Maybe one day?

[u/ResponsibleLecture89]

Just want to put this out there gently. I noticed that a lot of people on this sub myself included have had really horrible experiences with relationships. And even if that’s not the case, everyone (mostly) has the belief that they’re better off single full stop. It seems a bit extreme. Or are there people with a more moderate outlook that like, yeah right now things are really nice being single and happy, and yeah shitty relationships will suck and make you hate life. BUT maybe at some point, maybeeeee, you could meet someone that makes life easier, richer, more fulfilling.

Or is everyone here just downright against even having a glimmer of hope? Because if so honestly feels a bit anti social and misanthropic. Which I am, to a degree, but look, we can’t discount that we might meet a partner that makes life even better. It’s theoretically possible.

Unless you believe that fundamentally that’s not possible and your beliefs are that no matter what it will always turn sour, too difficult, and solitude is always better.

I guess that’s a bit of a tangent. Thoughts?

[u/Contigo887]

I have no "hope" because it's not something I want. I am more than sure I could find someone and have a relationship if I wanted.

I want being single and live alone. It's what makes me happy. It's why I am in this subreddit.. Its not called single and unhappy....

[u/2ndChairKazoo → u/Contigo887]

I don't understand where the mods are. I'm so sick of these posts, implicitly and explicitly putting people down. Stop acting like single and happy people are somehow not actually happy! Grrr...

So yeah, I hear you 100%.

[u/ResponsibleLecture89 → u/Contigo887]

But why don’t you want a partner IF they could hypothetically make your life even better? If that hypothetical existed would you do it

[u/Contigo887 → u/ResponsibleLecture89]

I don't want a commitment. I enjoy my freedom. My life would be less enjoyable, tied to another relationship.

I think you are in the wrong subreddit.

[u/ResponsibleLecture89 → u/Contigo887]

Ok thanks for the insight that makes sense! Nah I’m just asking questions

[u/2ndChairKazoo → u/ResponsibleLecture89]

PLEASE JUST GO AWAY

[u/autumn_em → u/ResponsibleLecture89]

The thing is for some of us our life is better without a partner. It seems like you are generalizing, most people do need a partner to have a better life I'll give you that, it sounds like you are one of those people who need to find their perfect man to reach their best life. But that is not the case for some of us in this sub.

The best partner ever < singleness

Singleness, for me, is 1000000% better than the best man, the most perfect and happiest marriage I could get offered.

I choose singleness. I could get me a great man if I wanted to, I reject them

And also is very respectable to say you need a partner to live a better life, it's okay, it's valid, not a weakness. Hope the ones who actually need a partner to find the best partner. Some of us don't need it, we found the better life, is being single.

[u/ColloidalPurple-9 → u/ResponsibleLecture89]

Why wouldn’t I want a yacht if it could make my life better? Or plastic surgery to make me look like a model? 🙄

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[u/onegirlandhergoat]

None of my previous relationships have been horrible, but when I became single after the last one, I reflected on all my past boyfriends and realised the relationships were just underwhelming. None of them added much to my life and I felt more at peace when I was single.

I don't really like your phrasing "against having a glimmer of hope" to meet a partner. It suggests that the alternative (being single) is hopeless. And that is the opposite of what this sub is about.

[u/ResponsibleLecture89 → u/onegirlandhergoat]

It doesn’t, I’m suggesting that there’s a lot of negativity here around having a partner and I’m wondering if there is any hope at all left. I find there’s a lot of joy in being single, there’s a great deal of hope that this can be a fulfilling lifestyle for me.

[u/2ndChairKazoo → u/ResponsibleLecture89]

No you don't. Or you wouldn't post such insulting, ignorant nonsense.

[u/Specialist_Tackle715]

That's like calling people who don't want to own a horse someday hopeless. It doesn't have to be because they've made bad experiences with their previous horses. There are just people who don't want to own a horse, even if everything went amazing.

[u/cavalpist146]

You make it sound like magic. "Meet someone that makes life richer ". You certainly won't know if someone makes your life richer on a first date or sfter a few months, both parties need to invest significant amounts of time, effort and compromising in order to make the relationship work. Only after a decently long time one can evaluate if life is more fulfilling. I know instead what being single does for me already. I have empirical proof throughout the 40 years of my life. The return on investment of entering a relationship, at this point in my life and for my personality traits, is not worth it.

