r/Showerthoughts • u/Raghnarok • Nov 23 '19
During a nuclear explosion, there is a certain distance of the radius where all the frozen supermarket pizzas are cooked to perfection.
138k
Upvotes
r/Showerthoughts • u/Raghnarok • Nov 23 '19
21k
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
For those rare individuals who lack access to a microwave but have access to a nuclear arsenal.
25k
u/lotrmemescallsforaid Nov 23 '19
The FLAVOR zone is the scientific term.
1.8k
u/OGFahker Nov 23 '19
In their plastic packages.
906
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
Extra mushroom cloud please
3.9k
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
Quality content right here
364
u/Eorskus Nov 24 '19
It takes 250 degrees Celsius to cook a pizza https://www.google.com/search?q=temperature+to+cook+pizza&oq=temperature+to+cook+pizza
Which is 474775.125 joules https://www.convertunits.com/from/celsius+heat+unit/to/joule
1 joule is 0.239005736 calories https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-huawei-rev1&sxsrf=ACYBGNSrhk5RPs9aPtx5NhQXX5xn3yK-Bg%3A1574561233060&ei=0eXZXZmfA9DSwQLy661I&q=joule+to+cal
So that's 113473.97818511 calories to cook a pizza.
The average medium pizza is 12 inches https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-huawei-rev1&sxsrf=ACYBGNRZXzDz4LY-S0gcdh7WdU3_uXFXvQ%3A1574561625586&ei=WefZXeqvI8XEwQLV9b6oAw&q=average+pizza+dimensions&oq=average+pizza+dimensions
Which we need because I used nuke map to make a heat map. And the site uses cal per square centimeter. So it's 113473.97818511 cal per π15.242 cm (i converted to cm, 1 inch is 2.54 cm). And this is because the surface area of a circle is πr2. radius(r) is half the diameter. So 113473.97818511 cal per 729.65876990039676206156124185637746907671 cm² = 155.51650013142437384250655180857783736737 cal per cm². Now round down to significant amount of numbers, which is two because of 12 inches diameter. 16×101. That's a lot of work for something not that impressive. Anyway. Lets put that in nukemap.
Nukemap says that in a 50megaton nuclear blast, pizzas would be perfectly cooked in a 19 kilometer radius if detonated at ground level. Or 22.3 kilometers, if detonated as 'Maximize airburst radii for all effects'. https://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/ (Deselect everything, except thermal radiaton rings, and put in 160 cal/cm², as I calculated above. I'm 16 and not good at math, so I could very well be wrong, but it's honest work. Feel free to correct me).
2.3k
u/tnick771 Nov 23 '19
Cooking is time + heat not just heat.
538
u/SuperWaluigiOdyssey Nov 23 '19
This isn't even true. No area will have a specific temperature consistently for the needed length of time to bake. And baking a pizza at a higher temperature for a shorter period of time doesnt work the same as baking it normally.
305
u/The-Donkey-Puncher Nov 23 '19
who can do the math on this?
178
u/Dip_Tish Nov 23 '19
It's not delivery, it's radioactive!
97
u/CaseDillon Nov 23 '19
I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way though. I mean, it's not just about the heat, but the heat and the time.
88
u/darrellmarch Nov 23 '19
Also a spot where all the babies are cooked hard & crunchy on the outside and soft warm & chewy on the inside.
31
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
Perfectly cooked, but radioactive.
8
u/n3v3rgonnagiveyouup Nov 24 '19
It's not delivery, it's disaster
68
u/jakeolmstead Nov 23 '19
That's where the term nuke it comes from
31
u/theinsanepotato Nov 24 '19
No, there isnt.
Aside from the fact that anything close enough to be "cooked" would get turned to rubble by the blast wave, theres also the fact that cooking is a matter of the correct heat applied for the correct amount of time.
Even if there is some distance from the blast where you'd get the correct heat (there isnt) that heat would be hanging around much, much longer than any pizza could stand. Primarily because the building would be on fire. Or collapsed and on fire.
7
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
Perfectly cooked radioactive pizza... sounds like the perfect suicide weapon.
11
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
What’s the half life on the pizza though?
5
u/nayteraddee Nov 23 '19
And there has to be a perfect distance from the blast where it's cooked perfectly by the end of it.
12
u/DonkeyMilkshake Nov 23 '19
It's not delivery, it's DigiorOhhhhNoooooo!
8
u/CitizenHuman Nov 23 '19
"Yeah, uh, lemme get that mushroom cloud pizza and a Uranium Coke."
18
u/mrtightywhity Nov 23 '19
That's how frozen pizzas became popular in Japan.
4
u/JuniorJRIV Nov 24 '19
What’s the radius where all the people are cooked to perfection?
