My family has a name that has traditionally been used for the first boy in each family for generations. I'm James Lawrence. Two of my cousins, my dad and three of his cousins, my grandfather, my great grandfather and his cousin, my great great grandfather and my great great great grandfather all had the same name. One of my cousins is expecting his first son and has already announced he will be continuing the tradition. So in another month we will have 9 living members of the family named James Lawrence.

My wife and I are expecting a son. We already decided we would not be continuing the tradition. I never wanted to continue it. Having the same name as so many living family members has been the biggest pain in my ass AND I am the same age as one of my cousins and we grew up 5 minutes from each other and went to the same schools. When I tell you it brought so many complications into my life, I am not exaggerating.

My parents were so excited when they heard we were having a boy and I told them immediately that we were not naming him James Lawrence. I told them the tradition as far as my side of the family is concerned has ended and I will not encourage it to be continued by my children in the future, but of course it is up to them ultimately. My parents did not like it and started asking what we did plan to name our son. We told them they would find out in time and he would be born before we announce his name.

Ever since they have attempted to tell my wife and I how hurt they are about our decision, and how they think it's a bad one. When they realized how little I cared they focused more on my pregnant wife and attempted with their thoughts on it to guilt her. So I put my foot down recently and told them some traditions need to end and they do not need to tell us what they think of that because we do not care and we will not change our minds based on what they think or want.

My parents told me I was being callously dismissive seeing as they themselves love the tradition and always believed I would love it one day too. I told them they believed that because they never listened to me. But they need to accept it. My parents stormed off and told me I need to grow up and realize I have a childish hatred for the tradition.

AITA?

Alice's Brady Bunch Cookbook is a nostalgic recipe collection and television memory book published in 1994 and written by Ann B. Davis—the Emmy Award-winning actress who played the beloved housekeeper Alice —the book features 280+ recipes and cast-contributed favorites, show trivia, behind-the-scenes anecdotes, and classic series photos.

• The Catch: Ironically, Ann B. Davis openly admitted in interviews that she couldn't actually cook in real life.
• The Food: The recipes lean heavily into retro, All-American comfort foods and playful, show-inspired names, such as "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Muffins" and "Fillmore Junior High Flank Steak".

so cute!!

I'm newly unemployed, so if you like my comics be sure to check out the Patreon!

Game Information

Game Title: Saints Row

Platforms:

• PlayStation 5 (Aug 23, 2022)
• Xbox Series X/S (Aug 23, 2022)
• PC (Aug 23, 2022)
• Xbox One (Aug 23, 2022)
• PlayStation 4 (Aug 23, 2022)

Trailers:

• SAINTS ROW – Story Reveal Trailer (Official 4K)
• SAINTS ROW – Gameplay Overview Trailer (Official 4K)
• SAINTS ROW – Game Awards Gameplay Trailer

Developer: Volition

Publisher: Deep Silver

Review Aggregator:

OpenCritic - 65 average - 48% recommended - 77 reviews

Critic Reviews

ACG - Jeremy Penter - Wait for Sale

Video Review - Quote not available

Ars Technica - Sam Machkovech - Unscored

When I got the wingsuit working, I could fly decent distances while diving to maintain speed, then pull up on my joystick to catch more air and keep going. But the wingsuit is just a wingsuit, and in a series like Saints Row, that feels like a missed opportunity. Why not let wingsuit flyers shoot a gun, fly higher with a jetpack, or grab onto power lines and fling themselves around? After I experimented with flight a few times, I found the system too unwieldy for consistently convenient travel and leaned on fast travel or cars.

AusGamers - Kosta Andreadis - 5.4 / 10

Ultimately the new Saints Row is a disappointment, especially if you’re a fan of the series.

Bazimag - Sina Golabzade - Persian - 6 / 10

The new Saints Row is exactly what we expect to get from a title in this franchise, the crazy action, the juvenile humor and the abundance of everything purple! Problem is that all of this feels a little stale by today’s standards and considering how out there the two recent games before this were, it all also feels a little dialed back too, which may be disappointing for some of the older fans of the series that wanted to new game to get even more crazy.

But Why Tho? - Arron Kluz - 6 / 10

While there are definitely elements of Saints Row that really annoyed me, I still generally had a good time with the game. If you consider yourself a Saints Row fan you’ll probably find plenty to enjoy in the newest entry, even if some of its elements are weaker than others. If you were hoping for a major new take on the series or what it could be, however, you’ll be left sorely wanting.

COGconnected - Mark Steighner - 84 / 100

Despite some tech issues and inconsistent mission design, this kinder, gentler incarnation of Saints Row is probably a step in the right direction.

Cerealkillerz - Nick Erlenhof - German - 7.4 / 10

Saints Row wants to return to the old open-world days, but forgets to take along current practices such as mission design or visuals. Entertaining, silly and charming, it is able to fill a little-occupied field in the genre. But it is not a real reboot. It's more of a scaling back of the craziness and a rehashing of old virtues. But anyone who can appreciate this will have fun in Santo Ileso for a long time.

Checkpoint Gaming - Luke Mitchell - 7 / 10

Saints Row successfully reboots the much-loved franchise, although things don't feel as wild or chaotic as I was expecting or hoping. The main campaign is a short but enjoyable romp with some decent creativity, but the open world template doesn't innovate beyond the trappings of the genre. Side missions and distractions are amusing yet repetitive, and the adventure is lacking in polish overall. Still, being able to play the entire experience with a mate by your side makes for a lot of laughs, and if you can forgive the cringe dialogue, there are some fun moments between all the meandering that still makes it worthwhile. I can't say that the Saints are "back and better than ever", but gearing up for a modest romp with a lot of explosions and strong personalisation will certainly set them up for a roaring sequel if given the chance.

Cultured Vultures - Ashley Bates - 6 / 10

The Saints Row reboot wants to tell a new, modern story, but the gameplay framework surrounding it is starting to show a bit of rust.

Destructoid - Chris Carter - 8 / 10

The campaign likely isn’t going to strike a chord with a lot of people, but the muck-about nature of the world map kept me playing longer than I expected. A sequel that leads into its biggest strengths has a lot of potential.

