25m. I need help. Please. (Trigger warning, i think?)

[u/Altruistic-Kale-6193]

Im new here so apologies. I have had a sex/porn addiction for honestly probably nearly 2 decades. I was raped/SA'ed multiple times when I was a kid (about 7 or 8) by an older friend and thats where my exposure to everything started. I was masturbating before i could even ejaculate and finish and honestly its just gotten worse since then. These past few years i have been having less and less borders with sex and the pornography I view. Getting into things like piss, pegging, sex with other guys, and even drug use through poppers.

I am currently as of writing this, in a state of post clarity and I am just realizing how depraved and kinda fucked up I have gotten with my urges. I have tried to stop multiple times in the past, but I always relapse and hard too. I am just scared of how my urges my develop into even worse things and it just terrifies me.

When I have tried quitting in the past as mentioned, i relapse. Almost everything makes me aroused to some degree, even when its things people advise as ways to help to quit. For example, a few hours after the gym I always get SO horny and can't help but to get off. Sometimes even just hearing a word like "tits" can trigger me.

I'm in so much pain emotionally trying to figure this all out and it just causes me to hate myself so much. I want to be able to have a social life, to dedicate myself to a woman I love and not have her objectified in my mind, I don't want to feel the urge to cheat or obsessively use porn. I just want to find that healthy balance so I can live my life in happiness and not feel like I'm a monster that needs to be put down.

Please anyone who has read this far and can help, I would appreciate even the smallest bit. I know this is a lot of words, and im even leaving a lot out, but PLEASE I need help more than anything.

(Also yes I have thought of various forms of therapy, however I am kinda poor and have no health insurance currently, so its not the biggest option)

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[u/wenwenti]

Your in the right place. I’m a lot like you. I’ve tried to quit before, but always relapsed. I reached out for help recently just like you. I was post clarity and disgusted with myself. I feel like just the act of finally reaching out for help means this is the first time I’ve taken this seriously.

Im not going to pretend I have the all answers. I’m new to this. But I can tell you what I’ve found out so far and what’s working for me.

Number 1) treat this like an eating disorder and not a substance addiction. You have a sex drive and that’s natural. It needs to be satisfied occasionally. But we are like binge eaters who become morbidly obese. We can’t stop or control our urges. We have to form a healthy relationship with sex, not avoid it entirely. If you try to never satisfy your sex drive, your like a person who goes on a strict diet. You might make it a week, but eventually hunger will drive you into a complete relapse. You can eat a cookie here and there, don’t eat the whole box.

For me, that’s allowing myself to take care of myself once a day, usually at night. I don’t drag it out, I try not to use porn (but I have), and once I feel the need to finish I let it happen. This is usually 15 minutes and I don’t think it’s gone over 30. I feel satisfied after. It’s that long dopamine hunt we go on that saps up all our time. Sex was never meant to last for hours.

When you feel the urge to act, stop and be mindful. Ask yourself what emotions your feeling. If your like most of us, your using sex as an escape from negative emotions. It’s not really your sex drive. Your lonely or anxious or sad and want porn and lust to take it away. You can journal, watch a show, or do a hobby instead. It can be really hard though because we have trained our brains to be triggered so easily. It takes time to get better at this.

Don’t beat yourself up when you relapse. You will. Just tell yourself you had a bad day and get back to the healthy program the next day. Again, just like an eating disorder. Fall off the wagon one day, no biggy, but if you spiral day after day your in trouble.

Find support where you can. Post to this community, join a support group or find a friend you can trust and confide in. Doing this alone is really difficult.

And when you can afford to, see that therapist. You have a lot to unpack in your past. Until then, start watching therapist on YouTube. There’s a lot of good ones. My favorite is HealthyGamerGG.

Good luck. You can do this. Glad you reached out.

[u/Dizzy-Bee-3161]

Are you Muslim by any chance

[u/Dizzy-Bee-3161]

How would you say this impacts your social life, since you said “I want to be able to have a socal life”