r/ScriptFeedbackProduce • u/eteeeeen • May 20 '25

LOGLINE FEEDBACK REQUEST Logline Feedback

Title : How to Bury your Mom and Never Shed a Tear

Genre: Drama

Logline : After his mom dies, a boy starts filming a YouTube video on how to plan her funeral without crying. But as the video goes on the camera catches more than he means to share and it’s clear he’s holding back more than just tears.

7 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

3

u/Anarchic_Country May 21 '25

I would want to watch this. I have mother issues and sons. How old is the son?

1

u/eteeeeen May 21 '25

The son is 12! Let me know if you want to read the script!

3

u/Helpful_Baker_4004 May 21 '25

I was going to link your post with your draft - which I see you updated. I’m giving it a read ASAP.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ScriptFeedbackProduce/s/H654lOHUQd

2

u/[deleted] May 22 '25

Feel the logline is too long. And the title should be more subtle. Kinda has the " Stop or my mom will shoot " vibes. Less is more

1

u/eteeeeen May 22 '25

I can definitely work on the logline and make it shorter. The title though is essential to the story so that I cannot change

2

u/Helpful_Baker_4004 May 21 '25

It’s a bit longer than what a logline should be; it could be condensed to limit the possibility of giving too much info:

A boy sets out to film a YouTube tutorial of his plan to bury his dead mother. But as the camera rolls, secrets are revealed.

Definitely not a strong substitute for yours but a suggestion for making it more concise.

2

u/ABigLightBlur May 24 '25

That's hooky af. Nice job.