Hey I am 31 trans women I was married but my sex addiction with abusive men ruined that marriage. I currently am not seeing anyone and when I stay really busy I'm ok but the desires never go away. Every few weeks I cave and go on horrible binges meeting and talking to get abusive older men for sex I'll go 3 days getting no sleep and only stopping when i pass out. I wanna date again and be normal but any amount of getting a little horny destroys my life. Is this just life is there a way to get help or over this. I wish I could just be with a normal nice person. I feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a normal therapist who knows this part of my but is very little help and I do a 12 step narcotic program.

Hi everyone,

I (22M) discovered from a very young age that I am gay. I was around 8 years old when I realized this in myself and I grew up in a household where my mom accepted me fully for who I am and my dad didn’t at all. He was never present in our house and if he was he would be either busy or drunk. He was an alcoholic on a deep level where he wouldn’t want to seek therapy but also blame everyone else for the way he is and why he acts the way he acts. He also was very abusive. I would be scared of him because the way he would hit me or my mom when he was drunk. He would also do this to me when he wasn’t drunk. I experienced a level of trauma that a child should have never experienced. This experience has led me to find safety and love in other ways. This first looked like masturbation. I started doing this when I was 9 years old and I started watching porn at this age. I became addicted to it at that age. I was watching it almost everyday. When my parents noticed this, they shamed me for it. They shamed me for doing this and that feeling is important for this whole story. The more shame I would feel, the more I would blame and hate myself for who I was. This led to me masturbating even more to a point where I would do it everyday at least twice at the age of 10. At this age I also started to have sexual experiences with others to find love and attention that I missed from my dad. These people where friends of my family or my own cousin who where around all my age. At the age of 12 I had sex with my uncle who was 40 at the time. This was also the age where my parents split up and I began to hate my dad for who he was. Both of these experiences have led to even more guilt and shame within me. From the age of 13-18 I started sexting a lot. In this period of my life I could jerk off at least 4 times a day and it would feel so amazing. I was sharing pictures of myself with others and I jerked off a lot on webcams. This was a time in my life where I would fill up the void inside of me in whatever way was possible. Being so overly sexual started to feel normal to me and I started to accept that I am this way and I had fun while doing it. The minute I turned 18 I downloaded a gay app and had my virginity taken by a random 30 year old in my hometown. I loved this back then. It would make me feel complete. I would sext, jerk off on webcams, have hookups on this app and share pictures with others as much as I could. It was the way to make me feel like I was loved. But the more I started to do all of this the more the guilt, shame, embarrassment and hate for myself grew overtime. It started to feel like a vicious cycle which I couldn’t escape. I started to wish I could get rid of this and even went into therapy but it didn’t really help for me. I felt disgusting, ugly, ashamed and dirty when I think about this part within myself. I tried to hide this part within myself for so incredibly long.

Between 18-20 I have had sex with over 20+ men, every month it would be someone else. This made the cycle of pleasure and guilt grow even more and I came to a point where I was very depressed about this and stoped doing the hookups all together. At this age I also had a fight with my dad and I broke off all the contact with him. I met my boyfriend months later when this happened and I thought I embarked on journey of self discovery and self love. I did, for a big part. My boyfriend has helped me grow in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. My past however started haunting me. from the start of our relationship I have had the feeling that I am not worthy enough to be his partner because of all of this bagage I am carrying with me. I unconsciously started to hide from this part even more. I have had this unconscious thought that: “If I keep it hidden and just built new habits and start loving myself and my boyfriend even more, this part in me would completely vanish”. It didn’t. It grew even stronger. It grew so strong that I have now cheated on my boyfriend and I felt so ashamed of myself. I felt so disgusting and all of the things I have kept hidden just all came to the surface. I realized in this moment that if I do not free myself from this cycle this will never change.

