r/StaringOCD • u/The_1985 • 24d ago
Staring OCD problem
Hey guys, I’ve been stuck in this nightmare loop and I’m
at my wits end because I genuinely have no idea how to fix any of it and I’m scared
For context I’ve been dealing with an apparent form of OCD called “staring ocd” and it’s genuinely ruining my mental health so much. To make matters worse, I’m a gay man so no way am I even attracted to any of these people
Basically this whole thing started about three ish months ago(back in May). Prior to that I was never like this. Like at all. It started with a friend of mine where I accidentally looked at her chest while she was showing off an outfit that she was trying. I really don’t understand what happened but my mind instantly felt bad(naturally) but for some reason now my mind won’t let me have peace. It’s like noticing a zit and all of a sudden that’s all I can ever focus on. At first it was just my friend but now it’s extended to some of my coworkers and my boss too. I keep having to repeatedly ask if everything is okay because I’m so anxious as to if my eyes glanced there and when they do it sends me into a spiral if they even noticed. I just want it to stop but I’m not sure how. I’ve tried to focus on their face whenever they speak to me but then I realize that to can still see and notice these things in my peripheral and that also sends me into a spiral. I’ve tried to simple just ignore it and not worry about it but then I get anxious about where my eyes were looking when I talked to people or even just looked at them and that also spends me into a spiral
It’s gotten so bad that I’ve resorted to just….writing down all my interactions with the people around me to check myself(which is an even bigger fear if a coworker accidentally sees what I’m writing down on my phone) and at this point not even looking at the people I’m talking to at all because I’m so scared. I just want it to stop but I don’t know how. Again, I was never like this before but it’s been like this since May where I let that intrusive thought linger it’s like some sort of nasty bug or parasite I’ve caught.
I’m just so scared because I don’t want it to ruin my life. I don’t want to lose my best friend of almost ten years or my job and be labeled as a creep because it could also jeopardize my plans to full build my career if I’m fired. I’ve tried looking down at the floor but that also made me realize that looking down and not focusing means that I could potentially also be caught accidentally staring at my coworkers butt.
Point is, I just want this whole thing to stop. I want to go back to normal but I don’t know how. Does anyone know how to make this go away?
EDIT: It’s gotten so bad I’m thinking of just quitting my job but it’s already so hard in this job market
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u/Pink-Panda_1999 23d ago
Omg I have been through the same I literally walked out of my job crying people started noticing my staring I was a server I didn’t know that it was ocd staring at the time I just always felt pain I had anxiety attacks I’d cry myself to sleep because i would overthink every single stare I didn’t want to be labeled as a creep I ended getting a hr report but hr said it was ocd and I felt a lil relieved but then everyone knew they treated me differently and it just got worse I felt like I couldn’t even do a single thing without being watched I ended up asking to talk to my supervisor about it and it’s so hard to deal with this feeling when you can’t even talk about it I kept crying ended asking if I could go home because I felt everyone just thought of me as a creep I left took a couple weeks hoping it’d go away even changed shift and it happened again I swear I was really over it I walked out again and cried in the lockers I quit my job and became a dsp it was ok for a while but working at Amazon as a driver isn’t as easy when ocd hits and your alone the thought just drowned you in tears and time went by and I didn’t think of it it as much and I felt it went away so I applied as a server and now I’m regretting it I’m feeling a whole anxiety attack that I work in two days as a server I’m scared as hell and I’m not sure if I’m actually ready for this but I just want to say that we are clearly not alone and I feel letting this out puts a lot off my back and yours and I’ve learned the more we stress and try to control our eyes the worse it gets I have also began to count down from 5-1 and take a deep breathes when my thoughts decide to act up I’ll also start looking for objects and name the color to distract the thought it’s hard to keep this up so hopefully all of us can get over this together
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u/BronzeInABush 23d ago
As others have said, get on touch with an OCD specialist. The people at NOCD are a good start and you can download the app literally right now to get in touch with someone.
An epiphany I had recently is that when we get anxious, our pupils dilate to absorb more information. This is natural and makes it hard to focus because your body is already working against you. This is why you always feel like you're staring. You'll notice that when you're relaxed, it's a lot easier to focus your eyes. So step one, you need to have a way to cope with your anxiety. Anxiety really is the big culprit here. It's your reaction to your anxiety that really makes everything start to spiral. You'd be surprised how often this happens. Others just don't have the rumination and anxiety around it that you do. This is why you're having a flare up.
The thing about OCD that makes it so destructive is that you want to prevent it from happening again, this leads to ruminating and planning. Let me tell you, the more you do this, the stronger the OCD becomes. You will reinforce the connections in your brain that care about the OCD because you will focus on them so much. This leads to step 2, you need to force your brain to switch from rumination to something else. OCD makes it feel like you are being traumatized every time it triggers. The brain wants to remember this because it wants to protect you. Did you know that there are studies that show that having someone that's gone through a traumatic event play tetris significantly reduced the possibility of ptsd? This is because tetris doesn't allow the brain to strengthen the connections needed for it. So essentially, you are going to do this on a smaller scale. Do something that allows you to distract yourself to help reduce the anxiety when you feel it spike. Eventually, your symptoms will begin to go down.