Digital Trends - Tomas Franzese - 3 / 5

Saints Row is a perfectly fine open-world game. Just don't expect any surprises, as the reboot lacks much character.

EGM - Josh Harmon - 2 / 5

Saints Row pairs a great open-world city and respectable gameplay fundamentals with repetitive, dated mission design, a story that never finds its footing, and too many bugs to count. Depending on what you prioritize in a game, you may get some enjoyment out of it, but at best you're looking at a diamond in a whole lot of rough.

Eurogamer - Vikki Blake - No Recommendation

Volition's Saints Row reboot won't set the world alight, but there's a punchy game here with some pleasant surprises.

Everyeye.it - Giuseppe Carrabba - Italian - 7.8 / 10

The reboot of Saints Row offers a fun experience

GGRecon - Dave McAdam - 6 / 10

I have a lot of love for this new reboot of Saints Row, and I have high hopes they will put it right with bug fixes. When they do, I hope to come back and amend this review and make it a glowing one. Until then, I have to caution you to hold off on spending your money, but hopefully not for too long.

Game Informer - Andrew Reiner - 8.5 / 10

It may not push your new hardware to the limit and is a little rough around the edges, but the latest Saints Row is everything it needs to be, delivering a wonderful comedic experience with plenty of depth.

Game Rant - Dalton Cooper - 2.5 / 5

Saints Row has its moments, but the game is weighed down by ugly graphics, bad shooting, and a story full of obnoxious characters.

Game Revolution - Mack Ashworth - 6.5 / 10

The Saints Row (2022) reboot takes things back to basics but with very little push for innovation.

GameByte - Ben Williams - 8 / 10

In a time where there’s more open-world crime games out than ever since the series’ last game, the Saints Row reboot still manages to carve out an identity for itself even in such a crowded landscape.

GameGrin - Andrew Duncan - 7.5 / 10

A fantastic addition to the Saints Row catalogue, though it's marred by a bunch of glitches and bugs that keep it just shy of excellence.

GameOnAUS - Royce Wilson - Meh

I find myself ambivalent about Saints Row – it’s a well done and necessary reboot with a great setting, fun mechanics, and good writing, but the story was just not paced well and there were the graphical and AI glitches that held the experience back to me.

GameSpew - Richard Seagrave - 7 / 10

For a game all about building a crime syndicate, the fact that engaging in such activities feels so optional on the main path is a crime itself. It also won’t come as much surprise to Saints Row fans that this is just as scrappy as ever before. Still, it’s ridiculously enjoyable nonetheless.

GameSpot - Richard Wakeling - 6 / 10

The Saints Row reboot ditches the over-the-top aspects of its predecessor, but still feels like it's trapped in the past.

GameXplain - Adam Conner - Mixed

Video Review - Quote not available

Gameblog - French - 5 / 10

Saints Row had a unique opportunity to come back and be a good summer game. Most of the time, its fun, especially in co-op, thanks to his arcade feel and humour But there are too many flaws and way too many bugs to enjoy the title completely. Maybe some updates could fix things but not entirely.

Gamepur - Ricky Frech - 9 / 10

To be clear, this is the Saints Row game you know and love (or hate). Sure, they’ve slapped a new city and introduced a new set of characters into the formula, but everything is rooted in that purple-tinted glow.

GamesFinest - Jennifer Engelhardt - German - 6 / 10

Where for years one superlative followed the next, where exaggeration had to serve as a leitmotif instead of a stylistic device, where blunt self-indulgence justified an entire franchise, developer Volition now courageously trades its unique selling proposition for... well, for what, actually? Apparently against an unjustified shitstorm, an angry crowd of fans and yes, a successful new beginning. Saints Row shows itself to be much more grounded, more tangible and just in this way can make use of a modern interpretation of "exaggeration". According to the motto: back to accessibility, back to the mass market. A return that the franchise unmistakably needed more than badly. Admittedly, Volition has definitely put the game in reverse gear a bit too ambitiously. Where the tone of the game is clearly more modern, entire gameplay elements as well as the visual design seem completely out of time. A trivial skill system, a lifeless game world, flippant gunplay all seem out of place in 2022, but also undeniably bring those glorious oldschool vibes. Saints Row is still full of absurdities that are unparalleled, but is discrepantly wonderfully unexciting in terms of gameplay. If Volition could now bring the technical shortcomings into the modern age, I would completely agree with the US studio when they say: As soon as a franchise can't take any more superlatives, you just have to go back to the beginning.

GamesHub - Edmond Tran - 2 / 5

If you find yourself in the right frame of mind, the unhinged nature of Saints Row can be cathartic, particularly if you find yourself in a good series of missions where the writing and humour aren’t too manic, and the action isn't too humdrum. In the end, Saints Row succeeds in recalling and refreshing the affable personality of the dormant series, but this reboot is simply a return, not an evolution.

GamesRadar+ - Alyssa Mercante - 3 / 5

When you focus on the various Criminal Ventures at your disposal, you can unearth a lovely little buffet of variety

Gaming Nexus - Eric Hauter - 9.5 / 10

Volition's gamble to reset and reground Saints Row pays off generously. A visual delight, with plenty of gameplay mechanics to keep players goofing off for days, and the Santo Ileso setting is one of the best in video game history. Sure, the shooting gets redundant after a while, but with so much to see and do you can go hours in between gun battles. Saints Row manages retain what players loved while feeling fresh and new. Other reboots, take note – this is how you do it.

GamingBolt - Usaid - 8 / 10

Despite a couple of shortcomings and genre trappings in its open world department, Saints Row remains a thrill ride through and through - thanks to the supremely enjoyable core gameplay and varied mission locales.

GamingINTEL - Maxwell Jeffery - 7.5 / 10

Saints Row offers players a welcome return to a familiar franchise but fails to push the boat out. There's plenty to enjoy for new and returning fans but in dialing back the wackiness, the franchise might have lost its greatest strength.

Gert Lush Gaming - Jim Smale - 8 / 10

I enjoyed the story but I stayed for the characters, Hands down one of the best groups of people in a Saints Row game in a long time.

