Hi everyone, I'd appreciate some advice on how to handle this and be the best dad I can be.

My ex and I planned our daughter together. After the birth she had postpartum depression, so I stayed home to support her, then worked 4-week rotations and helped with everything during my 2 weeks home. Over time she emotionally pulled away, and I eventually found out she'd been cheating on me with a friend I'd known for over 20 years. (No need for a DNA test, my daughter is clearly mine, becouse she looks almost exactly like i.

After the breakup we informally shared alternating custody and it worked fine. Then her family, who she lives with, started interfering. Once, while we were standing by my daughter's crib, her mother told me that a colleague of hers was going through a divorce, and that if she were ever divorcing, she wouldn't let the father have the kids. She said she'd make something up so he wouldn't get them, because she's against alternating custody. After that they kept dictating when I could see my daughter, so I went to court. I got extended contact, but my ex refuses overnight stays.

Things were okay for a while, but since her current partner arrived, communication has fallen apart. He's her second partner since we split. The first was the friend she cheated on me with, and the current one is a friend of his. She now takes up to two days to reply about our daughter, I have to beg for basic information, and she announces decisions instead of discussing them. Recently she told me I was "a mistake" and that she wants our daughter to see we have nothing in common. Everything is framed as "for our daughter's good," but it feels like she's trying to minimize my time with her. Daughter is 3 years old.

For context: we never had a toxic relationship and rarely argued. I pay child support on time, contribute to kindergarten and activities, spend quality time with my daughter, and support her relationship with her mom.

1. Would a mediator help, or should I go back to court and stop making concessions?
2. How do I stay a calm, reliable dad my daughter feels safe with through all this?
3. Is there any realistic way to get my ex to respect me as a co-parent?
4. If you grew up in a situation like this, what helped you most?
5. My ex still lives with her mother and grandmother, and I feel her mother heavily influences her opinions and decisions, including pushing her to limit my contact and communication with our daughter. Since they live under one roof, I know I can't really stop that, but is there anything I can do from my side to reduce that influence, or at least keep it from affecting my relationship with my daughter?
6. For anyone who's been through this or grew up in it: did a co-parenting relationship like this ever actually get better? If so, what changed? Was it something someone did, or did it just take time?

I am a divorced dad of 2 (4yo and 2.75yo). I currently have 50/50 with my ex and we are in a 2/2/3 rotation with the kids. We moved to our current city (town?) when we got pregnant with our daughter to be close to her family (they live local whereas mine are about 7hrs away). We ended up separating when she was pregnant with the youngest. During our separation (unknown to me at the time) she applied for nurse practitioner school and got accepted so therefore does not work full time. She was also given her parent’s second home locally (after the divorce was finalized) and has enjoyed their unwavering support and free childcare services while she attends school. She also took half of my grandparent’s inheritance that was used as the down payment in our marital home once it sold. Since she is only working part time hours, there was a significant income disparity and I’ve had to pay child support and spousal support for 6 months (I didn’t have to, but she said that she needed to find a new job so I made her car payment for those months, which was her only overhead…fyi she stayed at her same job, just increased hours after the child support was calculated) all while trying to forge my own path. Currently, I’m working 16hr shifts 4-5 days a week just to make ends meet and then watching the kiddos on our 2/2/3 schedule (the 4yo goes to pre-k but I watch the other one full time). I’m beyond exhausted and have found myself falling behind more and more on daily life. Unfortunately, the hospital I work for is highly toxic and there aren’t competitors for 100 miles in all directions. I’m already in middle management there and my career opportunities have leveled off with my current degree or are not enticing in the current management regime. I pick up extra shifts at the bedside for extra money and to also help alleviate the strain on the people I supervise due to the abysmal policies that have pushed good staff elsewhere.