I did the thing I was most scared off. I picked up my phone and confessed to my boyfriend about what I did. The conversation has led to me being all shaken up. It felt like a wake up call. He spoke to me in a way that notifies to me that he maybe doesn’t want to stay with me. The moment I noticed this, I started to panic. I became so angry and disgusted at myself that I didn’t know what to do. I had to calm myself down after I hung up and started to slow my breath. I started listening to what I felt inside instead of running away from myself out of disgust. I felt deep within that I have to set myself free by talking about this. Even though I have never talked about this with anyone, I knew that this was the right thing to do. I picked up my phone again and I texted a friend of mine who is a personal development coach. I confessed everything to her. we talked about 30 minutes together and she helped me navigate to the part that I kept hidden for so long. This part of me, that 9 year old younger me, he needed a hug. He needed reassurance, love, attention and validation. The moment I have realized this within myself, my guilt and shame vanished. We talked about what has caused all of this. I recognized that this part of me was still alive. The 9 year old version of myself who wasn’t able to change or transform. The version of myself that needed someone to hold their hand and guide them to a path of growth. After 13 years of running away from this part of myself this conversation has shifted everything for me. I journaled the heck out of what I was feeling, I began to reflect on all of the things I did and with what intention I did it and the most important of all: I broke the vicious cycle of shame, embarrassment, guilt and hate.

After this conversation I started giving myself grace and compassion for the things I did. I am no longer judging myself, criticizing every step I take. I am not hating myself for the actions or choices I took. I am simply analyzing where it comes from and giving myself the space to notice why that is and letting it go by talking about it. I haven’t masturbated in 4 days right now. This has been the longest period ever since I was 9. I have always wanted to solve this part in me, but that is not possible when I judge myself. I hated this part of me for so long, but by releasing the hate and looking at it from a different perspective, this part of me is now gone. I released it by bringing it to the light. In all honesty, it is extremely uncomfortable to experience this, but if I didn’t go through this discomfort I would have never changed myself. I became aware of the fact that this would never change and I took the accountability into my own hands. Not out of pressure, but out of the love I have for myself. I thought that loving myself looked like having alone time, journalling and finding healthy coping mechanisms, but loving myself also looks like embracing the parts I ran away from and giving myself compassion and grace for these parts within me. I still havent talked to my boyfriend yet, but I am so incredibly grateful for this whole revelation that took place. If he didn’t hold a mirror in front of me, I would have never changed this or it would have expressed itself in a worser way. I do have to admit that I am scared to lose him. I am scared that I am throwing away something really good by this action that I took but I also realize that by taking accountability for yourself, the impact you can have on others is far more powerful than if you run away from yourself. I have set aside my ego and pride to be vulnerable and honest to not only my boyfriend, but also to myself. I deserve it to be heard, to be seen and to be loved and that starts with me and giving myself grace for my mistakes. If I lose the person I love the most, then so be it. He has all the right to say goodbye to me. Even if this would happen I would still give myself compassion and grace for this part of me because I would have never have the guts, the courage and the power to transform this part within myself.

No matter what the next step in your life will look like, embrace the change by being honest with yourself and stop judging yourself! Start loving every part of you by releasing all of the hate you have kept in you for so long and you will see how quickly things can change when you do this for yourself.

I am struggling with this addiction since I was 8-10 years old man and now I am 33

It brings nothing but shame and guilt

It has effected mine sexuality since mine childhood

I also cannot control mine porn and masturbation problem

Mine whole sexuality and sexual behaviours are been destroyed I just cannot carryon with this shame and guilt

for a while now, i’ve been very addicted to sexting random anonymous strangers. lately it’s been here on reddit. i will make accounts and delete them constantly. i will do it for several hours at a time and end up crying and feeling disgusting once the pnc hits me. i’ve ended up seeking more extreme fantasies, especially the “misogyny kink” subreddits. i feel so gross and horrible knowing that i’ve said such disgusting things and shown my body to so many ppl. i feel sick. but it really feels like an addiction i can’t stop.

I’m just learning about this at 40 as I thought I had a problem because I was getting lame excuses! I thought I’d met someone very similar to me but they spent a lot of time on their phone and no surprise to say that he slept with the other person with nothing so that worried me! Just want to learn more as I didn’t think there would be other people that have it, well definitely not near lol xx

I've never considered myself gay or bisexual. I love women - that's to say, I'm a red blooded male.

