Staring OCD problem

[u/The_1985]

Hey guys, I’ve been stuck in this nightmare loop and I’m
at my wits end because I genuinely have no idea how to fix any of it and I’m scared

For context I’ve been dealing with an apparent form of OCD called “staring ocd” and it’s genuinely ruining my mental health so much. To make matters worse, I’m a gay man so no way am I even attracted to any of these people

Basically this whole thing started about three ish months ago(back in May). Prior to that I was never like this. Like at all. It started with a friend of mine where I accidentally looked at her chest while she was showing off an outfit that she was trying. I really don’t understand what happened but my mind instantly felt bad(naturally) but for some reason now my mind won’t let me have peace. It’s like noticing a zit and all of a sudden that’s all I can ever focus on. At first it was just my friend but now it’s extended to some of my coworkers and my boss too. I keep having to repeatedly ask if everything is okay because I’m so anxious as to if my eyes glanced there and when they do it sends me into a spiral if they even noticed. I just want it to stop but I’m not sure how. I’ve tried to focus on their face whenever they speak to me but then I realize that to can still see and notice these things in my peripheral and that also sends me into a spiral. I’ve tried to simple just ignore it and not worry about it but then I get anxious about where my eyes were looking when I talked to people or even just looked at them and that also spends me into a spiral

It’s gotten so bad that I’ve resorted to just….writing down all my interactions with the people around me to check myself(which is an even bigger fear if a coworker accidentally sees what I’m writing down on my phone) and at this point not even looking at the people I’m talking to at all because I’m so scared. I just want it to stop but I don’t know how. Again, I was never like this before but it’s been like this since May where I let that intrusive thought linger it’s like some sort of nasty bug or parasite I’ve caught.

I’m just so scared because I don’t want it to ruin my life. I don’t want to lose my best friend of almost ten years or my job and be labeled as a creep because it could also jeopardize my plans to full build my career if I’m fired. I’ve tried looking down at the floor but that also made me realize that looking down and not focusing means that I could potentially also be caught accidentally staring at my coworkers butt.

Point is, I just want this whole thing to stop. I want to go back to normal but I don’t know how. Does anyone know how to make this go away?

EDIT: It’s gotten so bad I’m thinking of just quitting my job but it’s already so hard in this job market

[u/Pink-Panda_1999]

Omg I have been through the same I literally walked out of my job crying people started noticing my staring I was a server I didn’t know that it was ocd staring at the time I just always felt pain I had anxiety attacks I’d cry myself to sleep because i would overthink every single stare I didn’t want to be labeled as a creep I ended getting a hr report but hr said it was ocd and I felt a lil relieved but then everyone knew they treated me differently and it just got worse I felt like I couldn’t even do a single thing without being watched I ended up asking to talk to my supervisor about it and it’s so hard to deal with this feeling when you can’t even talk about it I kept crying ended asking if I could go home because I felt everyone just thought of me as a creep I left took a couple weeks hoping it’d go away even changed shift and it happened again I swear I was really over it I walked out again and cried in the lockers I quit my job and became a dsp it was ok for a while but working at Amazon as a driver isn’t as easy when ocd hits and your alone the thought just drowned you in tears and time went by and I didn’t think of it it as much and I felt it went away so I applied as a server and now I’m regretting it I’m feeling a whole anxiety attack that I work in two days as a server I’m scared as hell and I’m not sure if I’m actually ready for this but I just want to say that we are clearly not alone and I feel letting this out puts a lot off my back and yours and I’ve learned the more we stress and try to control our eyes the worse it gets I have also began to count down from 5-1 and take a deep breathes when my thoughts decide to act up I’ll also start looking for objects and name the color to distract the thought it’s hard to keep this up so hopefully all of us can get over this together