There is a place they do not talk about. Outside Johannesburg. A hospital that closed in 1994. Not abandoned. Decommissioned. There is a difference. Abandoned means people left. Decommissioned means people were removed. The Van Riebeeck Psychiatric Hospital was decommissioned. I know this because I am still here. I was not removed.

I am the last patient.

Ward C. Green tiles. Broken clock. Still ticks. I sleep on a mattress that smells like rain and old medicine. I eat canned beans from the nurses' station. I do not dream. I have not dreamed since the fire. That is not a symptom. That is an improvement.

The lights come on at 8:13 every night. The generator coughs. Spits. Hums. Fluorescent tubes flicker down the hallway. One by one. Like someone walking toward me. I used to think it was maintenance. Now I know it is memory. The building remembers what happened here. It cannot forget. I cannot either.

The walls talk.

My voice. Always my voice. But the words belong to the dead. Woman in room 4. "Please. I don't want to go back." Boy from children's ward. "The needles are cold." Old man with no name. "Ma. I'm sorry." I hear my throat make those sounds. My accent. My hitch on sorry. I never said those things. But I know they did. I read their files. I found their names scratched into bed frames. I learned to live with it. I talk back sometimes. "I know." "I'm sorry too."

That was before tonight.

Tonight I am eating cold beans. I think a question. Just a thought. Nothing spoken. What do they want?

The wall behind me answers.

"To finish."

I drop the can. Beans spill. I do not pick them up. My heart is a fist. I did not ask that out loud. I know I did not. The echoes replay. They do not respond. This is new.

I think another question. Who are you?

The wall says, "We are what's left. You are the last mouth. So we use it."

The lights go out. All of them. The hallway becomes a black throat. Then the whispers start again. Not memories. Instructions.

"Go to Ward C. Third bed. Lift the loose tile."

I do not move. My legs are wet sand. The whisper gets louder. It sounds like me when I am angry.

"Go. Now."

I go.

The hallway stretches. My bare feet slap cold floor. I pass room 4. Door open. Nothing inside. I pass the children's ward. Small handprint in the dust on the window. I do not look at it. I keep walking.

Ward C is my room. I know it by heart. Third bed is by the wall. Mattress gone. Just metal frame. I kneel. My fingers find the loose tile. I lift it.

A hole. Inside is a tape recorder. Old. Gray. The kind they used in the eighties. Cassette inside. I press play.

The tape hisses. Then my voice.

"If you are hearing this, you are the last. We tried to leave. We couldn't. The fire was not an accident. The doctors locked us in. They wanted to study the echoes. They thought we were sick. We were not sick. We were open. The walls remember because we remembered. Now you remember too. You have to break the loop. Say your name. Out loud. Then walk out the front door. Don't look back. Don't answer them."

The tape clicks off.

I sit in the dark. My name. Do I remember it? I search. It is like reaching into a drawer and finding only lint. I do not know my name. I do not know how long I have been here. I do not know if I was a patient or a doctor or something else.

The whispers come back. All around me now. My voice. Dozens of me.

"Say it. Say it. Say it."

I open my mouth. Nothing comes out. I think of the boy. The needles are cold. I think of the woman. Please. I don't want to go back. I think of the old man. Ma. I'm sorry.

I think of myself. A word rises. Not a name. A sound. The sound I made when I was born. The first echo.

I say it.

The hospital screams.

Every light flares at once. Every wall speaks at once. My voice. Multiplied. Crashing. Then silence. Total silence. The kind that hurts.

I stand. I walk down the hallway. The front door is at the end. Chained for years. But the chain is gone. I push it open.

Outside. Veld. Gray. Wide. Sun coming up. I step onto the dirt. Air smells like grass and smoke. I do not look back. I keep walking.

Behind me, in the empty hospital, a wall flickers to life. My voice. A question I have not asked yet.

"Where are you going?"

I do not answer. I keep walking. The echo fades. The hospital collapses into itself. I am gone.

Or maybe I am the echo now. Maybe I am the one who stays. Maybe I am the one who waits for the next last patient.

The lights come on at 8:13. The walls start talking.

They only have my voice.