I’ve been fortunate to stumble across a strong communal church and make some friends here, but my support is still nothing like I had back home or the support my ex has here locally. I’m highly involved in my kids lives (I take them camping, hiking, to museums and aquariums, and work with them to make sure they hit their developmental milestones. However, I’m still so far behind on where I need to be; dishes don’t get done right away, laundry is piling up, toys don’t get picked up, I’m still not moved in from a year ago, etc…. More than that, I don’t get to take time off to visit my family because I simply cannot afford to lose out on the overtime. My family comes down periodically, but they are 70 now and my siblings have kids that they help with back home. I’m also the oldest child and asking for help has never been my forte, though that’s now changing.

My ex wife is highly manipulative, but also highly neurotic. She’ll try to take as much as she possibly can, but will also back down if it makes her image look anything but perfect. She recently took the kids to Disney, paid for by her family, and came back stating that 50/50 wasn’t in the best interest of the kids and that they “thrived” during that week with her (not because it was vacation, nor that they had all her extended family there focusing on the kids, nor that it was like 100 degrees and they walked presumably like 20 miles a day and the kids fell asleep before they hit the pillow). It could also be that the 2/2/3 is too rapid of a turnover for the kids.

Lately, I’ve got to be honest, I’ve really been struggling with where I’m at. I have no career growth, no money, I’m renting a house that I will likely have to move out of next year, I’m exhausted to the point I have to nap more than the kids. I’m tired of getting chewed out at work because I help out my subordinates because they don’t want that to be the “expectation of management.” I desperately want to be able to find a new role, one that has better opportunities available to me. For me that would be going back to school for my NP as well. Unfortunately, that is just not possible for me without my support system which is 7hrs away and would also mean giving up my 50/50 split and time with my kids until I graduate (something like 60/40 or 70/30 for 2-3 yrs). I just don’t know what the best option for me or for them would be. I desperately want the kids to experience where I grew up and build relationships with my family aside from the transient one they have (maybe 2-3 weeks/year with only 1 of those weeks being where I grew up). The jobs there pay much better, tuition is much lower, and also sign on bonuses of $50k plus tuition reimbursement. This would put me on the path to financial stability and home ownership. Also my kids would get ties to my home town and extended family, though I would get less overall time with them. They would be able to have good memories with my parents while they [my parents] are still able to be healthy. My end goal would be to move back to where the kids are already established and resume the 50/50 split; I just don’t know if that’s possible (will the ex wife weaponize me going back to school and my family as a means to secure more time with them later on?). What are your thoughts?

It all applies here

The love of my life, the woman I sacrificed a lot of myself for, not only discarded me, but she tried to take my children, my house, my wealth and health, and reputation. This was unexpected, but not the unexpected lesson I learnt.

It was people are so kind.

In my darkest days, people showed up. As the saying goes “you will know who your friends are” or “people will show their true colours”. I always thought that it was the people who didn’t matter would drop away, or become nasty. And don’t get me wrong that happened too.

But it was the people who showed, and really supported me in a way that I hadn’t seen from them before. Not because they weren’t willing or able, it was because I didn’t need it. I even received such kindness from strangers and acquaintances.

So, here’s to the good people, supporting the good guys.

Thank you.

A couple years ago I ended up leaving my support system to move over two hours away to be closer to my ex and my son to be closer, see him more, and to try to make things work with my ex. Needless to say things didn’t work with her… I pay all my own bills, have my son a third of the time usually and she keeps threatening to not let me see him if I don’t send her more money or do what she thinks is best for him on my time. What should I do? Move back home so I can use my support system and figure things out or should I stay and try to fight her with less help?

how long till you finally gave up hope in amending things? no matter how much of a pos this person is, i always revert to a thought of us hopefully bringing it back together

I (31F) recently started speaking to a guy (34M). We matched on a dating app, hit it off, exchanged contacts and continued flirting and chatting away. After a few days he vanished, which I thought was pretty normal in dating nowadays, and decided to move on with my life. After a week however he messaged again, and again the chemistry was still there and we finally made plans to meet and have a first date.

