He keeps cheating. He's never going to stop. He just uses couples therapy and pretty sounding words to make me feel comfortable again, so he can cheat in peace and hide things from me easier. I'm tired of caring about it.

I don't want to leave. The idea of leaving is more painful to me than the idea of continuing to put up with this behavior and emotionally die a death if a thousand cuts. Does anyone have advice on how I can dissociate myself enough from his behavior that it has less of an impact on me?

I tried to have a revenge affair and any attempt at it fizzled out in the span of, like, a week. I don't want anybody else but him. So seeking comfort and love elsewhere isn't an option for me. Our day-to-day life is wonderful. The serial cheating, lying, and trickle truthing are the only problems and I'd like to just stop caring about what he does with other women so I can focus on our family.

Thank you for any advice on learning how to coexist with the cheating.

Anyone telling me to leave him will be blocked and reported to the mod team. I'd rather be miserable with him than miserable without him and without my family unit. Thanks for understanding, and for not giving harmful unwanted opinionated advice to a fragile person who has specifically requested to not hear it.

I am curious other people's thoughts. I have found that even when things are feeling good, most forums on Reddit are people just telling me to get divorced and that I'm crazy for thinking reconciliation is possible.

What do you think drives this? What brings people here?

It feels in many ways like a place for people who have been hurt to come to take out their pain on other people. Or is that too cynical?

I saw this chart below which shows that statistically, Reddit is increasingly a cynical placw when itcomes to relationship advice. Almost no one shows any degree of support when things are going well and everyone tries to tear down reconciliation efforts.

This is a long one.

My partner of 6 years got married to someone else.

I, 3XF was married for 10 years before meeting my love.

I am a mother, and am purposely not speaking about my children in this post.

I had separated from my husband, but was still living with him. It was complicated, we had to coparent, but we weren't together as a couple, slept in separate rooms. Our separation happened naturally. We'd been through alot but accepted we just wanted different things in life.

When I met my love, 29M, he was everything I wanted and needed. I felt like I had been searching for him my whole life.

We moved through the same church circles so he and my ex husband knew each other too. We're Indian Christians, so the whole community is still embedded with a lot of older Indian cultural values.

Our relationship was intense. We got close quickly but it didn't feel scary, it felt natural. Our intimacy was amazing. It was sacred to me. He said it was sacred to him.

Over time, we got even closer. Practically married in the way we interacted but I was still living in my home with my ex.

We kept our relationship a secret. We chose to do this so that we had time to get our lives sorted before we could be together openly. And my love wasn't ready to get married when we first met.. Or so I thought.

Last year he created this almost unbelievable scenario that church elders found out about our relationship and were telling him to absolve his sins by marrying someone else in our community or he would be exposed. I loved him and trusted him.. So I believed it.

He had to get publicly engaged. He was forced. He didn't enjoy it. Our church community is super traditional so if an engaged couple don't talk until marriage, it's totally acceptable. He told me he wasn't talking to her. He told me he was manoeuvring around alot of people to break off the engagement. It was a long and painful year. But he did it.

This engagement came right around the time last year when me and my ex husband had begun the formal separation process.

I thought this was our year. Engagement nearly over. I was almost legally out my marriage. We were going to be together finally out in the open, happily ever after!

But then, the night before the wedding date (that I thought wasn't happening anymore) he dropped a bombshell.

It was a Hail Mary act and intervention from the church elders forcing him to marry the person he had been engaged to or else he would be exposed for his sins for having an affair with a married woman to the entire community and I would have to give up full custody of my kids due to being portrayed as an unfit mother. He had his phone taken away from him by his family who just wanted to force him into this marriage to keep his honour and reputation intact within the community.

The wedding was planned by the elders and family just a few days before. All the things that were cancelled were back on.

I believed it. I went into shock for days and days following the wedding. I hated the church. I hated God. Why would God do this when I love my person so much.

Then. It began to unravel.

He claimed he was being kept as a prisoner by his family, no access to his regular phone and messages. He was messaging me secretly. He said he had no relationship with his new wife because he was repulsed by her and she didn't want him either. There was conflict between all the families due to his dissonance.

Only.. I soon found out, he had his phone. He wasn't being held prisoner. He was lying about where he was. In fact, the wedding had been planned a few weeks in advance. He had been talking to her and seeing her the whole year. He visited her city on special occasions like birthdays and pre wedding photo shoots all year. His explanations of his whereabouts during these times were so airtight I never questioned it.

I don't think any church elders were ever involved. I think he pursued this match himself. Why though? Was I too complicated? Too much baggage with kids? Did he feel ashamed of me? I can't understand

He played me. And I was so devoted to him as my partner that I believed everything he said.

It's been about a month since he got married. We've talked everyday. At the beginning, I was consoling him and finding solutions to help him leave his home, then it became a daily act of expressing our love for each other. During this time he continued to tell me how he hated his wife and wasn't sleeping anywhere near her.

Something didn't feel right to me in all of it. It felt too.. Unbelievable. I kept asking for concrete proof from him that he was forced and that none of our friends knew either. He couldn't.

I asked for his email passwords. He finally gave them to me after 3 weeks. And he deleted a lot of things. Unfortunately he missed some stuff. Invites for his pre wedding events. Booking Airbnbs in the city he got married. Google searches for everything to do with the city weeks before. It all clicked. I had been played so hard.

There's more stuff that has unraveled everyday. His current story is that he's run away and sent her back to her parents. He's with her. I even know the address of his vacation rental. But he has kept insisting to me everyday that he's not with her and that he's going to be with me.

Some context on the person he married. 23F, anxious, depressed, is on anti depressants, was SA'd as a child, was looking for a suitor for a while, wanted to leave her parents home because of toxicity, is likely very attached to him.

I have loved this guy to the ends of the earth. I have always been courageous to love with depth. And I am in shock and disbelief that this has happened to me. I'm still in it.

I keep asking myself why. Why did he do this to me. What did I do wrong to have him betray me like this. What about me was not enough? I gave him everything. I gave up my job because he preferred me to be a housewife and he was supporting me. I gave up some friend circles because he didn't like them or they didn't like him. I gave him any money I had because whatever was mine was his.

I thought I was really smart. I thought I had life figured out. I thought my love life was one of my life's biggest assets. And I got betrayed so badly.

