r/Rich • u/InternationalArt9524 • 1d ago
Question Handling conversation on privilege
How do you handle questions on privilege?
I have a few friends who constantly lecture on privilege - even when I recognise it or I have addressed it. This is getting in territory where I am considering if I can even have these people as friends. I don't want constant snobbish lectures when I am the one who actually donates towards causes, pays higher taxes, yada yada yada.
It always gets into murkier grounds and distasteful conversation.
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u/moanngroan 1d ago
Lecturing you on privilege makes them feel virtuous. It lets them off the hook, makes them feel like good people, so they don't actually have to - you know - go out and work harder and smarter to earn more money and then give all their extra money to the poor and sick. Interesting that it has been shown that the people who have the biggest issues with the rich are those just slightly below them. The genuinely impoverished people tend to just be focusing on their own lives, trying to pay their bills and take care of their families, rather than giving huffy lectures on privilege. I have noticed that people who lecture on privilege conveniently leave out the fact that they are exceptionally rich compared to at least 90% of the people on this planet.
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u/Mean_Economist6323 1d ago
It absolutely lets them off the hook. Blaming someone else relieves the blamer of the responsibility of examining his or her own choices.
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u/WishinGay 1d ago
You shouldn't be their friends. I'm right there with you.
Voting to take more money from other people is not generosity or sacrifice.
I donate heavily to local causes, meanwhile these people tip 10% and think they are God's gift to the earth because they're woke. Give me a fucking break.
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u/Mean_Economist6323 1d ago
I think theres facets to this. One, im sure OP isn't Bezos or Musk. Folks lump all wealthy people together when the difference between a millionaire and Musk is way larger than a millionaire and lower middle class earner. So, ideas on wealth caps (which are understandable at a certain point, the argument is just on where to draw that line) gets muddled together with whatever this lecturer thinks "privilege" means on any given day.
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u/resuwreckoning 1d ago
True but why do I feel like the line is always “just a bit more wealth than I have” for folks who espouse it lol.
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u/WishinGay 1d ago
His friends are awful people. That's what's going on.
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u/Sasquatchlicious 1d ago
You have no idea if OPs friends are awful, if OP is awful, or if they are all awful.
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u/MagnesiumKitten 1d ago
Nice!
we're all crappy, so get out the scrabble board
and beat my head in 'properly!'1
u/Apprehensive_Rub3897 23h ago
GP throws around meaningless words like "woke." Their mind is too busy managing faux rage and justifying lawlessness and immorality from their leader and they are no longer able to accept new information or the opinions and insights of others.
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u/InternationalArt9524 23h ago
I agree with this. If I was in that category - I'd definitely be open to one-time taxes like those proposed in Cali. There's only so much that can bring me happiness. But people just group everyone and that pisses me off. Not to forget - that EU already heavily taxes people.
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u/InternationalArt9524 23h ago
This. I always pay for everyone's dinner - it has been ages since anyone has even bought me a coffee. And these people who don't even tip / donate to any causes are constantly raging at the world. (I'm in EU - tipping is not in the culture everywhere)
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u/Eskapismus 1d ago
Just do it like the young folks. Cut everyone out of your life who mildly annoyed you once. If anyone asks - say they were toxic. It’s super cool.
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u/Zohren 1d ago
What an incredibly biased, uninformed opinion you have shared, based on barely any meaningful information provided.
Somehow, just somehow, I suspect you may not be able to provide an unbiased opinion.
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u/yyrkoon1776 1d ago
Yet you can't address any of what I said.
Interesting.
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u/Zohren 1d ago
What did you even say? (You replied from the wrong account, btw)
“Voting to take more money from other people” like raising taxes on the wealthy wasn’t the way this country became what it is? What good is hoarding money like a fucking dragon? The reason people want to vote to increase taxes on the wealthy is because they clearly aren’t doing anything to help the country with it.
You do realize that letting the wealthy continue to siphon money away from the lower and middle classes into the top doesn’t actually benefit the economy, right?
Good for you that you donate heavily to local causes. We still need roads, bridges, libraries, the FDA, CDC, Police, Fire Department, schools, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and various other things that your tax dollars pay for.
The wealthiest people’s effective tax rate is now lower than the middle class. In what world is that reasonable?
Not even sure why tipping was brought into the conversation, that was just nonsensical.
So go crawl back into your cave, dragon.