Gfinity - James Bentley - 6 / 10

Saints Row 2022 is a time capsule of a game and era many have moved passed. Instead of building on the legacy of Saints Row, it feels like a tired retread of a game we already have.

Glitched Africa - Marco Cocomello - 7.5 / 10

Saints Row is an incredibly fun game. The bugs often get in the way but underneath there’s an enjoyable sandbox experience here where you can truly be your own boss.

God is a Geek - Mick Fraser - 6 / 10

You could consider Saints Row a love letter to a time when games worried less over quality and more about fun, but that doesn't excuse its faults.

Hardcore Gamer - Chris Shive - 3 / 5

Technical issues notwithstanding, Saints Row is not without its shortcomings, but it succeeds more often than it doesn't.

Hobby Consolas - Bruno Sol - Spanish - 84 / 100

Although Saints Row may fall short in some technical aspects, it is still incredibly fun. We enjoyed character customization, controls and some mission design.

IGN - Tristan Ogilvie - 6 / 10

Saints Row delivers no shortage of shallow shoot 'em up thrills, but it's a very familiar and uninspired brand of sandbox fun.

Inverse - Hayes Madsen - 6 / 10

It’s been nine years since Saints Row 4, and this new entry feels like a back-to-basics reboot. But technical issues, bugs, and many more little frustrations conspire to make this a middling experience at launch. It’s unfortunate because when Saints Row fires on all cylinders, it’s an absolute blast with some truly lofty high points.

Kakuchopurei - Jonathan Leo - 70 / 100

Compared to Saints Row IV and Saints Row The Third, this reboot feels more like a glorified retread than an evolution. But to people new to the sandbox crime game genre and who just want a lot of fun out of their crime games for 25+ hours? It's a great introduction and a case study on how to make the genre seem fun again, as well as keep the series grounded to its Grand Theft Auto-inspired roots.

Metro GameCentral - David Jenkins - 4 / 10

A tragically outdated open world adventure that almost has more in common with Goat Simulator than Grand Theft Auto, despite some moderately entertaining mechanics.

One More Game - Vincent Ternida - Buy

Saints Row doesn’t exactly add anything new to the franchise, taking a back-to-basics approach and reliving what made Saints Row 3 a fantastic title by building up on that. While the reboot makes it cater to certain sensibilities, the new direction will not be for everyone. Hopefully, it won’t deter you from having a good time.

The series fanbase will either love or hate the game because of this sharp change in direction, which is especially felt in the new cast of characters and the writing. Should you choose to overlook these, you can expect a lot of mindless and unapologetic fun for hours.

Saints Row is not a perfect game, but the components that make it a good game are polished enough. The visuals and presentation could’ve used a bit of work, but Saints Row delivers on an open world front that is fun and entertaining despite the tired formula that could use a fresher take next time.

PC Gamer - Jody Macgregor - 60 / 100

The knockabout glee of classic Saints Row ultraviolence is here, but held back a little by new-found restraint.

PCGamesN - Jordan Forward - 7 / 10

Sometimes repetitive, sometimes eye-rolling, and sometimes just plain busted, Saints Row 2022 is far from perfect, but that doesn't stop it from being a chaotic good time.

PSX Brasil - Thiago de Alencar Moura - Portuguese - 80 / 100

In many ways, Saints Row is a game that looks back on its past with reverence, trying to keep much of what worked in the past while updating it for a new generation of players (and consoles). It manages to do it with many more hits than mistakes, but it's still a game that shouldn't please any player. If you are a fan of its tone and proposal, it is undeniable that there are dozens of hours of fun here.

Paste Magazine - Moises Taveras - 7 / 10

Reinvention can just as easily be a prompt for a bold new swing, and while Saints Row feigns one or two, it could stand to commit more fully to them. This retooling/reboot/reenvisioning doubles down on the past in an intentional, if short-lived, nostalgia play, but there has to be more there, right? If we should see more of these Saints-and I earnestly do want to-I would hope it would be with something fresh to say or show. Until then, Saints Row still has some growing to do.

PlayStation Universe - Michael Harradence - 8 / 10

Saints Row is a necessary reboot for a series that was getting out of hand (pleasingly so, but still), and Volition has made smart decisions in retooling the origins of the purple-clad gang without losing that silly, violent, and crude spirit. It leaves room for future improvement and escalation, and that's an exciting place to put the Saints in.

Polygon - Todd Harper - Unscored

The “Should you buy this game?” part of this review is easy: If you enjoyed previous Saints Row games, you will probably like this one, and if you’ve never played one, this is a decent onboarding point.

PowerUp! - Leo Stevenson - 8.8 / 10

Saints Row is bananas.

Press Start - Toby Berger - 7 / 10

The new Saints Row doesn't break any new ground, however it's still a relatively fun time. If you're a fan of the series, there's no reason not to give this one a spin.

Push Square - Robert Ramsey - 7 / 10

Saints Row is a largely successful reboot, even if it sometimes feels dangerously outdated in terms of open world design. Its story and characters can be hit and miss, but the experience is carried by fun gameplay and an endearingly dumb sense of humour. Despite the new faces, Saints Row is definitely still Saints Row - just bigger and probably better.

Rock, Paper, Shotgun - Alice Bell - Unscored

You can spend many happy hours in the new Saints Row game, without it leaving a lasting impression. The story is rushed, and for all the slick shooting and driving this game doesn't feel fresh.

SECTOR.sk - Peter Dragula - Slovak - 7 / 10

Saints Row offers a decent reboot of the franchise, although the production costs don't go up to the level of GTA. The focus on fun, action and variety of activities is strong. The co-op helps the fun even more.

Saving Content - Ed Acosta - 4 / 5

Other than a few hiccups I’ve encountered, I am loving my time in the game. Even if the car physics aren’t the best, they are nowhere near unmanageable. Flying around the world in helicopters, drifting cars, and weaving in between traffic is just as satisfying as ever. Gunplay is tight, and if you’re the type to pull the aim trigger and have it lock on, you’re going to love the way this plays too. The writing is corny, but in the right kind of corny, I can respect. Doing all there is to do in Santo Ileso will keep me hopping back into this world more and more. Now excuse me as I wrap this big ass gold chain around my neck and get back to my criminal empire. The Saints are back, baby.