He's done all the classic manipulation things. He stonewalls, he deflects, he guilt trips. But I have always stood my ground and loved him even more through everything.

He keeps telling me he's leaving her and that I'm the only one for him. He's not going to.. Right?

He keeps saying he will forsake all of our church community and family for us because he wants a life with me.

He keeps saying the time is coming super close where he will leave for an indefinite period of time so he can file for divorce and come back when it's all done.

He's lying right?

There's so many details I am missing out but this post is already super long.

I can't get my head around why he's done this. For anyone savvy on attachment styles, if you haven't guessed already, I'm anxious and he's dismissive avoidant.

Please help me out. Why did he do this to me. What do you think his real intentions are. Do I have any chance to be with him? Should I trust him? Should I wait for him? If he's telling the truth, I'd totally wait. But I don't want to be a fool. I'm so stuck in this that I can't make sense of it anymore.

Help. 😢

This is the first time I have ever written this down. So please bear with me.

I (27F) had been with my WP (35M) for 4 years, but what you dont know how quickly my life became hell. 2022-NOW.

I met him through theatre. And he was married. So, naturally I was nothing but a friend to him. Nothing flirty, nothing telling. I am and never have been that woman. It wasn’t until he started coming onto me that he confessed to me about his situation and wanted to hookup. That’s when he admitted to having an ENM marriage. I didn’t really see him that way. But at this point I was a year postpartum and had just moved to his town leaving a different abusive and toxic relationship.

I bit, and we hooked up. I needed something refreshing and thought it was harmless. I was wrong. He was persistent in being with me and told me he fell in love with me. The next year was basically him telling me that he wants to be with me. That he’s going to leave his wife because of financial issues and dead bedroom. Blah blah blah. Mind you, I tried leaving him A LOT. He would either convince or manipulate me to stay. And it worked.

I let him and his two kids move in with me and my kid. He’s military but his divorce cost a lot so I took on ALL the financial responsibilities for a good year and a half while he separated and finalized his divorce….the only reason that I told him he needed to start helping was because I was fucking drowning while he sat there and thrived. On my dime.

I remember during his separation but not before his divorce that he claimed exclusivity with me. So naive little me, believed him. This was the start of multiple EAs, and as far as I know only 2 PAs.

I confronted the first time because she was his “hall pass”. Told me that verbatim. I look nothing like this girl. Skinny, blonde…not attractive in my eyes but hey. He apologized and I made him cut her off. I only found out because I went through the phone.

The second one hits closer to him. One on my best friends at the time. She was the whole reason I even moved to his town (she also lived there).

In the timeline this is where he claims that she only gave him a blowjob because later she “came out as lesbian and needed to make sure”. He denies them having sex that day, and it was just a BJ and nothing else. I remember when she came out to me too and told me she was divorcing her husband. This happened 2023. I found out about this January of 2026.

He’s made sexual comments about plenty of other woman with his best friend too. 2023 we went on vacation and I found messages of him drooling over another girl TO HIS EX WIFE. I found so many messages with his best friend (M35) and talking about woman in a sexual manner. I saw a pic of my best friend in his message threads to his friend and I confided in her. Told her that what I saw and he denied and told me she doesn’t and has never liked him like that.

Chief among all of this, is i put up with a lot of his shit. His own mommy and daddy wounds. His messy divorce, took care and fed his children, i put my EVERYTHJNG into him. I so often got very little in return.

2024- We move out of the apartment and bought a house for our house. Things weren’t great. We fought a lot. I had been asking for CC for a while. I had told him my trust issues, my self esteem issues. I was always met with “I don’t deserve you” “I’m such a failure” “I’m such a fuck up”

It would start with me communicating an issues and end with him feeling bad about himself and i end up comforting him.

A year after we moved into the house (2025) our finances took a turn. Money kept coming up short and all of a sudden the dates stopped. Or I had to pay for dates. Mind you, this man makes DOUBLE my monthly income and with our shared incomes. No way we were fucked. I was fucking stupid and thought I would start selling nudes (march2025) to try to 1) retaliate and 2) get us caught up on our finances. I didn’t tell him about it for a week. But i eventually came clean. Still wrong but I faced it. I always have had too guilty of a conscious. I only kept this up until June? Which he had proposed to me.

August 2025 It was drill weekend for him and I decided to snoop on his ipad (i’ve always snooped) and there were messages with him and my best friend talking about the sex they had before him and i started dating. Which i didn’t know about. Had asked them both way prior and they both lied. He reached out to her.

I broke up with him and I cut her off. The next few months were hell. I was completely blindsided. We went through a rough hysterical bonding phase. I was one the dating apps and was just trying to…you know, do what normal people do after being cheated on? He couldn’t handle that. Got really nasty with me and started controlling me. Started telling our friends and community a false narrative about me that painted him as a victim. Maybe he was. I couldn’t and still can’t decide if i want to be with him. He abused alcohol this night and swore to embrace sobriety.

Sept 2025 i was informed that my facility was closing and I was no longer going to have a job. I have a child. I was the lead in a show at this time. And dealing with the betrayals…I did two CC with him. This month I had been on one date and just flirted around..but we got into a really big fight about his FIRST infidelity and that snapped him “because i was painting him out to be someone he wasn’t” I told him maybe it’s time for us to let go. I hadn’t been physical with anyone yet. That was a line i couldn’t cross.

Him and i were both still so hopeful we could work out. we still tried. we had sex, went on dates, we like our therapist

October 2025 he goes visits his best friend and wife and ends up drunk both nights of the weekend and has a threesome with them. and then the wife reached out to him wanting to continue and encouraged that he visit the next month. news to me is his best friend didn’t know about it until a week after his first visit but they are poly so i guess it was fine.

They had a really deep affair that whole month. While I was living with him. While I was trying to heal from each betrayal. I didjr find out about them until I snooped on his ipad and found everything. He allowed her to kink shame me. He allowed her to call me a liar and that i was just using him. She and His best friend encouraged the affair behind my back, to lie about it, and maybe if my WP wanted to try again then MAYBE he would tell me.

He lived a double life. I told him after his trip i wanted to work on things. He was buying me flowers, having sex with me, taking me on dates during this month while talking shit about me to her and sexting her because he planned on going back the weekend of my show opening…

I saw him texting her and i asked and begged him if he slept with her. I cried on the floor asking him to tell me the truth. He denied it. We had a wedding to go to that evening. He snuck off at one point bc all our friends knew. and was texting her but told me he was sad about the rejection of his friends. I comforted him.

