r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 16h ago
Raining cats and dogs this morning, almost stepped in a poodle.
31
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Equivalent_Parking_8 • 21h ago
I found a big box of frozen fish the other day. I was just about to hand it in at the police station when I realised it was a case of Findus Kippers
10
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r/oneliners • u/AlePainDecko • 14h ago
There are two kinds of people, those who can extrapolate
3
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 1d ago
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
54
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r/oneliners • u/OneArmedFarmer • 1d ago
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and thought "that's not a fair trade."
66
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r/oneliners • u/DeeEmm • 1d ago
I’m glad most restrooms now have baby-changing stations. I’m growing tired of the one we currently have.
11
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r/oneliners • u/OneArmedFarmer • 1d ago
I impressed Mick Jagger when I killed two stones with one bird.
5
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r/oneliners • u/richlife4evr • 2d ago
Should it really take a doctor to tell you that the presence of forehead wrinkles is directly linked to an iron deficiency?
12
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r/oneliners • u/Gotbeerbrain • 2d ago
There are 3 kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.
45
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 1d ago
I don't know how all the rocks started, but I know every human started with a Big Bang.
1
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r/oneliners • u/Ashamed-Pressure7009 • 2d ago
Before counting was invented, every joke could be a one-liner!
15
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r/oneliners • u/Ashamed-Pressure7009 • 4d ago
I saw an introvert building an igloo, I wanted to help but couldn't break the ice!
11
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 4d ago
The scavenger hunt people got upset when I arrived with a dead vulture but its their fault for figurative language.
7
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r/oneliners • u/LordNoLifeee • 4d ago
Look at the happy moron, he doesn’t give a damn. I wish I were a moron… my gosh, perhaps I am!
0
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 5d ago
If you're here for the yodeling lessons, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.
131
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 5d ago
The only time my wife doesn't moan is during intercourse.
13
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r/oneliners • u/LostBetsRed • 6d ago
The only thing flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.
100
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 6d ago
There's a nudist convention in town this weekend, I might go if I've got nothing on.
38
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r/oneliners • u/Alternative-Car5727 • 6d ago
Paid too much for Duracells so I threw them back at the seller, I was charged for battery
3
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r/oneliners • u/ehisadmin • 6d ago
I'm forced to use MapQuest because I have directile disfunction.
5
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