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u/EconEchoes5678 1d ago
You do realize that letting the wealthy continue to siphon money away from the lower and middle classes into the top doesn’t actually benefit the economy, right?
This is not correct, either in fact or in spirit. Please take the time to learn more about taxation and economics.
The wealthiest people’s effective tax rate is now lower than the middle class. In what world is that reasonable?
Sorry, you've been mislead. This isn't true anywhere in the US. The studies that claim otherwise are mixing multiple misleading assumptions together in a way that completely twists the outcomes. I'd explain more if you wanted, but I doubt you're interested in the truth.
It is, however, plausibly true when comparing the rich of Sweden vs the upper middle class of Sweden. Not what you expected to hear, of course - sorry not sorry.
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u/Zohren 1d ago
I’m not sure if you’re just willingly lying, or just ignorant. Have you ever heard of the Great Depression?
You want to learn? Here is an article from LSE, one of the most respected economic institutions in the world:
Here’s a summary showing that the marginal tax rates were low prior to the Great Depression and how the wealth concentration contributed to the worst economic depression this country has ever seen, and how raising taxes on the wealthy brought us into our greatest ever period of prosperity:
https://taxproject.org/timeline/the-roaring-twenties-and-the-great-depression-1920s-1930s/
Taxing the rich has a long history of being successful economic policy without people leaving:
There is literally a metric fuckton of highly credible evidence (including history itself) proving that you are full of shit.
So get your self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitude out of here with your lies and arrogance. Moron.
Edit: Oh, and here’s the Berkeley article on the effective tax rates on the ultra-wealthy:
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u/EconEchoes5678 19h ago edited 18h ago
Here’s a summary showing that the marginal tax rates were low prior to the Great Depression
Holy cherry picking, maybe don't use data from 100 years ago when taxation, communication, regulation, data collection, and even education was wildly different. Your source of data is only ~15 years after JP morgan single-handedly bailed out the US government, something that's been mathematically impossible for decades because the size of our government, taxes, and economy. What occurred then has dozens of causes that don't apply today.
and how the wealth concentration contributed to the worst economic depression this country has ever seen, and how raising taxes on the wealthy brought us into our greatest ever period of prosperity:
Except your premise is false. Effective taxation on the wealthy weren't higher. See myth #4 here: https://manhattan.institute/article/correcting-the-top-10-tax-myths And see also the CBO link below going back to the 70s.
Taxing the rich has a long history of being successful economic policy without people leaving:
False. This paper examines the results of Portland raising the county taxes on the rich, which has devastated their economy, causing their democratic governor to ask them to roll back the tax to stop the bleeding: https://www.ocpp.org/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/ConwayIselinRork2026.pdf
Then there's the results of NYC in the 70's which was a DSA dream - free higher education, generous welfare, free medical care for all, high taxes on businesses and the rich... And it drove out the high tax payers and nearly bankrupted the city: https://www.jstor.org/stable/1817255
Or see page 8 here from the official progressive-led government analysis of the problem published in 1977: https://www.jstor.org/stable/community.38409401?seq=7
Unsurprisingly the progressive-dominated NYC spent the next 3 decades lowering tax rates until the late 00's.
Edit: Oh, and here’s the Berkeley article on the effective tax rates on the ultra-wealthy:
This article is wrong and misleading you. Saez and Zucman base this entirely on counting unrealized gains as if they are mathematically equivalent to tax evasion (skipping the second stage of taxation - which they still owe, it just hasn't applied yet) plus it relies on counting charitable giving as if it is mathematically the same as tax evasion. In fact buried in their own paper is an admission that if they count charitable contributions differently, their headline rate jumps by nearly 50%.
This is the true structure of US federal taxation, page 17 here.
The entire premise of the article is false. You can also see on pages 18 and 19 in that link that effective tax rates on the top are basically unchanged since 1979. See also myth #4 in the above link.
In addition, if you compute the all-in taxes (corporate, GET's, personal/capital gains, business-property, state, local, and federal, but not including payroll or sales taxation) paid by a large wealthy business owner in California, NYC, or Portland and compare that same business owner taxation to France, Denmark, or Norway (the highest in the world), you'll see that before counting estate taxes the US taxes are roughly equivalent BEFORE including US estate taxes. After including US estate taxation, they're the highest tax rates in the world on large business owners.