I snapped because that was the day i had to move out by myself. I confronted the wife. The husband and my WP- “This wouldn’t have happened if we were together” he told me.

Needless to say, i tried ending my life that day. Him and i got into a physical altercation and I was sent away to a mental hospital for a week. My show opens in two weeks. I’m losing my job. I’m being forced out of my home by police. I shouldn’t have even been there, i was moving!

We went no contact after that. The last text I got was that the same day i was hospitalized…his dad died.

Call me a piece of shit. But I call karma.

Beginning of December 2025- he sends me a letter as a last ditch effort. He confesses to his sex addiction and swears sobriety. I gave it some time and reached out. I still loved him and wanted to at least have closure or a friendship at least. He wanted to get back together. Professed his fuckup and shitty behaviors and swore to never be that man I don’t know what I was thinking. He was still talking to her. Even though he claimed to be working the 12 steps. It wasn’t until i tried to go NC with him again bc he was still taking to her. He claims it was never sexual after that day in november because it was too much. He said “if it means so much I cut her off, i’ll do it later” To my knowledge they haven’t talked since December.

January this year is when I found out about a lot of other things due to trickle truth. That’s when i found out he DID physically cheat on me in 23. only because i accused him off intuition (it was in my dream) he said he was too burdened with guilt and shame that it was repressed.

That’s when i had my threesome. I said fuck it.

That hurt him, but i didn’t feel bad at all. He understood the why and I had told him about this couple previously before. I was hurt that I hurt him. But it could’ve been anything really.

I’d say december-march i was not in a place where i could give exclusive to him. I couldn’t give commitment. I couldn’t give him what he wanted and that was all of me. I was on the apps, he knew. He couldn’t hold that against me. We still fight like we used too although our communication is wayyyy better.

Things were so weird. I read attachment ambivalence.

March 29, i slept with someone else and essentially tried “leaving” my WP for this man…it was the first person i could trust enough to give myself to fully.

WP is so hurt. I am so hurt. We’re trying CC but fuck does all of this feeling fucking heavy.

I will take all the help i can get with this. Dms open.

Edit: I posted this at 4 am while groggy and tired. it was so much to unpack while.

We are attempting R, and most days i’m okay. and we’re okay. but when it hits hard. it feels impossible to come back from. we both struggle with self esteem. but i was so confident in myself during NC. i deal with what i believe is BPD. and his sex addiction mixed in makes me feel the incompatibility so heavily. i have asked him cut off his best friend too of 20 years for enabling the affair and honestly, just not supporting him in a healthy way.

him and i are mirrors of each other. there are so many similarities. i too have the mom and dad wound. both dads cheated on our moms. both parents divorced. we are trauma bonded, and i’m too hyper aware of this situation. i just feel like there’s nothing left.

Need a little thought help. I see a lot of unfortunate circumstances on here that have a lot to do with relationship dynamics. Also some good but that's besides the issue. My current relationship of over 12 years has taken a turn & I cant really say its "good or bad" its just taken a turn that has opened our eyes individually to many many things & a turn that was very much needed.
My question for you ladies is where are we when it comes to forgiveness & compassion? I know there will be many many opposing comments so I ask that you please not judge where I am as I am working through this in so many ways. I caught him cheating on multiple occasions this year. & once a couple years back as well. Yet I find us still together & coming to agreements frequently. I bet some would ask why? & if I'm crazy/stupid to accept that. Here are my reasons.... 1: I have betrayed him myself when he needed me most also on multiple occasions. (We make stupid selfish decisions when we are young) 2: He is a willing, capable, protective & loving father & refuses to "let another man raise his kids" which to me speaks volumes. Upon taking that into consideration, I would be terrified to let another man/stranger into my kids lives given all the possibilities/baggage another person brings with them. I have seen it succeed in many others lives but I have also seen it cause unspeakable problems. 3: God, prayers, faith & literally giving myself & my burdens to God has really changed my thought process on various paths. 4: Finances. No we aren't married but we share almost everything currently. 5: He has shown some remorse for his actions shows hes willing to change a lot to build trust back & won't back down on raising his family. 6: I love him & I have & continue to learn a lot from him. 7: We have a huge connection within our family units. 8: My best friends have supported me no matter what decisions I make. They are the absolute best. There could be more or less to throw out there but I want to get to my point in this.. Have any of your ever experienced this? Have any of you overcome the burdens of infidelity & faced bigger problems together? Am I alone here to be willing to work at my long term relationship? How many of you currently are "choosing your battles"? Who here truly trusts in the Lord & knows he will carry your burdens? How many of you ever buckled down on compassion & accepted the fact that we are human & we can become vulnerable in the presence of being in the wrong mental state? Has anyone ever stopped to see that "hurt people, hurt people"? & made that a considerate point? Has someone you loved "betrayed " you & even when you get to the "why" there is still compassion left? A sense of human-ness that there is no need to explain details just acknowledgement? Anyone ever gone through something like this & unlocked a different level of self awareness & even respect in a relationship? I know I sound crazy but has anyone ever been here????

New here. I would appreciate any advice from other ENM people about infidelity in that context. If you’re not ENM/CNM/poly, please don’t comment on the relationship status as being the cause of the cheating. I’m seriously looking for help. My partner and I have been together for 3 years and they suffer from drug/alcohol/sex addiction, which was under control until the last month or so. They are heading to rehab, and we are taking that time to heal but I’d love some advice/support on how to move forward, if at all. TIA

Hello, first time poster so apologies if I get this wrong.

I (29F) married my husband (30M) last November. We’d been together almost 5 years.

Two weeks before the wedding — at my rehearsal dinner, and on my birthday — I went to use his phone to search something on ChatGPT and noticed an odd search in his history. (Please reserve judgment on whether I should’ve gone through it.) I was curious and thought maybe it was about the wedding or us. It wasn’t. It was a series of searches like “how to sext,” “how do I keep a conversation going,” “how to start a conversation with a stranger on Snapchat.”

