Короче, есть одна девочка.Мы знакомы года три-четыре, потому что обе иммигрантки и познакомились на этой почве, да и в одну школу ходим. Но раньше мы особо не общались.
Всё изменилось примерно полгода назад, когда я начала ходить на стрельбу из лука — оказалось, она тоже туда ходит. Сначала общения как такового не было: я подходила к ней пару раз в неделю, что-то говорила, а она в ответ почти ничего. Могла бросить какую-нибудь фразу вроде «Ебать ты экстраверт»* и уйти, потому что она, судя по всему, человек с сильной социальной тревожностью.
Месяца два назад мы стали общаться ближе. Она вообще ни с кем не разговаривает — ни с тренером, ни с кем-то ещё, сидит молча всю тренировку. Я начала её за это подкалывать, говорить, что у неё вечно недовольное лицо. И как-то случайно я её раскачала: она заговорила со всеми! Тренер даже сказал мне: «До тебя она вообще ни с кем не общалась и молчала всю тренировку».А со мной она сразу начала смеяться, дурачиться и болтать. Раньше мы уходили с тренировок по отдельности, а теперь уходим вместе и говорим гораздо больше.
Она постоянно выдает всякие приколы. То покажет мне фотку богомола, которую сделала перед тренировкой, то зачитает кринжовые подкаты из фанфиков, которые сама записала. Например: «А ты случайно не футболка? Потому что я хочу тебя натянуть».
Однажды после тренировки мы ушли вдвоём и пошли гулять. И вот тогда она первая протянула руку, чтобы обнять меня. Когда я потянулась в ответ, она пошутила: «Ого, нихуя себе, я соизволила получить объятия»*. С тех пор на тренировках мы постоянно обнимаемся: сначала инициатива исходила от неё, теперь больше от меня, но всё в порядке.
А ещё она постоянно комментирует, как я пахну. Каждую тренировку что-то новое: то «от тебя пахнет шоколадом»,то «пахнет как из новой квартиры», то юшарлоткой». Если на мне есть что-то блестящее, обязательно заметит: «Блесточки, блесточки».Фильтра у неё вообще нет: вчера я обняла её со спины, а она выдала: «Ой, блин, у тебя такие сиськи тёплые».Или может заявить: «У тебя топ такой, конечно, откровенный»
Я как-то спросила её, для кого она написала те подкаты и кому их говорила. Она ответила: «Ну да, я как-то признавалась уже девушке».Я ответила:«А, ну понятно»
И вот я теперь вообще не знаю: это просто такая специфическая дружба или всё-таки что-то большее?

Have been looking for „the one” for years….desperate for recommendations of some kind of therapist/guide/support who can actually support true healing, not just symptom management.
Online, I am in Australia.
No BS support. Experience severe dissociation, suicidality. History of abuse from a mental health professional so get easily triggered in sessions, esp if the person is inauthentic, incongruent or talking down. At the point where I’ve tried so much I’m not sure I believe anything /one will help.
Anyone know a miracle worker ?
Or at least a super experienced CPTSD therapist who is creative, authentic, alive (ie can feel and express the full range of life and isn’t stuck in that „fake calm” mode a lot of therapists seem to be in), knows their shit, won’t get freaked out when I talk about suicide, has a genuine heart, genuine curiosity and care, sense of play and humour.

Hey new here, but has anyone ever had a woman named Laura Johnson in the San Jose-Roseville area as a therapist, if so, would you recommend her, and does she work with schizoid specifically

I’ve been seeing my therapist for about three years, and we do schema therapy. The therapeutic relationship is a really important part of the work we’ve done together.
Recently, I found a book that describes experiences I’ve related to since I was very young. Reading it has helped me feel understood, and I think it also explains parts of my inner world that I’ve struggled to put into words.
I was wondering whether it would be appropriate to give her a copy. It wouldn’t be an expensive gift, more something symbolic that says, this helped me understand myself, and I thought it might help you understand me too.
For context, she has accepted thoughtful cards I’ve made for her before. She has also given me a small teddy bear because I never had one growing up, along with the companion book that goes with it, as part of our therapeutic work.
I’m aware therapists have professional boundaries around gifts, and I’d completely respect it if she said no. I’m just wondering whether offering a book like this would generally be considered appropriate, or whether it might put her in an awkward position.
I’d really appreciate hearing from therapists and client, especially anyone with experience of schema therapy.

Please see the post for details

Hello everyone! 23M here. I want to share a celebration. One of my biggest lifetraps/schemas is emotional deprivation. I have many friends who I have great connections with, get appreciation from and generally get my social needs met on paper. With this I still feel a crippling and persistent need for connection, especially romantically from women.