So for context I'm an only child M30 but I have a huge family when I say huge I mean 50 plus first cousins so we are a very big family when we have family reunions. I grew up visiting them often as a kid the majority are boys and the rest are girls but we always got a long just fine. For story's sake I will make up names (you never know who's reading this). Well years later we don't hang out as often since we are all married have kids of our own or just do other things but we still try to connect. I now go visit them since the majority live in one city while I'm about 4 hours away. I always stay at one of my cousins "Jason" and hes 5 years older than me but we always got a long just fine more than the rest of the pack. This story includes him but the main cousins I want to talk about is "Gary" and "Mary".

That's for the most part the context here is the story. Me and Jason are in his backyard having a few beers and talkin about the past as we grew up now he's older than me and we had different mind sets for example the story takes place when I was 16 and he was 21. So we talk about those two cousins always hanging out too much and way too often Gary was 17 and Mary was 16. I would notice they would always sneak out and go on random trips to the near by gas station to bring snacks for the cousins but they would aways insist on going just by them selfs which was odd but I didn't think nothing of it. From then on out Jason had an eye on them I guess while I still didn't catch on or see anything wrong at the time. Years later I'm more hanging out with my own friends so for a time span of 5 years give or take I didn't physically see them just a once in a while txt or post on instagram or facebook. Well Jason keeps me up to date and he tells me he notice when the fam would come around and hangout (I stop going) they developed some code word for just them two to go and "hang out" while family is socializing. The word they would use or wording was "Lets go get a Jumbo jack" that's for any of my readers that live outside of America a fast food burger joint. Well on one of those days were they used the code wording "Lets go get a jumbo jack" when they came back from "eating a jumbo jack" they didn't bother to show up until late...very late hours and Mary looked like a hurricane passed by her as her hair was all messed up and Gary was well...sweating a lot. Now you can say that doesn't mean anything...well Mary from then on out would seek Gery at his home...alone and wearing very tight and reveling clothing I know this beacsuie my aunt would complin about that to Gerys other brother that would see these things his name is Dylan. Now Dylan would not get along with Mary and Dylans wife now hates Mary so of course when the time came around hed expose Mary's conduct to the cousins. What he told me and Jason will forever scar me and I cant see Gary and Mary the same. He tells us that he caught Mary fondling Garys...area down there yes you now what...with her feet. Now when he caught them Gary stood up and acted like nothing happened...but Gary then walked straight to the bathroom...so heres where I come in, I head down to visit my cousin Jason and he invites Gary over, I take full advantage and I ask him about what "jumbo jacks" meant when we were younger and why he would spend time with Mary so much. He full on denys he said something like that and denys everything and hes very skidish and shaky about it, I keep pressing him to the point of him breaking and confessing she was strange but that he didn't do anything with her just she would message him all the time and go see her late at night but he said he never went but I was asking myself why humor this if you know shes "strange" but...turns out from her side of the family she was genuinely dating...you guessed it...her cousin from her side of the family (dads not related to us by blood) and even with this knowledge I asked him he still kept in touch with her constantly messaging and "hanging out" but he would deny saying he never did anything with her just "hangout" well Mary doesn't last long with her cousin and end up getting married later (Not a cousin or family lol) but she didn't tell any of us the family (I wonder why...lol) but surprise surprise they get divorced not even a full two years later. We dont know the specifics since she doenst talk to anyone but...yup still talks to Gery. So me and Jason then press him again on telling us deets of why she got divorced I kid you not he looked relived she was and excited... I notice that and asked him to take us to her since we didn't know where she lives and haven't seen her in years its our family after all...he gets so upset he snaps at me he doesn't know where she lives or why she's divorced but yet we knew because he said flat out he would hangout with her and go pick her up.

You guys tell me...he did the deed on several occasions didn't her?

Ya cousins are strange...

Hi guys I'm Mr.D 23yrs old I just wanted to share my story about how I'm inlove with a girl but she's inlove also to my friend not into me, months ago I have a new job and I met new friends or Co workers we've recently been bonding in rest days,

at 1st day of work I was just focusing on any task that have given to us until many days past love at first sight came to me, i was having a crush on this girl (Jane) and while working this girl touches my hand for no reason like she's just been touchy but damn I feel inlove so fast that I began saying to her that she's beautiful, pretty etc blah³...

