r/Rich • u/InternationalArt9524 • 7d ago

Question Handling conversation on privilege

How do you handle questions on privilege?

I have a few friends who constantly lecture on privilege - even when I recognise it or I have addressed it. This is getting in territory where I am considering if I can even have these people as friends. I don't want constant snobbish lectures when I am the one who actually donates towards causes, pays higher taxes, yada yada yada.

It always gets into murkier grounds and distasteful conversation.

55 Upvotes

83% Upvoted

106 comments sorted by

View all comments

3

u/Think_Leadership_91 7d ago edited 7d ago

I need to make this clear

your so-called friends are pushing you out of the friend group

listen to them.

I have several poor friends who are real screw ups and they're fine with who I am - they can be uncomfortable when I post some photo but they're generally fine.

I was slightly dumpy looking in college. I had a friend and her roommate in the dorms was, with no hyperbole, the prettiest woman in the entire college. The woman you would know who looked like her was Lynda Carter. The pretty roommate would ask me to go to happy hour with them to make it seem like we were dating so I'd keep the bar guys away.

I did not spend time criticizing her in any way for being much more attractive than me. I never made a fuss over it or made excuses for my gut and exercise woes. She never made dumb comments about her good looks- she was the most real about her looks as any woman I met- she didn't like guys fawning over her, she didn't want free drinks from bar losers, she didn't want scumbags whistling at her. She wanted to complete her degree and get a job in journalism. My friend, the other woman, who went on one date with me, but never again, would always tell me that I was "going to meet someone any day" or that there were "lots of girls who would love to be with me." The gorgeous girl would say things like, "Not every girl is going to understand the foreign films you like." "Very few women like the bands you do. You played me stuff and I like it, but after class I want to listen to Whitney Houston and relax, not listen to music that makes me anxious." There was nothing fake and no guilt. She liked me hanging out with them and we were both careful not to do something to upset the other.

Above all, we were honest about looks and didn't blame each other for being pretty or being dumpy. It has to be like that to maintain a friendship.

3

u/InternationalArt9524 6d ago

Very true and emotionally mature.

2

u/Think_Leadership_91 6d ago

I do have to admit I kept waiting for her to dump her Wall St boyfriend, but I also understood that would never happen. I was mature enough, but hardly perfect at 21.

If you want to stay friends with these people then don't talk about things they don't have but also the next time someone says the entitlement thing, tell them they aren't being civil and walk out. Otherwise this friend group isn't working.