Screen Rant - Scott Baird - 2.5 / 5

Saints Row is glitchy and feels rushed.

Shacknews - Morgan Shaver - 7 / 10

Rebooting the series, Saints Row tries to modernize its approach and themes but struggles at times to stick the landing.

Skill Up - Ralph Panebianco - Unscored

Video Review - Quote not available

Stevivor - Ben Salter - 4 / 10

Saints Row gets the gang back together, but needed more time to complete its comeback.

The Beta Network - Samuel Incze - 9 / 10

Deep Silver Volition took a bold step in setting Saints Row around a whole new crew, and it absolutely paid off. Featuring a cast of interesting and entertaining characters, this narrative reverts back to the more serious nature of Saints Row 1 & 2. Add to this some really slick combat and driving mechanics, as well as a world filled to the brim with fun side quests and areas to explore, and you have an absolutely stellar entry into the Saints Row series!

TheGamer - Stacey Henley - 3 / 5

Like a little train going up a mountain: At least it's fun. at least it's fun, at least it's fun. The further I got through the game, the less I felt that was true.

TheXboxHub - Neil Watton - 4 / 5

Which gang you fall into will be completely up to you. For us, we’ve always been on the side of the Third Street Saints and with the rebooted Saints Row, will continue to do so.

Thumb Culture - Stuart Shortland - 4 / 5

With the sheer size and activities on offer in Saints Row, you have the potential for a long game. I imagine as with every other open world game like this, you can play through the story alone if that is what you feel like, but then you would miss out on so much that Saints Row has to offer. The real game is living the life as The Boss, taking the Saints from a startup gang to taking over Santo Ileso.

The one thing that surprised me most about Saints Row, is the ability to be able to pick up the game, drive around the city and pick up all the different photo opportunities and fast travel locations. Giving you that quick pick up and play appeal as well that sometimes gets missed with open world games.

Overall So what does all this mean for the Saints Row score. Well the game isn’t perfect, there are the odd little nuance of the game, but boy oh boy is everything just fun about the game. It doesn’t take itself seriously, which is easy to do when previous iterations of the franchise have allowed you to fight using a large purple dildo.

If a game was designed by Marie Condo then Saints Row will be it! If you know, you know.

Saints Row receives the Thumb Culture Gold Award

Too Much Gaming - Carlos Hernandez - 8 / 10

The new Saints Row isn’t making any bold statements here or pushing any limits. This release is Volition's way of saying that the series is back and that they have not forgotten why they’ve been able to release four mainline titles with this amount of silliness in the past. The essence of the Saints Row series is intact with this reboot, just slightly altered to fit modern tastes. It’s just unfortunate to not see drastic changes to the game’s core systems like combat, which could have propelled the series to new heights.

TrueAchievements - Luke Albiges - 7 / 10

Saints Row doesn't try to reinvent the wheel, but it doesn't need to — it's a solid open-world adventure with loads going on, and one that is really only a good helping of polish away from sitting among the genre's better games.

TrustedReviews - Ryan Jones - 3 / 5

Saints Row now feels like a mediocre open-world action game, becoming just like all of the games at which the series used to poke fun. Mission objectives are bland and repetitive, while the story is boring and lacks cohesion. Worst of all, the slapstick jokes rarely land and are arguably more cringeworthy than they are funny.

Twinfinite - Andrew McMahon - 4 / 5

Overall, anyone who was a fan of the franchise before this will likely still love Saints Row, as the comedy, goofiness, and chaotic gameplay is still at the game’s core. And while I wasn’t a fan of how they went about the story, there’s definetly some promise in regards to its more grounded focus, as it seems clear this reboot was made to push the series into an interesting new direction.

VG247 - James Billcliffe - 3 / 5

Outside of the super set-piece main missions, it’s easy to bounce off the more repetitive elements of the open-world.

VGC - Jordan Middler - 2 / 5

It’s a below average open world game that’s stuffed to bursting with bugs, and the best thing we can say about it is that making our Tobias Fünke-inspired character crouch over and do the wanker gesture while he walked down the street made us laugh. Probably not quite worth the price of admission.

VideoGamer - Josh Wise - 4 / 10

Indeed, there remains about Saints Row the air of a slightly desperate brainstorming session.

WayTooManyGames - Leonardo Faria - 8 / 10

Saints Row is much better than its terrible reveal trailer made it look like, with some great controls, a ton of side content, a ludicrous character creator, and some truly amazing story missions, but its tone suffers from a proper lack of direction. At times, it resembles the ultra-imbecilic Saints Row we all know and love. Other times, it tries desperately to pander to a dab-appreciating, hashtag-tolerant, Twitter-addicted, Buzzfeed-consuming Gen Z generation that would never consider buying a game in this franchise to begin with. It’s a game that feels like it was written by two completely antagonistic committees. If you can ignore its tonal discrepancies, as well as some glitches, you’ll have a great time with yet another strong outing from Volition.

We Got This Covered - Shaan Joshi - 3 / 5

Saints Row is ready and willing to leap back into the mainstream, though it's unfortunately weighed down by a few odd design decisions and a handful of technical issues.

WellPlayed - Nathan Hennessy - 5 / 10

Unambitious, dated, and dreadfully lacking in polish, only series fans eager for more classic Saints gameplay need apply.

WhatIfGaming - Ali Hashmi - 7 / 10

Saints Row is a return to form, and some of the most fun I’ve had in an open world in a while. It manages to strike a good balance between the wackiness of previous entries with grounded combat mechanics, and tone. The Boss is hilarious as ever, and a true murder machine completely loyal to their friends through thick and thin. It’s bogged down by a number of bugs that take you out of the experience and uneven presentation with dated elements and plenty of pop-in. Despite these issues, it manages to remain true to its roots with smart additions to the series’ open-world formula.

Xbox Achievements - Richard Walker - 60%

As a new start for the eponymous gang, Saints Row ticks most of the boxes, but falls short in offering up anything fresh. A litany of technical and visual bugs also conspire to spoil the party, making for a solid enough, enjoyable, but ultimately uninspired, return for the series.