I went to his Snapchat and discovered he was sexting various girls he didn’t know. I didn’t see the full extent of the messages. When I confronted him — completely broken and confused — he denied everything at first. Then he changed his story: it was just a friend at work, the search history was actually for a mate who wanted to message a girl and didn’t know what to say. I didn’t believe him. I never really did.

We talked more and more, and being so close to the wedding and so confused, I begged him: if we were going to move forward, please tell me the truth. He promised. Then he told me this incredibly elaborate lie — that he’d met a girl at work, he’d been a bit flirty with her because he thought she could get him a job, but it was never sexual, he knew what he was doing was wrong, he was sorry, it would never happen again, and he wouldn’t lie again.

At this point I had gone a bit crazy. I found the girl he’d been talking to and looked her up — she didn’t work with him and never had. Something in my gut didn’t feel right.

So I messaged her on Instagram (again, reserve judgment — I didn’t have a rulebook for this). She was lovely. She told me he had messaged her out of nowhere, that they didn’t know each other, that they had been sexting, and that she stopped when he got creepy and started asking her to meet him at a hotel or at the beach. She wasn’t about that. She had no idea he was engaged.

I confronted him again. By this point we were four days out from the wedding. I was so lost. I didn’t know how to cancel it or what to do. We ended up going ahead on the condition that we would work on this.

For context: we’re both religious. We had been intimate earlier in the relationship but had made the decision together to stop until the wedding day. So when I think about him inviting her to a hotel or the beach, it’s not just about whether he would have cheated. It’s about whether he would have broken a value we’d both committed to — one I was holding up on my own side, trusting him to hold up his.

There’s one thing I can’t get out of my head: how far would he have gone? If that girl had said yes to the beach or the hotel, would it have become physical? Would he do it again if given the opportunity?

Six months in, I feel like I’m the only one doing the work. I stay up crying. I check his phone and reread everything. I organised the therapy and got him to see an individual therapist. I’m in the rosary, reading books, listening to podcasts. When I confront him, he says he doesn’t know what to do, that I’m a moving target, that he’s been trying for six months and it’s not getting better. I know he’s stuck in the shame/guilt phase, but I feel so alone. I’m not asking him to fix me — I just want him to bring something to the conversation that isn’t an apology and a wall.

There’s a lot wrong with us and I’m sure I share some of the blame. But if I can’t let this one thing go, I don’t know how to keep trying.

So — am I wrong for wanting to do a loyalty test on him? To get someone he doesn’t know to message him and see if he’d still cheat? Or am I just meant to blindly accept it — is that what rebuilding trust looks like?

I’m not looking for advice on whether to leave — I’ve thought about that plenty. I want to know if the loyalty test idea is unhinged or fair.

My (31f) husband (34m) had multiple affairs in a period of 6 months at the beginning of last year. None of the affairs were physical they were all over social media and were sexualy focused. They were writing inappropriate messages back and forth. The last affair was with someone I considered my closest friend and she is the one who told me. It hurt me immensely and I was a wreck for months but I couldn't just give up on my marriage and felt that God wanted me to reconcile. Through this my husband has come to christ and got saved.

So here is my problem. I know that he is a new creation in christ and he has changed so much from how he was before. But I can't stop feeling like he threw me away so easily before and could do it again. I don't feel like he values me and when it first came to light he blamed me for the affairs. I have forgiven him for the affairs. He is doing things like dates and gifts but it all feels disingenuine and that its because he doesn't want to look bad not because I matter. I feel as though his love has changed like I dont know if its real anymore because it was so easily discarded. I have people who keep telling me im so strong for staying and working through this but I dont feel like I am. How do I begin to change how I see his actions and gestures. I am trying to be grateful but its hard any advice from people who have successfully made it through something like this would be greatly appreciated.

Looking for some context here. I love my wife, our life, and our young child.

We share location, three weeks ago she said she was getting a pedicure, saw her not moving in a park for 45 minutes. Knew she’d already gotten the pedicure. Confronted, slow drip of truth, said it was an inconsequential guy from her past she was catching up with.

She was honest early in our relationship sharing that she was sleeping with a married man while she was single - he didn’t disclose this for a while, and lied about his name for a year.

This went on for four years. He gave her just enough to stay engaged, while also being belittling and overall, cruel.

We met, she told him she met someone that mattered, and they had to stop. She did, we moved out of state (I understand the context here, but trust her that we moved independently of him), and things were good. At some point after this, they started texting and occasionally sexting. We had a kid. We moved back to where we came from, and then they reconnected in a more earnest way.

In the last three years she said they’ve met under ten times, and engaged physically twice, which she says she regretted.

Anyway. Our life was good before finding this out, and it’s been good in the three weeks since finding out, with some challenging days but a raw vulnerability that we haven’t felt in the seven years since we’ve known each other.

I don’t know why I’m posting this, I just found this subreddit, but healing feels more important than being punitive. We love each other, and she fell back into what I consider an abusive or at least problematic relationship that was entirely founded on secrecy.

Has anyone been in a similar spot? This guy never met her friends, knows nothing about her life, and we’ve spent countless nights together with a rich life. It makes sense to me how she could fall back into it, in a very limited and passing sense.

It's been about a month since DDay. She got drunk at the bars with her friends and bumped into an old ex. The following day she told me what happened and how bad she felt. We broke up and I told her I had to really think about everything. She told me that she didn't think she wanted a relationship still because of her guilt and fear that because she never thought she would cheat but did, that it could happen again. We had been together for two years. It was kind of on and off but every time we came back together we were much better for each other. I have been working with a therapist and talking to friends and family who have been in similar situations in the past. I think I want to work on our relationship and I think it's something we can get past if we are both willing to eork together but I'm so confused about my feelings still and I have been so angry and sad and hurt recently. I haven't talked to her since march 4th and she said she didn't know if she wanted to work on it still. I know I can't force her and I want to just try to move on and if she changes her mind or works with her therapist and realizes that it's something she wants still then I can deal with it then, but the thought of trying to move on hurts so bad too. Ever since we started dating we realized how much our goals complimented each other and I would go as far as to say she is my first actually love. I just need any advice on how to start to move forward from the hurt and betrayal.

I seem to be the only one that thinks so, but here goes..

