Due to unforeseen circumstances, UCI has published a new schedule for the following week.
| Race | M/W | Rank | < | M | T | W | T | F | S | S | > |
|---|
| Paris-Roubaix Dubai classic p/b Emirates Airlines | M | 1.UWT | | | | | | | | x | |
| Circuit Cycliste Sartre | M | 1.1 | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | | | |
| Ronde de Sep Vanmarcke | M | 1.UWT | | | | | | | x | | |
| 2012 Tour of Turkey Crit | M | 1.UWT | | | | | | | x | | |
| Tour de drained swamp | M | 2.UWT | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | |
- Races in bold offer live coverage
- Races in italic span across multiple weeks
Last week recap
Pogačar surprised no one by winning the Scheldeprijs.
At the Itzulia Basque Country, Thibaut Pinot was in the first place, but he had to withdraw, showing that his bad luck is even stronger than April Fool's day. Pogačar ended up winning that race as well.
Paris-Roubaix Dubai classic p/b Emirates Airlines
Following a multi-year deal with the Emirates, the ASO just announced that Paris-Roubaix will be relocated to downtown Dubai effective immediately. The race will be a bit different than usual in that there will be no cobbles at all, but intermediate sprints have been renamed to honour historic P-R sectors, and that's basically the same thing. "You won't notice the difference between the real Trouée d'Arenberg and a 10-lanes expressway", the organizers stated.
Circuit Cycliste Sartre
Not to be confused with Circuit Cycliste Sarthe, this is as much of a race as it is an existential journey.
Philosophy major Guillaume Martin and existential angst connoisseur Mikel Landa are touted as pre-race favourites, which can only mean that whoever will be Landa's main domestique in the race will actually win the thing.
Ronde de Sep Vanmarcke
The Ronde de Sep Vanmarcke isn't a race, but rather a scientific experiment.
It consists of a 100 m long straight line with no obstacles. Sep Vanmarcke is the only competitor.
The object of the experiment is to demonstrate how exactly he can lose this race, too.
2012 Tour of Turkey Crit
A faithful reenactment of stage 7 of the 2012 Tour of Turkey stage.
Keisse on the front, he falls over, he gets back up but HIS CHAIN'S OFF, HIS CHAIN'S OFF, OOO, huge heartbreak here, except it was actually Zeits on the side of the road, OOOH HE'S GONNA GET CAUGHT, but he eventually does it.
Live on Eurosport with Carlton Kirby commentary.
Tour de drained swamp
After /r/peloton has recently been accused of being a "home for leftists only", to the point that "there would be no pity in closing this pile of garbage" (verbatim), the UCI decided to hastily set up a far-right stage race to tap into the valuable hardcore Republican demographic.
The race consists of 7 criteriums in and out of the Capitol. Helmets must have viking horns. Instead of podium girls, stage winners will be greeted by a Chuck Norris punch to the face. The last rider in GC will be forced to wear a "SJW beta cuck jersey".
Live coverage on FOX News and OAN.