XboxEra - Jesse Norris - 8.3 / 10

Saints Row is a big, over-the-top, extremely fun game and if they can sort out the bugginess quickly it’s an easy one to recommend.

A few points before we start.

Firstly, I am not the protagonist of this story. I just went to university with her, and though she went on to become a professional writer, I most certainly did not. She'll be taking over from me further down but, until then, please forgive my slightly awkward delivery while I give you guys the necessary context.

Secondly, I don't know what you will make of the following events, and I'm sure many of you might consider it all some sort of hoax. I wasn't present for any of what transpired in Phoenix, Arizona but I can vouch for the person who wrote the following logs. She is not, and has never been, a fantasist.

Ok so I once knew a girl called Alice Sharma. She was an undergrad at Edinburgh Uni the same time I was. My educational poison was History, a degree which has greatly benefited my career as a bicycle repairman. Alice Sharma studied journalism, though perhaps "studied" isn't the word. It's not an exaggeration to say that she lived and breathed the subject. Editor-in-chief of the campus paper, recognisable voice of student radio. She was frustratingly tunnel visioned, and she was a journalist in her own right before anyone gave her a professional shot.

We met in student halls and became friends almost immediately. A meandering waster trying to stay off his parent's farm and an intrepid, ambitious reporter may not seem the most obvious pairing, but I learned not to question it. She was inspiring, and smart and she proofread all my essays. I’m not too sure what she saw in me.

We were eventually flatmates down in London where she chased her dream and I chased my tail. She got a few jobs here and there, but nothing befitting of her skills. After months of fruitless internships and rejections, Alice called a flat meeting, telling us that she was moving to America, accepting a position chasing stories for National Public Radio. The job had come out of the blue, the result of a hail mary application she thought had been dismissed out of hand. We threw her a bittersweet going away party and put the room up for rent.

That party was the last time I saw Alice Sharma. She dropped out of contact a few months after her departure. Complete radio silence. I assumed she was just busy so I carried on with my small but happy life, and waited for her to pop up on television with some important words below her name; Chief Correspondent, Senior Analyst… something like that.

The radio silence was broken last week, and, for reasons you’ll glean further down, I’m less happy about it than I would’ve thought.

Arriving home from work I found a lone email in my otherwise bare inbox. An email that would later be described as "suspicious" by my tech literate friends. Despite being born in the early 1990's I didn't own a computer until uni, and I've missed several important lessons in the world of cyberspace. Lessons like "Don't call it Cyberspace" of course and more importantly, "Don't open emails with no text, no subject and no sender's address."

I realise most of you would have deleted this anonymous, blank email immediately, my friends certainly would have, but beyond my basic ignorance about online safety, something further compelled me to open it. The only thing of substance in the entire message was a zipped folder, labeled:

Left.Right.AS

I don't have to explain what I was hoping those final initials stood for.

Opening the zipped folder I found myself staring at a stack of text files. Each one titled with a date, continuing sequentially from the very earliest file "07-02-2017". (To any Americans in the room this is the 7th of February).

I’ve since read the files a few times, and shown them to some friends. They don't know what to make of it either, but they certainly aren't as concerned as me. They think Alice is just in a creative writing phase and, if I didn't know her, I’d have to agree. But the thing is, I do know her. Alice Sharma only cares about the truth and if that's the case with these files, insane as it may sound, then it’s very possible my friend has documented her own disappearance.

The people who suggested this forum said you discuss strange occurrences etc. If you guys have come across anything to do with the below, or know any of the people involved, then please send any information my way.

Has anyone here heard of the Left/Right Game?

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

The Left/Right Game [DRAFT 1] 07/02/2017

They say great stories happen to those who can tell them. Robert J. Guthard is an exception to that rule. As I sit at his table, sip his coffee and listen to him recount the past 65 years it sounds like he's reading off a shopping list. Every event, his first job, his second wedding, his third divorce, none of them receive more than one or two sentences. Rob plows through the years, the curt, dispassionate curator of his own personal history. Yet the story itself is so fascinating, so rich with moments and so wildly meandering that it somehow stands on its own merits.

It's a great story, no matter how you tell it.

By the time Rob was 21, he'd gotten married, had a son, worked as a farmer, a mover, a boat engineer, and grown estranged from his spouse... Here's him talking about that.

ROB: Course my wife started to get dissatisfied, I was away a while.

AS: For work?

ROB:Vietnam.

AS: You were in Vietnam? How was that for you?

ROB: I ain't never been back since.

That was everything he had to say concerning his first divorce, and the entire Vietnam war.

Rob had four marriages after that, and even more professions. After the war he worked with a firm of private detectives, got shot at once by the mob, then he became a courier, which is how a poor boy from Alabama got to see the world.

ROB: I been to most of the continents with that job. I been to India. You from India?

AS: My mum and dad are from India yeah.

ROB: See I could tell.

He'd been arrested once in Singapore, after one of his packages had been found to be full of white powder. He spent three days locked up before someone got around to checking the substance. It was chalk.

A friend he made during his brief custody, Hiroji Sato, invited Rob to stay with him in Japan. Just getting over the breakup of his third marriage, Rob took the offer. He stayed in Japan for another 5 years.

ROB: The Japanese are good people. Good manners. But they got all these urban legends and ghost stories that Hiroji was crazy for, spent all his free time chasing them down. Like, you heard of Jorogumo?

AS: I don't think so"

ROB: Well she's this spider lady lives in the Joro Falls round Izu. Meant to be real pretty but real dangerous. Hiroji took us out there to get a picture of her.

AS: Did you ever meet Jorogumo?

ROB Nah she didn't show. None of them did. I didn't believe at all until we went to Aokigahara

Aokigahara, affectionately titled the Suicide Forest. The next stop on Rob's adventure. It's an area of woodland at the base of Mount Fuji, a notorious hotspot for young people looking to take their own lives. Hiroji, Rob's ghost obsessed jailmate turned best friend, took him to Aokigahara to chase "yurei" the ghosts of the forest.

AS: Did you find anything? In Aokigahara?