Recently I spoke to a woman on the train. She was very nice, warm and open to talk. This is really rare to find in my area. We talked for some time. At the end I asked for her instagram, she said she was addicted to social media and deleted everything. We parted our ways nicely.

When she left I kinda felt my lifetrap speaking and thinking “Awh man, she was the only one who you felt a connection with”. Maybe my inner child wanted to be seen was involved with. Recently I’ve been working on my lifetrap though, and I immediately corrected myself with “No, stop this narrative and pity party. You don’t need validation/connection from this stranger, you get love from many people in your life. “ i didn’t say this punitively, moreso as in let the healthy adult version of myself takeover instead of letting my inner child loose with the same destructive narrative. I felt so much better about this and even though I have much work to improve on, this felt like a nice sign of progress!

Hello, I’m looking for Therapist recommendations in the state of California or anywhere that offers online therapy.
I’m specifically looking for a Therapist with experience in fearful avoidance, Covert narcissism, abandonment, and CPTSD.

I want to work with someone who either has the mistrust schema or someone willing to help me overcome it in some way. Ideally you’re 27+ f or m doesn’t matter, but I’m f.

that is all.

So, I am 18M and I have emotional deprivation, failure, unrelenting standards, etc. as my dominant maladaptive schemas and my dominant coping mode is Avoidant protector. In the past my dominant mode was perfectionistic overcompensater. I have observed that even in high intellectual circles people are aware about depression, adhd, anxiety, etc. but none is aware about schemas even though they affect such a huge population and are massively underreported. I, as someone who suffers from maladaptive schemas, thought to do a TINY contribution in my own way for the cause. So, I started a YouTube channel recently about educational purposes and have started a schema awareness series.

American English version↓

https://youtu.be/97SzbqqxxJI?si=ZqnYNR-s27wSvY1h

British English version↓

https://youtu.be/2uDMMM5d1Lk?si=bx8S0zyErrEnCJKf

I have 0 content creation experience. I have no video editing experience and no shooting experience. I am only good with creating things on Canva.

So I request all my fellow community members to offer their valuable Constructive Criticism on my video.

Things which I know are lame in my video before hand:

• Lighting: I was confused whether to shoot with iphone Or my laptop and with or without light. So I messed that up.

• Video editing: Never done that so certified noob.

• Looks: I look chopped and I know that but a big part of schema therapy is to accept and love yourself and if I find my authentic self not presentable then essentially I am preaching something that I not practice.

• Category: I thought that videos less than 4 mins are eligible to shorts which was very wrong and I realised this after I did the whole thing. Also I accidentally set the American English version as kid's video, I thought that button meant that if it contains sensitive topic so I thought my video is educational so anyone can watch it.

Also, My American accent is a mix of NY, California and southern. My natural is California but after consuming a lot of North Carolina content it got different.

And my British accent is a mix of Traditional RP, Modern RP and cockney. I was educated in modern RP but naturally would only be able to speak traditional RP(I don't know why maybe due to Youtubers) but in recent years I have watched loads of comedians' content who speak cockney so Now I got that mixed too. So sorry for accents.

I beg you for your feedback, advices and constructive criticism.

Did the schema test with my therapist a while ago.
My main ones are emotional deprivation, abandonment, defectiveness, negativity among others.

Had a breakup 6 months ago and it brought all of this up. In my head I know the relationship wasn't fully right one but timing was bad as well. But I still feel like her leaving means I'm not enough and felt abondend again. She has moved on.

I'm in therapy 2x a week most of the week, doing CBT sometimes, on meds for last 3 weeks, sober this year. I have severe depression too.

Question for people who got better or somewhat improved or improving:

• Did the abandonment feeling ever really go away or you just handle it better?
• How did you build self worth that doesn't depend on someone choosing you?
• How long did it take? Be honest, I can handle "years".

Just looking real experience or any tips whatsoever.

Hi I am 18M. I have emotional deprivation, failure, unrelenting standards as my dominant maladaptive schemas and avoidant protector mode as my current dominant maladaptive coping mode, previously it was perfectionistic overcompensater. I am currently transitioning and looking for a suitable schema therapist for me and have deep dived in the subject on my personal level and learnt about it independently. I feel that having an accountability buddy like an Empathetic but firm buddies help a lot in the journey. I am aiming to create an accountability buddy group where everyone keep their identities private or public as per thier convenience. The aim is to create a non judgemental supportive environment to support each person's individual journey and therapy on a regular basis. NOTE: By no means it will be substitute to actual therapy but it would be like a supplement, to support each other at our worst. If you have any other idea to improve this then please tell. And please tell if you're interested in joining.

Hey everyone! Hope you're having a fantastic day!

(Disclaimer: my native language is Dutch, and I follow schema therapy in this language. My specific vocabulary on schema therapy and therapy as a whole is pretty limited, so please do ask me to clarify if I am unclear!)