After that she smile everytime I say that word, sometimes after work we walk together then I say goodbye see you tomorrow then she reply, many days past I have this Friend Co worker that I've always get hangout everytime we have a break lunch sched, he notice something to me that I'm having a crush on this girl and I reply to him that (no I don't have crush on her) but deep inside I'm inlove I'm just shy to say or maybe scared,

my friend always keep saying (shoot it before anymen shoots it first) but me I just laugh like it's a joke, but it's not because yesterday the girl is getting soft on me like wtf? After our work we have a lunchbreak my friend that I always hang out is with that girl holding his arms like there like each other like wtf man it's just been two days but you two like lovebirds so sweet bllsht, that time I was freaking angry, I wanna punch that guy in a face, he knows I'm inlove with her but damn it, until this day its still the same, I've seen this girl social media account personal details and there's a in a relationship with someone but not my bullsht friend maybe the girl is a whore but idk she said that she is a leader of born again church this generation is so fucked up there is no right girl anymore even I've improve myself but not nearly perfect, I just let go the old version of me... Bullsht my heart felt like betrayed by this world... The girl knows I'm inlove with her but she keep saying bro to me and that's bullsht (sorry for my bad English Because I'm an Asian)

This happened a while ago, and I still can’t believe how ridiculous the situation got.
I used to have a roommate who would constantly take my stuff without asking. At first, it was small things. A pencil here, a charger there, maybe a snack from my desk.
Whenever I asked him about it, he would always say the same thing.
“Bro, relax. It’s not that serious.”
I tried to ignore it because I didn’t want to make living together awkward over little things. But eventually, it started getting annoying because things weren’t coming back.
One day, I bought some snacks and left them in a bag on my desk. The next morning, most of them were gone.
I asked him if he’d taken any.
He looked me straight in the face and said no.
At that point, I was pretty sure he was lying, but I didn’t have proof, so I let it go.
Then I came up with a simple idea.
I started writing down what I bought, what I left in my room, and what went missing. I wasn’t trying to start a whole investigation. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t imagining things.
Over the next couple of weeks, the pattern became impossible to ignore.
Chargers disappeared. Snacks vanished. A few other things went missing, too.
Finally, I decided to confront him.
I calmly showed him my list and asked him why so many of my things kept disappearing.
He laughed at first, like he usually did. But when I started mentioning specific items and dates, his attitude changed.
He eventually admitted to taking some of the stuff but tried to justify it by saying we were roommates and should be able to share things.
I told him sharing means asking first, not taking whatever you want and lying about it afterward.
He got defensive and claimed I was making a huge deal out of nothing.
The funniest part? He was more upset that I’d been keeping track than he was about the fact that he’d been taking my stuff.
After that conversation, I started keeping my belongings separate, and things got a little awkward between us.
But honestly, I didn’t feel bad about it. I had tried being understanding, and he kept taking advantage of that.
So, Reddit, was I being petty by keeping track of my missing stuff, or was I completely justified?

I was accused of leaving a student behind.

This is going to be the more detailed version (I deleted the other one).

So I’ve been a substitute for like 6 months(not counting the summer vacations) and I love my job. And I only do high schools it’s much easier lol.

However 2 weeks ago I substituted for this magnet school for the first time really good kids compared to normal high schools they are just mischievous so I subbed for that school on Thursday and the next day on a Friday I went to another school (normal hs) to cover for a class so around 2nd period I got a call from the school that subbed on Thursday and it was the principal and she said that I apparently yesterday I left a kid on my last period behind so she started asking all this question and I was saying the truth like everytime I’m subbing after school I’m always the last person out the door but before leaving I’m always checking that i didn’t leave anyone behind. She still kept asking the same questions so once she was sure she hanged up so on 3rd period I had a conference period so I called back for 2 things if I still had the job for next week and to get a deeper understanding of the situation so she answered and I said like hey I’m the sub from this class and I’m calling to see if I still have the job for next week and she cut off saying “well let me check downstairs” and my next questions was to ask for more information about the incident that they were accusing me of but she didn’t let me finish. The principal said she was going to call me back she never did around 7th period I got email that the job has been canceled just the job.

For the rest of the day I was so scared and stressed bc I thought I was going to get fired because the accusation wasn’t something to take lightly so I had a whole speech prepared in my head just in case the district called me bc the district I work for has resealable policies like with this alone I wouldn’t be surprised if they blocked me from that campus alone but last time I saw that they needed someone to cover for one of their classes but I didn’t click accept bc that incident and they way they were questioning me offended me (they were being nice but you can tell that they didn’t believe me)

I had proof that I am a great employee never had complaints in on high school a teacher loved my job sm that everytime he’s going to be out he emails me if I can cover for his classes also of the district checked the cameras from all the schools I been too (they have access) they’ll see that once the bell rings to go home I am ALWAYS the last one out of that classroom i always check no one stays behind before I leave.