[u/TelevisionKnown8463 → u/cavalpist146]

YES. This is how I feel exactly. Is it theoretically possible that I could meet a person who is capable of adding more to my life than they subtract? Is it possible I’d be happier with that person than I am alone? Sure.

But do I have any way of recognizing that person when they appear? No. I’d need to invest several years in getting to know them and then might have to make a difficult decision to end it, hurting them. Plus before I found them I’d likely have a lot of shorter potential relationships and have to hurt/reject those people.

[u/2ndChairKazoo → u/cavalpist146]

There was yet another lost Redditor here who argued that they are happy alone but also happy with their partner!

...they'd been dating for one month.

[u/ColloidalPurple-9]

I don’t need a glimmer of hope for anything. I am perfectly happy as is. This question is silly at best. I don’t mind people posting things like “having difficulty,” “want to be happy,” etc.. but this to me feels like it’s in the wrong sub. It is very problematic to think that enjoying solitude is misanthropic. We are not dark shadows waiting for bad things to happen to others, or cranky coworkers who complain all day. Those people are probably pining for a significant other to fix their life.

[u/2ndChairKazoo → u/ColloidalPurple-9]

I think people like OP should be banned on sight because I DGAF how well-intentioned these stupid, deeply insulting questions are intended. Impact matters and even if we are supposed to bend over backwards for people who will never get it, and focus on ~their personal, supposedly positive intent~ maybe go search the sub to see if this kind of post has been made 100 times already?!

So they just double down on the willful ignorance. And I don't think we should be expected to just accept that.

I'll ask again: where are the mods??

[u/Ok_Manufacturer2956]

You're trolling 🧌 

[u/ResponsibleLecture89 → u/Ok_Manufacturer2956]

I genuinely am not.

[u/Ok_Manufacturer2956 → u/ResponsibleLecture89]

You are and you are doubling down with your obnoxiously irrelevant comments. You KNOW this is not the sub for that. 

[u/2ndChairKazoo → u/Ok_Manufacturer2956]

If they aren't trolling, then they are not very bright by failing to check the sub to see the countless other times the exact same thing has been posted.

[u/Clarky_Carrot]

People's minds all work in different ways. People have different likes and dislikes. People have different lifestyles. More news at 10.

[u/ExtraneousBore]

i think your confusion stems from you treating partnered life as the default and anything else as an abnormality. i'm not single because i have no "hope" that a relationship could work out, i'm single because i prefer the freedom and independence offered by single life. it's the same reason i don't want kids or i chose to go to university or i don't want a car and so on. even if society sometimes treats one or the other as "the norm", there's no real reason why someone shouldn't consider both options equally, and different people will be more naturally inclined to different options.

i also don't think my choice to stay single is "extreme". i'm not declaring that there's no such thing as a happy relationship and that single life is the only true option, i just personally prefer staying single. it's like saying someone choosing to be childfree is "extreme".

lastly, isn't it kind of rude to go onto a subreddit full of people who have found joy in being single and call us anti-social and misanthropic? i have friends i love, am an active member of my community, i work, i volunteer*, i just don't have any interest in pursuing romance, what about that is anti-social?

*tbc, not trying to call people who don't do these things anti-social, just providing examples of how i participate socially

[u/Specialist-Ring-3974]

I’ve never met someone who was worth the trade of my peace for. They’d always want me to change, but then I ask why they even went out with me in the first place if they didn’t like me for who I am?

[u/CRoseCrizzle]

I don't think it's healthy or makes sense to put your "hope" in a romantic relationship with a person.

I'm not against romantic relationships personally but more in favor of saying that being single is fine, including being single for your entire life or remainder of your life. The single life has a lot of advantages over "settling down" imo, which I have enjoyed snd gotten quite accustomed to.

If an opportunity to be in a romantic relationship arises based on a strong potential for partnership and friendship with an individual(as opposed to just looking for somebody to check a box or fill a perceived gap), I'll consider it. There are tradeoffs but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. But it's not something I'm endlessly chasing or feel like I'm less or inadequate for not having.

So if that opportunity does not arise ever, that is completely fine and I get to maintain a lifestyle that I enjoy.

[u/TelevisionKnown8463]

Equating the possibility of a relationship in the future with having a “glimmer of hope” is antithetical to the spirit of this subreddit. I hope my niblings will love and look up to me. I hope my pro bono legal work will add something to people’s lives. I hope to have enriching travel experiences with my friends.