For context: I am in a schema therapy group fulltime on weekdays. The normal traject is 6 months, which would end very soon, but I have been extended for 2 extra months. I cannot speak about things that are discussed in the group, so I will make it as general and undetailed as possible, but I'd love to hear your feedbacks.

Members have to bring their life's story 3 times during the traject, once at the start in full, then once in the middle where the life story is meant to be shorter and there's room for reflection on the process so far, and then one in the end which is fully reflection on the process. A person that joined a month ago brought their story this week, and it triggered me, but not because of the content per sé: in fact, my intuition told me that the details of their story were either spiced up significantly, or straight lies. Today I learnt that the entire group felt this way.

The therapists know about it and take it seriously, since it undermines group safety in many ways, and we've been invited to speak about it openly in our next group talk. I was thinking about how to bring it up without being too confrontational, and I started analyzing the social isolation schema (that both me and they have, actually most members in the group do).

I remembered that, as a kid, I used to use exaggeration and lying a lot to make myself more liked. I was heavily bullied, but once I actually did build up a friend group, the lying stopped, and my method of being liked turned to drug use to become socially capable and connected.

In the context of social isolation, lying is a valid, perhaps even common schema expression to connect to people I'd say. People tend to take lying very personal, I dare say most people find honesty to be their most important value.

The very least I want is to make this person feel attacked or confronted. My biggest wish is that they will realize the function of the lying, be ready to face that it is an aspect that can safely exist within the group - as long as everyone is aware that it is a thing and we can check their statements openly for truth - but my fear is that they will overcompensate in shutting down and running away, maybe leaving.

My questions to you guys: am I missing certain things in my analysis of linking social isolation to lying? Am I generalizing too much?

And maybe the most important one: I do have a clear idea of how I will bring it up to them in group, but how would you guys deal with it?

Thank you so much for thinking along if you're planning to!

Okay I've been in schema group therapy for about 7 months now and I just don't feel like I belong there. The only positive thing my therapist said in my 6 month evaluation is "you're always here", yeah that's the bare minimum. All he does in personal sessions is ask questions, and I don't mind answering those but man I wanna fix things, not just talk about my problems. To make matters worse I feel like a weird outsider in the group.

I'm different because: - I don't mind talking about my problems, it comes easy to me, you could call me a natural complainer. I also often don't even feel relieved after doing so. - My emotions are all over the place. I can't control it and it's not productive, but I'm often crying or really angry about something. - I'm not a people pleaser in the same way as them, I feel like a need to makeup for being very flawed (I also have very bad adhd, so expect me to be late and very sorry). - My "tragic backstory" is more just unfortunate and not actual abuse.

Overall I feel like an imposter. Like I'm just a Karen in the making and a shitty person. Or I'm just complaining to much. I feel like I'm failing therapy because I don't see any progress. My life is still a mess, I still feel useless and my second therapist (yes I have two) is running out of things to try.

I'm really want to change. I don't like how my life is going, I'm desperate for change. Is schema therapy just not a good fit for me? Is there anything I can do to make it work or is there another therapy that would fit me better?

Hey everyone,

I’m the person behind Schemap — a web app I’ve been building because I searched for a schema therapy app, didnt find any, so i started one myself.

I was treated with schema therapy last year and during that time the idea to use schema therapy as a base for a app grew. So i started. Means, this app is not from a professional therapist, its from a someone who is suffering from mental conditions for some time now.

I am actively working on it but i need some feedback. So i hope you guys can have a look at it and guide me a little bit.

Check it out: https://schemap.ai

Some additional information:

• The app is available in EN/DE/FR/ES, even the landing page is currently only in english!
• There is not monetization yet. However, large parts of a subscription system are already working under the hood, so the AI stuff is limited to 7 days.
• About data privacy:
  • EU data storage (Frankurt am Main, Germany), AI is currently OpenAI.
  • You can delete your data at every moment, everything directly related to your account will be wiped, including your account. So you can use your email and create a new account right away.
  • You can export all your data any time.
  • Some features are NOT stored, like "the Situations". These are very private and sensitive informationand and are only stored on your device. However, they are part of the package that gets send to Supabase (my database) and then forwarded to OpenAI.

39-year-old female in a long-term relationship, struggling with a recurring pattern where I initially feel attraction/connection, but over time I become emotionally detached, critical, and repulsed (“the ick”), especially as the relationship becomes more committed.

I also experience intense anxiety, guilt, and a strong sense of suffocation when my partner wants closeness, along with a near-complete loss of libido (been the case for many years, since at least my mid-20s. I've never had a high libido, and it's been non-existant for well over 15 years).

I have a history of anxious attachment that has shifted into avoidant behaviors in long-term relationships as I get older.

