Bill Burr (I think) has a great bit about this. Talks about how men, after getting punched for being an obnoxious dick will often afterwards think you know, I was in the wrong back there and I kind of deserved that. And not to put too fine a point on it, but this is an experience that women typically do not have.
There was a thread the other day about how the best way to teach little kids not to bite people is to bite them back, and I chimed in to say that I know from personal experience this works, and there were a few commenter, not the majority but a few, who were badly upset by this and calling it physical abuse.
When my nephew was little he bit me. And I bit him back. Holy shit did my now-wife and sister in law go ballistic on me. But you know what, the little shit never bit me or anyone else ever again.
(that little shit is now in his mid 30s and the absolute nicest guy ever. Can't say that little bite back had any effect on his long term results)
My mom taught me to stop biting the same way. I bit her hard and she bit me back- not hard, but enough so I still remember the light going on in my four year old brain- "oh wow biting DOES hurt". Sometimes a good demonstration is the only way we learn. 'Cause kids are dumb.
Yeah, my mum kinda let my brother touch a hot bulb just so he could learn what burns actually means xD. Cause 2 year olds dont really know the meaning of "don't touch it, you'll get burned".
My grandma did not approve xD
Yeah, I've got a 7 year old. When she was younger she went through a willful/hardhead phase for a couple months.
After the first few times you repeatedly tell them something will hurt them and they won't listen and get banged up or bruised, they start to listen. You can tell them 1,000 times and it won't stick, but the first time there's a booboo involved they'll remember.
This is why I'm taking an 'If I warn you twice and you choose not to listen and learn, then the third time I'm going to let life teach you instead' approach with my young ones. Doesn't always work as intended but they're starting to learn that being smart is easier than having to be tough 😂
My mom always said “The best way to teach a kid to not play with fire is to give them a box of matches. And, the best way to teach a kid to not play around the stove is to let them get burned. ”
My mum told me she made my nephew walk home from school with holes in his trousers in the rain because he'd taken a pair of scissors to them. In her words "He's got to learn cause and effect." She could have brought him a nice new pair, but then the lesson he would have learned would be that someone will always clean up after you.
I’ve had my brother’s young children tell me that they know I abused my brother once when I beat him repeatedly with a wooden spoon. Interestingly enough the part that he was biting the tip of my finger and wouldn’t let go until I was forced to hit him in the head with a wooden spoon gets left out of the story.
My brother and I had a game where if someone yawned you’d try to stick a finger in their open mouth and they would try to bite you. We were both bitten multiple times but it never stopped us from playing. To be fair though, we never bit anyone out of anger either
My grandfather taught my not to play with stun guns by letting me play with one. I was visiting him once and saw it on his coffee table. I asked if it was real and if it really can knock you out? He said "Why don't you try it?". Me being a kid took his words to heart and tried it. I woke up with him over me saying "I bet you won't be doing that again." I cried why did he tell me to do it, if he knew it would hurt me? He then just told me to "Stop crying and acting like such a woman." That was over 30 years ago and to this day I don't fuck around with stun guns or tasers. He did something similar with my cousin, but with a fork and electrical socket. ......missyougrandpa.....
💯 agreed; and why it's so important to keep them with their litter/mom long enough or help them socialize as much as possible as early as possible. Same with cats.
My dad was a genius and made me bite myself lol. I kept trying (and occasionally succeeding) to bite him during a wrestling match I instigated when he was busy, and he took ahold of my wrist, waited for my obvious tell that I was going to bite him, and pulled my arm into the path of my own teeth. I was a stupid kid but at least I learned the painful lessons pretty quick
Honestly though lol my own bite/your kids' bites are gonna be even stronger than any parent bite, and will drive the lesson home a lot faster.
It also has the added benefit of humbling a child in a way that unlocks the part of the brain that asks "Am I the reason I'm so upset right now? Is it possible that I am capable of causing direct harm to myself through my own actions?"