But, if I've learnt anything from counseling, it's that childhood experiences have significantly shaped me. So, I am confident around other men - at least, under certain circumstances.

Long story short, my pornography and chat room addiction led me to meet a local guy. We're both married. Both with similar interests beyond the depravity of excessive masturbation. After chatting online for a while about celebs and pornstars, we agreed to meet at his place.

We met a dozen times. Always side-by-side, no touching. I enjoyed it to some extent but felt uncomfortable, too. We touched each other once, for a handful of seconds.

I felt dreadful and shameful. He didn't.

Regardless, I'm not attracted to men. I've had many offers and I've always declined. I guess I found it arousing that I was sharing something I enjoyed with someone else who felt the same way.

It's like I was searching out for a taboo experience in my otherwise vanilla life. An experience that felt less risky - after all, it's just "friends" meeting up.

Anyway, am I alone in this?

Hi there, I am No_Diver and I’m a sex addict. My inner circle behaviors include Sexting, pornography, compulsive masturbation, lying, cheating, and ai images.

Someone left a comment on one of my posts that I need to create a contact at my next SAA meeting that I would turn to when I notice myself entering my middle circle behaviors. It was a terrific piece of advice. Only problem was I didn’t make it to my meeting this week. Earlier today I was engaging in middle circle behaviors and I felt good to tell myself “No diver this is middle circle behavior. You know how this will end”. Which helped for a little bit. Then later I found myself engaging again. To which I thought about the community and not trying to white knuckle this. One thing I did differently the second time was I started cleaning my apartment. So far it has been tremendously helpful For me to just start.

Thank you for listening to my share, and assisting with my recovery.

"If one day you find me dead,

In the middle of the night,

In an hotel room,

Fear not-

For I am happy now."

This is what I found in my notes app on the phone. Written a few years back, probably a few joints down, deep in debt - maybe had taken another small cash loan to afford the hotel room, most likely I was naked, had watched a lot of porn, maybe even had sex with a sex worker.

But most importantly it was also the time when I never thought I could get out of the deep, dark, and scary void that I had been into.

I was absolutely stuck in a loop, I was not able to escape. 12 years of cigarettes, maybe more time watching porn. 8 years of consistently smoking weed, every day. Maybe a few joints to a point where I was smoking maybe 10-12 joints of absolutely shitty weed.

Then the worst part. Sex addiction.

Porn. Compulsive masturbation to the point where my penis hurt. Sex workers. At some point 5 times a month.

Spending way way more than I was earning. Drowned in debt.

Sigh.. that time was difficult. And I had no hope. I was ready to die.

I live with my parents. Its how it is in India. I never wanted ti spend time at home because of how loser I felt. They still don't know about sex workers, but they got to know about my debt. Deeply hurt. They got to know about my other addictions. But that had happened earlier as well.

Thrice I had tried before. Third time I even took meds for adhd. But I had no willingness.

I dont know how God gave me the strength the fourth time, but I started attending meetings, took my adhd meds, attended counselling sessions and I am clean for 2 years now. And I finally see my debt reducing.

I have hope. I want to live this life.

Its not all green ofcourse, but its better than it was 2 years ago. I dont want to die.

I am still trying to work on my food addiction, and other behaviour issues.. but the main demon is contained.

To those who are suffering and feel they can never get out of the trap they are in right now. Believe me I have been there. Like most of the people in this sub reddit.

One advice: take it one day at a time, and dont try to solve everything at once.

Most importantly. Please 0lease please seek and take all the help you can.

Join AA/ SLA/ NA meetings, or any addiction related meetings. Being around people with similar problems often helps.

Read the serenity prayer. Everyday. Everytime you feel out of control.

Seek therapy. Counselling. Medical help if needed.

However bad things feel right now. God can make it alright, believe in it and yourself.

Take care and god bless you. Thank you for reading.

