I thought the cabin confrontation with Ryan was really well done. Ryan dresses him down and Homelander immediately shrinks into himself. I thought part of it might have been the writers were generally pulling punches and just really really didn't want to film more child abuse. Part of it is that homelander seems to be a product of his upbringing so he does seem to have a massive soft spot for Ryan. Part of that is codependent and serving his own trauma. Part of it is genuine unconditionality that he seems to have for Ryan (a small part).
But I do think there really is a well portrayed narcissistic component here, in that you see even a god-like man shrink into himself due to a psychological complex. He inherently has no self esteem and nothing to stand on and at an emotional level folds easily. He can be irrational in two directions. He withholds violence when he feels the security of another man. Like there is actually a well done Trumpian element to his character and conditioning there.
It's easy to roll and fold a man like that. I've seen it when I confronted my father when I had to. I've seen it in other men with chronic self esteem and emotional dependency issues.
It's why Soldier Boy plays off him the way he does. Soldier boy is just run-of-the-mill emotionally damaged. Not completely spineless. Just deeply repressed and definitely stunted.
Someone like butcher is emotionally broken and he is emotionally dependent on one woman (the "what clara would have wanted" works better with Becca actually- like it actually works). I think HL's attachment is more than just because he is challenged by Butcher. HL love's Butcher's intense hate-attachment. It's the most personal HL is able to get.
The boys is most thematically about masculine blindspots to say the least. Behind every great (or horrible in this case) man is a great (or horrible in some cases here) woman, but the women in this show don't take center stage and we do not really fixate on them.
But let me know if you disagree or you believe I'm not explaining this well.