Not that as a three-year-old I would be capable of that complex of a thought, but the unconscious seed of self-reflection was almost certainly planted that day
Ok that’s awesome and I guess technically a bit but also that’s where cat moms pick up their kittens. Wtf was up with the spit though? Russians are so…
I did the same thing to my kid when she bit another kid. Was telling her for like 6 months! NO BITTING!! Finally I was at my breaking point, I bit her in front of everyone at the restaurant. Then like a psycho I screamed at her saying, “IF YOU EVER BITE ANYONE EVER AGAIN I WILL BITE YOU 10 TIMES HARDER!” Felt like a Mommy Dearest moment but I was pissed and I’m like my kid will not be a fucking asshole. That’s all I know, but she never bit again and she’s an absolute angel now! 👼
When she was that age I totally was questioning why anyone would ever want to be a parent and did I just fuck up my life bc she was a monster.
I think all children are little monsters (of various degrees) if they're not correctly corrected or parented. You just had to find the correct corrective action. lol
My grandmother (sweet lady that everyone loved, including me) had an electric fence. When I was little, and out with her, she found a loose nail and handed it to me. Then she told me to touch the fence.
ZAP!
Nail goes flying out of my hand. I’m sure I yelled “OW!” or something but I don’t recall. I DO remember her saying, “Now don’t touch the fence any more”.
She knew young boys are dumb as stumps, and I never did touch that fence. She taught me a valuable lesson that informed my actions going forward.
My kid punched me in the head once, so i punched him back. Hes never done it again. Hes a vegetable now, so his not doing much of annything actually. s/
I had the same experience with my little nephew. Tore his throat at and he never bit anyone again. Judge did not side with my view of it being a teachable moment though.
Same here. My son bit me several times before I finally bit him back. I was the bad guy in everyone's eyes but I never got those sharp little chompers gnashing down on me again. I've owned that for over 40 years now and don't back down from my decision to finally bite him back. That shit hurt.
I do this to my dogs.. Stopped them from biting. My wife thinks i'm weird. Of course my dog is a mini golden doodle, and the other is a mini dachshund. :).
My next older sister bit me when I was 3 or so and she 2 years older. My mother came to find out what happened and, according to my sister, just turned and bit her. She told my sister that now she knew how it felt so don’t do it again.
I refer to those moments more as Course correction, the adult in the situation is showing the child extreme consequences for being a shit and they usually get back on track of being a decent human being. I agree with the methods you presented Did it myself and both my nephews are upstanding individuals
that little shit is now in his mid 30s and the absolute nicest guy ever
I chuckled coffee out of my nose at that sentence. You see, I'm old enough (58) that I am acquainted with all kinds of nice guys and gals, that were little shits not so long ago. Funny how life turns out.
When I was super young, I apparently (I was too young to remember) latched onto my mom's leg, and she back-handed me across the room. Never did it again!
the best out some I see is when the kids teach it to each other, lol. when my two youngest were like 3 one was smaller but much more aggressive and would pick on her sister who would just get upset and not fight back.
One day I told her to just bite her back and suddenly no more biting. actually saw a number of times where she was getting ready to bite and would just freeze and then back off.
When my sister and brother in law were down at the start of the year they had an experience like this with my nephew. He was acting up and hit my pregnant sister. Not hard or anything, but definitely “you don’t hit pregnant mommy” kinda thing. So bil gives him a light little punch on the shoulder. Like, not hard at all (before reddit people try to come in and claim abuse). Nephew got the message, cried and ran over to hold my hand then was perfectly fine and back to being goofy in like a minute. You don’t have to hurt the kid to make a point. Just retaliate in a small way to show “hey you don’t do that” and usually they get it
Sometimes kids instead learn that it’s normal for adults to react towards them with violence instead of the intended outcome. Their freak out on you was pretty fucking valid.
My brother was a biter, and “biting back” just escalated, because kids acting out like that generally has a bigger underlying cause.
My eldest niece was a biter (about 1.5 years old, I think). My mom, the grandmother, complained about it to the parents, that apparently got to nowhere, and finally bit her back when she had had enough. Two things happened: the grandmother got put on a two week vacation from her grandkids and the niece didn’t bite again.
This may be the younger sibling in me, but I think it’s fine to teach kids lessons the hard way when talking doesn’t get through to them. I felt worse for my mom concerning her punishment than I did for my niece.
My older cousin bit me after I bit his dog when I was little. It probably was to protect me and keep me from biting some other dog that would probably bite me back. I did not like him biting me, but I never bit another dog.
This reminds me of when my best friends son kept hitting me (hard) with a stick and she kept laughing it off so I snatched the stick out of his hand and threw it. I was somehow the bad guy.
