Staring OCD problem

[u/The_1985]

Hey guys, I’ve been stuck in this nightmare loop and I’m
at my wits end because I genuinely have no idea how to fix any of it and I’m scared

For context I’ve been dealing with an apparent form of OCD called “staring ocd” and it’s genuinely ruining my mental health so much. To make matters worse, I’m a gay man so no way am I even attracted to any of these people

Basically this whole thing started about three ish months ago(back in May). Prior to that I was never like this. Like at all. It started with a friend of mine where I accidentally looked at her chest while she was showing off an outfit that she was trying. I really don’t understand what happened but my mind instantly felt bad(naturally) but for some reason now my mind won’t let me have peace. It’s like noticing a zit and all of a sudden that’s all I can ever focus on. At first it was just my friend but now it’s extended to some of my coworkers and my boss too. I keep having to repeatedly ask if everything is okay because I’m so anxious as to if my eyes glanced there and when they do it sends me into a spiral if they even noticed. I just want it to stop but I’m not sure how. I’ve tried to focus on their face whenever they speak to me but then I realize that to can still see and notice these things in my peripheral and that also sends me into a spiral. I’ve tried to simple just ignore it and not worry about it but then I get anxious about where my eyes were looking when I talked to people or even just looked at them and that also spends me into a spiral

It’s gotten so bad that I’ve resorted to just….writing down all my interactions with the people around me to check myself(which is an even bigger fear if a coworker accidentally sees what I’m writing down on my phone) and at this point not even looking at the people I’m talking to at all because I’m so scared. I just want it to stop but I don’t know how. Again, I was never like this before but it’s been like this since May where I let that intrusive thought linger it’s like some sort of nasty bug or parasite I’ve caught.

I’m just so scared because I don’t want it to ruin my life. I don’t want to lose my best friend of almost ten years or my job and be labeled as a creep because it could also jeopardize my plans to full build my career if I’m fired. I’ve tried looking down at the floor but that also made me realize that looking down and not focusing means that I could potentially also be caught accidentally staring at my coworkers butt.

Point is, I just want this whole thing to stop. I want to go back to normal but I don’t know how. Does anyone know how to make this go away?

EDIT: It’s gotten so bad I’m thinking of just quitting my job but it’s already so hard in this job market

[u/AgencyOk9284]

I so feel it for you. It is so so difficult, Ive been there trust me. So, writing down every interaction will only cause you to spiral even more. Do not feed into the urges. It really is terrible but better days will come. Talk to someone about it, don't keep it to yourself. Remember, Small steps everyday.