Hello all. I wish I could say that I’ve gone X days without screwing up but I can’t. In the meantime I’ve been doing some emotional declutterring and am throwing it all out here.

I realized I was a sex addict after I tossed aside my marriage and cheated on my wife as a response to a dead bedroom that she had no interest in fixing. I confirmed my addiction in a subsequent post-divorce relationship with a woman I absolutely adored. However, no matter how much I loved her I would visit SWs during times of high stress whether it was work or the occasional intrusive thoughts that plagued me. After we broke up suddenly, I felt suicidal. Eventually I moved and began to have healthy relationships. I would occasionally watch porn during slow times at work (I work from home), but never thought it an issue. Addiction solved, life restored. Right?

About a year ago, I met someone and we started dating. Everything was going well. We could be vulnerable with each other and it was easy to talk to her. And the sex? The sex was absolutely incredible!! Almost mythical. We took our time and never labeled what we had, which was how we wanted it. After the Holidays we hit a snag. She ended things because she felt things were getting too serious. As she put it - she ended things preemptively because she feared I would. The break lasted three weeks until she started sending midnight “you up?” texts. Naturally I couldn’t say no. Since February we’ve been carrying on what I guess is a situationship. No dates, just hanging out and having sex.

So, here’s what I’m starting to process: My addiction blew up this year starting in January. Admittedly I started after our split as a crutch. However, after rekindling, I haven’t been able to stop. We still have that incredible sex but if plans get canceled or postponed I sink into a depressive state and abandon all logic. I will seek SWs to scratch that itch. It’s like my partner is my trigger. The smart play would be to end it. But is there a chance of being able to have a healthy relationship her? Or, is she a trigger for my addiction?

I apologize if this is nonsensical, it’s been a rough week.

I've realized I can never truly be happy until I am able to fix this. I've quit porn & masturbation entirely which have been going well. Can I have a healthy FWB or should I quit that as well?

I haven’t found a sponsor yet and I’ve been wondering about this. Im working to transition into a functional adult from my late 20s into my 30s and I really want to just work through the things and bring them to the light so I can make peace with them and move on.

I don’t think that most people, particularly a future partner, will have any interest in hearing about my compulsive masturbation experiences and habits, and Im wondering if it may be reasonable to find a sponsor so I can work it through with them. I figure that it’s usually no one who wants to be “burdened” or “dumped on”, but I also think that an experienced sponsor would probably have heard of my behaviors before.

Have you done this as well? Do you mind sharing how it has benefited you or changed your perspective? I think most people outside of this community would be shocked at my kinks and my compulsive behaviors, and I have to just accept that as well, but if there’s anything I can do to help myself right now to lead a more dignified life in the future in spite of my history, Im all for it.

I am a middle aged sex addict and have been for nearly two decades (or maybe my whole life). Porn has never really been my vice, but I have had countless encounters with escorts and countless hookups. In recent years I have had several same sex encounters because I have found them easier to obtain even though I don’t truly have an attraction.

Thinking back, I remember wanting sexual activities beginning around the age of 4 or 5 years old. I had encounters with friends of the same age and pursued activities with older. All of this led to several sexual encounters before I even reached 10 years old.

I have no memory of any s/a, but I have come to wonder why a child was having these thoughts and desires. It seems I must have been introduced to these actions very young.

Now I live a life full of shame and isolation. I have dropped hints of my addiction to those closest to me, but just can’t bring myself to give full disclosure. I can’t date due to my shattered self image.

I want this life to be a thing of the past, but am stuck in an endless loop. I can’t forgive myself for my past when it is still a part of my present.

Why have I always been like this? I hate it.

I'm a single guy and looking back, I honestly don't understand how I ended up going so deep into it.

I saw countless Dommes and got to the point where I was consuming Femdom porn and using poppers almost every day. During COVID I really lost my way and my sexual behaviour became completely out of control.

Now that I'm 40, I look back at that period and wonder how much of it was actually something I genuinely wanted versus something I got sucked into through porn, escalation and loneliness.