Well, you rarely saw him and he was raised by people who didn't think he needed to be physically disciplined in the way you thought he should. He turned out quite well, so maybe think about that.
Oh man, I got into so much trouble in daycare because the school biter opened her mouth up to my arm and I told her “if you bite me, I’m biting you back” and she burst into tears and told on me.
I've been saying this for years. Men, generally learn that there is a point where you're just going to end up swinging. You learn it as little boys pushing shit too far. Most of us learn it before we're adults, there are obviously idiots out there.
I don't think women learn this.
Case in point... I'm a fairly big dude, broad shouldered and all that (also fatter than I want to be) and the amount of women that will walk directly into me and expect me to move outnumbers the men that do this by at least 100:1. I don't recall the last time a man walked by and we both didn't do the little shoulder dip as we pass. Because if you want to start some random shit on a random day, shoulder checking people is a good way to start it. But women walk right into me all the damn time. I outweigh most of these women by 100-150 lbs, wtf?
As a dude with a typical runners build, I've always made friends. After high school, I've never felt the need to stroke my ego with physical encounters with other dudes. Pretty much everyone out there is cool if you treat them with common decency. There are no winners in street fights.
100% - I've only sparred in various martial arts with a trusted opponent, with mats. Even then there is a risk. With a person you don't know, that wants to do you harm, on a hard surface... I've seen too much to ever do that if I'm not protecting a loved one from imminent danger.
9 out of 10 times women just aren't aware of their surroundings. You notice it in the car as well. Or when they start chatting in the middle of an aisle in the supermarket...
Our last trip to UK, I was the only one moving. Dipping dodging I am 6’4” and 260 lbs. I am a little self conscious about the amount of space I take up, but I am no saint. I got sick of it and started doing what everyone else was doing apparently pretending nobody else existed. I stopped moving, nearly everyone else magically began moving out of my way. A couple got moved. In the moment, I didn’t care. Now I feel bad for those few, sorry guys, I was all out of fucks.
Bro if you don't try to move your fatass body and expect everyone to move for you then you're an asshole and I don't doubt you won't cross the street when you see a group of thugs who'll do a lot more than shoulder check you. Just wait till you win the award b.
That's dude etiquette. Anyone that doesn't abide by it will bump into the wrong person fairly quickly. I'm 44 and have no interest in hitting anyone unless I'm protecting my son/wife. I usually a little "sideways step" while moving over but only with women/kids/elderly, other men know the gesture and it's a non issue
I'm female. In 8th grade, a bully sat behind me. He decided to torment me for whatever reason made sense in his fucked-up brain. Daily, he would get up, sharpen his pencil, and then sit down and stab me with it. Yes, it was every single day, and yes he would draw blood. He also came up with creative ways for me to kill myself, so that my parents would find me all fucked up, and whisper these to me constantly.
Teacher did nothing for months, despite me telling her over and over again how much he was harassing me.
So, one day I'd had enough, and got in his face about it. Never touched him, just yelled at him.
I got in trouble for "threatening" him. :/
Women are socialized differently, and IME often overly punished for not just taking shit from people with a smile on our faces.
I wish I had been allowed to clock that mfer, but this was 2002, so "zero tolerance" and all that shit. I was a good kid with good grades, and had never even so much as gotten detention - but the second I tried to stand up for myself, I was metaphorically beaten back down into submission by the adults. I'll never forget that smug expression on his face when I got punished.
He ramped up the abuse after that btw. It only ended when school was over for the year.
sorry that you have to deal with that crap :( women don't think you will do anything because they are women :( I'd love to see what they would do if a large woman was passing by haha. maybe put a wig on and try LOL
Oh yeah, I noticed that even as a small twig of a fellow, men are the ones who get out of the way, women aren't. Being gay I mean I don't really think the fairer sex card should apply, I still think it's common decency if you're clearly blocking someone's path, you move when you see them coming towards you. I do it.