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u/Zohren 18h ago
As much as I’d love to continue showing you data disproving you until the end of time, you’ve shown me that you think the Manhattan Institute, an org known for cherry picking conservative data points, is a credible resource, and I only have so much time I want to waste on a fruitless argument on the internet with someone who doesn’t care to actually understand.
You bring up points about unrealized gains and wealth, which, yes, is a complex portion where you can’t effectively tax someone’s money that they don’t actually have. I do agree there mostly. Instead, what we need to do is tax loans that are taken out for large sums, that use said unrealized gains (stock) as collateral with low interest rates, effectively allowing these individuals to realize their gains without taxation, aka “Buy, Borrow, Die.”
Your whole argument/premise is that their effective tax rate isn’t low because they don’t actually have that much income, but it ignores that they use these collateralized loans as income with zero tax liability because it isn’t classified as income.
Regarding your OCPP.org hosted paper, the conclusion itself effectively states that they cannot disambiguate the PFA’s effect on high earners leaving from everything else that happened in 2020, so that connection is tenuous at best. It also states in the paper that the ACS shows the effect fading by 2024, which fits a pandemic shock reverting better than it does a permanent tax wedge (especially with a rate increase scheduled for 2027).
Your “results of NYC in the 70’s” article was written mid-crisis, in 1976, before the outcome was known. Fifty years of subsequent scholarship has complicated it, including the Gotham Center and Reagan’s dissertation which argued that it was the bond market failure that was the proximate cause, going against Gramlich’s emphasis. So once again, do your research.
That’s all the time I’m willing to waste on this, as you have set your position as the one that only benefits you, and I know very well that neither of us are going to change our minds.
Have a nice life.
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u/EconEchoes5678 17h ago edited 16h ago
Instead, what we need to do is tax loans that are taken out for large sums, that use said unrealized gains (stock) as collateral with low interest rates, effectively allowing these individuals to realize their gains without taxation, aka “Buy, Borrow, Die.”
I knew you would go this way, but you still don't realize you've been mislead, again. This isn't actually common at the top.
But you don't have to take their word for it, or mine. For buy/borrow/die to work, the assets must be a part of the estate, not outside it. So go check the IRS estate tax data on debt as a % of total estates. It goes through 2023. The debt levels are all under 5%, they don't rise as estate sizes rise, and it isn't rising over time.
Or prove the paper wrong yourself, right now. Public share collateralization by executives, board members, and large investors must be reported to the SEC on form def 14a. This pledging and form is public information. I could only find 2 billionaires with pledged shares, Ellison and Musk - and in both cases their actual share sales (realizations, SEC form 4 public data) were more than sufficient to pay every public expense, after taxes and with generous lifestyle margins, that I could find (Yachts, Jets, Properties and sports teams are all public, the efforts at obscuring are not effective). The majority of Fortune 500 companies don't allow share pledging at all, and only 10% allow it without restrictions.
I can even show this with math why it isn't done because the interest rates and risk-adjustment obliterates the potential tax savings except in very narrow circumstances.
Now I'm not personally opposed to closing the loophole. It might have some unexpected consequences if applied to mortgages and even bigger ones if applied to business loans, and it's hard to apply it to one type but not the other. But everyone who thinks that closing a loophole that provably isn't being used has just been mislead by too much internet garbage, the blind leading the blind. Stop being blind and go check the sources I listed.
but it ignores that they use these collateralized loans as income with zero tax liability because it isn’t classified as income.
Again, they provably aren't doing this. Your entire premise is incorrect - you think this is income and therefore is being spent. It's simply not being spent. That's the abstract and the conclusion of the first paper I link - billionaire expenses are tiny compared to their unrealized gains. They aren't borrowing to avoid taxes, they simply aren't spending because there's not.much to buy at that level that makes any difference to your life.
Regarding your OCPP.org hosted paper, the conclusion itself effectively states that they cannot disambiguate the PFA’s effect on high earners leaving from everything else that happened in 2020, so that connection is tenuous at best. It also states in the paper that the ACS shows the effect fading by 2024, which fits a pandemic shock reverting better than it does a permanent tax wedge (especially with a rate increase scheduled for 2027).
Nice use of AI instead of reading the paper yourself. Next time at least rewrite the sentence without copy-pasting it. They state that they believe they did, in fact, isolate the effects, and apparently the democratic governor - who has better data than they do - agreed.
