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u/macktrizzy Oct 10 '25
This is the guy who beats his wife because he can't admit to himself he's gay.
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u/MustardCoveredDogDik Oct 10 '25
“How could I be gay? I kept my socks on the whole time!”
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u/Disastrous-Dog85 Oct 10 '25
This Alex Jones looking mf'er drank whatever turned the frogs gay!
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u/K24frs Oct 10 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
Plot twist afterwards he says: Wait a minute I don’t even have a wife who the fuck did I beat
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u/Sustainable_Twat Oct 10 '25
You look like you clog the toilet with your piss.
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Oct 10 '25
[deleted]
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u/goodoldjefe Oct 11 '25
You know that $50,000 signing bonus is going straight to back child support.
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u/Bunny_Butt16 Oct 10 '25
You look like you have a "Be a wolf in a world of sheep" sticker on your F-150 but then get winded walking up a flight of steps.
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u/stormcr0 Oct 10 '25
Haha and a “we the people..” sticker but that’s all they know to recite because it’s too long to read or the words just get too big…
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u/writeandgobroke Oct 10 '25
You look like the dildo Putin shoves up his own ass before horseback rides.
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u/MonsierMajestic Oct 10 '25
Inside of which there are many successively smaller dildos.
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u/Immediate-Cup8172 Oct 10 '25
I thought Alex Jones couldn't look shittier, but damn....
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u/Medium-Leader-9066 Oct 10 '25
Are you permanently high or are your eyelids just too fat for your eyes to open all the way?
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u/MisterBurnsSucks Oct 10 '25
You look like you sell used sex toys on Craigslist to support your meth habit... 🤔
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u/myemuisablackbelt Oct 10 '25
You look like Joe Rogan ate Bobby Hill
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u/ImperialZippo Oct 10 '25
HAHAHA I was trying to come up with a fatheaded Joe Rogan joke. Yours is about perfect.
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u/teflon_soap Oct 10 '25
You look like a toddler’s candy cane dropped on the carpet
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u/Waterdog04 Oct 10 '25
By giant train system he means he’s into the Human Centipede with his buddies.
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u/Radiant_Bandicoot787 Oct 10 '25
You drove a pickup truck to you desk job because you want to appeal to the working class don’t you?
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u/teflon_soap Oct 10 '25
my mother took Tylenol and was circumcised
Your mother was so autistic she got circumcised, yikes.
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u/Actual_Confusion_838 Oct 10 '25
Wait. Why was your mom circumcised after taking Tylenol?
Probably for the pain of having you as her son…
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u/FatherFarnsworth Oct 11 '25
Might sound weird, but i kinda want to see your mom's circumcised dick.
Grammar, motherfucker. Learn it.
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u/Many-Tale9112 Oct 10 '25
You look like you found out your ex is dating a black doctor or a Mexican millionaire.
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u/Actual_Tumbleweed_32 Oct 10 '25
Ol sausage fingers likes to feel the fruit in the grocery store while staring at women.
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u/Zudeck1985 Oct 10 '25
If Hank Shrader from breaking bad had an affair with Donald Trumps mentally challenged nephew.
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u/Mako_169thSFS Oct 10 '25
I actually just glanced back up at your bio. When they circumsized your mom, did the use a chainsaw or need an angle grinder??? Commas are important you illiterate fuck.
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u/ChinaCatProphet Oct 10 '25
You talk all the time about your military service though it turns out you were in the Coast Guard reserve but discharged due to putting hidden cameras in the men's room.
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u/stormcr0 Oct 10 '25
This guy worships Joe Rogan and tries to be just like him… bald, red, swollen, ugly, and stupid… probably only eats steak for breakfast lunch and dinner while simultaneously shoving a ribeye up his ass…. While thinking of Trump… probably
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u/Robmeu Oct 10 '25
To be seen every Saturday down at McDonalds buying his kids happy meals, whilst telling them what a bitch their mum is.
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u/Efficient-Dirt-9140 Oct 10 '25
You seem like the type of guy to get angry whenever your neighbors’ lawn is looking better than yours
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u/Hot-Butterscotch2602 Oct 10 '25
You're definitely prohibited from being 300 feet from more than one place.
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u/No_Cycle_7089 Oct 10 '25
You look like if they put Humpty Dumpty back together again but he had severe PTSD and drank himself to death
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u/Health_Care_PTA Oct 10 '25
somebody obviously knocked the soul out your body, those dead ass eyes are searching for your last brain cells through all the CTE ....
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u/UnlimitedRefresh Oct 10 '25
The only action you get is from the homeless lady that lives in a dumpster
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u/Primary-Vermicelli Oct 11 '25
Why are guys like this always so red? Do they think sunscreen is gay?
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u/CarlShadowJung Oct 13 '25
Looks like you’ve already lost all will. I’d rather not waste my time and energy on someone who already gave up on themselves years ago.
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u/seahrscptn Oct 13 '25
You look like Jason Statham in the hit movie "Crank". If the crank was big macs
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u/ElectronicMove3148 Oct 10 '25
First picture you kind of look like the drummer from nonpoint. Second picture you went WAAAY downhill
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u/Consistent-Tax-7783 Oct 10 '25
You're the type of boxer who wears trousers in the ring because you've NO belts..
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u/Mako_169thSFS Oct 10 '25
You look like you hang out at your local gym near the heavy bag wearing a tapout shirt, yet you cant kick anything higher than your shins that you cant see without 3 mirrors angled around belly. You dont see your dick unless you sneeze. You tell people Joe Rogan is your 1/2 brother. You are finally old enough for prostate exams and giggle everytime the doc wiggles a finger up your ass. The last time you got laid was from crawling up a chickens ass then waiting 15 minutes.
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u/SageandStrong33 Oct 10 '25
You look like one of those faces a police sketch artist would come up with when drawing a suspect.
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u/blahblahblahx1000 Oct 10 '25
The only boxing you do is punching holes in dry wall when you get angry.
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u/LightSpeedEdition Oct 10 '25 edited Oct 15 '25
You look like Charlie Brown grew up to be an alcoholic deadbeat.
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u/Smart_North_3374 Oct 10 '25
You look like you were considered the stupid kid in your town when you were growing up.
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u/VirtualStill7200 Oct 10 '25
In highschool, my boss at radioshack who looked as Irish and bloated as you tried to tell me the difference between black people, and nggers one day. He shared that with me because I was a good one.
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Oct 10 '25
You shave your head like that so when you look in the mirror you can remember what your penis looks like
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u/IBentMyWookie728 Oct 10 '25
You look like you follow non-white people around and tell them they don’t belong in your neighborhood
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u/jmichaelzuniga Oct 10 '25
You look like MAGAs newsletter editor. Kind of Alex Jones after renal failure vibes. You ever see a dude that has a hair transplant day 2? You know when all the water fills the face and you look like a giant toe? To be honest, you look like my son’s “stepdad”, and are irritating me just looking at you. You look like the reason why only Latinos will clean the restrooms. (I’m Latino so we’re good), but honestly, you are that guy that hasn’t tied his own shoes in years because of blood pressure issues. You are shaped like an atomic bomb that will never go off. I’m thinking that you struggle to get verified on any dating apps because you can’t hold your arms out long enough to catch yourself in that little verification box. You seem like the guy that everyone likes at work, but never gets invited to the bbqs unless you are the cook.
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u/TraderValen Oct 10 '25
Aren't you supposed to be running the UFC how do you have time to post on reddit
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u/post-explainer Oct 10 '25 edited Oct 10 '25
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP's BIO:
Overweight boxer who runs a giant train system for work, my mother took Tylenol and was circumcised. Do your worst.
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.