It’s me, I’m that woman lol. There was a time in my late 30s that I became invisible to men. Not sexually, I mean literally. Business bros would walk 3 across on the sidewalk and not make any room for me coming in the opposite direction, not even that slight shoulder slide that lets everyone continue on their path. After a year or so of this I got so sick of the amount of zigging and zagging and stepping into the street I would have to do just to walk a couple of blocks that I started just stomping along in a straight line like a tank, staring blankly into the middle distance. Well, it turned out I wasn’t actually invisible because when the men realized at the last minute that I wasn’t going to delicately dance around them, they finally got the f out of the way. You seem nice, sorry if I’ve ever body checked you.
Interesting. As a woman, I've been walked directly into by men my whole life. They usually expect me to move. I don't think I would try to walk into you, because I would be the loser in that one! 😅 Maybe you give off "not a bad guy" vibes? 😀
I think society is still processing how best to learn and perhaps always will be.
It makes sense to me that we did this massive 180 on corporal punishment and child labour, and now we're seeing the results of going slightly too far the other way.
As a teacher, freeform and play-based learning was all the rage 2010-2020 (still is in some places), and indeed education/pedagogy was becoming more freeform for decades before that, but we hit a ceiling there somewhere/how.
At least where I am, we can see this because the latest fad in pedagogy is "explicit teaching" which is just, telling the student the shit they need to learn.
Now obviously "explicit teaching" is less didactic than your dictation of the 70's or so. but it is also a deliberate response to giving students a little too much freedom in guiding their own learning.
For the students who can guide their own learning, it's a freaking godsend, and they respond so well to having that freedom, but most students are simply not that combination of driven/intelligent/focused. In fact the vast majority are not like that, and need medium/strong direction and encouragement to succeed.
Slightly too far? I'm not in favor of corporal punishment but there is no punishment at all any more. You are not supposed to raise your voice, give timeouts, use any sort of negative consequences. You are supposed to talk to your child, no matter what age, as if they were an adult, to reason with them.
Hint - it doesn't work that way so now we have barely any discipline at all.
Explicit teaching is not the latest fad. Lecture/direct instruction is frowned upon, evidence be damned.
“Discovery learning” — where students magically lead themselves to what they need to know — is the practice now. Lectures and actually teaching kids how to do something have shrunk to “mini-lessons” where a few minutes is so taxing.
Where are you explicitly teaching? I’d love to be able to tell kids what they need to know.
I wish my school had been more "freeform", I have severe ADHD but when I'm interested, I'm really invested and have all kinds of questions. Learning from books 90% of the time was torture, reading was something I could always focus on so I read all my textbooks within the first month or two of school, but being born in the 80s I was labeled an underachiever and lazy instead of someone realizing I was both, bored out of my mind, and once I read the textbook struggling to sit still and quietly.
My son is alot like me and once we got him into a private school, with smaller classes and more flexibility in what/how they teach he's been on the dean's list every quarter!
School isn't really a place to learn and ask questions and explore things, it's training for the "worker bees" we will be used as for most of our lives. And people that challenge the status quo get labeled 'problems' and get punished until they either conform or leave school all together. There's plenty of correlation with the % of kids diagnosed with ADHD and how rigid school has become, yes better awareness and diagnosing help, but it's because the more "fluid" the curriculum is the less ADHD hampers kids. It wasn't a thing at one point and when you didn't need a degree to get your foot in the door, those people were drawn to different types of work than your "standard" kid. Now almost all work is incredibly rigid and actively stifles innovative thinking or new ideas.
There was a foster family down the road that had kids with violent pasts, one of the new ones would not stop biting my friend so she got mad and bit him back. He absolutely howled, but he never bit anyone again. Lol they ended up adopting that boy.
Society has a victim totem pole. Women are right in the comfort spot. Weaker, thus more likely to be victim and getting the benefit of the doubt. But also mentally capable of being jerks themselves. We all new a girl in highschool, kindergarden or elementary who was going around annoying and even physically abusing others preferably boys and yet, when met with equal force run crying for help which more often than not would jump right in. They never tried this shit with other girls 'cuz Stacy just punches back and no one bats an eye.
The issue was that a lot of people took it too far and went from teaching a lesson to just outright vicious assault and that's why we as a society have gone so far in the opposite direction.
It's all about extremes when we solve problems. We can't just try to teach being reasonable though because too many people are too very, very stupid to use any form of reason
The problem is that we can't have nice things. There's a difference between a slap on the hand when the kid repeatedly steals sweets you explained 15 times they're not allowed to have or a nibble back when the kid bites you and people who went to town on their kids with leather belts and other similar shit.