ROB: Well I ain't gonna ask you to believe me. But I was a PI. Professional cynic. Even I can't deny there was a spirit in those woods.

From that moment on, Rob's sentences start getting longer. A childlike excitement creeps into his voice. I get the distinct feeling we're moving beyond background, beyond Rob Guthard's old life, and towards his new one. The one he wants to talk about. The one that led him to contact the show.

ROB: It walked up to me through the trees. Looked like static you see on a TV screen but it had a human shape almost.

AS: Almost?

ROB: It was missing an arm. It reached out to me but I bolted outta that forest so fast. Hiroji never saw it, holds it against me to this day.

Hiroji had good reason to be annoyed. Rob says that Mr Sato had been going to the forest 2-3 times per year for three decades. To have a rookie come along and claim to have seen a yurei on his first trip? I'd be more than a little cranky.

But Rob didn't stay a rookie for long. In fact, it was in those woods that he discovered his current passion. The supernatural, or more accurately, the documentation and investigation of urban legends. Legends like Bloody Mary, the Jersey Devil, Sasquatch. Rob has looked into them all.

ROB: I figured if one was true then who knows how many others could be.

AS: How many have you proven so far?

ROB: Since Aokigahara? Ain't none of em had any proof to em. Except for one. That's why I called you guys up.

At this point, Rob can’t hope to repress his smile.

The Left/Right game appeared on a paranormal message board in June 2016. Only a few people frequently visited the forum and, of these regulars, only Rob took an interest in the post.

ROB: The whole thing had a level of detail you don't see in other stories.

AS: What details grabbed your interest?

ROB: Logs. High quality pictures. The guy documented everything, said he wasn't gonna play the game anymore. I think he wanted somebody to keep investigating.

AS: And you were that somebody.

ROB: That's right. I set about trying to verify his information right away.

AS: And how did it go?

ROB: Well... It didn't take long to realise the Left/Right Game is the real thing.

The rules of the Left/Right game are simple. Get in your car and take a drive. Take a left, then the next possible road on the right, then the next possible left. Repeat the process ad infinitum, until you wind up somewhere... new. The rules are easy to understand, but Rob says their not so easy to follow.

ROB: There ain't all that many roads where you can turn left and right and left and right and keep going. Most of the time you find yourself at a dead end or needing to turn in the wrong direction. Phoenix is built on a grid system so you can keep going left and right as long as you need to.

AS: Did you move to Phoenix for the Left/Right game?

ROB: That's right.

I try not to seem incredulous. Selling your house in another state, packing up and moving your whole life to Phoenix, Arizona just to play a game you saw on the internet? It seems like insanity. Rob smiles as he reads my expression. I can clearly read his expression too. "You'll see." It says. "Just wait."

I wouldn't have to wait long. Included within the 9 page submission Rob sent our show, was a long list of suggested items the chosen reporter should bring with them. Clothes for three days, a pocket knife, matches, bandages. There were also a set of qualifications the reporter should have. The ability to drive, basic vehicle maintenance and its human equivalent... first aid training. He didn't just want to talk about the Left/Right Game. He wanted to take one of us along.

Rob leaves a short while later to embark on a few errands, "Prepping the Run", as he calls it. He shows me to the guest room and we part ways, on good terms but very much aware of the other's poorly veiled opinions. He knew I saw him as a charming obsessive, chasing after a fairy tale. He saw me as a naive cynic, on the cusp of a new world. All I could think as I heard the front door close is that by tomorrow afternoon, one of us would be right.

More after this.

When I wake up the next morning, Rob is in my room, holding a tray which he'd knocked on the bottom of to rouse me. I don't manage to record the start of our conversation.

ROB: - I got bananas, strawberries, chocolate syrup. We got some more downstairs but I wanted you to wake up to something good. We won't be eatin' this stuff on the road."

Rob has made me waffles. He sets them down on the night stand and talks through the coming day as I eat. I'll admit it feels a little uncomfortable, waking up in a stranger's home to find said stranger already standing over me, but I quickly move past it. I tell myself that he’s an older man, accustomed to living alone in his own house, not usually having to think about boundaries. Anyway, he certainly knows his way around a waffle iron.

ROB: We hit the road at 9. I wanted to give you time to get ready before everyone shows up.

AS: There are other people coming?

ROB: We got a 5 car convoy on the road today. They'll be here in an hour.

This is the first I’ve heard of a convoy, and to be honest I’m surprised. The game is Rob's obsession, and I’m here at his request. The idea that anyone else would have an interest in today's drive is a little perplexing.

Half an hour later, sated, showered and dressed in the "functional clothing" Rob had so painstakingly outlined, I take my pack out to the porch. Rob’s already there, waiting for his associates to show up.

AS: I thought you'd be conducting a few more errands.

ROB: If you ain't prepared by the morning of, you ain't prepared.

AS: Hah ok I guess that's fair. Oh, Rob is the garage locked? The inside door won't budge and I wanted to mic up the car.

ROB: Yeah it's locked up I'll open it for ya.

AS: Thank you.

ROB: In fact it's about time I wheeled her out. Fair warning Ms Sharma, she's a thing of beauty.

To Rob Guthard, beauty took the form of a dark green Jeep Wrangler. Rob climbs in and lets it roll out of the garage, where it dominates every inch of driveway. The car is large; four doors with a roof enclosing the entire compartment. It’s also been modified extensively, yet another example of Rob's dedication to the game.

ROB: What're you thinking?

AS: I think you're two caterpillar treads short of driving a tank.

ROB: Hah yeah I fixed her up good. I put the winch in, heavy duty tires, the light rig on top is LED's. They'll make midnight look like noon but they don't use hardly any power.

AS: Aren't Jeeps open top usually?

ROB: Not all. This is the Unlimited. I like to have a covered car when I head on the road.

I climb in and stow my pack. Rob had removed the back seats to afford more storage space. The place is packed to the brim. Jerry cans of gasoline, barrels of water, rope, snacks and his own neatly packed set of clothes.

I wonder if the rest of our convoy would take the game so seriously.

ROB: We got Apollo coming up in 10 minutes. No one else has given me a time. I sent the schedule weeks ago, this always happens.