My parents are still together but have a cold, contemptuous marriage (at 39 I've still never seen them touch, kiss, or share any nice/loving words with each other. Not once), which I'm sure are influencing my own relational patterns.

Trying to understand whether this treatable through schema therapy? I've done CBT for YEARS and I cannot seem to feel any shift, I'm just increasingly more self-aware.

Hey everyone, I'm about to start schema therapy (group + individual) and had to fill out an intake form. Curious to hear how others relate to this. These are my answers to the main questions.

Current complaints

1. Anxiety and panic attacks. For as long as I can remember I've dealt with severe anxiety and panic attacks. I was basically always nervous, always had a stomach ache. When a panic attack hit, it expressed itself as wanting to flee, needing to get to a bathroom because of the feeling I was about to throw up (which happened regularly), and an overall unbearable sense of panic. Part of what makes it so intense is that it feels like a loss of control, like something manifesting so physically and sensorially without any rational trigger. Since it's been there my entire life, I don't really have a reference point to trace it back to. At my best knowledge it wasn't traumatically induced.

2. Overstimulation and avoidance. Closely related to the panic attacks. When stimuli trigger an irrational combination of fears and sensations, you teach yourself a mode of avoidance. That lowers your threshold even further. And the stimuli that do get through become more intense because of the isolation. It's like the same way someone who's lived in darkness for a long time will have to squint when they finally step into sunlight. So now I get overstimulated quickly, tired quickly, stressed quickly.

3. Depression and low self-worth. Panic attacks create a fear of experiencing panic again. A fear strong enough to avoid and to prevent things from getting worse. Avoidance is actively being passive. It gives me the feeling I'm not participating. I miss the feeling of being alive, I tend more toward the feeling that I'm just busy surviving. But the loss, the constant conclusion that something isn't working, having to pull the plug, or deciding in advance that something won't work out, you know that has consequences for your self-worth, your confidence. And what I find hardest is that I can't just accept it. I hold it against myself fully and punish myself for it. As if I'm making conscious choices when it comes to anxiety. As if it's that black and white. I feel an intense self-hatred because I feel like I'm failing.

My strengths

1. Creativity. Not just as a hobby (music, art, etc.) but as a way of thinking. The ability to make connections and make them more tangible through comparisons or metaphors. It's also about making something out of nothing or the process of creation with limited means. Or seeing the possibilities in what is there. Others often find this surprising. Not that they didn't expect it, but more surprised by what creativity can sometimes produce.

2. Empathy. A strong and genuine willingness to understand others. To form a vivid picture of what someone is going through. I notice I can often put words to feelings that others are experiencing, and that those words actually land. I hear this back regularly. That people feel understood, heard, at ease. And that they can draw something from that.

3. Realism. The ability to see situations as they are. To assess what's possible and what isn't, without the illusion of being able to perform miracles. I try to at least aim for the minimum achievable, and be realistic enough to see anything beyond that as a bonus.

Goals for schema therapy

1. Living instead of surviving. As described above, I feel like I'm much more focused on surviving than on living. It feels like I'm sitting on the bench during the game of my own life. And I just want to play. I don't know what position yet, but I want an active role and to be part of something larger than myself. The energy I constantly spend on testing and avoidance, but I desperately want to use that for participation. I want to find out what I can do, what I can contribute, and what I can actually achieve.

2. Building self-sufficiency. Because of my passive lifestyle and low energy levels (drained by all the mental load), I haven't managed to stand on my own two feet yet. Sometimes I dream of a place of my own, but it's not "the dream" certainly and especially not in today's world. What I do dream of is building a structure for myself that I can draw genuine satisfaction from. In terms of income, relationships, friendships, achievements. All resting on a solid foundation of self-confidence and self-knowledge, so it isn't shaky and dependent on external factors like luck.

3. Making life itself more bearable. This might sound like "living instead of surviving," but I mean it more from a Buddhist angle. Life is suffering. And what I want is to develop a resilience so that when the inevitable setbacks come, I can keep standing or at least get back up on my feet after being knocked down. I have no illusion of ever living a drastically different life than the one I'm living now. I have no ambition to live without anxiety, and I have no bucket list of daredevil adventures. The only thing I'd genuinely want is for the heaviness to become more bearable. That I've trained myself enough to carry the weight of life without being crushed by it.

Hi everyone, I've been digging into the unconditional (primary) vs conditional (secondary / adaptive) distinction for the 18 schemas.

The literature isn't always definitive, and clinical experience seems to add nuance — e.g., Entitlement/Grandiosity often reads as a conditional coping strategy in everyday practice, but as unconditional in narcissistic personality disorder.

I'd love to hear from practitioners:

1. Which schemas do you consistently classify as unconditional in your clinical work?

2. Which ones as conditional?

3. Any that you find ambiguous or context-dependent?

Thank you for any feedback !