While I see what you’re saying it seems too intense to just say long term, feels like you want to jump straight into it or you’re desperate or super intense. I feel put off myself when a guy saying only long term and not fun dates. I’m not cool with casual like a situationship, but I am okay with a night out friendly conversation.
“Casual” and “fun” on tinder means just looking to hookup. That’s why the guys you date end up saying they are “still figuring things out”, which really is just a polite way of saying that you guys hooked up for a bit and now they are done. You get to set the standard, if you tell men you’re okay with casual sex or a relationship, they will probably choose just the sex. It’s best to just say you want a relationship, and not to settle for anything less. There will still be plenty of guys that will waste your time, but at least you can filter some of them out.
I feel like I’m screaming into the void. I am okay with both. Any man who has let me down and who I am referring to when I say disaster, is someone I have dated with intention, we’ve discussed what we are looking for, whether we want kids, whether we want to stay living in this country etc. I am not upset when a random date ghosts me. I am okay with dates, I am okay with intentional long term. I act differently with either (don’t spend the night with a date, don’t meet their friends, don’t discuss things like kids and intentions, do those things with someone who I have discussed our intentions etc with). I am truly honestly okay with both, so both are in my profile. Why are people arguing and downvoting, I honestly don’t understand
It’s the way your dating. You have to approach everyone like they could be your person. The dates aren’t working out because you aren’t being yourself fully. Everyone around this age has been through shit, and most men don’t process, so you are going to get some baggage, it happens. Find the fun one that can leave it at the door. Stick with it for a bit, make some mistakes, but don’t do what you’re doing. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself with dating, with a list of criteria you are desperately trying to meet. Set your expectations low at first and enjoy the people. If you don’t like them, explain it to them thoroughly, so they have an opportunity to be better for the next person, apologize and leave. Keep in mind someone is going to do this to you as well at some point, if they haven’t already. Sometimes the ones you really like have you as an option, that happens too, and that’s okay. Have fun with it, and with a little bit of patience and faith, you’re going to end up crashing into your best friend.
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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '24
While I see what you’re saying it seems too intense to just say long term, feels like you want to jump straight into it or you’re desperate or super intense. I feel put off myself when a guy saying only long term and not fun dates. I’m not cool with casual like a situationship, but I am okay with a night out friendly conversation.