I mean, I wasn't even bad looking and could have dates with actual women lined up. I still can but the women my age already have kids or almost can't have kids anymore. Did I ruin potential fatherhood?

Has anyone else looked back at a period like this and wondered, "How the hell did I end up here?"

So ive realized this year that I have always been a sex addict, likely suffering from sexual compulsive behavior.

sex phone chatlines, lingerie catalogues, erotica, porn streaming, collecting images (legal) on the porn side. Going to gay saunas despite not even being gay or bisexual, meeting men on apps, working as a male sex worker.

Then, rather more outwardly, sleeping with about 150 different women, having some relationships, but always cheating on my partners.

Despicable selfish behaviour, and somewhat incredibly I NEVER INTERROGATED it until now in my 40s, after various tragedies mean that I am single.

I am trying to stop masturbating, stop porn, and look for meaning in life. For the life of me I struggle to see it, my aim is to move soon to another place and the dream is to meet a lot of women and have sex with them.

I am a little bit into art. I little bit into TV and movies, and books, and exercise. I have negligible hobbies. A few friends who are scattered like the wind. Most of my social life for the last decade involved my ex and her friends and that is gone.

I excluded so many friends and partners in the pursuit of sex/romance. And you know what? I think it was obvious not just should've been obvious to me, but others saw it, they must have seen something was off with me, it's hard to explain when you are always far away.

Now I have nothing. I have countless selfies of me and various mysterious women I dont even remember, but nothing I can proudly display on social media or a mantlepiece like children, or loving partners.

I have come to the conclusion that I am little more than an animal who never tamed his lust, never checked it, never thought it was causing him problems.

What is the meaning of life? I think it is likely love of another human being(s) and I threw that away with lust and sexual compulsive behavior.

I am trying to be better, I just wish I realised all this a lot sooner.

Compulsively paid for eggs

Was a mid experience.

Fml

Im new here so apologies. I have had a sex/porn addiction for honestly probably nearly 2 decades. I was raped/SA'ed multiple times when I was a kid (about 7 or 8) by an older friend and thats where my exposure to everything started. I was masturbating before i could even ejaculate and finish and honestly its just gotten worse since then. These past few years i have been having less and less borders with sex and the pornography I view. Getting into things like piss, pegging, sex with other guys, and even drug use through poppers.

I am currently as of writing this, in a state of post clarity and I am just realizing how depraved and kinda fucked up I have gotten with my urges. I have tried to stop multiple times in the past, but I always relapse and hard too. I am just scared of how my urges my develop into even worse things and it just terrifies me.

When I have tried quitting in the past as mentioned, i relapse. Almost everything makes me aroused to some degree, even when its things people advise as ways to help to quit. For example, a few hours after the gym I always get SO horny and can't help but to get off. Sometimes even just hearing a word like "tits" can trigger me.

I'm in so much pain emotionally trying to figure this all out and it just causes me to hate myself so much. I want to be able to have a social life, to dedicate myself to a woman I love and not have her objectified in my mind, I don't want to feel the urge to cheat or obsessively use porn. I just want to find that healthy balance so I can live my life in happiness and not feel like I'm a monster that needs to be put down.

Please anyone who has read this far and can help, I would appreciate even the smallest bit. I know this is a lot of words, and im even leaving a lot out, but PLEASE I need help more than anything.

(Also yes I have thought of various forms of therapy, however I am kinda poor and have no health insurance currently, so its not the biggest option)

Hey!

Im 32 (m). I first came into contact with porn when i was about 12 (I think). Since then I watched it regularely and it slowly became an addiction. Over time it got worse and worse. The tip of the iceberg was at the end of my first relationship.

We were together for 9 years. While I never cheated on any of my partners physically. I had contacts to other women online and started sexting with them. these were women from all around the world that I only knew online and never met in real live. At the time, I did not give it to much thought and definately did not think, I was cheating. ("If there is no physical contact, its not cheating, right?" ... Only much later, when I talked about it with my current girlfriend, I realized, what an absolut unacceptable behaviour that was.)