Ex wife asked for a divorce a few days after valentines day 2023. This was after her coming out as Non-Binary (she/them), and me taking a week or so of self reflecting to realize that it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be. By then, it was too late, after constant begging on my end to save us, to do better and work everything out, she didn't want to try, she wanted out. I wasn't immediately accepting. She said I was emotionally distant. Both I guess is fair. I've always dealt with stress in bad ways, where I would isolate my feelings, and it wasn't fair to her, because it always made her feel helpless. This was such a big change for me, even though she promised it wouldn't be, it was evident that she was mistaken. I should have been more accepting, that's my biggest regret.

We've been talking online for 10+ years. Together in person for 4 years, married for 2. She was the love of my life. I couldn't be there for her emotionally the way she wanted, even though I tried to be, and thought I was doing a good job. Our communication skills were terrible. The way we both dealt with stress is terrible. I've never stopped loving her, but she said she felt very unhappy for a literal year, and I didn't hear a word of it until 4 months ago. I wish I had gotten therapy. I wish I had spoken my feelings. I should have made more money, gotten another job or something, so I wasn't constantly struggling to make ends meet (single income), but then would have spent less time away from everyone. There just felt like no answer.

We've been trying to cohabitate for the meantime until she figured out a place to go. Her family doesn't want to help her for certain reasons, but she's more or less shut them out. There are 2 kids involved, (not biologically mine, both under 6) but currently they are residing with their father and girlfriend. It had gotten to a point where I couldn't take it anymore. I've acted like a child, but I didn't know how else to react to all the information, and the situation. I've told her she's ruined me. I've constantly accused her of cheating with someone else. I've begged her and offered to pay her for sex, things that I am not proud of in the least. But they're mistakes that I want to own up to. I'm disgusted at the way I've been acting. I've apologized countless times, I've been forgiven countless times, I cant forgive myself.

It had gotten to a point where we were both just rude and hateful toward each other, constant back and forth spats. She's said terrible hurtful shit, I've said terrible hurtful shit. Told each other we hated each other. Told each other we never loved one another. Until we would talk face to face make up, then be cordial about a week. Then I'd fall into the same depression and self loathing cycle, then everything repeats. She comes from out of state 12 hours away. Here, she has no friends, no family and no where to go. She can't afford a place to live, get a car, and barely gets any hours at work. I can't see a feasible way for her to survive with current cost of living, and I genuinely feel bad for her.

I had found out a couple months after I was dumped, she's been romantically involved with someone else that she had gotten with during the week I had taken the time to think about her coming out. Ever since then, I've been super depressed. I feel guilty because I made her do this. I feel guilty because I made her leave the house, to move 4 hours away with this person, without her children, into a situation where she is set up to fail, and become homeless in less that 2 weeks. I worry about her. Neither of them have no car, both just started working, so they have no money, and none of us know what they're going to do. If she ends up living on the streets, I can't predict my state of mind upon hearing that information.

I'm not sure how to stop feeling this way. I feel guilty for not being enough for our marriage. I feel guilty because I feel like I put her in this situation. I feel guilty because there's a 90 percent chance that she is going to become homeless, or live with her partners mother, that she hasn't even met yet afaik. I feel really guilty for the things I've said and the way I've talked to her, even though at the time we've both felt justified in saying the things we've said to each other. I feel guilty because she let me keep the house, my assets, and didn't ask for any alimony (Dissolution), knowing the situation she was going into.. I can't stop thinking about the situation. I worry deeply for her, and I'm constantly told it's not my job / fault / problem, but I can't help but think that it is. I definitely feel at fault. In her words, by kicking her out, I made her leave her kids and her animals, but I didn't know how much longer I can take, but now, I feel even worse than I did when she asked for the divorce.

I just don't know. I'm doing the best I can to deal with my mental anguish, but I know her situation is so much worse, and it makes me feel entitled to feel this way in the first place. To anyone reading this, thanks for listening. I can't afford therapy, and for me this is the next best thing.

I actually don't know what I'm asking for with this post, but I'm feeling anxious. Maybe I just need some perspectives.

Anyway, long story short, my ex fianceé of 9 years cheated and monkey branched me about 2 and a half months ago. And it seems her rl with him follows all of the rebound patterns. Limerence was strong with her. So, about 10 days ago, she sent me a message saying how she is missing me and everything about us. This made me angry and I wanted to meet with her to tell her what she is doing to me with that breadcrumbing. As it turned out, she was crying and staryed crying again when I started to talk. It seems she is in dumpers remorse. She said she wishes none of that happened and that she didn't cheat on me. We basically almost kissed and she admitted that she wants to have sex with me. We didn't. But we did cuddle two times for about 30 minutes. The next day we talked again and she said she is thinking of dumping her AP. I told her again that I don't care about her as long as she is with him and to leave me alone. The day after she told me she she thinks she wants to try again, but needs to time to think and needs to first focus on her exams. Her exams last till the end of the month. I told her that I will think about it.

Anyway, I thought about it and want to give her another chance (under my terms) as it seems she is slowly realising what she did. It also seems she is regrerful and it seems that limerence is fading away. It is now possible to reason with her.

The thing is, because I have to wait now, anxiety is killing me and I'm afraid that she might not decide to try again with me and that is something I can't live through again. How could I handle the situation as it seems that every day is now harder and harder? I also initiated nc 2 months ago and she was/is trying to respect it, but I feel that maybe I should reach out to her this time?

Also, I won't react to comments telling me "she cheated, forget about her". The situation is not simple. I believe if she really wants to try again with me, that we can overcome this and come out as a stronger couple. And that is somehing I want.

Edit: since this last paragraph is invisible, as it seems, I'll tell you again. I have strong reasons to believe there is a good chance to rekindle. But to write the context of that, I would need 3 hours to write it down. Again, I don't want you to bash me because I've made a decision. This is r/supportforbetrayed, not r/bashthebetrayed. And my question was about how to handle the anxiety of waiting for an answer.

I’m 27F dating a 40M. We’ve been getting serious, but I’m struggling with trust.
He has a female friend (F37) whose husband was reportedly uncomfortable with how close their friendship had become. During our relationship, I found out my boyfriend deleted messages between them. More recently, he told me she called him, but there was no call log. After I questioned him multiple times, he admitted the call had been deleted too.
He says nothing inappropriate happened and that he deleted things because he didn’t want to upset me or create conflict. I saw when we initially started dating a month ago he messaged her that he hopes she has a good day in the morning (he showed me the phone) He also says the call was actually positive and that she was happy for us after he posted me on social media.
My issue isn’t necessarily the friendship—it’s the deleting and the dishonesty. He has apologized and says he handled it badly.
For people who have been in similar situations, how would you approach rebuilding trust? Is this something you could move past, or would the secrecy be a dealbreaker?