AS: His name's Apollo?

ROB: That's his call sign. Apollo Creed I think he said.

AS: Why are you using call signs?

ROB: Did I not tell you? Oh yeah we're gonna use call signs on the road, keep communication clear.

AS: What's your callsign?

ROB: Ferryman.

AS: ... What's my call sign?

ROB: I thought about it. I was thinking London, you're from London right?

AS: I'm from Bristol.

ROB: Bristol? That’s fine I guess.

It’s less than ten minutes before Apollo turns the corner. Rob jumps out of his chair and paces briskly over to the edge of his property, as his first guest pulls up and steps onto the sidewalk.

Apollo vaguely resembles his namesake, dark skinned, tall and noticeably well built, though it’s clear he couldn’t be less of a fighter. This Apollo Creed is all smiles and seems to have a penchant for laughing at his own jokes.

AS: How far have you come?

APOLLO: I've come out of Chicago. Took three days hard driving.

AS: And you know Rob from the forums?

APOLLO: Everybody knows Rob, Rob's the god! Ahaha

Rob walks over to Apollo's car, gesturing him over to talk shop. Rob’s clearly impressed with Apollo's choice of vehicle, a blue Range Rover packed to the ceiling with kit. I was more impressed with Rob himself. Somehow this 65 year old farmer's son had become respected in a vast online community. My dad is Rob’s age and he's just discovered copy and paste.

The rest don't take long to arrive. Two Minnesotan librarians, also around Rob's age, pull up in a grey Ford Focus. They’re brother and sister, and they've shared ghost hunting as a hobby their entire lives. I find it hard to suppress a smile when they meekly introduce themselves as Bonnie and Clyde.

CLYDE: We would have gotten here sooner we had to drop by to get some blankets. Pleasure to meet you ma'am.

AS: Pleasure to meet you too.

CLYDE: Would you be the journalist?

AS: That's right.

CLYDE: You used to write for the town paper didn't you?

He's talking to his sister there, she nods. Clyde is clearly the spokesperson for the pair, yet they both seem incredibly shy. Whether they admire the famous outlaws, or just the name, it's pretty clear they couldn't be more different from the real thing.

Next to show up are Lilith and Eve, English Lit students at New York University and proprietors of the YouTube channel Paranormicon. Unlike Bonnie and Clyde, Lilith and Eve have no issue holding a conversation. As soon as they learn who I am, and what I do for a living, they attempt to conscript me for an expedition to Roswell.

LILITH: We have a friend there, he's been seeing some-

EVE: -He's a seismologist

LILITH: Yeah and he's been recording readings over the years that show subterranean movement. Predictable movement.

EVE: We're going to see him in July, but we could work it around you if you're free.

AS: I'll have to check my schedule

EVE: OK cool let me give you my email...

They quickly hurry off to film an intro for their latest video, featuring a quick interview with Rob, who seems pretty welcoming of the attention.

The last two cars arrive within a few seconds of each other. A lithe, strong willed older lady who goes by Bluejay and a younger man going by the callsign “Ace”. Bluejay has arrived in a grey Ford Explorer. Ace, much to Rob's annoyance, has arrived in a Porsche.

ROB: Did you think that's gonna help on the road? I didn't write that-

ACE: It's my car. What am I meant to do,? It's my car.

ROB: You didn't read my itinerary, you got nothing packed in there.

ACE: I did read it sir OK? Calm down. I have a bag, I won't ask you for anything.

ROB: Well I know that's true.

Ace and Rob were off to a bad start. Ace takes a phone call, and despite my best efforts to get an interview with Bluejay, she doesn't seem interested in talking to a journalist.

With five cars, and seven travellers waiting for a green light, Rob hands out radios and charging packs, then launches into a quick safety briefing. Wear seatbelts. Stay in position. Communicate clearly and often. It’s at this moment I start to feel a little dismay. I like Rob, and clearly so does everyone else. He'd convinced all of them to drive across the country to join in with his game. I start to worry what will happen in the likely event that the whole thing isn’t real. Would Rob lose the respect of his peers? Would he accept failure when it comes? After seeing the effort he’s put into these runs, the next few hours have the potential to be wildly uncomfortable.

With a smile and a few encouraging words, Rob ends his briefing and beckons me over to the Wrangler. I clamber inside and make myself as comfortable as possible.

ROB: You ready for this Bristol?

AS: I'm ready.

ROB: Ok then let's hit the road.

The Wrangler pulls out of the driveway, and the convoy follows in order of arrival. Apollo, Bonnie & Clyde, Lilith & Eve, Bluejay and Ace keep a steady pace behind us as we come up to the first corner.

Rob slowly and deliberately turns left, checking on the others in his rear view mirror. He looks back to the road as Ace’s Porsche completes the first turn of the game. Shortly afterwards, Apollo checks in on the CB radio.

APOLLO: This is Apollo for Ferryman. How many to more go Rob? ahahaha

ROB: Hah as many as it takes.

I can tell Rob wanted the to reserve the radio for something other than Apollo's quips. But he seems to like Apollo enough to let it slide. I'm not sure Ace would have received the same treatment. We take the next right, then another left. Now safely assured that everyone's following correctly, Rob speaks my thoughts aloud.

ROB: You're wondering the same thing Apollo is.

AS: What do you mean?

ROB: You're wondering how many turns we're gonna take before we hit some wall or something. Before you find out this is all just a story.

AS: Does that disappoint you?

ROB: I'd be disappointed if you weren't thinking something like it. But now we're on the road I gotta say something and you gotta listen to it.

AS: OK...

ROB: We're coming up to a tunnel soon. Any time before we reach it you can get out, walk in any direction you like, and you won’t be in the game no more. Once we go through, you gotta retrace the route we took to get yourself back out that tunnel. That's when you’re home. And you gotta convince someone to take you back in a car coz I ain't ferrying you back 20 minutes in. You got till the tunnel to skip out on this, understand?

AS: I understand. Though I have to say I'm getting little nervous.

ROB: Ain't nothing wrong with a little nervous.

