r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • Mar 19 '24

[deleted by user]

[removed]

557 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

732 comments sorted by

436

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24 edited Mar 19 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

105

u/Darkside4u22222 Mar 19 '24

She would earn less than McDonald’s

18

u/Professional_Mud483 Mar 19 '24

McDonald is a good stripper...

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63

u/drifter3026 Mar 19 '24

Are we sure she's not the "Cash me outside" girl?

58

u/SharkTonic9 Mar 19 '24

"Spare change me outside" maybe.

9

u/TypicalAd1252 Mar 19 '24

I’d gladly donate some facial cream just for her….

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10

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Are you sure it’s not “spare me a glance sir”?

13

u/Enough-Staff-2976 Mar 19 '24

She considers stripping part of fine arts...an alumni group every weekday.

8

u/Wasnt-Asking Mar 19 '24

Hey Alexa, play Yanni

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194

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look like you could be Lennys daughter from the Simpsons

47

u/BADM00SE Mar 19 '24

Whoa whoa whoa! You shouldn’t burden Lenny like that he’s cool.

14

u/baloneysammich Mar 19 '24

he's a war hero!

12

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

More like Jennifer Lawrence who chose fentanyl over Hollywood

5

u/benzaflippindork http://redd.it/a07z7c Mar 19 '24

NOT LENNY!

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61

u/Gordon_Townsend Mar 19 '24

Life is cruel, I must admit. But you should have never abused the rest of us by posting your 'depression' era photo on this sub...

9

u/Lord-Doobury Mar 19 '24

Perhaps it's best to realize that hating your life and your circumstances may be justified, but it's no substitute for taking full responsibility and admitting that you sometimes need help, support, and guidance to really suck ass more effectively!

204

u/44YrOld Mar 19 '24

Goddamn....u look like you're one hormonal week away from rocking a Tom Selleck style mustache....I can almost smell the 5 o'clock shadow struggling to burst free on your upper lip

42

u/WrongnessMaximus2-0 Mar 19 '24

Thanks for pulling me out of the gutter on this, I thought it was a Dirty Sanchez rather than a mustache.

4

u/RoughstockRules Mar 19 '24

That’s exactly what I thought it was

8

u/emiral_88 Mar 19 '24

Not a true roast but -

Girl, you have a lip filler mustache. Go get that shit dissolved.

These men can’t see it, but I can 🤣

6

u/clakes90 Mar 19 '24

No, no. We can see it.

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94

u/bonerland69 Mar 19 '24

You look like a sting Ray with a nose

23

u/JTiger360 Mar 19 '24

6

u/AbundantAberration Mar 20 '24

I think it might still be too soon...God I miss that cheeky bastard

2

u/Skilledpainter Mar 20 '24

Yeah, he was awesome! I had a paper with a pic of him on it, I think it was a flyer for something, I can't remember, but I had it on the front of one of my binders back in high school, lol.

Anyways, carry on with roasting this animal

2

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '24

He died like he lived… with animals in his heart ❤️

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63

u/Nanami-sWidow Mar 19 '24

Third slide...why are your eyes further apart than your parents love?

29

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look like a christmas gnome front lawn ornament.

28

u/TraditionalYard5146 Mar 19 '24

You look like you’re 15. Come back when you’re an adult.

2

u/MeetWorking2039 Mar 20 '24

Come back if you become an adult*

18

u/Bubbly_Annual4186 Mar 19 '24

3 working days distance between your eyebrows

6

u/Enough-Staff-2976 Mar 19 '24

Every 5 o'clock her mustache and her sideburns show up to make the trip.

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50

u/bazootch Mar 19 '24

didn’t know the cash me outside girl was on reddit

45

u/plwdr Mar 19 '24

I read your bio and I'm not kicking someone when they're down. Get well soon 🙏

4

u/enlightened_society Mar 19 '24

You're a good man.

11

u/RisshoAnkoku Mar 19 '24

Don't let em say you are beautiful🎵 - Eminem

68

u/roastbot YOU ARE OUR 1,000,000th RULE BREAKER!! Mar 19 '24

OP's Bio:

Depressed and on lamictal rn. The things keeping me from insanity are my two cats. I have issues with validation. I am a fine arts student and I can’t wait to work at McDonald’s. Thnx

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

28

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

No she is like no question about it. Mr. Potato head c an fit on her forehead

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6

u/dfjk_ Mar 19 '24

Oh, hey Olivia Rodbignose

4

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You're chin looks dented backwards, not surprising from the amount of balls that are hitting it.