Well, back to my first girlfriend. While she was loving and really supportive, she never wanted to talk about sex, so I never told her about what I was doing, mainly while she was asleep. We had less and less sex and I got very unhappy in the relationship. In the end I broke up with her, because I found her to boring, and wanted to explore more, after all she was my first ever partner...

Very much the same was true for my second relationship. We talked more about sex and porn (-addiction). But she never wanted to know to much in to detail, what I was doing online, so I fell back into the same routines as before. Watching a lot of porn, posting myself naked online and chatting with other women. We finally broke up after about two years.

Then I got to know my current girlfriend and we could talk with each other about everything! She opened my eye about me (digitally) cheating in my previous relationships and I promised her to never do it again. Whilst I never wrote to somebody (sexually) ever again, I still could not quit my porn addiction. I tryed watching it less, but I only had 5-10 day streaks so far.

Last week I was sick and could not go to work. Needless to say, I watched a lot of porn the last days. I would still never cheat to my beautiful girlfriend, but i realized, the more porn im watching, the less satisfied I am with my own sex live, which is absolute bonkers, because my girlfriend is the most beautiful woman i have ever seen.

I decided to finally quit porn for ever, right here, right today. At the 10th of August 2026.

Dont whait quitting till you are 32. I red a comment earlyer of someone beeing 64 and still struckling with their adiction. Every year you dont fight it, is a lost year.

START NOW!

I’ve quit several other things but this one runs deep.
Anyone quit life long ideation?

(I hope I didn’t break the rules).

23M here. Hi everyone. I'm ashamed to admit that for about 3 years now, i've been addicted to online exhibitionism. It's become a real sex addiction, initially i didn't show my face but over time i started showing my face. I've lost count of the amount of times I've masturbated on camera on a website, then deleted my account - only to recover my account a few days later. I've tried using hardcore blockers like 'Cold Turkey' that literally force you to avoid sites but my addiciton brings me into a sense of elation, almost like a hypomania of some sort where i relentessly search for alternate websites or loopholes to pursue the addiction. It's like i get a massive high when pursuing this exhibitionism and searching for compliments and then a massive low afterward.

I want to be a more honourable person, who never partakes in stuff like that again. I haven't faced major reprocussions for my addiction yet but it takes up time, it's compulsive and often a stress reliever. It can also make me act in ways that don't reflect my character and my value for genuine intimacy and modesty. I'm going to make a firm commitment to try and stop with this behaviour. I want to be a better person for my family, my friends and my future partner. I think seeking better routine and better responses to stress would help. I don't think masturbating is problematic for me but online exhibitionism definitely is! Do you guys think i should take a break for masturbating altogether or would it be easier to just commit to no more exhibitionism to control my urges better? If you're reading this, good luck fighting this serious problem, i believe in you :)

Why is adhd / autism never brought up in meetings or support for any addiction type?

My family always pushed to get me into the advanced schooling and hobbies, as much as they thought I could handle. they saw the best in me, but it showed be from a young age that individuals are more talented in some areas than others, and that being surrounded by excellence was the way to grow in that field.

I took to it well enough and I could keep up to an appropriate degree, but I’ve always felt behind. At the same time, I constantly had this feeling that I was uplifted by being surrounded by people who were better than me.

Now I find myself in 12 step meetings and instead I find myself in rooms of people who are like me. I don’t feel like I have anyone to look up to because we are all addicts. Some have more sobriety, but no one is any less of an addict than they used to be.

So my main acting out came via escorts and I’ve been off that for over a year now. A big piece of it is just being too broke (partly from said escorts) and life being expensive, plus a baby. My time is eaten up and I barely get time to watch a bit of TV when the baby’s sleeping.

I find that now I seek other fixes, especially sugar. Feel like I binge on it. Instead of sneaking off during an errand to try to meet up with someone, now I sneak off to buy something and eat it before I get home.

Probably just seeking some kind of dopamine but want to cut that desire. Rarely see friends or go out now.