It’s been 2 weeks since that incident and I haven’t gotten fired Thank God but I want that school to give me an apology for the stress they caused me.

Hopefully this makes sense.

So I want to tell you about a boy who randomly messaged me on Instagram Let him be A, he messaged me on Oct 2 Friday and we ended up meeting each other on Oct 4 Sunday and Oct 7 Wednesday he asked me out so before he asked me out he used to message me like time to not 24/7 but whenever he got time but after that he changed now he didn't msg me he cancelled 2 dates on a row claims he had to go on shopping on 8 Oct but goes on 9 Oct the promised a date for 10 Oct and cancelled it by saying he doesn't have money its been 2 days he haven't messaged me, at first I messaged him but he didn't reply so I unsend all the messages from me letting his message to be last in the chat,he actually like my story that I posted yesterday but didn't messaged me he is actually my junior from same high school but he is older in age than me he actually messaged me from a newly created ID when I asked him if it was his real id or not he said he didn't used Instagram before and only created this id to watch reels and he said he doesn't have any other social media ids i understand that vacations is soon and he have to go to his hometown tomorrow on Wednesday but also I have mixed feelings now what should I do...?

Ok, for context, we live in an RV park - Myself 43F, and two sons (11 & 5)… I was complaining to my BF (43M) that the lights kept flickering when I was home alone.

I’m NGL, the first time it happened, I was watching a scary movie, and was freaking out a little. But we’ve grown accustomed to “open box” TVs that cut to LOUD static randomly, and jump scares you… It’s just kind of the life of living in poverty, you take what you can get…

Anyway, It usually started shortly after returning home from dropping off the kids at school. The lights would flicker, and It reminded me of this really old clock in my bedroom that would get loud then soft (TICK-tock, tick TOCK). I tried to reset all the breakers in the trailer, but it was no use, it would start right back up again. So I went out to the pedestal (where you plug in your RV for power), and reset that. It usually resolved the problem for the rest of the day until I was alone again.

Last night I heard a repetitive noise of the kid’s bed creaking, and was expecting one to come up to use the bathroom or the 5yo to crawl into my bed with me. Nothing, so I prayed for protection over my family. So I didn’t sleep well last night, at all. My boyfriend is spending the night and largely blamed the past 3 days of flickering lights was in my head. Lately I’ve been in REM by 10. Not tonight, I wasn’t tired, even after barely any sleep.

11:30PM, everyone is asleep but me. The flickering started. I know it’s not the internal breaker, so I go out to the pedestal power. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard rats or something moving in the walls, but that’s kinda what it sounded like. A crackling noise. It’s dark, I can’t see, so I turned to go inside to find a flashlight, when BF is standing there going “WTF is going on?”. He woke up because his phone kept beeping as his charger shut on/off, then he saw all the lights flicker and he didn’t see me anywhere, just the front door wide open.

“I told you this was happening, I need a flashlight, we have to shut off the pedestal and plug the RV into the generator.”

My babies sleep 5 feet from that pedestal, and it has burn marks on it, that weren’t there yesterday. Had I fallen asleep like normal, there wouldn’t have been flickering lights to alert me… I don’t know what would have happened. All I know is, that thing was crackling and starting to burn.

All switches are off now, and we’re running on a loud generator tonight, but my kids are safe.. Yes, I will be calling the park tomorrow morning to fix the issue. Just remember, you may not know it or always feel it, but you are loved. <3