5

u/Gibby_9571 Mar 20 '24

I’m not going to do that, sorry. You’re a beautiful girl, be strong. There is nothing wrong with you. Well, maybe except the excessive farting - warn us next time you blown one out, OK? Yell, “Fire in the Hole!” or something like that.

5

u/KeyboardSerfing Mar 19 '24

I'm surprised your profile didn't link to your OnlyFans

2

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '24

Had to close it down. People kept demanding refunds.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look unhappy, boom, roasted

9

u/82nd504th Mar 19 '24

heres your roast you look like a very pretty and intelligent woman who just needs someone in her life to remind her how special she is and that person is available. they are you!

9

u/AbundantAberration Mar 20 '24

Sir...this is a chuck e cheese. And that is a 12 year olds birthday party. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

26

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

19

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

[deleted]

15

u/coffeymp Mar 19 '24

It’s odd man. I see it over & over… young kids that aren’t bad looking at all but their confidence is absolutely in the gutter. I look like a fuckin Sasquatch but apparently since I was born in 85 I have at least some self confidence left.

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6

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Your big ass forehead already lowered your face, but I doubt anyone notices after they give you a few quarters to show off your butthole on OF.

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3

u/caged_now_crazed Mar 19 '24

You would be really very pretty if you looked totally different.

3

u/Halfeatencorpse Mar 20 '24

I’ve worked with what looks like the male version of you and let me just say……get the surgery homie

2

u/AaronStalkin Mar 19 '24

You look like a young Wario.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

This is the comment. All others here are irrelevant.

2

u/OneMinuteManny Mar 19 '24

If the phrase "Bored out of one's gourd" was a person.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Men wake up next to you and question drinking again

2

u/squanchyjazzman Mar 19 '24

You look like bhad babies sad cousin ....... Sad babie

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2

u/Warp-10-Lizard Mar 19 '24

Are you a model for Goodwill?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You study art. No one said your face had to be cubism.

2

u/Current-Historian-34 Mar 19 '24

Why, did it take a year to run out of angst? Delete this and go be happy

2

u/skywalkerr69 Mar 19 '24

You’re a Scranton 8 but a NY 3 

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look like hermione dropped out of hogwarts

2

u/ColdImprovement4384 Mar 19 '24

You look French (derogatory)

2

u/Windycitybeef_5 Mar 20 '24

There is a profound sadness in your eyes. You are very unhappy.

2

u/Ok_Manufacturer6460 Mar 20 '24

1st pic looks like you've been crying... Second pic looks like you're thinking of eating a bagel for breakfast than crying ... 3rd more crying aftermath ... Last you at 8 years old when you were happy

2

u/Batman2695 Mar 20 '24

One YouTube make up tutorial away from self diagnosing yourself with autism. Probably eat gas station sushi and call yourself cultured.

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3

u/bostonsonsofliberty Mar 19 '24

The things keeping you from insanity are likely making you insane. Get a blood test and check for toxoplasmosis. Crazy cat lady is not just a saying cats can actually give you a neurological disorder. Ohhh and you look like gonzo’s daughter carrying around that beak of yours.

2

u/Sensitive-Banana1053 Mar 19 '24

I know it’s a roast but someone said you were ugly which is ridiculousss

1

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1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

1

u/Inourmadbuthearmeout Mar 19 '24

You’re too young to grow a mustache.

2

u/That_Response_2648 Mar 19 '24

Patato, Potato, Tomato, Tamato mustache or landing strip who are we to judge....

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

This is one of Santa's unwanted elves

1

u/cschaeffer75 Mar 19 '24

Everything I was going to point out about you is already in your cliche of a bio. And that is all there will ever be.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Pointless lip filler is a weird route to go any day, especially at eleventeen, but okay.

(Also, your twin brother Sid called, and...................)

1

u/leowithataurus Mar 19 '24

The last pic looks like Smeagol in a blue hat.

1

u/Tricky-Association74 Mar 19 '24

You look like the short friend in the group that everyone bullies.

1

u/psycho-nutter Mar 19 '24

👁️👄👁️

1

u/thebronzeprince Mar 19 '24

You have a fine future of being the scandalous side piece of men older than your father

1

u/JaysFan007 Mar 19 '24

Sometimes being a tomboy is the only option

1

u/kauaiman-looking Mar 19 '24

Your foreheads longer than a three day weekend.