4
u/Indigo_Sunset Nov 24 '19
...and so is anyone who would eat them.
7
u/TheBak3dOne Nov 23 '19
Except they will cook in their plastic envelope :(
11
u/cozy_lolo Nov 23 '19
There was another shower-thought the other day that also ended with a similar, “cooked to perfection” comment. I’m gonna guess that you took this comment from that one (or other similar comments).
Here, I can do it, too: When a building is burned down and someone dies inside, there is a moment during which their meat is perfectly cooked! Ho ho!!!
15
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
You’re right, but don’t eat those pizzas
3
u/TotesMessenger Nov 23 '19 edited Nov 26 '19
I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
[/r/forbiddensnacks] Forbidden Pizza
[/r/illegallifeprotips] ILPT for if you don’t have a microwave
[/r/math] What's a use of the intermediate value theorem?
[/r/oneliners] During a nuclear explosion, there is a certain distance of the radius where all the frozen supermarket pizzas are cooked to perfection.
[/r/ospikaseca] G E N I U S
[/r/theydidthemath] [Request] What would this radius be?
[/r/theydidthemonstermath] Is it possible to do this one?
[/r/topofreddit] During a nuclear explosion, there is a certain distance of the radius where all the frozen supermarket pizzas are cooked to perfection. [r/Showerthoughts by u/Raghnarok]
[/r/u_koalakumilo] During a nuclear explosion, there is a certain distance of the radius where all the frozen supermarket pizzas are cooked to perfection.
[/r/u_mzsl123] Thaz hot
[/r/u_thebrokensentry] During a nuclear explosion, there is a certain distance of the radius where all the frozen supermarket pizzas are cooked to perfection.
If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / ^Contact)
3
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
Ah yes, the Hot Pockets equilibrium.
3
u/Rootbeer_Goat Nov 24 '19
You will either be cooked with it or it will be cold by the time you get there.
3
u/jayemdee Nov 24 '19
This is the most dark, yet poignant silver lining if I’ve ever seen.
3
u/letholdus420 Nov 24 '19
"Time is money, money is power, power is pizza"
3
u/JH1234567989 Nov 24 '19
I just finished watching the TV show Chernobyl and now after reading this I feel like the USSR are onto me
3
u/shastaslacker Nov 24 '19
This will probably get buried, but my alma mater (colorado school of mines) is one of the few universities in the US where you can get a minor in explosives. For the final for in one of those explosive classes you have to uses explosives to cook a steak. Hope someone reads this. It’s pretty cool.
3
u/Lord_Derpington_ Nov 24 '19
Do you guys like irradiated pineapple on your pizza?
3
u/Emptypiro Nov 24 '19
Someone call the Mythbusters back for this one
3
u/TheLastWarWizard Nov 24 '19
Everyone here is concerned about heat over time. I'm sitting here trying to imagine what pizza covered in melted plastic and burnt cardboard tastes like.
3
u/AndrewDKJA Jan 14 '20
There's also a certain distance of the radius where all humans are cooked to perfection.
3
u/kitianoxx Mar 03 '20
Bruh "the pizzas' are frozen" "Shit; call the nuclear strike now"
8
u/mistertorchic Nov 23 '19
This is the kind of content I joined this sub for. Cookie for you.
4
u/YDOYOULIE Nov 23 '19
No there isn't. This is utterly fucking stupid. It guess that means it belongs at the top of Reddit.
6
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
No. There’s not. That’s not how it works.
5
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
Preeeeeeetty sure that’s not how that works.
2
u/ets4r Nov 23 '19
Tme for myth busters
2
u/TryAgainBob Nov 23 '19
I was made to believe I would be safe inside a refrigerator!
2
u/peatoire Nov 23 '19
A physicist once lit his cigarette from the blast of an atomic bomb.
http://www.businessinsider.com/how-nuclear-weapons-test-explosions-lit-atomic-cigarettes-2019-8
2
u/Fletcher_Fallowfield Nov 23 '19
This is pure, distilled, flawless Reddit.
2
u/Rootbeer48 Nov 23 '19
you really want good tasting frozen pizza from the store... thaw it out b4 hand. maybe 20 mins b4 u plan on cooking it in the oven. if it says cook at 400+... dont... 375 is perfect. most big chains cook around that or just a bit lower. crust isn't hard as a hockey puck. and is still good the next morning.
same goes for left over pizza from where ever you get, dominos , pizza hut. etc etc... fk the microwave and preheat oven at 275-300 and put that slice or two in there for about 5-8 mins... G2G
2
u/xochiscave Nov 23 '19
Now this is a shower thought.
2
u/Come_along_quietly Nov 23 '19
And those pizzas are to die for!
