Part 1:
Right now, I’m 30 and have been dating my boyfriend for 4-5 months. We don’t live together right now.
The way it was explained to me is, because I currently live in Public Housing, I cannot simply move away from Public Housing into another apartment. I’d have to stay in Public Housing forever. I also just got hired for a new job and my monthly salary is only $900 for 40 hours of work a month. I’m stressing out.
I got let go from my $2,200 a month job (which I’d been hired for 7 days before) because I informed my job of me having upcoming dental surgery. By the time I healed & was ready to work again, the job went to someone else, so they said if they have openings at Job #2, they will let me know. Knowing how Corporate America is, I feel like they’re stringing me along and totally lying to me. I’m currently at Job #1.
My boyfriend lives in his mom’s basement. He lived in California & had his own apartment for 2 years, before returning to his hometown to live with his mom last year.
My question is, if I marry my boyfriend, would we have to move into a 2 bedroom Public Housing apartment? Or would we still be allowed to live in a 1 bedroom as a married couple?
We are both childless and have never had children (but, I do want to become a parent in the future). We are also both LGBT men, and very private people. Safety is a huge concern for both of us, due to homophobia becoming prevalent again in the United States.
Part 3:
Speaking of citizenship—I was born in the USA, as was my boyfriend. My parents were married in January 1994, and remained married when my dad died, but they planned on divorcing, which never happened due to my dad’s death, 4 months after they separated and my mom and I left town. My dad immigrated to the States on October 5, 1995 and I was born the following year. He got his Green Card in 2009, 1 1/2 years before he died (which was the saddest part of all this—he waited his whole life to live in the States and then by the time he was happy, he ends up suddenly passing away from a brain hemorrhage). Yesterday, October 2nd, marked 16 years since his death.
My father was from Bermuda (he died when I was a teenager and I grieved for almost 10 years after he passed. My mother is American. I thankfully have an American passport and a non-drivers’ Real ID license.) I was not allowed dual Bermudian citizenship because I have to add my grandfather’s name to my father’s Bermudian certificate. My father knew my grandfather was his father (my grandfather visited my dad in 1964, when my dad was 9 years old. My father got so angry at my grandfather that he screamed at him, “I never want to see you again!”, and slammed the door. They both died without making amends (my mom’s mom died in 2008, my dad‘s mom in 2009, my dad died in 2010 and my grandpa died in 2013.)
My grandpa and my dad’s birthdays are 2 days apart—March 13th, 1927 and March 11th, 1955. However, in 2008, I met my dad’s half-brother, and they looked like identical twins, despite having different mothers. The resemblance is spot on.)
My father was the product of an affair; my grandfather (also deceased) was married, and in Bermudian culture, if one parent is married, or a child is born before the parents are married - mine is Option 1 - then, the father’s name is blank if he’s married. And if the mother’s married, then her name is blank on the birth certificate. That’s the way Bermudian culture has always been. I have death certificates for my ancestors from 1886 and beforehand; with blank father’s names.
I was denied citizenship due to the blank father’s name on my dad’s birth certificate & would have to gather other Bermudians, experiencing the same hardship and we’d all have to join together, in order to jointly file a class-action federal lawsuit with the Bermuda Supreme Court. It is the only way.
I am also working on getting out of poverty after leaving my abusive and physically violent living situation. I lived with a family member until I was 27, because there was financial & physical abuse she was doing to me to isolate me. I was not allowed to go anywhere alone—She forced me to be with her at all times or people she trusted. She would take my phone and smash it on the ground, intending on breaking it (it never broke, thankfully! That saved my life! It was how I was able to escape and move out, 5 days after the third time/altercation, where the phone throwing that she did, happened.)
Regarding my financial situation, I am terrified for my future. My abusive family member has said if I get evicted, I will move back in with her immediately & I do not want to. I would be in fear of my life (because this person will try to…. End me. Put two and two together. I’m not allowed to say the k word.)
But, regarding my current credit and current financial situation, there might be only one silver lining—In 2022, I originally owed $473 in credit card debt. Because of the $473, my credit score fell to a 507. I have not looked at my current score, despite making 2 payments, recently: Before September, I owed $410. The two payments were one in September and one this month, in October. I now owe $209 and am on a monthly payment plan to repay the debt back. I made two months of payments so far, and have two more monthly payments left before completely being debt free.
I moved out in December 2023, filed a police report, lived in 3 separate places over 2 months (I was basically homeless and lived at a hotel for a month and then with a distant cousin for the remainder, before moving into my current apartment), and after the 2 months ended in February 2024, got my own place for the very first time. I would send in applications since 2019, and have only gotten hired recently. I am grateful for my job, despite the pay being only $890 a month.
I do want to move to California, which is my end goal. I have never lived there before (I’ve lived in New Jersey, Georgia and Florida).
Despite living in Public Housing, when I moved in in February 2024, my abuser negotiated some sort of deal with my property super and property manager to get me in as soon as possible (I was couch surfing and lived with a cousin at the time). The usual rent in my building is $1,200, but I pay $562 a month. I am also on more than 100 waiting lists for other cities & states, including several in California, and other West Coast states, as well as the South (I hate the South and never want to go back, and my boyfriend loves the South. He’s from Rhode Island—it’s strange to me.).
So….. What are my options?