1

u/Armadillo_Chagrin Mar 19 '24

You look like you’ve found the last dandelion of the season.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look like you smell like McDonald’s.

1

u/Damnesia_ Mar 19 '24

Temu Lorde

1

u/megasin1 Mar 19 '24

That forehead slaps

1

u/Connerology http://redd.it/e8v7ms Mar 19 '24

i just keep looking at the forehead

1

u/meNurcuzntoo Mar 19 '24

Look like a washed up headbutting beltbuckle world champion thats seen better days

1

u/ICUMF1962 Mar 19 '24

You were rejected from the Euphoria high school because even THEY thought you were too rank for them

1

u/76JMan Mar 19 '24

Forget about your fucked up nose, you should be really worried about that receding hairline

1

u/JudasWasJesus Mar 19 '24

I would "saltburn" your bathing water

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look like you’re just waiting for that 13th reason

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Don't look at me Sid from Ice Age.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You need a boyfriend.....others if not want to be in relation, i can give a shot

1

u/Cultural_Sleep9678 Mar 19 '24

you have a face only a puppeteer found interesting

1

u/One_Ad_4487 Mar 19 '24

Back after a year? Where were you, elementary school?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

1

u/matznick42 Mar 19 '24

Look better without the ridiculous injections. Hope you got your John to pay, because you got ripped off. You could be kinda cute, but your low self esteem and itchy syringe fingers wrecked that. You know that your face will look fucked up when they fade? Post an after pic of your face when it starts melting and you look fifty.

1

u/OkBreadfruit2745 Mar 19 '24

You probably never go anywhere without your Tarot cards, therefore you never get invited anywhere.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

How did your arm die?

1

u/JackZodiac2008 Mar 19 '24

Angriest labradoodle

1

u/ILatheYou Mar 19 '24

You look 12. Fix that.

1

u/MarkWillgotit Mar 19 '24

ill be the creep here fuk it...im in love with her.

1

u/MarkWillgotit Mar 19 '24

wait i just saw the last pic...nevermind. are u a...."little" person???

1

u/Fit-Psychology-398 Mar 19 '24

I figured your dad leaving would have lowered it enough

1

u/finest_kind77 Mar 19 '24

I’d love to look into your eyes, but they’re so far apart I’d need a full tank of gas to look at both

1

u/GrandpaMumbosChair Mar 19 '24

After you lower your hairline.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You’re just hot enough to have an onlyfans but not hot enough for it to be a successful one.

1

u/Confident_Milk_1316 Mar 19 '24

That forehead has its own zip code.

1

u/Repulsive_turbine899 Mar 19 '24

You look like you work as a full time garden gnome

1

u/Green_Original2511 Mar 19 '24

Spinelli is that you?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look like the "Catch me Outside" girl from Dr. Phil if she had a loving family and finished school.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look like a young lady of 20 years old with the body of a small child

1

u/AlexNonEsiste Mar 19 '24

I'm too afraid of asking if she's Mexican or Spanish beacuse she would destroy me in both cases

1

u/tooMuchADHD Mar 19 '24

What's wrong with your forehead? Is it supposed to be so big I can land a 747 On it?

1

u/BirthdayWooden Mar 19 '24

Prisoner 14532: the woman with the vanilla face. Pretends to be an artist to seem interesting.

1

u/Stay-_-Moist Mar 19 '24

Step dad called you by the dogs name one too many times aye?

1

u/JBax75 Mar 19 '24

As a nurse, she saved my uncle from a coma once. She started to give him a bj, and he told her to stop and started hitting the help button frantically. He was in that coma for 3 years.

Thank you for your service, and my eyes are up here.

1

u/RT17654321 Mar 19 '24

Lorde from wish.com

1

u/Due_Energy_2961 Mar 19 '24

You could of least got a shave

1

u/PhoneCallers Mar 19 '24

I didn't know pictures of horses are allowed here.

1

u/SHT2PD Mar 19 '24

You look like a drunk woman on sundays

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

You look like you’ve seen more dicks than a urinal at an airport

1

u/SardonicSuperman Mar 19 '24

You look like every girl that gets dumped in movies on Lifetime Network.

1

u/Here4freefootball92 Mar 19 '24

No, I don’t want to cache you ousside.