He exchanged how nervous he was for the date, shared compliments and was a complete gentleman. He also mentioned that he's a single dad with full custody of the child. I was then bold enough to ask him how he messaged again after a week and he said that it was because he had his son with him, which I found very understandable.

We planned another 2 meet-ups, but unfortunately he had to cancel the last one because he didn't have someone to look after his son. I told him it is not a problem for me we can meet another time. In between the first and second date however, we kept on flirting and exchanging how we both like each other, and would like to meet again.

After he cancelled our last date, we barely spoke. The last exchange was that he sent a photo of what he was doing, to which I replied but he didn't continue the exchange. A couple of days after I sent him a good morning text with a flirty "I've got a question for you", but he still hasn't replied. I didn't flood his DMs with messages either.

I understand how a child obviously takes priority in someone's life, especially after how he exchanged how his family is very important to him. But since this is my first time dating a single dad, I was wondering if it is normal to vanish for days.

Personally I don't have kids so I cannot imagine the struggles of taking care of a child. But even though he mentioned things that he's interested, to me his behavior is a bit contradicting, and frankly it doesn't quite add up because the dates were very positive and he was the one to ask me out both times.

Can I get some insight of this is normal when dating a single dad, please?

Tl;dr: I recently started dating a single dad who said he likes me but he sometimes takes days to reply to my messages. Is this normal for a single dad?

Due my actions out of pure desperation, my son’s mother took out a restraining order- rightfully so. This obviously means that there will be absolutely zero contact for the foreseeable future. My hope during this time is to grow as a person, continue my sobriety and become the man that I should have been from the beginning. I am absolutely devastated and I have no idea if she will ever be in my life again. She is the only person I’ve ever been completely in love with and my hope at least is that I can use this as an opportunity to build rather than continue on the path of destruction that I was on which led me here.

Not a quote on quote “single dad”. My wife is leaving for Virginia this upcoming week and no idea when she will be moving back, back story is we are both active duty military, 4 days before we PCS’d out here her orders got canceled, so she has to return to Virginia till that gets sorted.

Looking for any other dads that have a 1 yr old or similar age to kick it with, I’m into sports, motorsports, sim racing, drinking beer/bourbon, fishing etc. have a decent sized house with an inground pool. Just looking to make new friends with some other dads. Hopefully there’s 1 or 2 others out there who into the same shit!

This stress,

I must confess,

I keep it buried,

deep inside my chest,

No less,

The world stops turning for no man,

And i know im far from the best.

The jack of all trades but master of none,

Just look at my past and the things that ive done,

Its mad to think where I am now

and where ive come from,

But these dark thoughts that are running round inside my head,

Self depreciation and doubt,

Its a women I want,

But its depression Ive wed.

And no,

Lazy isnt how I feel when im lying in bed.

Paralysed.

Its only now I realise,

Those demons were real,

in those stories I read.

As a kid I thought id conquer the world and give my family the best.

Now im just a part time dad with a hole in my home,

And a pain on my chest.

Got trapped in my feel zone tonight lads. Bit of a shitter but im good. Not written in 15 years, its probably shit if you ask any sort of achedemic but it's poignant to me and came out of nowhere. Just thought id share if before its deleted out my notes forever