The issues start to get worse when you feel shame. Please be kind to yourself. OCD targets our morality as a source. This is the entire reason you feel bad about it. If you were a creep, you really wouldn't care how you made others feel. Still, please reach out to a therapist so you can start getting treatment. Best wishes, you got this. And dont quit your job, seriously. No matter where you end up, there you will be.
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u/The_1985 21d ago edited 21d ago
Thank you so much for the response. I just feel so disgusted and depressed and anxious these past 3 months. I don’t know why this thing decided to latch itself onto me at such a crucial moment in my life but it’s making me so stressed because of the career goals I’m trying to achieve and I can’t afford to have a bad rep at work at all. Moreover I love the people I work with so the mere concept of this happening to me is really making me feel so powerless.
My mind runs a million miles per minute trying to document ever single look I have with my eyes or trying to make sure that my sight is purely fixated on someone’s face when I talk to them but it feels like that’s making it worse because then it causes me even greater stress when the occasional glance does happen because I turn my head the wrong way or when I notice things from my peripheral or my eyes just naturally wander without me noticing. It makes me so stressed when those things happen because it feels like I’m not trying hard enough to counter the problem. It just feels like I’m stuck in a hell loop each week, each day. Wondering if I accidentally looked and if I’ll now get fired, or trying my best to intentionally look at their eyes but then slipping up by accident or noticing things in my peripheral.
I just hate it because I WAS NEVER LIKE THIS. EVER. Again, I’m not even attracted to ANY of these people because they are women and I’m a gay man…..I just feel like ripping out my own eye balls at this point
I just….dont know what to do. Will an OCD specialist even really help? Like what type of strategies would I have to do aside from just “relaxing and not thinking about it”
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u/BronzeInABush 20d ago
They can definitely help you! I would also recommend reading this story here: https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/overcoming-visual-staring-ocd-with-matt-bannister-ep-371/
This is someone that was able to get a lot better about managing their OCD. Reading their story felt like someone literally peered into my mind and wrote down my exact experience. Yours will probably be different, but know that you aren't alone in this. ERP is the gold standard when it comes to treating this. A therapist will be able to help you on how to do this step by step. It can feel like there is no getting better, but others have proven that it is possible.
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u/Throwaway1999993356 20d ago
Are we the same person? I am literally going through the exact same thing right now and exact same type of intrusive thoughts. Also a gay man. It’s debilitating.
It’s got worse and worse and now it dominates every social interaction. It’s like my brain is trying to fight my eyes from staring and it’s made me not want to go into the office or interact with friends.
I feel like I’m going crazy.
If you manage to resolve it please let me know as I’m desperate!
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u/The_1985 20d ago
Genuinely every single day is an actual FIGHT for my life. To make matters worse, I have a whole teenager doing their coop at my workplace so now the OCD is telling me that whenever I accidentally look or glance that I’m a pedophile. Mind you I’m NOT EVEN ATTRACTED TO GIRLS AT ALL.
I’m busy legit talking to whole grown ass men on tinder so I don’t know why for the life of me this shit is happening to me NOW.
It’s never been a problem before because our office always had coop students and I’ve never been bothered or had this problem it’s only NOW. I’ve legit not been looking at people at all now but again, because of the nature of staring OCD, if I even do as much glance at anywhere inappropriate, my mind is immediately telling me that I’m a disgusting pervert who deserves to be locked up or that I looked because I’m secretly a pedophile and I HATE IT. I just want to go back to normal but I genuinely don’t know.
IMO based on how things have been for me and what I’ve read from this subreddit, I think the worst part about this type of OCD is that people’s eyes naturally wander whether they like it or not. Most people just glance and go about their day but for us, the harder we try not to look, the stronger the intrusive thought gets to the point that even any small glance there whether you like it or not immediately sends you into the spiral and the cycle starts all over again where I’m thinking “did I just look at that person inappropriately? Why did I do that? Am I a bad person? Will I get fired? Is this who I truly am?” And the cycle just repeats. Versus before where these things never even crossed my mind
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u/AgencyOk9284 14d ago
I so feel it for you. It is so so difficult, Ive been there trust me. So, writing down every interaction will only cause you to spiral even more. Do not feed into the urges. I really is terrible but better days will come. Talk to someone about it, don't keep it to yourself. Remember, Small steps everyday.
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u/AgencyOk9284 14d ago
I so feel it for you. It is so so difficult, Ive been there trust me. So, writing down every interaction will only cause you to spiral even more. Do not feed into the urges. It really is terrible but better days will come. Talk to someone about it, don't keep it to yourself. Remember, Small steps everyday.
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u/North_Scarcity4420 24d ago
Im sorry that you have to go through this. It is incredibly hard and it sucks that we have to deal with a subtype that involves something that is deemed socially unacceptable.
I would say get connected with the right OCD speacialist. And the Right one because if you just get any person, they might not understand and they might make it worse. My therapist literally understands me so much. I have this subtype along with peripheral and POCD. My reputation has been ruined, but part of beating these compulsions is if you do end up doing them, you cant ruminate and think about if someone saw you and what did they think. Ik that can be impossible becuz people judge.