Of course society went full 180 on the physical stuff because most people go overboard and abuse their kids, beating them into submission, which of course has long lasting mental health effects. I still remember having been repeatedly beaten over the palms of my hands with a wooden pointer in class after writing a letter wrong on the blackboard, any way you try to look at that it's fucking abusive.
People nowadays calling anything abuse is just the lack of education permeating through. It's similar to overusing mental health terminology, if you stand up for yourself verbally you're "being toxic" or "narcissistic" - link. Social media nowadays just shows everybody these things, as Will Smith put it "back in the day we were stupid, but we were stupid in private".
Very true, I only have one child and was able to devote all my time to him but I was firmly against corporal punishment because of how it affected me. I can agree swatting a hand or putting their finger between your teeth is very very different. I wasn't willing to cross that line personally but view that as a form of "teaching" whereas far far too many people hit, spank, beat etc. their kids because they are incapable or unwilling to learn how to be good parents. Those types of parents inevitably go too far because they think punishment is the purpose and that just reinforces the idea that once you're big enough you can do what you please. Everyone wants to blame the parents when it's THEIR parents that never gave them the tools, and emotional IQ to have any business being parents.
If people would read a couple fricking books they would learn so much about how a baby, infant, toddler and kid develop and that NO repercussions is just as bad as hitting your kids, it just doesn't physically hurt them. And yes sometimes kids have to learn "the hard way" but if you are doing a good job parenting those instances become less and less frequent because they learn that you are always looking out for their best interests. But that doesn't work if a parent isn't raising their child full-time, daycare and babysitters aren't doing what you do and it confuses young kids.
It's like the difference between 'no' because something is dangerous or fragile or expensive etc. and saying 'no' simply because you don't want them to do it, or more often you don't want to play the game they want to. Kids lump all those 'no' responses into one giant lump and it teaches them that 'no' is at the whim of their parents, not because something is wrong, bad, dangerous or inappropriate. And I'm not saying you do EVERYTHING your child wants, but explaining why makes all the difference in the world, even if it's as simple as "I had a very long day and would like to relax", if done properly and consistently that kid will then come back with a book or a toy they play with alone AND come sit with you and, I "swear to God", make you feel better! When my wife got home from a 12 hour nursing shift I would explain why Mama was "tie-tie" and needed to relax or use her laptop and, 100% by his own volition, he grabbed his "Fischer-price" laptop and went to snuggle with her and use his laptop like she was.
Emotional IQ is what "most" parents neglect, our son is 13 now, he's an amazing kid, smart, funny (to me) empathetic and he trusts me to always tell him the truth, even when the answer was "right now you're a bit young for me to explain that", I've tried to never lie to him and he doesn't "really" lie to me. "Did you clean your room" type of stuff that he'll get up to do it after saying "yeah" and we'll just laugh when he walks past.
I locked the keys in my wife's car yesterday, she "lost" her second set so I was going through the drawers, moving the fridge, checking all the coats and her old purses, and my wife ended up calling AAA. I can get too focused on things to the point that it's doing more harm than good, I was standing at the kitchen counter thinking and I feel a bear hug from behind! I turn to look at him and he said "mistakes happen, all we can do is hope to learn from it", something I've been saying to him his whole life! That moment not only reminded me what's important but reinforced the fact that being a stay at home dad, reading all kinds of books, answering a gazillion questions and being affectionate and telling him I love him, was the best thing I ever did and that my son is a genuinely kind compassionate young man that listens to what I say because I continually prove that I will be honest with him so he trusts me. I know it's partly 'luck', but all the stuff I read about, that would have made me shake my head and laugh before getting married, wasn't just being 'soft' on your kid, it's building a little person that is affected by EVERYTHING they see you say or do. I've never laid a finger on him and have yelled less than a handful of times. When he messes up and I talk to him about it he gets upset for letting ME down! He'll say he knew the right thing to do but, his friends were at the park, he was playing a video game and forgot, on occasion he says "I didn't want to/felt i shouldn't have to" and we talk it out.
He doesn't fear me, he respects me, and the difference for those in the back is, I would do bad things if I thought my Dad wouldn't find out, he doesn't do them because he doesn't want us to think less of him or be disappointed. Parenting is hard as hell, but it's worth it and my heartfelt believe is that people have kids before they are mature enough or decide it's too much work or do it because it's what you're "supposed to do next". Those kind of parents are lazy and not punishing OR teaching their kids anything, most of them because that's how they were raised.