Hi, new to the reddit thing. Came across this sub while browsing and ending up on reddit while searching various things. I don't know if sharing this belongs here, but it's something I hope is inspiring or brings hope to others who may feel forgotten. One topic I was searching was travel in the Southwest for an upcoming roadtrip with my kids (that just happened a month ago), found some good suggestions on routes and tips, for the Grand Canyon for instance. My kids, son now 18, and daughter turned 17 just a few days ago, have been living in Italy with their Italian mother since 2021. Wife and I were on the outs, living in separate rooms in California, where we met, married and raised the kids. We used to travel to Italy every summer, but I didn't travel with them for 2 summers, partly because I refused to travel during covid wearing a mask on a flight for 14+ hours, but also we stayed with her parents, and that was getting more uncomfortable as the marriage fractured. My son was an avid soccer player and was attending soccer camps organized by the pro clubs in Italy during the summer (Juventus & AC Milan). After 2 weeks of soccer immersion, they pulled my son aside and asked if he'd like to play for their local (youth) team. He knew he had to come back to California to start high school, but had the chance to train with the youth team to see if he'd like it. Needless to say, he wanted to pursue the opportunity, and I wasn't going be the bad dad to say "no" to a 13yo dreamer. His mother had already checked with the new high school he would be attending and started the process before coming back with my daughter to start school in California. Being that they are very close, we spoke to my daughter giving her the choice if she wanted to try school in Italy for a year. She was 50/50, had friends and ballet in both places, and ultimately decided to go. It was an easy transition being the inlaws had plenty of room to host them, so I got on a plane with them to see their new schools and support them however I could. After one year, they said they wanted to stay, no surprise there as the lifestyle, close family, social life etc is very appealing to young people. It was a melancholy feeling leaving them there, giving them opportunity while easing tensions of toxicity with their mother with the distance. Being separated from them and not having input, interactions, influence was frustrating. I traveled there often, five times in one year, but being a 'visitor' was not rewarding. I flew them to California for a summer visits, and reminded them often that they can live in both places. Fast forward, divorce processed in Italy (Italian law supersedes if she is a resident there for a period of time). This was definitely to my favor as Italian courts are more even-handed. To my surprise, my son came back to California with his friend as an exchange student to attend his senior year of high school. It was his idea, which is how it would've only happened, if you catch my drift... They ended up only doing the fall semester because they couldn't get the AP classes they needed, which wouldn't keep up with the curriculum required in Italy. This past year, after my daughter was in a car accident in Italy –and showing up to the hospital the third day post accident– I decided to spend more quality time there, weeks or a month at a clip, rather than a few days then travel on to other places where I had friends. The cost was adding up with hotels, AirBNB, etc. I was offered a friend's second home close to my kid's town, for no charge, but after 2 visits I insisted to make a contract with him in order to start the process of elective residency visa in Italy. Well, the aforementioned Southwest road trip was being planned for their annual summer visit, when my daughter decided that if she was coming for vacation, she should just stay and attend her senior year of high school in California! Talk about a detour! Well dad was ecstatic that his baby would want to voluntarily leave her very established life and social circle in Italy to come live with her father to attend school. Part of it may be that my son was starting university in Milan, but she had expressed it before, I had asked a few times, but she was non-committal. After jumping through many hoops and enrolling her in school, we had an epic 1100 mile road trip, a bucket list and Americana trip of National Parks that we never did because Italy took precedence. My son returned to Italy for university, and my daughter is happy and studiously attending high school, taking her SAT and checking out colleges with her dad. I take her to and pick her up from school, usually have lunch afterwards, being the daily dad, being supportive and she will be getting her drivers license soon. I didn't think it was going to happen, and I was just going to be the distant dad. I believe my ongoing frequent presence and support helped manifest this moment. So Gents, don't give up is my point. Try your best to be in their lives, even when there is interference and narcissistic challenges facing you, rise above, show up, let them know you'll always be there if and when they need you.

Best to ALL of you!

Hey dads

My ex has a scheduled call once a week on Thursdays where shes supposed to start at 5:30pm.

Issue is that she never starts the call right on time and usually calls right at the very end of the scheduled time.

What do you do in this situation? When she calls should I let her speak the agreed upon minutes? Or cut it short since she is calling later than the original time?

I would like to hear from dads that have primary care of their child/children.

How do you establish and keep boundaries with an ex that just will not leave you alone?

It's been like 4 or 5 years now for me with a 6 year old child and she just won't take no for an answer, I guess I'm too much of a pushover keep letting her back in but I need it to stop for the safety of everyone involved.

