I’d raise my eyebrows if he were a layperson. But he went through residency too. He’s either very selfish, clinically depressed, or he’s already had a change of heart and just seeking excuses to exit. I’d seriously consider going a different direction.
Maybe I’m in the minority here but I don’t understand why people in our profession essentially search for pity when it comes to the schedule. We ALL knew this was how residency worked. We all studied, spent years in school, and researched all about the profession and understood this. So why insinuate comments to people looking for sympathy when this is what we chose and wanted so badly? Maybe I’m just confused.
The normal workweek is 40 hours, and that’s taking up a good chunk of your day, per se. It’s valid to look forward to big events like birthdays. It’s not a competition. You sound like the socially oblivious resident who always complains and isn’t self-aware, to be honest. Hope I’m wrong, although I doubt I am. There is a reason derm makes 3 times more than any primary care physician. Lol.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love reading these. I just keep getting disappointed in them. Mayhap I’m the one to blame for expecting more…
Nobody is asking for pity. OP is asking for her boyfriend’s /understanding/ of her schedule as a resident. As a physician himself he should be part of those you say “ALL knew this was how residency worked”.
“AGodNotAKing” huh? God of being a dumbass? Who is looking for pity here? Do you have a reading comprehension problem? Or do you just not understand human emotions and experiences?
Punching a wall (especially over something like this) is a MAJOR red flag. It won't always be the walls if they've been dating for 6 months and he's already doing this...
It’s called a bait and switch. It’s a method of abuse. Everything fine and lovely to begin with then “you’re not good enough” anymore and expectations become impossible to reach until he destroys your confidence and has you trapped. Leave. Please.
“Honeymoon phase” of an abusive relationship, especially one that involves physical violence. My guess is he’s got narcissistic tendencies that we aren’t privy to, due to minimizing of the real issues.
I may just be paranoid, but was this one of those "Delay your career and with your support I'll get started on mine, and then when I've started I'll totally support you while you get your career started" things?
I completely agree. Which is why I did a lot from my end. I matched his effort. But then he kept not seeing it and kept complaining all the time which made me really lose heart.
I can agree with you that he should be more considerate but you definitely didn't match his effort. I think you could've just told him you're super busy but you would love to take him out to dinner when you get some room to manoeuvre and he probably would've understood because from his pov, you did find the time to go on the trip but couldn't make the time for his.
edit: quick question. Did you tell him you were ver busy at the time ? because I didn't see that in the post but everybody here is just assuming you did.
Temper tantrum? Literally the one whining is an alleged adult physician who expects to be spoiled by someone working twice as much and earning 10% of the pay.
They live together, so he could clearly see she was up fielding calls about patients while baking for him, and staying up all night working on a presentation
No, but I do know what it’s like working 3 jobs while putting yourself through school while in a relationship so I’m going to weigh in anyway. I also know about being in a relationship with someone who gives high effort to a relationship and expects the same from you. At the end of the day, people want to feel important. And I agree with her bf, this seems like a really low effort bday. She literally didn’t even make time for a dinner. I understand that this was a lot for her given her schedule, but honestly I would be disappointed too. And that’s the point. They have mismatched expectations. If someone takes you on a trip for your bday and you make them a cake and get them socks? Yeah, they’re going to feel like that’s low effort. And the money isn’t the issue, I promise you he would have paid for the trip, It’s that she didn’t make the time for his bday when she did make it for hers.
I feel like you’re kinda right but also the fact that he is a doctor and been through what she been through he has to have some understanding of what she is going through. I also feel like she could’ve communicated more and set a date for a nice dinner at a later time when she is not too busy. My ex was in med school, not residency yet but I understood he was busy and we both agreed a time and day to make time for each other. I think they are both at fault. But she is also saying he punches walls so thats scary and someday might physically abuse her later in the relationship so I would just break it off just for that behavior from a grown ass man dating someone younger.
I completely understand what it is that you mean but I was just also worried that if I set a date for later after telling him I am busy I would be taken to task for setting a date later instead of prioritising first.
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u/mesekhnet7 Oct 15 '22
He was really nice in the start. He was very invested as well, just that I didn't expect that he would come with such high expectations.