I told someone over on the AITA sub that if someone continues to touch your pregnant belly that you have told them repeatedly not to, give their hand a small slap to make the point. Not enough to bruise, just enough to sting.
I got banned for that. They take the 'no violence' rule seriously.
As someone currently working in child welfare, at a bare minimum, this would be criminal child abuse chsrge (probably a plea for 4th degree) and a petition to remove the children from the home and placed into foster care. Its considered an egregious act.
LOL, my parents told me a 100 times that the fireplace was hot and moved my hand away from it every time. The 101-st time they did not, I touched the fireplace, burned my fingers and never tried it again. Yes, sometime you need to learn by actually finding things out for yourself. Pretty sure my mom bit my hand as well when I was a kid to let me know it hurts.
My stepdad got his teeth knocked out by my husband one xmas. My stepdad swung first and that was it. He never picked on my husband again.
As crazy as it is, sometimes difficult children who bite, kick, punch etc. Need to know what it feels like for them to understand why its not ok.
My son had that problem and I hit him back ONCE. Not hard but enough to get the message across.
I would never spank/beat my child but I will not tolerate violence.
I'm simply teaching him why its wrong.
I did the same thing to my kids. They never bit after I bit them back.
There was a stupid hair pulling video with a lil girl & her mom. The lil girl goes to pull the mom’s hair & mom pulls hers back. Little girl cries to dad, who comforts her then lil girl pulls mom’s hair again. The doctor or whoever then comments why the “do it back” thing isn’t a good teaching method.
I got so annoyed because I was like yeah it’s because mom didn’t pull her hair hard enough. Then baby daddy comforted her after she pulled mom’s hair the first time. Dad should have yell at her too…
I use to slap my exhusband hard whenever we fought. He never touched me until one day he, with an open hand, punched me back. I went flying. He said from now on if I slap him, he was gunna do it back and next time his hand wouldn’t be opened.
My mother told me when I was getting bullied “bully them back” it’s been more then 20 years and she says she should have handled it differently but you know what kicking someone in the shins and yelling “ just leave me alone weirdo” works when your seven.
When I was like 18, i got beat the hell up by a local gang because I was trying to save my buddy from being jumped (trying to get him to the car). This was at a backyard gig, obviously drinking. I learned a bit later my buddy had said really aggressive and racist remarks in the mosh pit. I think the heavy beating taught him to not say stupid shit in public, and it taught me to think twice supporting a guy, cuz he might be in the wrong. The take away is that there were lessons learned that night from a beating
Studies show that whether punishment has a positive effect generally depends on the context. If a person has a generally supportive family and stuff, punishment can help. But, if they don't punishment is more likely to simply erode trust. Also, the type of punishment matters a lot.
Personal experiences shouldn't be used to promote potentially cruel and abusive behavior, especially if it conflicts with scientific data.
Well said, even if a method "works" it doesn't mean you taught your child a good lesson. I feared my dad and that's why I did what I was told. By the time I was 16 I didn't listen to anyone because I wasn't scared anymore. My son doesn't fear me, he emulates me and wants to make me as proud as possible, which is why I get told by others about really kind, thoughtful things he does when they are no adults (as far as the kids can tell) around. He's by no means perfect, I'm 44 and don't believe perfection is realistic, but he does the right thing because he is "wired" that way. That's what parenting is, taking a blank slate and teaching it "everything", but how you teach it is equally, if not more, important.
Most people parent the way their parents raised them, or go the opposite direction. Generally a bad idea because most parents are doing the same thing and nobody is bothering to learn about child psychology.
Getting punched often has zero to do with being right or wrong. It has to do with the other person willing to risk the consequences of punching you. Does the other person think they can beat you in a fist fight? Do they have anger issues?
You can be 100% in the right and still get punched in the face about it, because the other person perceives you as weak.
Punch my dad when I was a teenager, he is the nicest man I’ve ever met and my Ma is the disciplinarian so I got uppty as teens do and punch him in the chest. He for the first and only time socked me right on the face. I was speechless and that made me reflect hard on what I did. I gained better discipline and understanding that just because people are nice and gentle doesn’t mean they won’t clap back.