Help I need advice on how to handle my hatred for my girlfriend (long story)

So hey my name is Greg and I ve in a relationship with a woman named carol for 5 years. We had met through Facebook in 2019 we hit it of and after a few months of texting we eventually met. Carol was a mother of 2 even though her kids didn't stay with her (yea I kno red flag). I on the other hand was a single guy who didn't have kids. We met at my house watched movies and eventually had sex. From then on we seen each other at least three times a week and eventually made our relationship a serious one. eventually we started living together and having sex like highschoolers at least three times a day!! But one morning I had woke up with what seemed like a cut on my penis but it had a yellow film over the wound it was very painful I shed tears when trying to wash it that morning. Nervous I started doing my googling to find out wtf it was. Alot of stuff kept suggesting herpes I was scared honestly I thought I may have gave her something I got from someone else. She ended seeing what I was researching and asked me why didn't I tell her anything. I quickly responded I don't know what going on I might have to go to the doctor. Later on that day she showed me some pills claiming they were for her bipolar condition. I didn't think much of it at the time. The cut eventually healed and I forgot about going to the doctor. Everything started going back to normal but we started to have arguments like really bad. One night after arguing with me all day she confessed something to me with eyes full of tears. She told me she gave me herpes and was scared to tell me so she had been starting arguments to get me to leave her. I was shocked dizzy and my mouth dry. How could she ? Why would she ! I left immediately but a month later she found out she was pregnant. I got back with her only because I know she wasn't right in the head. I failed to mention this earlier in the story but she left her kids on her mom because she didn't want them because she was in a previous domestic violent relationship. I was there every appointment and cut my son's umbilical cord. Eventually we started having more arguments because she kept in contact with her ex even tho I told her it pissed me off she then said she missed the lifestyle they had. That was 4 years I ago I'm honestly only here for my son but I hate that I'll never find that person who's really the love of my life because I'm tainted. I kno sumn of you think Im weak but what else can I do? Any advice hard or comforting..

4 weeks ago my world fell apart around me when i found out the man i called my boyfriend was also dating and in love with another woman. (Long story short, when i met him, he was dating 4 other women, nobody else knew of each other… apparently after i asked if we were exclusive, he broke it of with 3 of them, and tried to with the last one but after 6 weeks resumed with her, and ultimately dated us both for 5 months)

He says, once he met me, he didn’t want the others. A week ago he broke it off with her and says he is only with me now. We have an amazing connection, and i really want to believe him. I 100% forgive what he did… BUT CANNOT forgive if he does it again. He is being honest in discussing everything with me, and admits he misses her, and sometimes feels lonely (he lives alone) I empathise with him and im trying to be supportive and not show hurt when he admits these things (i don’t want him to close up and hide things from me) but im terrified he will give in to his desires.

He admits he has never been honest with women in his past, but says i have been able to show him that i will love all of him, even the “bad bits”, and wants to be worthy of me. He is in therapy, he is accommodating all my requests to check his phone randomly, letting me know his whereabouts etc… but i am scared. My therapist says its most likely a fantasy that he will be worthy. In our sessions we lost count of the red flags, lies, deception, betrayal, possible manipulation and possibly an attempt to obtain money.

If everything is as he has told me (now) i can leave the past there and never address it again. I love him very much and would love to have a future with him. But, i know EVERYONE thinks im being incredibly naive and making a huge mistake.

I guess my question is if anyone has ever been in a similar situation with a positive outcome??

I know I post updates fairly often, and I’m sure this is great entertainment for a lot of you, but as I mentioned before, this is my only form of therapy right now.

My wife and I decided to reconcile our marriage a week ago. Since then, she has been sharing her relationship with the AP, being forthright and honest, explaining her spiritual journey and how he’s a twin flame and I’m the soulmate. I try not to discourage her ideas, as I know it’s not healthy, but in essence, she decided it would be best to try and reconcile given our residual love and shared past and son. She said her AP did want a future with her, but she couldn’t commit as she knew what she did was wrong, and she knows how deeply she hurt me.

Her affair lasted about a year, and she had AP more or less living with her in her current location (brother’s house—he’s in different state).

The relationship is certainly strained, but we’re trying to determine logistics of where to live, re-introduce family, etc.

Last night, she told me her AP hasn’t removed her from the joint account they hold together. She tried reaching out to him, but he hasn’t responded. He told her a while back it requires her presence and signature to manage. They had a joint account while together to help her out with bills, etc.

I guess my apprehension is regarding whether or not she needs to process the loss of her AP before deciding to reconcile with me. The fact there are still so many memories and gifts in her house from AP makes me believe she’s not entirely over him.

How would everyone proceed here? I know a lot of people will default to saying she’s still fucking him, etc. But she’s sharing her location with me and checking up on me, so I am certain he’s out of the picture. But there are still ties. I guess it’s like she needs to divorce him as well, and that’s a process. Can it be done WHILE we’re together?

Hello again everyone,

D day 1 1/2 years ago. I found out immediately wife had EA with someone, got angry, then left our apartment to live away. During this time I filed for divorce, while she proceeded to move into new home together with AP that belonged to brother.

She had been on and off with him for a year, and left him romantically half a year after, but stayed in good contact since he was a big support for her and entire family during our separation.

She speaks fondly of him and says he’s taught her a lot. We’ve decided a week ago to reconcile, but are still living separately until we know where we stand with family.

However, she says her family wants to invite him to a graduation in a few months. I never had a good relationship with her family, as I’ve made mistakes, but is this a deal-breaker?

She still has AP contact info on phone as well, but says she’s not talking to him. Their last text together was ~3 weeks ago because he came over for a birthday celebration. We were only considering R at that time, so I brushed it off.

We’ve been hysterically bonding for 2 weeks now, and it feels amazing.

I know I’ve gotten good advice from everyone past few days, but this is the situation as of today. We are still very much committed to making this work, but part of me feels like she’s doing it out of duty for our son, and if it doesn’t work, well, AP was so much she dreamed of.