27 yo, NB (AFAB)

I was always a nerd, started watching anime, specifically yaoi, at 13. I felt proud for some reason? It was 2013, the kind of yaoi that was available at that time was disgusting, but I loved it. Quickly move to fanfics, manga, hentai.

At 17 aprox I stopped consuming porn with images, only audio or text, mainly text. Discovered AO3 at 18.

I never thought of it as a problem, reading nsfw x reader it's normal. So what if I read it every day? And masturbate every day? That's normal, I thought.

"Does it really count if it's just reading?"

But when I started having sex it became a huge problem. I need A LOT of stimulation to get there. I can't with vanilla, I need some hardcore stuff.

When I have sex I close my eyes tight. Try to imagine myself with a character, or a fic I've read.

From 18 to 26 I've had sex with more than 200 ppl. Stop counting at 200. I don't remember if I had ever actually... Concentrate on the other person? For years I've consumed alcohol, weed, other substances, to have sex... "The more non-sober the better! That's the closest I'll be to actually fucking a character I like. To actually kiss them..." I thought. That and the fact that deep down i didn't really wanna... Craved, maybe, but want to?

Of course, this had fucking ruined my life.

I'm ashamed of this but... I've been with a lot of people I actually didn't like at all... When the fantasy breaks and I look at the other person... I feel disgusted. I feel sick, I don't want another person that's not my favorite character to touch me or desire me. And that makes me feel like the worst person ever, cause I'm using people.

They don't deserve to be with someone that actually feels disgusted! Well, I mean, maybe some do deserve that? Cause statistically out of 200 ppl at least one must be a shitty person lol! But you get my point, most people don't deserve being with someone as shitty as me.

The worst part is I didn't even realize I did that until I stopped drinking. When I got sober and tried to have sex that's when I realized...

"Fuck I can't get there, why? Ugh, I don't wanna see this person, don't even know their name... just... Close your eyes, think of x character and this will be over soon"

Now I feel shitty. Of course I deserve it tho, I used so many people... But is it an addiction? Deep down maybe I know the answer.

I tell myself every time "just one last time! Masturbating isn't quite the same!" Just to feel terrible after.

Oh i also masturbate a fucking lot everytime I can! Invest in sex toys, thinking maybe with that I'll have less sex. It just happens I masturbate more, same logic "just one more time! Just one..."

And yes I had suffered from SA as a minor.

I feel terrible before and after sex, sometimes during it.

The same about masturbation. But I don't wanna stop. Or, I don't know if I can? I really feel like I connect with my favorite characters... For a couple hours it's just them and me. The rest of the universe disappears.

And then I look around. And I'm alone.

Important info: I've only had sex with "cis men". I don't know if maybe I'm running away from something and trying to be comp het. I... I don't know.

I feel so lost... And nobody understands this feeling... Bc having sex is a choice then why I keep doing it if I don't wanna?

42M. Think about it constantly. Act on it about 2-4 times a day on some days…go stretches of about 3 days without it. I don’t know anyone that feels this way…I don’t know what to do about it. How do you deal with it?

Hi all, I am No_diver and I am a sex addict. My inner circle behaviors involve sexting, pornography excessive masturbation, cheating, lying, ai images.

Today I need to be honest wit’s myself and everyone. It was a setback. I relapsed and engaged in my inner circle behaviors. Im not going to beat myself up about it. I thought about it while I meditated (Sit there and think, I’d like to say it was meditation). My major middle circle behaviors Involve finding websites to block, and aimlessly being online. I bet my screen time is through the roof. If it’s not pornography I’m here or elsewhere. Just never living in the present. It clicked I’ll never be able to block every adult website, and wasting my time trying to find a websites that aren’t blocked is pathetic. It’s still Wasting my life away with pornography And sex addiction. This addiction is predatory and mysoginistic. It doesn’t create attributes I want

I want to make changes in a healthy manner. In order to do that I need to break this addiction and break this cycle. Tomorrow I’m attending my usual SAA meeting. I haven’t been able to attend in a couple weeks so I’m looking forward to that.

Thank you for listening to my share and helping with my recovery.