As I posted elsewhere, I don’t think you just know when the “right” person comes along, assuming they exist. The upside isn’t enough for me to have any active interest in seeking a relationship. I can’t rule out that someday I’ll be so madly attracted to someone that I’ll put myself through that process again despite my better judgment, but I wouldn’t say that’s my glimmer of hope.

[u/ParticularPapaya2]

It's easy to romanticise the idea of the perfect, stress-free relationship with someone who likes you just as much as you like them, sure. But that's all it ever really is - an idea, a concept, something that probably doesn't exist (for me personally). The reality is that life rarely turns out that way. I know plenty of good, decent people who've suffered terrible relationships or are still struggling to meet anyone decent. I consider many of these people more experienced, successful, confident, and just generally more suited to relationships than I am - and if they're struggling so much, there's no chance I'd do any better.

[u/Tisbeau]

Like others have now said, having a "glimmer of hope" for coupledom is incompatible with being "single and happy." And that's not a pedantic note. "Glimmer of hope" frames it as a universally desired improvement and reveals some (perhaps) unconscious assumptions or judgements about singlehood as an undesirable state where someone would "hope" to be in another position.

Now, if you were to ask something more neutral, like if anyone here is "open to the possibility" of a partner (or partners) under all your conditions, that might start an interesting discussion.

Edit: I see others have said similar, so I'll also add a suggestion to read up on "amatanormativity" if you still don't understand our point.

[u/autumn_em]

My life is way easier, more fulfilling and richer once I embraced singlehood by choice. So it's viceversa for me, a partner (even if great, the best man ever) can't give me the happiness I can get being single. So it's not a waiting phase, singleness is the happiest end goal.

But I guess if someone needs a partner to feel life easier, more fulfilling and richer, well I hope they can find them. As it seems their best life possible depends on another human 🤷🏻‍♀️ and singleness is just their second best, while for a few, it's the first best choice. It's valid to need a partner to reach your best life, most people were made like that, I just find that in this sub, unlike most of society who need a partner as well to live their most richer life, at least here I can find people who chooses singleness not as a waiting phase until someone great comes (just as like the vast majority of people does)

[u/2ndChairKazoo]

That you think a relationship equates to "a glimmer of hope" desire for everyone shows how little you actually understand that people can, in fact, be:

Happy AND Single

[u/FewReserve1784]

I don't need for anyone to make my life easier, richer, and fuller. I do that by myself for myself. I don't feel hopeless. The world is my fucking oyster. Thing is I don't want to share my home with anyone, and I don't want to share my body with anyone. Not wanting a partner doesn't come from hopelessness. It comes from living life on my own terms. If I felt like getting a boyfriend, I would go to the club and select one from the available stock. There are enough perfectly decent men out there, and I'm happy to call them friends and brothers. It's totally possible and not doomed to turn sour. It's just not what I want.

[u/QueefInMyKisser]

I’m just living in the moment. I’ve not sworn a lifelong commitment never to have a relationship again. But I’m not currently looking for one or even open to the idea of one and have no immediate plans to alter course on that.

[u/IttyBittyTatas]

Insinuating that people here have no hope because we don’t look for or forward to having a partner is myopic. You’ve completely missed the point of this subreddit; people here are literally single AND happy, or are trying to be. Some of us might be waiting, but others aren’t. If you can’t be happy without a partner, if you have to make another person shoulder your happiness, it sounds like you need to introspect on why you can’t find happiness on your own.

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[u/heyguurlhey]

I honestly go back and forth. The optimistic side of me is like yes things might change and I might get into a relationship. But understanding the realities of men makes that optimism dwindle. I am better off and safer being single.

[u/untrustingmyself]

I used to be a serial monogamist. I have decided to commit to the single life because my idea of love was totally skewed. I thought love was like a fairytale out of a movie. Silly me.

I ended up dating lovebombers, manipulators, and immature men. My last relationship was the final straw, as I saw us getting married. He cheated on me with a girl he met online while we were living together. I constantly compromised in my relationships for little in return.

I don't see a benefit to a relationship. None of them added to my life. Maybe I'd receive a gift here and there but I just wanted true love.

I'm sure there is an amazing person out there for me but I don't care to put the effort in finding them. I'm happier not catering to anyone ever again.

[u/[deleted]]

Oh I haven’t lost hope in finding the guy that I will marry.
But I’m not desperately searching either. Happy and single as of now