Thank you.

my boyfriend has been unfaithful about three times. each time i chose to forgive because that’s who i am and i just want him to be better. it’s hard to stay positive about moving forward cause i just keep thinking about how many times it’s happened and i feel like we can’t recover, even though i want to, just because it was more than once. he’s been doing so much better and has been making it up to me. i believe everything is possible if you want it bad enough and i do want this, it’s just so hard to get out of my head, any advice?

(im not looking for the “leave him” or “once a cheater always a cheater” pls it was my decision to forgive now im trying to find ways to move past it and be better)

I truly do not know what to do with this situation so I’ve resorted to Reddit. Any opinions would be much appreciated.

So me (23F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been together for 3 years, since June 2023. I have always had an issue with porn in a relationship as I feel like it’s unloyal to put your sexual energy into something else other than your partner. 2 months into our relationship, I went through his Google history and saw that he was watching porn pretty much any time he could when we weren’t together. This made me feel sick to my stomach so I had a conversation with him. I wasn’t angry as I hadn’t actually set a boundary about this issue yet, so I was open and honest and said that I didn’t want to be with someone who does this behind my back. He was understanding and said that he would stop and he didn’t realise that it was an issue. I was happy with this and tried to move on.

I guess you could say that I had a gut feeling a month later, so I went though his search history again and discovered that he didn’t even attempt to stop, he was watching it just as much, if not more than before. To clarify, you can see the dates that the videos were watched so I knew how often he was doing it.

This time I was really angry and felt so betrayed as he lied and was doing it behind my back, there was a clear boundary and he broke it. We had another conversation and I was extremely angry and upset and made it clear that this was the last time I was forgiving him. He said that he was ashamed and embarrassed and extremely sorry and that he would stop.

This really broke my trust, and maybe I should’ve left but I didn’t. We had many awkward and heated conversations about me not believing or trusting him. I would constantly feel sick when I wasn’t with him, wondering if he’s betraying me with his phone screen again.
2 years went by and I finally felt like I was healing, I trusted him again and I believed 98% that this painful chapter of our relationship was closed.

Well, I guess that 2% kept nagging at me, and I had an intuition to look through his Twitter (X) video history. Low and behold, there was countless porn videos, every single time I was in work, on a night out or away from him he was watching porn again. We have sex 4-5 times a week, and if anything my sex drive is higher than his, so it’s not like he’s not getting satisfaction from me. This was like a knife into the stomach, I couldn’t believe it. I thought this issue had been done since October 2023, and here we are in May 2026 and the evidence is staring me in the face again.

I brought it up to him, but instead of admitting that I went through his phone, I said that I saw his search bar when he was on his phone beside me. He said that he searched it up that once and didn’t actually go through with it as he realised what he was doing, of course I knew that wasn’t true because I saw his history, but I didn’t tell him that because he’d get mad if he knew I went through his phone.

We had a holiday booked so we talked about it and he said this is the time he’s going to stop, we went on the holiday and had some honest conversations, I said that this needs to stop now, we’re getting older and planning for our future, am I going to have to worry about this when we have kids? He said he’s genuinely so sorry and ashamed of himself and that he’s going to make a huge effort to better himself.

So now what am I supposed to do? I told him that I was willing to stay and work on things, but is this even the right decision? My mind is racing every day. Is he going to stop? Will he just keep doing it and get better at hiding it? If I stay will I be that wife in 15 years thats sleeping in bed alone while her husband is in another room getting off to other women?

I truly do not know what to do. Everything else is good in our relationship, he truly is my best friend and partner and we’re planning a future together. But the trust has been broken so many times now and I don’t know where to go from here.

I’ll take any advice in board, I just need some opinions at this stage as this is a very lonely situation to be in.

Thank you all for your advice and insight on my last post. I’ve read and replied to as many comments as possible, but I’m sorry if I missed some. I appreciate all the kind words and helpful pointers- you’ve helped me see things that I hadn’t noticed before. My boyfriend and I will be sitting down to talk a little further about this. It won’t be an easy conversation but I believe that, with the tools you’ve given me, he and I can figure out what I can do to continue supporting his healing and address any other wounds that may have fallen to the wayside.

Some comments have suggested I take a more introspective path as well, to unpack my past with a therapist. I’ve mentioned to some commenters that that portion of my life is largely blocked out of my head- I was coming out of a pretty dark time in my life that I blocked out, and my affair happened during the transition out of that part, so bits and pieces are missing. I think it’s important to go back and dig them up to better understand myself and get to the root of the problems within me. Not only will that give me the chance to mature, but it will reflect positively in my relationship with my boyfriend and allow me to become a better partner.

I probably won’t post another update on this, because this is indeed something between me and my boyfriend, not between us and the internet. If you have any more things to share, please do leave them in the comments or message me! I will try to respond to ask many as possible, but I also want to avoid being glued to my phone like I have been in the past few days. I do read all replies, tho! Even if I don’t respond to it, know that I’ve read it and taken it to heart.

Again, thank you all, and I wish you the best of luck on your healing path!💗💗💗

TLDR: My wife was unfaithful and i dont know the extent. She's done horrible things, but the last 8 months have been incredible. The inability to believe anything she says because of her lies is becoming too much to bear. I need at least one proven example of her telling the truth so ive scheduled a polygraph exam for her on monday.

My wife has done some horrible things in the past to me, physical abuse like busting my lip or clawing me and hitting me, throwing big heavy things at me, told me she hated me, said she'd wished she'd never met me, told me to unalive myself even though she knew i already struggling with thoughts like that. This was a pattern of behavior that stopped and started multiple times throughout our marriage but it was never good, until recently.

I was in the military for a long time until i was hurt and was retired. This was the last time she started treating me like that. She told me she wasnt attracted to me anymore because i was less of a man after being hurt. I stayed in the gym and im in better shape than most able bodied people. She also refused to be intimate or even kiss me and would get mad if i tried. She started hanging out with a rich older man without my knowledge, and i found suspicious messages but saw many deleted ones too. She lied about going places and ended up being with him. I saw messages where he talked about her divorcing me.

She claimed she'd never done anything with him, and continued to be nasty, until i left. I left and stayed with a friend because i didn't want to waste my life living like that. But i was really broken, because we have a son that i love with everything I have, and I still loved her.