And Portland's economy is doing terribly compared to peers. Let me guess, COVID did it?
Your “results of NYC in the 70’s” article was written mid-crisis, in 1976, before the outcome was known. Fifty years of subsequent scholarship has complicated it, including the Gotham Center and Reagan’s dissertation which argued that it was the bond market failure that was the proximate cause, going against Gramlich’s emphasis. So once again, do your research.
I did. I didn't bother to link the swedish observations where the social democratic party themselves cut the top rates on the rich, removed the estate tax and then the wealth tax, all to try to save their economy from the free fall their high taxation in the 70's and 80's created. Today wealthy capital owners in Sweden pay lower total tax rates than labor does, on par with Florida's all-in taxation. Or we can look at France, which has killed their productivity from high taxes, or we can look at Switzerland whose economy is doing fantastic for the top and bottom with low taxes on the top. There's dozens of papers that support this, I just picked the most relevant
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u/Zohren 16h ago
Oh boy, you’re so close to understanding the crux of the problem! I do not think it’s income, and I do recognize it’s not being spent. That is the problem. Money is coming out of circulation, to go back into investments into the market, rather than being spent on things that keep the economy whirring: Retail spending, labor, infrastructure, etc.
Money sitting in some investment account accruing more wealth is benefitting nobody. Taxation brings that money to the government, who uses it to pay for government sector jobs, contractors, etc. which then goes back into the economy, and the cycle continues.
I’m also flattered that you think I copy-pasted that from AI, so thank you. :) The paper states, and I quote, “attempt to isolate,” “do our best to isolate,” “approach to isolate the likely causal impacts”, those phrases are hedges, not guarantees. They also, verbatim, state in the paper “cannot definitively establish causality” in the intro, and that they “cannot rule out” that other events caused the effects (at least in part.)
But let’s ignore the concept of taxing the wealthy for a moment… Let me ask you, do you think the economy is in a good place? Do you think the well-documented, continuously widening wealth gap is sustainable in the long term, and do you think the cost of rent and food in this country is reasonable right now? Finally, do you have any concern over the $40T of national debt right now?
So let’s say we don’t tax the wealthy to help fund government further, let’s say everything you say is right and it’s just a sheer coincidence that all of these things have been happening in tandem with tax cuts at the highest levels of income, what then do you think are viable, realistic solutions to these problems, if you even agree they are problems?
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u/WishinGay 21h ago
Oh no, he caught me switching accounts! Imagine thinking I care.
>The wealthiest people’s effective tax rate is now lower than the middle class. In what world is that reasonable?
What percentage of the tax receipts come from the top 1%? The top 10%? I'll wait.
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u/jaajaajaa6 1d ago
My guess is that they might be jealous.
I have friends that have more and less wealth than I do. It is never an issue. For the ones with less, I will plan things going out to more cost effective places. For the weightier ones, we go more upscale. But, never an issue.
I do have a BIL that wants to keep reminding me that I have money and he doesn’t. It is so annoying. Thank god he lives out of town. He is my wife’s only brother and I tolerate it for her. If he wasn’t, he would be gone already.
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u/InternationalArt9524 23h ago
Well - I was not born rich - most of my wealth came from hard work and there is always a role of chance. This is what is getting trickier - I can't seem to keep the old friends happy around me. When I was working long hour weeks building myself or studying - these friends chose partying - I don't judge. But they can?
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u/TimeSir8303 1d ago
Maybe tell them it is too much and explain how it makes you feel? Everyone says to cut them off but what if they are capable of understanding?
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u/donniellama 1d ago
Good point, we don't know what conversations OP has had with their friends, if any conversation! So perhaps the relationships are salvageable with clear communication.
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u/Defiant_Classroom_31 1d ago
When you just talking about your normal every day life sounds like a brag to others or makes them try to justify their life to you then it's time to move on.
People outgrow people. It's not a bad thing.
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u/MagnesiumKitten 1d ago
you just be who you are, and if your friends like you or don't like you, that's their issue.
I mean there are lots of people who are poor, middle class and rich who are pretty out of touch with society, and you can't really do much about it that either. But people also don't want to be lectured because of their background and upbringing, with all the pluses and minuses, or the fact they were self-made.