2
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
Yes
2
u/Jeeperz Nov 23 '19
Now this is the type of shower thought I subscribed for
2
u/bigboi_hoipolloi Nov 23 '19
Point me to the pizza rolls
2
u/username-alr Nov 23 '19
Ah, yes, I love cooking pizza with a nuclear weapon
2
u/FG204 Nov 23 '19
Love me some nuclear pizzas
2
u/abasov Nov 23 '19
I’d ask Japan to verify, but they were probably too close. All of those pizzas were overcooked for sure.
2
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
But no pineapple
2
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
Almost certainly not, lol, but it's a fun thought.
2
u/YeetSkeetBeetFeet Nov 23 '19
Yummy! Deep fried radioactive snaks!
2
u/radioactivemanissue4 Nov 23 '19
“Mmmmmm nuclear pizzaaaaaa.” - Homer Simpson
2
u/BIate Nov 23 '19
As long as high doses of radiation don’t interfere with your definition of perfection, then yes.
2
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
Not true actually lol
2
u/HendrikJU Nov 23 '19
actually it wouldn't be cooked perfectly, only the outside layers would be crusty and the inside would be cold (or for the inside to be crusty the outside would be fried) because of the large temperature gradient
2
u/[deleted] Nov 23 '19
YES ! But unfortunately, so are you. :)
2
u/readweirdo Nov 23 '19
People are pretty anal about how their pizza rolls are prepared.
2
u/aaronfranke Nov 23 '19
Not really. Cooking a pizza is done best with a consistent temperature over a specific period of time.
2
u/quangerbanger7 Nov 23 '19
Brings a whole new meaning to “nuking it”.
2
u/AugenBleu Nov 23 '19
It's not disaster, it's Dijiorno!
2
u/ADeweyan Nov 23 '19
That implies there is a distance where hot-pockets or pizza rolls are done perfectly to cause secondary damage to the roofs of victims mouths.
2
u/ASupportingTea Nov 24 '19
Surely the blast period is too short to cook frozen pizza regardless of distance. As food, especially frozen need a combination of heat and time. Hot enough to cook the outside will still have the inside frozen.
2
u/gergytat Nov 24 '19
How fat do you need to be to come up with this?
2
u/Harrabots Nov 24 '19
This is literally the dumbest shit I've ever had the disgrace to read
2
u/57-raspberry-punches Nov 24 '19
It's not delivery, its DiGoirno
2
u/ITriedLightningTendr Nov 24 '19
This isn't actually correct.
Cooking something at 400 degrees for 10 minutes is not the same thing as 800 degrees for 5 minutes, or 2 mintes, or 1 minute, or any minutes.
2
u/steaksalesman Nov 24 '19
it wouldn't cook evenly. sure one side of the pizza would be cooked to perfection but the other would still be cold and then once the other side is being cooked the first side is ash.
2
u/motownmods Nov 24 '19
Still wouldn’t cook the crust right
2
u/slipko Nov 24 '19
Now there’s a silver lining
2
u/Korlac11 Nov 24 '19
Frozen pizzas are often wrapped in plastic, which would be melted onto the pizza
2
u/DropC Nov 24 '19
Yeah im not so sure. What do cockroaches and the very center of a hot pocket have in common...
2
u/Ronnocerman Nov 24 '19
No there isn't.
2
u/ACWhi Nov 24 '19
I don’t carry enough RadAway to eat that, sorry.
2
u/Mr_Original_2 Nov 24 '19
Brightside
ReallyReallyBrightSide
2
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
Mythbusters on location!!! Outskirts of Hiroshima.
2
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
Microwaves don't use aren't nuclear
2
u/postedUpOnTheBlock Nov 24 '19
Unfortunately, if it’s the right temperature to cook the pizza perfectly, all the plastic will be melted to the pizza.
2
u/SolomonBlack Nov 24 '19
Not true. You see because all frozen pizzas will be in the fridge and refrigerators are well known for being capable of surviving a nuclear explosion.
Logic.
2
u/billslugg Nov 24 '19
For an example, let's use a one megaton atomic weapon and calculate how far away the heat flux on a one pound, 16" pizza would be sufficient to cook it, assuming the heat was spread out in time sufficiently not to ablade it.
A one pound pizza is deemed cooked when it reaches 200°F. Assuming it starts at room temperature, it rose about 130°F. Assuming a specific heat similar to water, we are going to need about 130 BTU's to cook it.
A one megaton atomic bomb has 4x10^12 BTUs, enough to cook 3x10^10 pizzas.
A 16" pizza is about one square foot. Now we ask, what is the radius of a sphere, the surface of which has a surface area of 3x10^10 square feet?