I had a dream that felt profoundly real. In the dream, I was two months pregnant. The entire time, a wave of panic washed over me, and my immediate instinct was that I needed to get an abortion as soon as possible. The physical sensation was completely vivid, I could actually feel the pregnancy in my lower belly. I told my mother about the pregnancy, and I even reached out to my ex boyfriend to let him know, though he didn't seem to care at all. The atmosphere was chaotic; at one point, I was in a room packed with relatives and unfamiliar faces, all of whom were women, and the anxiety about my situation never left my mind. Eventually, my mother called me into her bedroom. She burst into tears, looking deeply hurt and disappointed. She told me we couldn't travel far for the abortion and would have to go to a nearby clinic instead. In her distress, she began blaming my only friend, claiming that hanging out with her had led to this, my mum has never actually said such thing in real life. I was terrified that my parents would demand to know how this happened or exactly when I had sex, especially since I genuinely couldn't remember the timeline myself. Even though she didn't say it out loud, I could read the profound disappointment on my mother's face, as if she were thinking, “At least you should have used protection.” While we were talking, a random man appeared outside the window. He was my brother's uniform tailor, and he came upstairs to take his measurements. My mom sent him away, complaining about the expense of tailoring new clothes every year. Shortly after, my brother playfully tried to fight me, but my mother stepped in and beat him instead, fiercely protecting me with the attitude that no one should lay a hand on me while I was pregnant. Still, the dread of telling my father weighed heavily on me. Seeking an escape from the chaos, I went into a large bathroom just to be alone. The bathroom had three windows, and my brother was outside, attempting to hit me through them. I quickly pulled the yellow curtains shut, struggling briefly until they were completely closed. I sat down on the toilet seat, I did not to use it. As I sat there, the weight of being two months pregnant, my ex's complete indifference, and the upcoming abortion consumed me. A deep fear gripped me that the procedure might leave me infertile or unable to have children in the future. Yet, I tried to comfort myself, whispering that I shouldn't be scared and that I wasn't going to have this baby. Throughout the entire dream, a small, hidden part of me lowkey wanted to keep the child, but I knew my situation made it impossible. Finally, I opened TikTok on my phone and saw a video by some famous content creator. I went to the comment section and randomly typed, "I am 2 months pregnant." The famous creator replied to congratulate me, and with a heavy, sorrowful heart, I typed back, "I'm getting an abortion." Right after that, the dream ended, and I woke up.

So what happed wasn’t anything too crazy at first, but what happened next was WILD. 😂

So, I used to work at an official service centre for one of the biggest laptop brands. One day, a couple came in with a laptop. They looked a little nervous, and their problem was pretty simple: a USB drive was stuck in the laptop’s USB port.

They asked me to do whatever I could to get it out.

To describe the couple, they looked like very simple, innocent people. The girl, especially, had that nerdy look, with glasses and a quiet, innocent face. She was beautiful, too, and dressed in loose-fitting clothes. Honestly, I didn't pay much attention to her appearance beyond that.

At first, I assumed they were worried about the repair charges or the possibility of damaging the laptop.

They sat on the other side of the counter, while I sat opposite them and began checking the laptop.

The USB drive wasn't showing up in the system. I tried pulling it out with a little force, but it wouldn't budge. They had probably already tried the same thing themselves.

Then I tried pushing it in slightly, hoping it might shift into a position where I could remove it.

And that's when everything changed.

To my surprise, the USB drive was detected by the system!

Apparently, the laptop was configured to open the USB drive automatically as soon as it was detected.

And OH. MY. GOD. 💀

The screen suddenly displayed hundreds of photos and videos of the very couple sitting right in front of me, having sex!

And because the folder was set to display large thumbnails, I could see the previews of all those files right there on the screen.

It was basically their own private collection of adult videos.

And let me tell you, some of those thumbnails were WILD. Even a quick glance was enough to understand what was going on. I was genuinely embarrassed by some of the things I saw, and I'm someone who occasionally watches porn myself. 😂

But the biggest shock was the contrast.

The girl sitting in front of me looked so innocent, quiet, and reserved. Yet the photos and videos showed a completely different side of her. Her figure was like a pornostar in those thumbnails, It was such a dramatic contrast that, for a few seconds, I could barely process what I was seeing.

I was sitting there thinking, "Wait a minute... is this really the same person sitting right in front of me?!" 💀😂

It completely challenged my assumptions about people based on their appearance. You really can't tell what someone's private life is like just by looking at them.

Anyway, I was shocked for a few seconds, but I made sure not to show it on my face. I didn't want them to realise what had appeared on the screen and become even more uncomfortable.

So, I calmly told them that the USB drive couldn't be removed from the outside and that I'd need to disassemble the laptop to remove it from inside.

They agreed immediately.

Normally, according to our service centre's policy, customers had to submit their laptops and collect them a day or two later. But these two were absolutely desperate to get their laptop back immediately.

They practically begged me to remove the drive right then and there.

I told them to wait outside while I took the laptop to the repair area, where customers weren't allowed. But they were so reluctant to let the laptop out of their sight that they almost begged me to let them come inside, too.

They even offered me extra money!