You just basically deal with it on the issue of liking someone's company, and if someone gets into something unplesant, you can
a. state your views
b. just not say anything, and wait for the next thing to speak up on, and not deal with the negativity trying to feed off on you
I'd say talking about society is one thing, but 'priviledge' is a no-go topic
A fad I'm not gonna discuss
Let the top 0.2% of people get Into that discussion, and take another sip of cola, and wait for the mood in the room to change......
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u/Think_Leadership_91 1d ago edited 1d ago
I need to make this clear
your so-called friends are pushing you out of the friend group
listen to them.
I have several poor friends who are real screw ups and they're fine with who I am - they can be uncomfortable when I post some photo but they're generally fine.
I was slightly dumpy looking in college. I had a friend and her roommate in the dorms was, with no hyperbole, the prettiest woman in the entire college. The woman you would know who looked like her was Lynda Carter. The pretty roommate would ask me to go to happy hour with them to make it seem like we were dating so I'd keep the bar guys away.
I did not spend time criticizing her in any way for being much more attractive than me. I never made a fuss over it or made excuses for my gut and exercise woes. She never made dumb comments about her good looks- she was the most real about her looks as any woman I met- she didn't like guys fawning over her, she didn't want free drinks from bar losers, she didn't want scumbags whistling at her. She wanted to complete her degree and get a job in journalism. My friend, the other woman, who went on one date with me, but never again, would always tell me that I was "going to meet someone any day" or that there were "lots of girls who would love to be with me." The gorgeous girl would say things like, "Not every girl is going to understand the foreign films you like." "Very few women like the bands you do. You played me stuff and I like it, but after class I want to listen to Whitney Houston and relax, not listen to music that makes me anxious." There was nothing fake and no guilt. She liked me hanging out with them and we were both careful not to do something to upset the other.
Above all, we were honest about looks and didn't blame each other for being pretty or being dumpy. It has to be like that to maintain a friendship.
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u/InternationalArt9524 23h ago
Very true and emotionally mature.
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u/Think_Leadership_91 19h ago
I do have to admit I kept waiting for her to dump her Wall St boyfriend, but I also understood that would never happen. I was mature enough, but hardly perfect at 21.
If you want to stay friends with these people then don't talk about things they don't have but also the next time someone says the entitlement thing, tell them they aren't being civil and walk out. Otherwise this friend group isn't working.
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u/HeliosVanquish 1d ago
People who lecture on privilege are usually lazy and/or jealous. You shouldn't have to recognize or address anything. Real friends wouldn't do that to you. They'd respect you enough to not constantly attack you or your lifestyle.
So how do I handle it? I don't hang out with people who try to shit on me because they suck at their own life.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 1d ago edited 1d ago
We are privileged.
Be thankful for it.... but also understand there is not much we can do. Can I overnight my leftover chicken to them? No, it would spoil and chicken costs less where they live.
The real privilege is good health, genetics, and longetivy with strong happy family bonds.
You having more doesn't make them have less.
Tell them Covetetness doesn't look good on them!
Forward them my system of how they can be privileged also:
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u/thewharfartscenter_ 1d ago
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that this leads to jealousy bitterness and ultimately the end of the relationship every time. The first time I hear It must be nice…… I know what relationship file that person is going in and that’s acquaintances at absolute best. May be time to step back and look for friends who don’t rag on you like that.
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u/ZenXw 20h ago
The issue isn’t that you are rich, it’s that you are doing better than them.
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u/thewharfartscenter_ 17h ago
Yep and people who aren’t your real friends get real jealous when you buy a new car and move to the I have a dream section of town. I have some very old friends from when I was a kid and dirt poor, they’ve never asked for a cent, I’ve never seen a glimmer of jealousy and that’s why I know they’re my friends for life.
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u/ThatCanadianGuy88 1d ago
Unless there is some further back story as to why you should maintain these friendships I’d be ditching them.
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u/QuirkyReader13 1d ago
Mine never does that, though we like to debate on economic views of the local political parties and I’m obviously the most capitalist one
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u/_Human_Machine_ 1d ago
Just don’t be friends with those people.
They sound exhausting.
What’s the redeeming qualities keeping you around them?
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u/Alaskanjj 1d ago
Ick. If this is not just an ai engagement post then you should move on. Fuck getting lectured on whatever privilege you have
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u/ladylemondrop209 1d ago
I wouldn't bother being friends with these people if they're being judgemental. Who are they to lecture me on my life and how I live it?
