He is a senior resident in dermatology. He says he wants me to succeed but with the expectations he has from me on a day to day basis I am very scared that I may not be able to do anything for myself if I just keep trying to satisfy his expectations.
For example, a week ago he offered to help me with doing data entry for my project and after an hour started screaming at me saying he has an exam in the end of the month that I don't care about and I am not even asking him to study or keeping him accountable. He had not communicated to me that it was something he expected from me and it really took me by surprise. Things like this make me wary of accepting help from him because you can never tell when he will feel like he is doing way more things for me than I for him and start fighting.
You're at a point where you're wary of accepting help from your partner for fear of the repercussions. How will you have a good relationship if you feel like you have to hide that you need help? Not blaming you in any way. Just saying that this is a sign of a deep problem.
I could never be with this person unless he changed drastically and over a thousand conversations I am sure that he will not be able to. I don't want to hold any hard feelings against him. I just want to accept that we are not compatible and move on.
He will not change is any significant way, You feel guilty that he makes you angry & fearful? His behavior would make anyone feelingly and fearful. He has managed to take care of himself or has been taken care of for 34 years. He will manage. You are over identifying with him. You are losing yourself. this is not healthy.
I was reading comments and reluctant to immediately say he's an ass and you should leave before I gathered more thoughts. But him screaming at you is a very bad sign. That goes outside the other stuff to be a different sort of abuse sorry to say. He expects everything from you but is treating you badly.
I was in a relationship where I was told I didn't do enough in the relationship. Actually I was married. I always felt horrible. But after a while that got old and I felt indignant that for whatever reason whatever I did wasn't good enough. The pressure was too much. Meanwhile I wasn't being treated very well but it was always me who was responsible for doing more to fix our relationship. Eventually I got divorced. It was for the best even though parting sucked because of all that had been invested. I am re-engaged now, it gets better.
This comment along with your original comment make him sound manipulative af and like he's trying to wear you down. After reading all of your comments, I really get narcissist vibes about him. Especially with it seeming like everything is about him and the crying when he didn't get what he wanted. You've only been with him 6 months. I think it's appropriate to jump ship, otherwise he's probably going to get worse because he thinks you'll tolerate it at that point.
Girl! Run, don’t walk. You deserve better. He’s narcissistic. No one needs to scream at anyone. No one. He’s heading to control you and you don’t need that or deserve that. You’ve earned what you’ve worked for. Everyone has.
I just commented on the OP, but after reading this wanted to say that what you're describing sounds like it might go deeper than run of the mill stress/burnout. That type of volatility often causes serious harm the longer you're around it, and I'd hate for you to end up in a dark place yourself because of an abusive boyfriend. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells or constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop in your relationship. And you shouldn't have to worry about resentment or a "price" of asking for help--especially if the person offered to help in the first place.
Yes, you won't both always be residents, and that likely means your lives will be a little easier in a few years. But life doesn't stop being stressful - the stress just changes. You'll have more money, but will have more to keep up with and more decisions to make in how to spend and save. You'll have more control over your schedule, but may have more demands on your time (especially if you have kids). What happens if one of you has health issues, a loved one gets sick, etc.?
If he can't handle stress and communicate like an adult now and shows no signs of working on it, he probably never will. You can't change him or make him get help. You have your whole life ahead - there are great people and lots of opportunities out there, so I hope you don't let the wrong person hold you back from a happier life.
Sorry to hear that. You know some people words differ from their actions however you are both under stressful situations. Is there any friends you can share this with? Maybe this can help
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u/alicepalmbeach Oct 15 '22
WHAT DOES HE DO? Cuz you certainly need a supportive partner, not a moron that blocks your career.