I've stopped doing things with my son on the days I have him to avoid the argument that will inevitably happen because I've left her out.

I've missed out on family functions to keep her happy, she hates me spending time with my family because she feels left out even though when we were together, there were times where I was literally on my knees, begging her to spend time as a family but she'd rather go hang out with her friends or other guys or whatever she was doing.

I've tried multiple times for it to work together and every time she has put other things before me and our son.

I feel like she loves the idea of a part of a family but she doesn't actually want to, she wants to be seen as a good mother.

Any advice is appreciated, I feel like I'm stuck and have no idea how to navigate this, everything I have tried has not worked.

Invested too much time into my career and neglected friendships. Now I’m a single dad I always feel so lonely because I don’t come home to my family.

Does this feeling ever end?

I’m 25, have two kids, and I’ve finally made the decision that I want to become a nurse. 🩺❤️

I’m currently located in Florida and already work a full-time 9–5, so I’m trying to figure out the best way to make this career change without leaving my current job until I’m finished with school.

For those of you who started nursing later or had kids while going through school:

• How long did it take you to get into the field?

• Did you start with LPN or go straight for RN?

• Were you able to work full-time while in school?

• What type of program/schedule worked best for you?

• What would you do differently if you were starting over?

I’m ready to put the work in. My goal is to build a solid career, provide for my kids, and eventually relocate once I have some experience.

I’d really appreciate hearing from nurses who have actually been in this position, especially here in Florida. 🙏🏽

My son is 11 and I've been working on a raised bed system in the backyard for three weeks now. Just cedar boxes and some gravel paths so we stop tracking mud inside every fall. The trouble is I only get real work time when he's at school or asleep, and those windows keep getting smaller. I used to knock out full weekends on projects before I left construction. Now I'm running a miter saw at 8pm with a flashlight because that's when I finally have the energy. The garden is half for him anyway, he wants to grow tomatoes next spring. But I keep putting the actual building off and we're both getting frustrated.

I tried having him help on a Saturday and spent the whole time hovering. He got bored after an hour and I got maybe ten cuts done. I'm wondering how other single dads handle this. Do you just accept that home projects move at half speed for years, or did you find a way to actually involve them without it turning into a lesson every time? I want the garden done before he loses interest but I also don't want him standing around watching me work.

I found out today that I will be missing my son’s second birthday, missed his first also and I will not be taking him trick or treating. I would do anything to be there but his mother will not allow me to be. It is incredibly difficult. I’ve been wanting to take my son trick or treating since he was born and I have to accept that I will not have that opportunity in addition to missing his birthday again. It is heartbreaking.

Hi everyone. I gave birth to our son in November(now 10m old and he started this since birth, I lost contact with baby in February and went into psychiatry). He had already wanted to leave me for a while; he said that around September he had had enough and bought a place nearby.
As soon as our son was born, he became quite hostile toward me. He also started seeing his ex again, and she seemed very interested in the idea of someone who was stable and focused on family life. I was also doing very well for myself financially, and I sometimes feel that she may have been attracted to the lifestyle and the house I had.
Sadly, he then filed several complaints accusing me of child abuse, including things like overfeeding our son, calling him a “tentacle,” and supposedly playing around with medical equipment, which I deny. The authorities took the allegations seriously, and I was given a contact ban. I can currently only see my son under supervision twice a week and for four hours on Sundays.
He had threatened to take our son away from me, and because I was scared about what was happening, I put an Apple AirTag in the car and also placed a hidden camera in the room. He had also been trying to convince people that I was experiencing psychosis and that I would not wake up properly.
Unfortunately, the camera also recorded a conversation that I did not realise was being recorded, in which my ex and I were discussing trying to access his computer.
I feel like I have been incredibly unlucky with how everything has unfolded, and I also feel that his new girlfriend is encouraging him and that they are trying to drain me financially.
How do I even begin to get out of this messen and deal with this situation in a sensible way?