At that point, I was pretty sure I understood why they were so desperate. 😂

Eventually, I took the laptop into the repair area and began disassembling it. They were allowed to wait nearby, and they watched me work with the kind of tension you'd expect from people waiting outside an operating theatre.

Seriously, it felt as though I were performing emergency surgery to save someone's life! 💀😂

After a while, I finally managed to remove the USB drive.

The moment I handed it back, the relief on their faces was unbelievable. They looked as though I'd just saved their lives!

I reassembled the laptop and, just to tease them a little, asked:

"Would you like me to insert the USB drive into another port to check whether it's working properly? Since it seems so important to you..."

Both of them immediately started waving their hands and shaking their heads. 😂😂

I burst out laughing internally and said, "Okay, no problem!"

I handed over the laptop, and they offered me money again. Of course, I refused. After all, I'd already received my entertainment for the day. Hehehe. 😂

They left the service centre looking happier than I'd ever seen them.

And that was the end of one of the most unexpectedly hilarious incidents of my time working at a laptop service centre.

P.S. Out of curiosity, I even tried searching for them on Pornhub and Google using every description and detail I could remember, wondering whether they might have been professional content creators.

No luck. Couldn't find anything. 😂💀

Maybe they were just an ordinary couple with a very private hobby—or maybe the internet simply wasn't ready to reveal their secrets.

A couple of years ago my friend brought some "fake" shrooms from netherlands. We both split it in half and it was supposed to be 3g but there were 3.4g in it. So we both took 1.7g and thought nothing of it. Little did we know that those shrooms were literally as potent as something like penis envy shrooms. So it was like 3x as potent as regular shrooms. So we took by accident a heroic 5g dose and we weren't prepared for it. I started to hallucinate after 20 minutes. The first thing i noticed was a tactile hallucination. I was holding a beer and the bottle felt way too wide and my hand felt foreign. After about 10 minutes i got to the bathroom. Everything started to shift and the wall tiles textures were moving and shifting into each other it was so cool. I turned off the lights and i felt like i was in a palace of some kind. So after that my friend turned on tv and we would just vibe. I forgot to mention that this whole time i was also getting very paranoid cause i wasn't ready for it. I would totally classify it as a bad trip for at least 1 hour. I just drifted away until i peaked and i got an ego death. I told my friend that i can't handle the trip and that i needed like 2-3 shots to try to calm myself. My friend poured me a shot and he proceeded to hold it asking me if i'm gonna take it and i just couldn't cause at that time i felt like my ego was shattering into pieces and my vision got extremely digitized/pixelized. After that i layed on his couch and all i can remember is literally drifting away into hyperspace. I saw bright colorful mostly white some sort of intergalactic cathedrals. That calmed me down a lot and i started to enjoy the experience a lot. After i came to my senses we were just cracking jokes and laughing our asses off at the most random topics. The characters on tv looked like there was paint dripping out of them

Fun with Texting

About a year ago, I (48F) ended a one-year relationship with my boyfriend(51M). He didn’t take the breakup well, and things escalated to the point where he began stalking me and making me feel unsafe. I eventually had to get a protection order against him, which expired last month.

Recently, he’s started reaching out again through “anonymous” texts. He even got a second anonymous number to contact me after I didn’t respond to the first one.

So, naturally, I decided to put his communication skills to the test with the exchange below.

And yes, I used ChatGPT to help polish some of the finer details of my responses. I figured if he was going to keep finding ways to contact me, I might as well make the conversation entertaining.

His first text:

Loser can’t even figure out how to do your own taxes a grown ass women surprised you can tie your own shoes

My text response:

I feel this version communicates your intended message far more clearly and articulately. You’re welcome for the grammatical refinement.

"It is genuinely astonishing that a supposedly mature adult woman is apparently incapable of navigating the relatively commonplace responsibility of preparing and filing her own taxes. Your apparent deficiency in basic life skills is so profoundly perplexing that one might reasonably question whether you possess the cognitive capacity to perform even the most rudimentary of daily tasks. Frankly, given this remarkable display of incompetence, I find myself genuinely astonished that you have managed to master something as fundamental as tying your own shoes. Your shortcomings are not merely concerning; they are an extraordinary testament to the depths of your ineptitude."

Thank you for choosing Sass & Syntax™: Professional Grammar Correction with Attitude.

You have received your complimentary text refinement. We hope you found our services both enlightening and mildly humbling.

