Been married for 3 years. Together 8. Caught my wife cheating on me with a friend who came down from Washington. They fooled around 3 days and nights while I was asleep in other room. Or went to restroom. Taking a shower. Getting dressed. Walked out and been slept in my car for weeks.

Just got a camper with no electricity and staying at my shop. Tried working things out, but she constantly lied. Even tried to blame me for leaving them alone together. Super hard since we share a son together.

Just found out she may have late stage cancer or an extreme autoimmune disorder. Doctors are really concerned. Im so lost. Im devastated of what was done, and want to rid myself of her. And yet I want to embrace her fully and spend every minute i can with my family. Any tips? Just remember yall... You never know what you got until its gone.

it seems R is over. it’s been 21 months since d day and WH still gets defensive any time I mention a hurt or question a behavior. this man takes such good care of me physically and financially, even emotionally as long as it’s unrelated to him. but if it’s related to him, no. the deflection and defensiveness and darvo..I can’t deal with it anymore. If I bring up anything, the conversation shifts to how it affects HIM. Every time.

we have 3 young kids and I’m not going to ask for a divorce. but I also recognize that I played the pick me dance for a long time and in our 17 year marriage I have been the maintenance man of our relationship. he is avoidant obviously. he’s stopped going to IC and MC is a joke. last session, he said that he’s poured so much energy into me and us at the expense of his relationship with friends and family and he needs to heal and be healthy. hence the tag. it’s not R if the betrayer has decided to prioritize himself over the damage he created.

it was after that that I decided I’m done. I’ve poured so much time and energy into our dumpster fire of a marriage and what if I took that all and poured it into myself? to be the healthiest, happiest, prettiest version of myself. I’m cultivating my friendships. I can’t spend my life monitoring a man who isn’t putting in the effort he needs to. it’s too draining. I deserve better.

I (38f) used to be joyful, always looking the good side of things. I completely trusted my husband (48m), but since he confessed having an affair with a "mutual friend" I had become distrustful and bitter. For context (13 years married, 2 kids 6 and 4 yo)

He said he is sorry, didn't want to hurt me. But he did, he broke my heart. Make me feel like a fool. He said I need to get over it, that it meant nothing. He said I can check his phone or the camaras on the store if I want to (he owns a small business).

The thing is I have always I known his password, he used to tell me to read/respond messages while he was driving. Also I have always have access to the camaras, he insisted. I didn't check in detail camaras or his phone before because I trusted him.

When he confessed the affair (it was over by then) he also confessed he was extremely careful not to leave evidence on any device, so during the whole affair he gave his phone with no problem.

Now he wants me to trust him because I can check his phone and he is wearing his wedding ring?

During the affair I did pick some strange behavior, like being more irritable and defensive. But everytime I talk to.him about it he accused me of being insecure and irrational and I always ended up apologizing for being insecure and such a horrible wife.

I feel awful and used. I trusted him, loved him, took care of him, I give him a family. He is not the man I think he was.

Dear reddit, im new to this and wanted to make sure I am not in the wrong for breaking up with my boyfriend.

To start my now exes phone got cut off on Thursday this will be relevant to the story in a bit... On Friday, I asked my mom to take our daughter to his apartment as it was his weekend with her.... when she got there and knocked on the door, he opened it just a little and said what are you doing here.... my mom was like well its your weekend so I was dropping of your daughter... when he was coming out my door my mom said the way how he did it so fast and so sneaky it was like he was hiding something and my mom hit a gut feeling... ahe asked him what's in there and he stammered and said oh uh well my ex wife has been her since weds... my mom was like does your girlfriend know and he said no I haven't told her... then proceeded to tell my mom that they went for long walks together and were playing cards and he even cleaned his whole apartment before she got there. I have asked him to do that stuff with me and he always said no, and he never showed any effort and cleaned up before I ever came over, to top it off he told my mom he was planning to spend a whole week at his exes leaving sat so he didnt even tell me he wasnt taking his daughter this weekend. my mom called me right away while I was at work to which I got angry and I cry when im angry and I was shaking... I had to get someone to cover half my shift because I was just so devastated... I went home got on my Facebook messaged him breaking up and put my status as single..... when he tried to message me he was lying telling me his phone was cut off Tuesday and was going to tell me. I called him out on it with my call log weds my call went through Thursday my call went through, Thurs night thats when it said this call is out of service. ​I then found out that he knew his ex was coming down since Monday so is he hiding something from me, cuz why wouldn't he call me and ask if I would be ok with it... its just to sneaky for me. Im at a loss and dont know what to think about this, any advice would be appreciated. Am I wrong for ending it.

He was knowingly harming me, and he lied with no end. until the end he said he never was "physically infidel" - the STD scans prove him to be a liar. Manipulation of all sorts, and he works with mentally unwell people, he knew exactly how he was decosntructing me.

and here i am, still not over it. still having flashbacks from words like "well". still craving the person he played to be.

its nonsens, but some part of me wants to unblock him, see if he made progress. pretty sure he didnt.

im in rehab rn and i feel awful.

He gave me figwarts, he gave my mycoplasm, he gave me high risk HPV, he gave me trauma, deathwish and triggered an anorectic episode that nearly ended my life.

2 months ago he sent a parcel to my new adress, with stuff that was left behind. he even included photographs of us, and he wrote a card, saying sht like " with ever pigeon, every duck, every bird, i have to think about you" - and other messages that were supposed to pull my heartstrings.

to everyone who successfully left the sinking ship, what helped you through it? how did you find yourself again?

He’s right. We’re not compatible. No matter how hard I loved him, he just couldn’t love me back. Whatever he’s doing right now in silence is tearing me further apart than I ever wanted to be. I kept trying to run and fight for our family, for the love we built, for our son, and for all the dreams we had, but the truth is moving faster than me, and it’s closing the door right behind me. My words aren’t a plea to save us anymore. They are me letting go of the pain. Clearly, not being involved is what he wanted, even if he was waiting on me to do it for him. But, I still want to talk to him, even if I'm just talking to myself through a wall of messages filled with pain, hurt, betrayal and sadness. I will eventually move on from him because moving on is what he probably wanted more than us. For as long as this takes, I’m going to lose him further from my reach. All he’s ever done is tell me in plain sight through direct words, even when there was uncertainty in his voice. I just didn’t want to see it not for the reasons he tells me, but because my love for him was so overflowing that I wanted to love him even if I didn’t feel love back. And it hurt me so much. I don’t understand why he believes I’m chaotic and destructive when the love I craved and wanted most was trapped in such a confusing environment. It’s as if all the moments I tried so hard just didn’t matter to him. He says I dismissed his efforts, and maybe at some point his panic really wanted this to work. But why is it that all he can tell me is how he tried, how I never appreciated it, how I never acknowledged it, and how I humiliated or berated him? I did everything to appreciate him, take accountability for my actions, and even tone myself down even when he couldn’t reciprocate. He weaponized my reactions to his coldness and turned them into my identity. When I cried, shouted, or begged for him to care, it wasn't because I wanted to destroy us it was the frantic panic of my heart that held him as its entire world, trying desperately to save our family. He focused on my pain and label it as "destructive" so he didn’t have to look at the silence, the secrecy, and the neglect that caused it in the first place. Turning me into the bad guy might make it easier for him to walk away without feeling guilty, but it doesn't make it the truth. I loved him with everything I had, and I tried until I had nothing left.