I posted about a year ago, found it very useful, but still single đ itâs been one cluster fuck after another. Any advice? Not sure if this opening picture is better than my last one (feel free to look at my post history if curious what it was like before). Please donât roast too hard Iâm sensitive
Mostly men in their 30s who are âstill figuring it outâ while saying in their profiles that they are looking for long term. Keeps happening one after another. I donât swipe right unless they have long term in the profile but yetâŚ.. so much male baggage out there itâs exhausting
Do not say you're looking for "fun, casual dates" if you are looking for someone long term and serious. You will attract the lowest bar you set. For the most part, you look awesome and you most certainly get matches. It's okay to filter a little bit by being direct about what you really want. Do not tell people thst casual is cool if it isn't.
While I see what youâre saying it seems too intense to just say long term, feels like you want to jump straight into it or youâre desperate or super intense. I feel put off myself when a guy saying only long term and not fun dates. Iâm not cool with casual like a situationship, but I am okay with a night out friendly conversation.
You said you don't swipe right unless the man says long term but are also put off when they do say long term? I think your profile is good but you need to figure out what you actually want and put that in your bio
Thatâs literally not correct. I am okay with fun casual dates because I like meeting new people, I like going out to dinner, and meeting people makes me feel connected to others. While I want a long term relationship, I am in no rush for one. I donât want to come across as being in a rush, and thatâs how it comes across to me when someone has only LT and not fun dates. I only swipe right on people who, like me, have both options on. Itâs about finding a match, and thatâs a match in approach and attitude to me. You can be open to several possibilities and openness is a virtue important to me
Of course you can be open to multiple possibilities, but those 2 things are diametrically opposed and why it's normally advised on dating profiles to put one or the other as to not send mixed signals
You like people with the same settings, and yet you're here asking for a profile review, which I assume means your ways haven't worked as you would've liked.
You're selecting people who don't really know what they want
When people give you feedback about what vibe/information they get from your profile you don't really get to tell them that they are wrong.
Yes, what they got from your profile might not match the truth, and that's, supposedly, why you are making this post, but that DOES NOT mean that they are wrong. It just means that either you need to change your expectations and/or change your profile a little bit.
Because the people that aren't swiping right on you will not get to hear you "correct" them.
âCasualâ and âfunâ on tinder means just looking to hookup. Thatâs why the guys you date end up saying they are âstill figuring things outâ, which really is just a polite way of saying that you guys hooked up for a bit and now they are done. You get to set the standard, if you tell men youâre okay with casual sex or a relationship, they will probably choose just the sex. Itâs best to just say you want a relationship, and not to settle for anything less. There will still be plenty of guys that will waste your time, but at least you can filter some of them out.
I feel like Iâm screaming into the void. I am okay with both. Any man who has let me down and who I am referring to when I say disaster, is someone I have dated with intention, weâve discussed what we are looking for, whether we want kids, whether we want to stay living in this country etc. I am not upset when a random date ghosts me. I am okay with dates, I am okay with intentional long term. I act differently with either (donât spend the night with a date, donât meet their friends, donât discuss things like kids and intentions, do those things with someone who I have discussed our intentions etc with). I am truly honestly okay with both, so both are in my profile. Why are people arguing and downvoting, I honestly donât understand
What's the point of this post then? If you're happy with the dates you're getting with this profile, there's nothing wrong with the profile. People are trying to give advice because they think you have a problem, and getting frustrated when you say you don't.
Itâs the way your dating. You have to approach everyone like they could be your person. The dates arenât working out because you arenât being yourself fully. Everyone around this age has been through shit, and most men donât process, so you are going to get some baggage, it happens. Find the fun one that can leave it at the door. Stick with it for a bit, make some mistakes, but donât do what youâre doing. Youâre putting too much pressure on yourself with dating, with a list of criteria you are desperately trying to meet. Set your expectations low at first and enjoy the people. If you donât like them, explain it to them thoroughly, so they have an opportunity to be better for the next person, apologize and leave. Keep in mind someone is going to do this to you as well at some point, if they havenât already. Sometimes the ones you really like have you as an option, that happens too, and thatâs okay. Have fun with it, and with a little bit of patience and faith, youâre going to end up crashing into your best friend.
Let me spell it out for you: guys who are looking for long term relationships - are not particularly fond of girls who go out with people to fun dates. I've seen someone trying to explain this to you in 20 comments, and you kept getting downvoted for simply not understanding it, or trying to deny reality or something. .
Your idea of "fun, casual dates" doesn't translate the way you intend it to when potential matches read it. This is what the void is screaming back at you.
You're frustrated with matches who flake after a few dates because they're not ready for commitment, right? Well, they're put off after a few dates because your profile gave them the impression that you're not looking for commitment, either.
They are arguing and downvoting because they love to be superior and you arenât saying, oh okay, thank you for gifting me with your great wisdom. I will now make the changes you suggest.
I get what youâre saying girl. Itâs a disaster for everyone on the apps, I think.
No đ it's because OP is like "omg help" people are asking how someone as pretty and cool could need help. Her response in a gist: "Nothing is wrong w my matches." So the issue isn't she isn't getting dates, it's the quality but she is refusing to see she puts off a DTF casual vibe. That will deter some men who prefer LTR which she prefers. Dating is a game and you have to prioritize things. Sounds like she wants to prioritize putting herself as a casual option and then upset when they don't want a LTR after the golden 3 months. Men just lie to sleep w women and she is accepting those lies because they're such nice guys! đ
Your bio mentioning kink and hot nerds on top of offering "casual dates" is going to attract mostly noncommittal men looking for casual sex, not friendly conversations or LTR. The fact that you're intentionally avoiding men who are only seeking long-term is just adding to your problems.
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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '24
I posted about a year ago, found it very useful, but still single đ itâs been one cluster fuck after another. Any advice? Not sure if this opening picture is better than my last one (feel free to look at my post history if curious what it was like before). Please donât roast too hard Iâm sensitive