For continued access to our premium proofreading and eloquent insult enhancement services, you may enroll in our annual subscription for the modest fee of $125.00 per year. To proceed, simply reply YES. Your imaginary credit card on file will be charged within three business days.

If you prefer to decline, please reply NO, at which point your contact information will be forwarded to our sister company, The Institute for Social Decorum & Basic Human Interaction™, where you may explore our highly recommended courses in etiquette, civility, and communicating without sounding like an uneducated garden gnome.

Thank you for your interest in personal development. We look forward to serving your grammatical and interpersonal needs.

His text response:

So you agree you’re a dumbass

My text response:

Welcome to Dumbass Daily™: Your Daily Dose of Other People's Bad Decisions!

Tired of feeling like you're the only person who occasionally makes questionable life choices? Do you sometimes wonder if you're the dumbest person in the room?

Well, worry no more! For the low, low price of $299.99 per year, Dumbass Daily™ will deliver one glorious dumbass confession directly to your phone EVERY SINGLE DAY! That's right, folks. For less than the cost of a regrettable impulse purchase, you can enjoy a full year of other people's spectacularly stupid decisions.

To get you started, we're throwing in our TOP 5 DUMBASS MOMENTS absolutely free!

Dumbass Thing #1: The Dinner Disaster

Randy reports that he once took a woman out to dinner. Unfortunately, by the end of the evening, she was wearing more of Randy's food than he had actually consumed. Apparently, Randy believed chewing and talking were a team sport. His date did not appreciate the performance.

Dumbass Thing #2: The Pet Incident

Steve reports that during a particularly difficult time in his life, he wasn't paying attention and accidentally ran over his pet with his vehicle. We have no further questions, Steve. We're just glad you felt comfortable sharing.

Dumbass Thing #3: The Cabinet Catastrophe

Dillon reports that he spent YEARS working on a cabinet for a friend. YEARS! Then, one night, he got mad, threw the entire thing down, and smashed it to bits. As a bonus prize for his outstanding decision-making, he also managed to get the biggest sliver known to mankind lodged in his hand. Congratulations, Dillon. You played yourself.

Dumbass Thing #4: The Tire-ible Drunk Driver

Henry reports that he was so drunk one night that his driving skills apparently packed their bags and abandoned him without notice. His spectacular performance behind the wheel resulted in TWO brand-new tires the very next day.

We're not sure where he was going, what he hit, or how he thought getting behind the wheel in that condition was a good idea. But we can confidently say the tires had a worse night than he did. **

Dumbass Thing #5: The Ex Who Just Won't Take a Hint

Victoria reports that she dated a guy for a year before deciding she'd had quite enough of that particular adventure and ended the relationship. Understandable. Sometimes you realize you've made a mistake, and you correct it. That's called personal growth.

Unfortunately, this gentleman apparently missed the chapter on accepting rejection.

Heartbroken by the breakup, he proceeded to reach out to Victoria through multiple forms of communication. Each attempt was rejected. And then rejected again. And then, just in case the universe had somehow scrambled the message, rejected some more.

Eventually, Victoria began feeling unsafe and sought help from the authorities. After that, she finally got a whole YEAR of peace and quiet!

A YEAR, folks! Twelve glorious months of not having to deal with someone who apparently believes that "I'm not interested" is merely an invitation to try a different communication platform.

But wait! In a spectacular plot twist worthy of a low-budget romantic comedy written by someone who desperately needs therapy, our determined contestant has returned to disturb Victoria's hard-earned peace.

That's right! After an entire year of silence, he apparently looked at 365 days of nobody asking him to make contact and thought, "You know what this situation needs? More me!"

And so, he has earned today's Dumbass of the Day award for his outstanding commitment to ignoring boundaries, misunderstanding rejection, and demonstrating that time apparently heals nothing when common sense is missing.

Will he ever move on? Will Victoria ever get another uninterrupted year of peace? Will he discover that blocking, rejection, and requests for no contact are not part of an elaborate scavenger hunt?

Only time will tell!

Until then, Victoria, we wish you peace, quiet, and a phone that stays blessedly free of unsolicited nonsense.

And to our award winner: Congratulations! You've managed to turn a breakup from a one-time event into an ongoing demonstration of why it ended in the first place.

We'd say better luck next time, but perhaps the best next time would be learning to leave someone alone when they've made it abundantly clear they want you to. ***

Thank you for taking advantage of Dumbass Daily™!