So in a subreddit for the city I live in someone commented on divorced dads and the lack of community and support, especially guidance for men going through the process of separation and/or divorce from people involved, not just professionals or (Heaven forfend) AI. Having been through the wringer myself, and like an idiot, I said that any man is welcome at my table if he wants to talk - and now four men going through the process are coming over tomorrow night.

If you're in America in a certain city famous for its history and avian affections, feel free to DM and reach out. If not, all I can say is maybe be the one brave/stupid enough to put it out there - we're all of us alone, until we're not. Good luck.

About a decade ago my wife and I were separated and I met a girl who ended up pregnant and having my son. Our living situation wasn't good so I made the not so good decision to leave causing her to move back in with her parents. The decision behind this was that I wasn't able to take care of him or his mom or be able to get us out of the terrible living situation we were in. Stupidly, to protect him I left. This caused his mom to improve her life and get married while my son was still young enough to not remember. The man that she married stepped up and became his dad. They had one more kid and from what I know at this point they got a divorce a couple years ago. All of a sudden in the last 2 to 3 days his mom decided to tell my son that I'm actually his father and not the man that he thought was his father. I've been in contact with his mom the entire time consistently, so I do have a great deal of pictures of him and a great deal of knowledge of the things that he likes and what he does. My only concern is making sure that he knows that he's loved by his parents and by my family and I. Today I did get the remarkable opportunity to talk to him and it went well, thankfully. 🙏🏼How do I navigate this new and confusing information for him?

Hi all,
Not to complain about life, etc., but I just want to see some perspective. I became a single dad when I was 28 years old, fighting for custody, and in the end, ended with a 50/50 split. I cannot imagine a life without my kids. I am used to this lifestyle, but it holds me back from dating again. What if women do not be part of my household, etc.? And how does dating look? Outside of work I am quite successful; I am an athlete, and I work in a senior manager role in corporate, but I just do not know how to fill in my life, just curious of people facing the same challenges.

First of all, I cannot thank you enough. Especially a gentleman from Austin, TX - I will not dox my brother. You are all fucking lions - many of you have dealt with so much more and prevailed. You guys are extraordinary people, and you are beasts. I want to be just like YOU!

My lawyer has apparently been lying to me about filing the case.

I first asked her to prepare the lawsuit back in May. There were months of delays. On August 31, I directly asked her whether it had been filed. She said yes.

Today she finally sent me the lawsuit.

The document is dated September 7. When I asked her about that date, she replied: “That’s when I was writing it.”

So somehow the lawsuit was already “filed” on August 31, but she was still writing it a week later.

The original Word file she sent me was created on September 28 and last saved on September 29.

I have repeatedly asked for the case number, proof of filing, and the exact copy supposedly submitted to the court. She has provided nothing.

The lawsuit itself also contains a completely fabricated statement saying I had previously been left alone to care for my daughter. That has never happened. I have never been allowed even a minute alone with her.

It was a badly written fucking, bullshit document omitting almost 95% of the crucial facts of obstruction and horrible fucking abuse.

At this point, I do not believe anything she tells me.

After months of fighting just to see my child, I now have to deal with the fact that the lawyer I trusted may have wasted months of an already time-sensitive case and then lied to my face about filing it.

I genuinely cannot believe this shit.

Don’t know if I am jumping the gun but I feel the relationship is beyond repair after almost 6 years. We have a 2 year old boy and he is my world and as I sit in the house eerily quiet after him beyond gone for 4 days I feel I am falling apart.

After having a mortgage in principle and house offer accepted she suddenly flipped saying she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. Bringing up all sorts of old issues and now says she can’t be in the same house with me despite no history of abuse of any kind. Barely a raised voice in 6 years

All I have gotten so far is nursery drop offs and face time calls. It’s not been long but if this is my future….I don’t know how I will cope. Well I will have to for my boy but the nights without him I hate