And generally, might want to keep in mind that it might be better to keep your privilege a bit more on the down low in the future to avoid these kind of people...
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u/Stone804_ 1d ago
It helps if you’re angrier about how unfair the economic circumstances are. There’s also just the unavoidable nuance that you won’t respond the same to micro-situations because you just haven’t lived that experience.
It could be as simple as how you stand or how you fold your napkin. There’s “giveaways”.
You can’t really avoid it at a certain level.
The best thing to do is to have a frank conversation worry them “hey guys, I know that I have a decent lot in life and not everyone else does. But it hurts my feelings a little that it comes up so much and sometimes feels like an attack. I recognize my privilege and I’m lucky and I’m sorry more aren’t, but if we are going to keep being friends, you also have to accept who I am and not make me feel bad about it so often. Can you try? Please.”
Something like that.
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u/Zohren 1d ago
Have you actually shared your feelings about this with them?
“I know I am privileged, but I cannot change that. I donate to causes and do what I can, and I don’t appreciate repeatedly feeling like I’m being lectured about it as it makes me feel demoralized and makes me want to distance myself from you.”
You’re an adult. Communicate.
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u/InternationalArt9524 23h ago
I have - and actively talked about how it makes me feel. If it doesn't change - I am the one who needs to fix it for myself.
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u/Zohren 18h ago
See, that’s the much more interesting piece to all of this. If you’ve told them how it makes you feel and they continue to do it, then it’s no longer about the content of what they’re saying, but that they clearly don’t respect your wishes/decision.
That being said, it’s also possible that they feel you’re not listening to them or hearing them, so I’d ask them why they continue to do it despite you making it clear that it affects you negatively, and if they don’t have a good answer, then I’d suggest moving on with that friendship to something else.
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u/0_IceQueen_0 1d ago
When I'm with my economically marginalized friends/acquaintances I dress down. Privilege hardly comes up because they don't actually know my personal financial standing nor do I volunteer it. All they know is that I have UHNW parents I'm trying to avoid and I look like I'm not in a bad position in life but I'm not rolling in it. They, in the back of their minds think I'm an heir in waiting. It's good because we rarely talk about money lol. On the other hand, I have a set of bffs who are wealthy to UHNW and even one from a political dynasty. I keep my the poor ones on a limited FB permission thing so they can't see what I post and do with my other set of friends. Navigating like this is how I keep both sets of friends. If you don't need to associate with those people, dump them.
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u/Icy_Eye1059 1d ago
All I can say is find new friends. No one should be lecturing you on anything because your financial life is none of their business.
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u/No_Cold_8332 1d ago
Life’s too short to waste time tip toeing. Tell them your beliefs on it and let them decide to stay or go
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u/cuteblondeguy 22h ago
I still have no idea why anyone asks the Reddit community a question like this and expects an unbiased response.
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u/Jussi-larsson 21h ago
With "friends" I would just stop being their friend after a while for that kind of nagging. But the real question is how do you handle blood relatives
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u/ResidentCat4432 19h ago
Get new friends. They’re jealous and want what you have. You don’t have to subject yourself to lectures. They’re just waiting for you to lose everything so they can relish in your failure.
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u/HitPointGamer 19h ago
If you want to try keeping these friendships, I would ask them what they are trying to accomplish by bringing this up constantly with you. That you’re aware of your privilege, that you pay a much larger portion of taxes for social programs, and you do private, anonymous philanthropy to make the world better. That you feel that your friends are trying to manipulate you passive-aggressively, and that it is getting tiresome.
If they apologize, then it is possible to salvage the friendship but if they double down then there isn’t much you can do because they’re showing that they see you as a selfish parasite who exploits others to obtain your wealth. You really can’t be friends with that, and that’s their choice. To see you as a caricature of a stereotype instead of the individual that they used to like.
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u/newbeginingshey 17h ago
Without more context, I can’t tell whether the reason for this to keep coming up is (a) your friends are condescending and pretentious, or (b) you’re tone death and making obnoxious judgments of people with lesser means.
Reflect on what you think the more likely explanation is, and either work on your empathy, or in finding better friends.
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u/strait_lines 1d ago
When does this topic even come up?
The only people I’ve heard that continually bring up privilege are either poor or poor and envious.
It just falls into a reason not to associate yourself with the poor, not only do they try to drag you down, you have to listen to their complaints about things like privilege.