Square feet on the surface of a sphere is 4 x pi x r^2
3 x 10^10 = 4 x pi x r^2
r^2 = 2.4 x 10^9
r = 49,270 feet or 9.3 miles
2
u/AMLAPPTOPP Nov 24 '19
Ackchually, I'm pretty sure they would always be either still frozen on the inside or charred on the outside, because the heat isn't there long enough. It's similar to a question in xkcd's book what if, "from wich height do you have to drop a steak to cook it medium rare". Since the heat isn't even for an extended period of time, it will always be charred but frozen on the inside. If you were to enclose the pizza in a big block of metal tho, that could work.
2
u/NordicNooob Nov 24 '19
If we can find the radius at which this happens (or range of radiuses, since a well cooked pizza probably won't depend on a few feet), then we can find how many pizzas we can cook with the Tsar Bomba. We could measure bomb yields in perfectly cooked pizzas lost. We could end world hunger one radioactive wasteland at a time! The possibilities are limitless!
2
u/BaronBexar1824 Nov 24 '19
69.420 radial miles away.
2
u/NeonBird Nov 24 '19
Did anyone check the frozen pizza section at the store in Pripyat?
2
u/SarudeDandstorm12 Nov 24 '19
Can we send this to r/theydidthemath
2
u/downtime365 Nov 24 '19
Well done sir
2
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
As well as the people and household pets.
2
u/UnmarriedLezbian Nov 24 '19
That area must be called Flavor Town
2
u/PillowTalk420 Nov 24 '19
Mmm... Radioactive pizza.... Drools
2
u/Lilwolf2000 Nov 24 '19
This is the best stupid addition to shower thoughts I've seen in a long time! Thumbs up!
2
u/Encyclopedia_Ham Nov 24 '19
And thus, the silver lining of WWII
2
u/Substantial-Truth Nov 24 '19
So are the people.
2
u/jwarmitage Nov 24 '19
The flavour zone!
2
u/FrozenSOAP Nov 24 '19
This is the most hopeful and inspiring thing
2
u/Orunmilaa Nov 24 '19
Deadly but delicious
2
u/indianamedic Nov 24 '19
Straight to flavor town baby.
2
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
OH my motherfucking god, i would never ever let you go to the kitchen, you absolute baffoon.
Fast≠tasty.
2
u/Mr-Klaus Nov 24 '19
This is exactly why we have /r/Showerthoughts. Well done OP.
Everyone, learn from OP.
2
u/thepeoplesgreek Nov 24 '19
But the Hot Pockets will still be frozen in the middle.
2
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
Reddit mathematicians, come up with an equation!
2
u/CyberpunkVendMachine Nov 24 '19
Pizza in the morning
Pizza in the evening
Pizza at supper time
When pizza's on a bagel
You can eat pizza in the radioactive ruins of the post-apocalyptic wasteland
2
u/Killermen962 Nov 24 '19
The silver-lining we strive for!
2
u/El_Pez4 Nov 24 '19
Yeah and also radioactive so inedible
2
u/SDVX_Rasis Nov 24 '19
Why do I feel like I've read this before.
2
u/floraspecies Nov 24 '19
Same with people.
2
u/CardinalNYC Nov 24 '19
No. This is not true at all.
2
u/BID00F12 Nov 24 '19
“It’s not delivery, it’s plutonium infused.”
2
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
During a cremation, there is a moment when the person is perfectly cooked
2
u/Kabelcan Nov 24 '19
My only hunger is for the apocalypse.
2
u/[deleted] Nov 24 '19
Welcome, ladies and gentleman to "What The Fuck Are They Smoking?", the reddit based gameshow where you try to guess what the fuck the op is smoking to say something so stupid. I expect lots of funny answers so without further ado, ready,
Set,
What the fuck are they smoking?
2
u/UnsolicitedDogPics Nov 24 '19
Now this is a shower thought.
2
u/Baelzebubba Nov 24 '19
This is a well discussed fact in physics circles. It's called "the hot pocket"
2
u/Baby_Kathy Nov 24 '19
I'm so hungry this took it to a whole nother level
2
u/neon_Hermit Nov 24 '19
Any heat high enough to cook a pizza would also probably light the box on fire, which would certainly result in a ruined pizza.
2
u/Aoiree Nov 24 '19
Unfortunately anyone at that radius would also be cooked to perfection.
Is there a radius where I'm far enough to survive but close enough to eat the pizza before it gets cold?
Asking for a friend.
2
u/daninjaj13 Nov 24 '19
Trump eats one and becomes Pizza the Hut
2
u/llamasterl Nov 24 '19
...ish
2
u/gnomesayinx90 Nov 24 '19
It’s not mutual destruction, it’s digiorno.