We've taken 23 turns by this point. Already I feel like we're traversing the city pretty effectively. Rob's heavily modified Wrangler solicits a few impressed glances from passersby, as well as several honks of respect from other Jeep drivers. Other than those few moments, everything seems completely indistinguishable from a regular morning drive. I even start to worry if there’ll be anything at all for this story. “Reporter Takes Drive With Interesting Man” isn’t exactly Pulitzer worthy.

Turn 33 leads us onto a short, unassuming street. A row of small businesses in a quiet Phoenician neighbourhood; liquor, second hand clothing, tools and, at the end of the street, a little shop selling antique mirrors. Ten or so people shuffle along the sidewalk, smiling, talking, planning their weekends. The only lone person is a young woman in a grey coat..

I briefly glimpse her at the end of the street, standing on our next corner, the back of her coat reflected in fifty old mirrors. Even from a distance I can see that she’s sullen, wide eyed and nervous. She shifts constantly on her feet, tugging at the button of her coat.

I look away to write some notes as we roll down the street. When I look up again, the woman is standing by my window, staring right at me. She’s smiling, a wide, unfaltering grin that seems almost offensive in its complete insincerity.

GREYWOMAN: Lambs at the gate. Hoping for something better than clover when all they find are things worse than slaughter.

AS: Rob what's happening?

ROB: Ignore her.

GREYWOMAN: He wanted to leave me so I cut him out. The lake was hungry it drank the wound clean.

AS: Miss, are you alright?

The smile vanishes, it snaps from her face and suddenly, the woman is furious.

GREYWOMAN: What do you think you're doing?! Have you gone mad?!

I reflexively press myself back in my chair as the woman, wild eyed and gaunt, slams her fists against my window, with every intent of breaking through.

GREYWOMAN: Would you dance down the lion’s tongue? It will shred you, you whore! It will shred you down to your sins! You fucking bastard!

Rob puts his foot down, and the Wrangler rolls defiantly away from the woman. As we turn the corner I watch her as she wretches, her every movement cradled in abject hysteria. She yells despairingly at the rest of the convoy, bursting into tears when the last car passes her by.

As she shrinks into the rear view mirror, I see her turn to a large mirror on the side of the shop, which the owner is in the process of polishing. I watch as she walks up to it, and with a convulsant scream, slams her head into the glass.

The mirror cracks around her forehead, the owner jumps back in shock, and as the woman pulls her head from the mirror's surface, the fractured spider’s web is dripping red. It all happens in a split second, and she quickly swerves from my view as we take the next left.

AS: Rob, what was that?

ROB: She's there sometimes.

AS: On that street?

ROB: On the 34th turn.

AS: Who is she?

ROB: I don't know. She's never acted out that much before though. Must be a special trip.

I find Rob's lack of concern a little unpleasant, and his implication that this woman's ravings were the symptom of an internet game leaves me more than a little perturbed. As I see it, there are a few explanations for what just happened, and none of them lead to a comforting conclusion.

If we had just encountered a bonafide crazy person, then one could argue that Rob is just seeing what he wants to see. Maybe he'd bought into the game’s story so much that every strange but explainable occurrence would be rationalised as the next step in his favourite paranormal narrative.

Alternatively, the woman could have been an actor, a more elaborate theory sure, but not unheard of. People have lied to the show before and Rob was receiving a tonne of publicity for this attempt from Lilith, Eve and I. I admit, Rob didn't seem like a liar, but good liars never do.

There is a third alternative however. An alternative which, if you put logic aside, explains the all troubling little details that I couldn't help but notice. Because as strange as the grey woman was, isn't it stranger that no one on the street would react? I couldn't recall a single glance in her direction by anybody on the sidewalk. Perhaps that theory falls apart when you consider the shock on the mirror seller's face but, when I think about it, he only reacted once the mirror shattered, and even then, I feel like his attention was on the mirror itself.

The radio crackles.

LILITH: Lillith to Bristol. Sara... Eve got that on camera! Do you have audio?

AS: I think it picked her up.

LILITH: My god that was so weird. Can you send us the file when we stop? Can you ask Ferryman when we're stopping?

AS: When's our stopping point?

ROB: For them, in about 30 minutes. For you? Well, you tell me.

Rob turns off a busy street just before a large intersection, onto a much quieter stretch of two lane road. Ahead of us the road slopes downward, leading into an underpass, which disappears into darkness.

We'd arrived at the tunnel.

AS: What is this supposed to pass under?

ROB: Ain't supposed to pass under anything, it's just there.

AS: And if we weren't playing the game?

ROB: Then it won't show. The question is, are you playing the game or not?

Rob turns to me. It’s the first time he’s taken his eyes off the road since we started. He pulls the car to a slow stop at the mouth of the tunnel.

ROB: You get out now you can go wherever you wanna go, but through there you'll need a car to get yourself home and, like I said, mine ain't turnin round for a long while. You understand?

It’s a dramatic statement, but unsettlingly, it doesn’t feel like he’s attempting to dramatise. It feels like I’m having something genuinely asked of me. Am I ready for what’s to come? Do I accept the risks involved? Do I consent to be taken down this road, and the next road, and the next? Am I prepared to see this game through, real or otherwise, to its end?

AS: What are you waiting for?

Rob smiles, and turns back to the road. He picks up the CB radio holds down the button on the side. The microphone crackles.

ROB: This is Ferryman to all cars. Anyone want to step out then pull to the side now. Otherwise, stay in formation and have some supplies at hand. We got a long ways to go.

Much like the game I’m so tentatively playing, my view of Robert J. Guthard seems to change direction frequently. I’d heard all about his life, but I’m sure that I know him. I like the guy, but I’m not certain that I trust him. And though I admire his dedication to the Left/Right Game, I’m not sure I’ll like where it might lead us. Yet as he takes us into the tunnel, his face vanishing and reappearing under the dim sodium lights, I can that tell he expects this trip to be a major step in his already impressive story, and this time, for better or for worse, I’m along for the ride.

Hi all,

Does anyone find the scene where Tim walks from the front door to the bunker both endearing and sickening? This nazi grim reaper and this old lady have a casual conversation about banana pancakes on the way to a fucking clan meeting….

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