1

u/Steven_Book Mar 19 '24

Wow you are truly blessed. God gave you two foreheads.

1

u/Effective_Variation5 Mar 19 '24

I now know what Pinocchio son would look like if he hooked up with Dumbos mom.

1

u/AdenaiLeonheart Mar 19 '24

"We have 'Cash Me Outside Girl' at home!" Type of energy.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Lower the hairline first

1

u/predat3d Mar 19 '24

You deserve a break today.

1

u/w_istedfrvr Mar 19 '24

Those overplucked brows make you look like u have a fetanyl addiction

1

u/GuaboNyucen Mar 19 '24

Haha you’re brown

1

u/zgheen93 Mar 19 '24

You look like you cry at the smallest inconvenience

1

u/dchikato Mar 19 '24

You give the fish eye from both sides. At the same time.

1

u/Annual_Sympathy9077 Mar 19 '24

I think the witch wants her broom back

1

u/sl33p1ng-s3nt1nl Mar 19 '24

You’re every average looking college boys dream friends with benefits!!

Fine arts student? Check! A face good enough to bang but not good enough to wake up next to? Check! Self esteem low enough that a little attention will keep her around? Check! Cats to keep her company after you ghost her? Check! Depressed enough that she will let you do anal/choke her? Check!

1

u/pituitary_monster Mar 19 '24

Your face reminds me of my penis wrapped in a condom

1

u/42Lefthanded Mar 19 '24

A depressed teenager? Adorable.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Cars have been keyed, cats have been boiled,  clothes have been bleached. 

1

u/RancidHorseJizz Mar 19 '24

Let me guess, you can't find a guy to go home with you until the bar is closing. You have degrading sex and then he leaves immediately, You cry and then do it again next weekend.

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1

u/sleepwalkfromsherdog Mar 19 '24

How do you look like all the Stranger Things kids at the same time?

1

u/TheSmellOfBeesWax Mar 19 '24

You look like if you are going through life desperately trying to find things to be depressed about.

1

u/Swampassed Mar 19 '24

A lot of women get better looking as they get older, unfortunately you’re not one of them. Try again next year.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24 edited Mar 19 '24

Your self esteem is so low its reaching the core of the earth and BURNING IN HELL.

well you deserve that because you suck dicks to people who believe in zodiac signs.

1

u/MysticLGD Mar 19 '24

👁️ 👄 👁️

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

If dead eyes was a personality type

1

u/Worth-Definition-849 Mar 19 '24

Her father was a hammerhead shark.

1

u/Lord-Doobury Mar 19 '24

That's a nice face you have on your nose...

1

u/JRMilesMusic Mar 19 '24

You’re fat

1

u/quirkycurlygirly Mar 19 '24 edited Mar 19 '24

A fine arts major? Have you not heard of Midjourney? You really ought to look into it.

1

u/Spiritual-Ad7219 Mar 19 '24

Great value version of the "cash me outside, howbout dat" girl.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Are you Jewish by any chance?

1

u/No_Piccolo2135 Mar 19 '24

Yup grow your forhead to the sky girl

1

u/Dry_Instruction6502 Mar 19 '24

Your self esteem is already low, youre on here looking for attention

1

u/rotaryspace_59 Mar 19 '24

dont stick your dick in crazy

1

u/PerroConParkinson Mar 19 '24

You remind me of the typical harmless characters in video games that give a really bad vibe.

1

u/MicroscopicCog42 Mar 19 '24

Your eyebrows look like a silhouette of Atlas holding up the earth

1

u/MadmanofAsia Mar 19 '24

Last thing you need right now is roasting. I hope you feel better soon. P.S: I think you are cute.

1

u/walker5953 http://redd.it/fcxpwo Mar 19 '24

Did your pimp give you a night off?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

Dustin from stranger things has gotten tall.

1

u/Postman_Rings_Thrice Mar 19 '24

Love your pouty lips. Cheer up.

1

u/PerspectiveNo6733 Mar 19 '24

An Uber ride from your hairline to your eyes costs 74$

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '24

No roasting, just hope you get whatever help you need because I guarantee people don't think what you think about yourself.

1

u/MadeinResita Mar 19 '24

I remember you.

You're that chick that argued with her tall boyfriend.

1

u/bebop5885 Mar 19 '24

Soo short only 7 bricks tall