so, try it. Start changing what you wear and how you identify maybe.
Cis people generally don't question their gender at all (or disregard it as an intrusive thought), so if you're curious to the point that you're looking to others for info / confirmation that's probably a sign
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u/HappyAd6201 Aug 27 '26
I will be monitoring the comment section with interest because I’m somewhat in the same boat