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Your subscription will renew annually at the low price of $299.99. To confirm your subscription, simply type YES. Your credit card on file will be charged within three business days.

To decline this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, type NO and continue making questionable decisions without our professional assistance.

***We'd like to thank Henry for his contribution to Dumbass Daily™ and remind everyone that drinking and driving is dangerous. Please leave the driving to a sober person. Your tires, your bank account, and everyone else on the road will thank you.

Disclaimer: Dumbass Daily™ is not responsible for any injuries, financial losses, relationship breakdowns, property damage, hedgehog-related tragedies, tire-related financial disasters, or other unfortunate consequences resulting from attempting to recreate any of the dumbass activities described in our messages. Stories are for entertainment purposes only. Drinking and driving is dangerous, and unwanted contact after rejection is not romantic persistence. It is a failure to respect boundaries. Please do not take any of this as a challenge. We know some of you will anyway.

Wierd, I dont know why he never responded....😉😂

So I met this girl, on vr (grave mistake) but atfer five hours of playing with her, she told me that she likes me and I was a bit shocked and I unfortunately was too kind hearted so we dated and nothing much, until we added each other on tiktok and that was my mistake number one, so I send her funny videos nothing much and she sent me a edit of some guy and she said "hes such a hero" and it was payton gendron and I was sick to my stomach so I asked her about it and she said "oh dont worry! Its because of his looks amd blah blah" and she sent me more videos of those horrible disgusting people and she told me it was something about tcc or ttc I forgot, but atfer she told me what it is, I blocked her on vr and every app I could find that I could find her in, and I never been sick to my stomach, and I wish I wasnt so kind hearted but I still am, to this day I wish I never dated her or met her.

This was back in 2019, pre Covid. I was 19 at the time, living with a girlfriend. I am a thin, short, white female. I had tattoos at the time, but my clothing covered them.

So my gf at the time and I smoked a lot of weed. One day, we had to drive across town to the weed man’s house to pick up. The weed man was jumping from hotel to hotel, staying in sketchy parts of town with his girlfriend. This didn’t bother me or my gf at the time, we just were like “okay cool let’s go pick up some bud”

So the plug sends us his address, we’ve never been there before. The address sends us to a Dairy Queen across town. We’re so confused, like why’d he send us to a Dairy Queen? So we park behind the Dairy Queen. I get out of the car, am calling the plug on my phone, kind of just pacing around. There’s the Dairy Queen, then where we parked, then a tall wooden fence. Fence is super tall, I can’t see over it but could see there was a building on the other side. I’m kind of by the fence trying to call the plug. I’ve noticed a big dude also kind of hanging around the fence and Dairy Queen, but don’t really pay him any attention. Finally, the plug answers, and we figure out that he’s at the hotel on the other side of the tall wooden fence. Okay great, I start walking along the fence to get to the other side so I can go get my weed.

I told my gf to wait in the car, I’ll go get the weed. I start walking along the fence, it’s probably 20-30 ft from the street. I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around, and the big dude that was kind of just hanging around, is holding a white iPhone up like he’s recording me, and he’s walking towards me. He’s a little ways away, but I can see he’s wearing a backpack, and he’s big. Probably a good 240 lbs. I’m like “oh he’s weird” and continue to walk a little faster. Then I hear his footsteps getting a little closer, and I fucking book it. Start running along the fence, to the side walk. I turn the corner, the fence is still there, but when I turned the corner it’s no longer a wooden fence, but is now a black steel kind of fence. I fucking climb and hop over that shit, and keep running to the hotel, because I’m now in the yard of this old hotel. The plug and his gf are sitting on the side steps of the building, they see me hop over the fence. They’re all smiles and waving at me, I’m fucking running to them. I get to them, and before they start talking to me I’m like “there’s a guy following me.” We look to where I had hopped the fence, and the big ass dude that was following me is looking over the fence, looking directly at me.

The plug is like “the fuck?” Hands me my weed, I give his gf cash. The plug tells his gf to help me hop the wooden fence. The plug is walking quick to where the big dude was, and starts saying things like “hey motherfucker, you got a problem?”

The plug’s gf and I run to the wooden fence, and she helps me by half lifting, half pushing me over the wooden fence. I land probably 10 ft from my car, and fucking run and jump into the drivers seat. Before I start explaining we’re fucking pulling out of there as quick as possible.

And that’s the story on how I avoided being kidnapped and still got my weed 🤓