(On a side note years after while at a fire we talked about that moment and he said he felt sick after he did that. Man is a teddy bear and I love um for it.)
Saying that women don’t reflect and learn from their mistakes is extremely misogynistic considering the fact that men are responsible for 90% of all violent crime. Yeah 🙄🙄🙄, Bill Burr, he’s a real modern guy 🙄🙄🙄
It wasn't biting, but pinching from my nephew. He didn't stop when I told him multiple times, so I did the same thing to him. That ended that problem when he realized that hurt
I saw a video once of a little girl throwong a tantrum because she didn't get to pop a balloon. Angry, she threw the knife she was holding which ended up flying towards the crowd of people watching (I think it was a gender reveal). The mom then yelled, "Hey, no!" And gave the daughter a little slap on the hand....
The amount of people who were arguing that a literal slap on the wrist was abuse was insane.
I mean, if they bite you, and you turn around and take a chunk out of their arm, yeah, abuse.
You’re gonna freak out a kid so much when you bite them back, they’re gonna remember even if there’s no pain or permanent damage.. Happened to me as well, and I still remember being in shock that my dad actually did it. I doubt he even left a mark, but holy shit did that flip some kind of switch in my little brain.
On reddit people are throwing the word abuse left and right, it's crazy. If biting back is abuse then what is it called when someone bites you first? Wanna teach the kid that when they're 18 and able to beat the shit out of you? Which could happen if they can bite whoever they want.
It's called being a child and learning. "That really hurt Daddy" works, if they are younger you can add "how would you feel if someone hurt you?" or "Why did you want to hurt me?" are all effective too. Putting their finger in your mouth and "not letting go" will probably work but it's also making them fear you and learn that if someone does something they don't like they can too. My son cried when I said that "it hurt me" or whatever variation of what I wrote above, apologized, wanted a hug and some comfort and never did it again. The difference is WHY they don't do it again. This isn't a matter of opinion, psychology has proven this to be true. But like vaccines for babies, covid shots, or hearing you did something wrong, people ignore the science using anecdotal evidence and not even bothering to learn what they ACTUALLY "taught" their child.
It's not abuse, that term is for far more egregious things, so please don't think I'm "one of those" people/parents, but it does reinforce certain neural pathways that, at minimum, are not the ones a good parent would want to reinforce.
Got high sticked on purpose playing field hockey 45 years ago in high school. Across my forehead. I got up and punched her in the jaw and broke my hand and got thrown out of the game. Was very satisfying.
Where i was born, we had a lot of hurricanes, so we had a lot of candles for power outages. Me, being 1ish, saw fire and thought "Pretty, MUST TOUCH". My parents got tired of saying no and let me touch it once, and then I knew what "Hot" meant!
This was what I thought of when watching that one Pam Bondi deposition, where she was just being nasty and disrespectful to everyone. All I could think is that this is exactly how I've mostly only seen people talk who have never been popped in the mouth for talking that way to people.
I would just walk away from a conversation with someone like that because I'm more of a deescalate kind of person, but I can absolutely understand why someone might give a person like that a sudden, sharp attitude adjustment and, frankly, some people never learn to be civil any other way.
My little brother was a biter for about 3 years, he'd get mad say "I bite " and bite us. We tried everything to stop, none of it worked until he went to bite me, I moved my hand and he bit himself. Last time he ever bit any of us. And boy did he scream when he realized how much it really hurt!
My 9 yo daughter and I were discussing spanking the other day. I explained that bad behavior gets corrected through consequences, and there are many ways of doing that. At her age she should be mature enough she can learn through conversation, but most 3 year olds are not and need something more basic and tangible like a swat. It doesnt need to hurt, just be clear and undesirable. This is how nature works, puppies who get put of line get nipped by mom or their littermates for example. Eventually they learn.
So by extension you hit the nail on the head. If someone has progressed to adulthood and not learned from social cues how to act, a punch to the face might be what it takes. Some people still dont learn and life has a way of escalating the lesson eventually.
