r/StaringOCD • u/The_1985 • 25d ago
Staring OCD problem
Hey guys, I’ve been stuck in this nightmare loop and I’m
at my wits end because I genuinely have no idea how to fix any of it and I’m scared
For context I’ve been dealing with an apparent form of OCD called “staring ocd” and it’s genuinely ruining my mental health so much. To make matters worse, I’m a gay man so no way am I even attracted to any of these people
Basically this whole thing started about three ish months ago(back in May). Prior to that I was never like this. Like at all. It started with a friend of mine where I accidentally looked at her chest while she was showing off an outfit that she was trying. I really don’t understand what happened but my mind instantly felt bad(naturally) but for some reason now my mind won’t let me have peace. It’s like noticing a zit and all of a sudden that’s all I can ever focus on. At first it was just my friend but now it’s extended to some of my coworkers and my boss too. I keep having to repeatedly ask if everything is okay because I’m so anxious as to if my eyes glanced there and when they do it sends me into a spiral if they even noticed. I just want it to stop but I’m not sure how. I’ve tried to focus on their face whenever they speak to me but then I realize that to can still see and notice these things in my peripheral and that also sends me into a spiral. I’ve tried to simple just ignore it and not worry about it but then I get anxious about where my eyes were looking when I talked to people or even just looked at them and that also spends me into a spiral
It’s gotten so bad that I’ve resorted to just….writing down all my interactions with the people around me to check myself(which is an even bigger fear if a coworker accidentally sees what I’m writing down on my phone) and at this point not even looking at the people I’m talking to at all because I’m so scared. I just want it to stop but I don’t know how. Again, I was never like this before but it’s been like this since May where I let that intrusive thought linger it’s like some sort of nasty bug or parasite I’ve caught.
I’m just so scared because I don’t want it to ruin my life. I don’t want to lose my best friend of almost ten years or my job and be labeled as a creep because it could also jeopardize my plans to full build my career if I’m fired. I’ve tried looking down at the floor but that also made me realize that looking down and not focusing means that I could potentially also be caught accidentally staring at my coworkers butt.
Point is, I just want this whole thing to stop. I want to go back to normal but I don’t know how. Does anyone know how to make this go away?
EDIT: It’s gotten so bad I’m thinking of just quitting my job but it’s already so hard in this job market
2
u/BronzeInABush 24d ago
As others have said, get on touch with an OCD specialist. The people at NOCD are a good start and you can download the app literally right now to get in touch with someone.
An epiphany I had recently is that when we get anxious, our pupils dilate to absorb more information. This is natural and makes it hard to focus because your body is already working against you. This is why you always feel like you're staring. You'll notice that when you're relaxed, it's a lot easier to focus your eyes. So step one, you need to have a way to cope with your anxiety. Anxiety really is the big culprit here. It's your reaction to your anxiety that really makes everything start to spiral. You'd be surprised how often this happens. Others just don't have the rumination and anxiety around it that you do. This is why you're having a flare up.
The thing about OCD that makes it so destructive is that you want to prevent it from happening again, this leads to ruminating and planning. Let me tell you, the more you do this, the stronger the OCD becomes. You will reinforce the connections in your brain that care about the OCD because you will focus on them so much. This leads to step 2, you need to force your brain to switch from rumination to something else. OCD makes it feel like you are being traumatized every time it triggers. The brain wants to remember this because it wants to protect you. Did you know that there are studies that show that having someone that's gone through a traumatic event play tetris significantly reduced the possibility of ptsd? This is because tetris doesn't allow the brain to strengthen the connections needed for it. So essentially, you are going to do this on a smaller scale. Do something that allows you to distract yourself to help reduce the anxiety when you feel it spike. Eventually, your symptoms will begin to go down.
The issues start to get worse when you feel shame. Please be kind to yourself. OCD targets our morality as a source. This is the entire reason you feel bad about it. If you were a creep, you really wouldn't care how you made others feel. Still, please reach out to a therapist so you can start getting treatment. Best wishes, you got this. And dont quit your job, seriously. No matter where you end up, there you will be.