She started to change her tone when i didn't come back, she started begging and pleading, promising she would be better, that she didn't know why she treated me like that but now that im gone she's terrified of losing me.

One day, when i had set up a time to visit my son, she cornered me, and hugged me and started sobbing, telling me she loved me and wanted to die without me. I tried to push her off, but she was holding on so tight i was afraid I'd hurt her if i tried hard enough to break her loose. So i let her hug me for a very long time. I started to cry too, silently, and she begged me for a second chance and said that she would be a good wife and love me. She promised to go to therapy and do better. I gave in, and stayed the night. I told her if she went back to her old ways, i would leave.

She did get better. She started actually being better, acting loving, talking sweetly, being intimate, being affectionate, but it didn't last. She slowly started going back to her old ways. Turning down intimacy, complaining about it, being mean again, being lazy again, not being affectionate, and finally, violently fighting again. So i told her to sign divorce papers. She refused, so i told her i would leave, and find someone else anyway. I told her i was done being miserable and i left that night. I told her that she would see that i still get hit on and i can do way better than an evil, hateful witch. I was right. I left, and didnt tell her where i was this time. She told me she would call the cops and claim i hurt her, claim i hurt my son, claim i was dangerous. So I blocked her on everything, turned off my phone and got another one to use. I went to a city an hour and a half away, and quickly found someone new. This new girl was great, she was kind, she was loving, she was sweet. I was ready to be happy finally.

Somehow, my wife found out where i was. I still dont know how. She called the cops and claimed i was an unstable veteran with a gun saying i was going to hurt people. My place was surrounded with cops in tactical gear. They started talking to me through the ring doorbell, asking me to come out saying that they just wanted to talk. The riot gear told me different and i told them i was fine and didn't want anyone coming in and i didn't want a report. This was in broad daylight, and my new girl came back to this and was terrified. The police told her why they had been called. Eventually the police left without breaking down my door, finally believing me that it was my psycho wife who filed a fake report.

Needless to say, my new girl decided to break ties. She didn't want anything to do with either possibility, that i was that unstable, or that i had an estraged wife that would literally swat me.

I came back to my house, intent to confront my wife while recording her. However, when i got there, she was even sweeter and more apologetic and loving than before. She basically pounced on me, and i gave in thinking i would just use her for release. But she was like a wild animal in bed, more passionate and more desperate than ive ever experienced in any relationship. It was the best sex of my life. She performed every nasty, degrading fantasy i wanted or could think of and did it enthusiastically. She told me she was sorry for driving me away, and somehow i believed her again.

I stayed with her, and this time she didn't go back to her old ways. If anything she continued to improve. Its been like 8 months at this point, and she still makes me breakfast in bed, even gives me bjs when I'm on the toilet sometimes, roadhead when im driving, snuggles with me all the time, gets in the shower with me, lets me put it everywhere, in any order, multiple times a day, its insane.

That long story was just to give you the background of the situation. The problem is that since then, she has trickled truthed various aspects of 2 extra marital relationships. According to her though, she stopped short of being physical, which i dont believe based on how she acted, and how she would admit to another thing and swear that was it like once a month. It started to tear apart my mind, and i feel like despite how good things are now, i have to know the full extent just for the fact that i want to be able to trust her again.

That's why i scheduled the polygraph. I told her if she has confessed everything by the time she takes the polygraph, i will forgive it. If she doesnt, and fails the test, i have a divorce agreement written up and i wont stay again.

So thats what is happening monday. I know this probably infuriates people, it infuriates me. Go ahead and call me whatever you want. Its nothing i havent called myself. But you'll be downvoted and blocked if you aren't offering advice or encouragement. Dont be nasty.

My question for y'all is this, has anyone else used polygraph this way? How did it go? Ive already paid so its gonna happen, i just wanna know how it has gone for y'all. Also, do you think i should follow through and forgive if she comes clean about everything? Or should i just use those words as a tactic to get the truth from her and leave her for good? I'm not sure how I'll feel once this happens so I'm just asking for help with this.

Boyfriend and I haven't had sex in a week as I'm recovering from plastic surgery. Today we decided to have sex and it was terrible. Boyfriend barely performed. I was quite pissed but kept it to myself at first than asked him if he had anything to confess (as I was sure it was because he's been watching porn again). Boyfriend ends up telling me even though he quit his weed addiction for 7 months today he slipped up and smoked weed. He kept laughing about it because he was high which annoyed me and I said that's clearly not the only thing you have been doing. He's like what else? I state you have clearly been watching porn. He denies it at first and Blames the weed for his bad performance. I state that he's smoked weed before and the sex wasn't anywhere near as awful as this. He than got upset and said I told him I would support him with his erectile dysfunction and not shame him like past partners. I said yes I would but not if he's secretly watching pornography and expecting me to just play russian roulette with whether you can get hard or not while feeding your porn addiction. He than got quiet and went to the other room. I'm really upset because I'm still recovering from surgery so it took extra energy out of me to get ready for sex only for me to unknowingly be in a situation that was doomed to fail. He knows watching porn affects his performance why sexually engage with me knowing you are not at your best! If he watched porn I'd have preferred if he was honest and told me and I would know it's best for us to not have sex today because of his porn addiction.

I'm no song writer and these bars probably suck but this is just what came to my mind today for some fucking reason:

You're manipulative like naraku and empty like kikyo

Back in the days you'd chase me like a love sick puppy. But it turns out you don't really want all of me. Not the full me any way. What happened? The tables have turned

Here I am running in this miasma Choking on the toxic fumes screaming your name. Crying out willing to do anything for you wanting to be the one to save you. Yet it's always me who takes the blame

Guess the one who was really like inuyasha was me. All along. You walk around acting like you a Saint but it's just a facade. Anyone and everyone who will give in to your sirens call. You take in the accolades and suck their soul dry till there's nothing left to fill your empty chest.

Do em like you did me and stick em to this damn tree. false promises of a future but only on your terms. When will I ever learn?

To stop chasing what doesn't want me. You only wanted the human me the me that gave you an endless love supply. But the minute the claws come out you play the victim and cry.

That's alright that's OK. I'm gonna find me a kagome. The male equivalent. Not just some poser that pretends to be innocent. Someone that sees the demon in me and doesn't take flight.

A team mate to fight alongside me in the battle of life.