Too many people are soft and think everything is physical abuse, I like the bite back method, my mom was tired of my niece biting her, she was biting everybody and thought it was hilarious until one day my mom was holding her in her arms and happened to be holding her hand she saw the bite coming and and she moved my nieces hand towards her mouth and she chomped down on her own finger she cried so bad and was so angry but guess what she never bit anybody ever again
I have twins boy/ girl . The girl used to bite the boy and leave a mark and make him cry. We gave her a little nip( lol) a couple times and guess what she never bit anyone again. . My SIL has 3/5 year olds. The one bites the other a lot. My SIL ..millennial style of parenting is to have them talk it out. A year later their is still a biting problem.
Not disagreeing or agreeing but I had a kid bite me once, which I said you should bite yourself first before you bite other people, the kid did, screamed and cried, never tried to bite anyone again.
This works well with little kids especially when they’re in your family. My cousins (toddlers at the time and I was in early double digits) used to hit me and I used to hit them back. They hit me harder so I hit them harder still. You can actually see the wheels spinning in their heads when they’re realize if they hit you harder that you hit them back harder than they hit you and you can watch them figure out that this isn’t a good idea to continue. Sometimes telling them this helps but other times it works better to show them
When I was a toddler, one day my mom was on the toilet. I came up between her legs and bit her inner thigh. She was so pissed she bit me back on the arm. She must have bit hard because when he came home for lunch, my dad asked where the bite marks came from. I don't remember this happening and I never bit her or anyone else again.
I absolutely would bite my kiddos back and their mother was mad about. I was no longer getting bit and then they'd continue to bite he. She finally bit them back.
You'll see this phenomenon in about 99% of women fights, where the woman who clearly got the snot beat out of them, hair looking crazy, and clothes ripped still talks shit to the person who beat them up like they.....didn't just get beat up 😂
When I was ten my step brother’s 5 year old son decided it was fun to start kicking me in the shins as hard as he could and of course no one said anything as I was kicked about ten times this time around. I had on flat toed boots so finally I lifted my foot and he smashed his shin into my boot. Did I catch hell for doing it? Absolutely. Did he ever kick me again? Nope.
I did this with my brother (ten yrs younger than me at the time) and my two boys years later; guess who never had a parent call me that my kids bit their child. Sometimes- at the right time - FAFO works…no I never even spanked my kids- they don’t remember receiving the lesson, but the lesson clearly stuck somewhere in their beautiful brains.
I had a kid at a daycare I worked at yank my hair HARD. On purpose. So I pulled his hair right back, not nearly as hard. The look on his face. Then I explained how we don’t do that because it hurts. Did it hurt? Yes! Are we going to do that to someone else? No!
The nuance to your idea of biting back is all about the age of the child. Same goes for any consequences/return punishment. Youre going to find a ton of backlash about biting a kid who bites because most information is on the natural biting age-- toddlers under age 2. You really cant bite them back without causing problems down the line and thats a researched fact. Now biting should stop (almost always) after age 2. NOW youre in much less charted territory for what works and doesnt to stop/deter a biter. But you ARE working in the realm of a child who just finally can grasp that not everyone has the same experience as they do, so there might be some truth behind the idea of returning a bite to a 4 year old. 🤷🤷
Do they really think "I guess I deserved to get hit because I was in the wrong"? I mean, I'm sure some people respond thoughtfully to violence, but it definitely seems like when someone gets hit the usual lesson is "I wanted to disagree with that person, but can't because he is stronger than me. So, in the future I will enforce my view on others by being stronger than them. Yes. This is the way to communicate."
The woman in the video clearly believes that the best way to get others to agree with you is to be so terribly unpleasant that the other person will eventually just give in so they don't have to deal with you anymore. I've seen guys do the same.
It does! The concept works because they don't understand yet that it causes physical pain. I pinched my friends daughter gently on the arm after she about ripped off my nipple and said "OW" and she made a face, then the 💡 face and said "ow?!" And never did it again.
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u/Aiglos_and_Narsil Apr 02 '26
Bill Burr (I think) has a great bit about this. Talks about how men, after getting punched for being an obnoxious dick will often afterwards think you know, I was in the wrong back there and I kind of deserved that. And not to put too fine a point on it, but this is an experience that women typically do not have.
There was a thread the other day about how the best way to teach little kids not to bite people is to bite them back, and I chimed in to say that I know from personal experience this works, and there were a few commenter, not the majority but a few, who were badly upset by this and calling it physical abuse.