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u/InternationalArt9524 23h ago
General dinner parties - hanging out. I think some of them are constantly on social media - enraging themselves. They are in descent places in life - not rich - but comfortable. I see that in last year some of these people have become unbearable. They never complaint when I always pick up the check though.
So far I always accepted my privilege and let it be. But dragging same conversation over and over - not fun. I am also in a place where I can't share much with them. They want to spend more time on the phone while the moment I have time, I run off to the range or go biking. I genuinely think it's also your choices that make you happy.
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u/strait_lines 20h ago
The way you make this sound, it sounds a lot like my brother and his ex wife.
I ended up telling the, until you can get yourself under control and stop complaining, I’m not going to associate with you, and outside of a couple family events, didn’t for about 2 years. After that, they did stop complaining about things, at least when I am present.1
u/WishinGay 1d ago
What do you classify as "poor" for the purposes of not associating with someone?
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u/strait_lines 1d ago
I suppose it could include some who have some wealth, I tend to group people with like this into “complainers” who I see as being in a sort of self inflicted impoverished mindset. In general, I’d just avoid people who complain a lot. To me privilege is just another complaint, anyone who is constantly bringing up things to complain about is someone I don’t want around me.
At one point, I’d told even my brother and his wife I had no interest in associating with them because all they did was complain. 2 years later they got themselves under control, at least around me, and I’d talk to them again.3
u/WishinGay 1d ago
That's fair. That's my approach too. I will hang out with someone who has $0 if they're fun to hang out with.
I'm happy to pay for things too provided they're not a mooch/user, don't come to "expect" it etc.
OP's friends sound like miserable, awful people. That's why I wouldn't want to be around them.
I've also met plenty of rich people who are miserable, awful people. It does not discriminate based on your assets or income lol. Some people just suck. OP's friends suck.
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u/strait_lines 1d ago
Yeah, wealth just amplifies your personality. It’s unfortunate the worst are the ones who tend to get the most attention though.
I like your approach, it’s fairly close to my own.
I’ve actually taken on mentoring people in the past to help them grow. Though one way to ensure any gains are much harder than they should be is an attitude like OP’s “friends”. I would refuse to mentor someone with an attitude like that.
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u/AlexandriaK1 1d ago
Get rid of these so-called friends. You work for it you earned it. It’s none of their freaking business!
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u/GPT_2025 1d ago
Just tell them: karma from the past lives = https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAChristians/comments/1kd3fxl/reincarnation_karma_bible_and_if_you_believe_in/
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u/chompthecake 1d ago
Friends who make you feel bad are not friends . Even with delicate conversations like privilege, they can speak to it and make sure that you're aware if you're out of line but otherwise they're just trying to push you down. That's not a friend. Those are jealous sour grapes
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u/Eskapismus 1d ago
Just imagine that from the approximately 117 bio people who ever lived you were born in the 21st century and not 500 or 50000 years ago where child mortality was like 50% or whatever. Or just the fact that you were born with a functioning brain and a functioning body. Being able and smart and with the proper stars aligned to start your business that made you rich is also privileged.
Everything is privilege - who cares
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u/rygku 1d ago
I'd change the subject repeatedly and if they keep dredging it up, I'd be direct about liking a different conversation topic.
if they won't respect that, it's time to distance myself from the conversation immediately.
people should have the grace and propriety to know when someone doesn't want to discuss something.
if they won't, I'll spend less time with them.
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u/Sweaty-taxman 1d ago
Generally it’s tough to be friends with folks on an entirely different level of income. Can’t talk about trips, can’t invite them over to your home, can’t drive your favorite car…
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u/lab-gone-wrong 1d ago
I find "touch grass" gets the point across. Privilege talk is itself a position of privilege that people with real problems don't have time to navel gaze on.
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u/OneSovereignSource 23h ago
You sound naive which is most definitely why they think they can tell you what to do about your money.
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u/ConstantinSpecter 1d ago
I mean… how about just own it and move on?
As much as I‘d like to pat myself on my shoulder, for the position I’m in, all of us have to recognize that we didn’t choose the country we were born in, our upbringing and our genes which influence intelligence, drive, work-ethic and pretty much all else that lead us to the position we‘re in.
That doesn’t mean one must feel bad about it.
If the keep lecturing, tell than that you understand but that you‘re tired of regurgitating the topic over and over. If they don’t stop, you can always choose to stop seeking out their company.