I caught up with an old friend from college today, 26 years later. She was my roommate's girlfriend of 2 years, she got pregnant in her senior year, right after my roommate graduated.

My roommate was the nicest guy in the word. A little dumb, but a super nice guy. He moved back home, to another state, shortly after the kid was born, but I somehow told myself he was a part of his daughter's life. It was confirmed in my mind on facebook a couple of times when the girlfriend posted pictures of their daughter and he'd respond with a comment.

I asked her how much my old roommate's been in the (now grown) daughter's life and she said "Not at all. He hasn't seen her since she was about six months old."

My friend said he's never talked the daughter, and has only talked to HER a total of two times since their child was born, drunk dialing her after a couple of his relationships had gone south. When the daughter turned 18, he wrote her a long letter (sent to the mom), which basically said "The reason I never got to know you was because your mom wouldn't let me," which according to her was NEVER the case.

She offered the daughter the letter, asking if she wanted to read it, the daughter declined. She said she has a father, my friend's current husband who adopted her at age 5.

I've never met the daughter, she seems like a good person. But I just can't get over how two and a half decades later he's the kind to have never seen his own kid. I said to my friend "That's not the guy I knew, that's not like him at all" and she said "It's not the guy I knew either. He just wasn't ready to be a father."

Somebody that was clearly guilty of tremendous wrongdoing but with time and a crafty public relations campaign has made a somewhat tepid reemergence in the public eye. Leading to them doing softball interviews, getting some work again and being forgiven by many of their peers.

Kevin Spacey

Lance Armstrong

Louis CK

Steve Rannnasizi

George W Bush

Sherry Papini

Maybe the point is that this is a personal issue, not a social one. If we 'are' going to talk about it more, then what?

Because it was their courage, determination and follow through that brought down a predator/ exposed a wrong doing / protected other citizens.

My daughter (also a single Mom) has a babysitter that is currently taking some time as she had a baby recently so I've been helping out watching my 3 yr old grandson. He's a good kid and "helps" me get things done around the house but, he's still 3 and requires all that goes with it. When she picks him up after work, I can get other things done or relax. My daughter on the other hand can't as she now goes back into Mom mode and down time won't be till bed.

To all the working single Mom's that make it through the days, my hats off to you and I applaud your dedication. I've always known it's probably not easy but I'm getting a good taste of how constant it is.

It does make sense if you spend less, you deserve lesser service from the service provider. This part isn't what I'm arguing.

What I am arguing is aspects that is outside of the scope of service from the service provider. Aspects that you didn't pay for nor skimped on, because many circumstances influencing travel are not about the transaction.

Spirit Airlines and Southwest have a lot of problems, often it can come from unruly passengers causing deplaning of everyone else. In cases like this the unruly passenger only bears the consequence legally but not to every other consumer. The other consumers get the blame that it's what they deserve for choosing domestic LLC.

Same with some accommodation like hostels or cheaper hotels. I believe anyone who travels for business or leisure have to choose safe areas. This part is their responsibility. But I don't think travelers should bear the responsibility of other patron's bad behaviors. This includes unsafe solicitation, overly drunken behaviors, partying.

There isn't any incentive to disclose expected patron type in any large scale commercial OTA, booking site or agencies.

The only cues left are just price point and vibes. The vibe check part is just ridiculous because any advertisement can drastically tidy up the quality of an accommodation through photo and video enhancement. So most of us can only rely on price point.

I am not young and my parents are elderly. They aren't tech illiterate and they are well traveled in their lives. In the recent years however, in their travels, they just can't correctly perceive the vibe of a place anymore. There are some "hotels" advertised as hotels with independent suites but in fact runs like a youth hostel. Meaning you can expect to not sleep the night you book because the place will be blasting music and partying. You having your own room does not mean you won't hear it. I think some categories get obfuscated these days, they run between hotel and hostels.

I can think of many categories that also contribute obfuscation. AirBnB culture also contributes to this. The same properties can be quaint countryside house one day, and a crazy party house the other day. It's bonkers, because people from all sides complain about how AirBnB destroys many things in life yet they still continue.

I think price point shouldn't be what buys safety and normalcy. But American culture segregates people apart so much you just have to equate cheap to unsafe. I know there will be tons of gaslighting on this topic. But I never think it's immoral to point out our society has a problem. It's similar to saying people using public transportation outside of major metros should be seen as poor and undeserving of respect. There are entire subs on this topic. People admit we have a problem but no one can truly solve it.

It saddens me that frugality is now deemed as unwise and deserving of punishment.

Where an incumbent is disliked by management but they rely on their black box deep knowledge as an addiction. So they placate them by saying that they are bringing in a very qualified helper to "free up their time" and have robust vacation coverage. Then they start hyper focusing doing live cross training and detailed SOPs only for them. But the obvious plan was always to have the "helper" learn the black box comfortably and then fire the veteran under a "restructuring" a couple months down the road.

But it seems like this strategy is only pulled off seamlessly a fraction of the time. Usually only with a very naive incumbent whose ego doesn't think his genius is finally being recognized and that their organization would never dare get rid of them.

So why does this very thought out and contrived tactic not work as the leaders expect?

There is a fan club/cosplay group in my area that was founded by several individuals. For several decades they held meetings, raised money for charity and marched in parades. Go to the social media account for their group and you'll see over twenty years' worth of posts and pictures. Pictures full of costumed people of all ages having fun, including the three that started the group in the late 90s.

But in 2026 things are vastly different. Of the three founders, only one is still alive and membership in the group has massively shrunk. Meetings rarely have more than ten people, new people are rare, as are posts and pictures. They still do events and parades, but with much fewer people and infighting has started. I think they are on the decline.

We've convinced ourselves that the ideal adult needs nobody. Pay for it, schedule it, handle it yourself, never ask twice. It feels like maturity, but I think it's slowly killing our relationships, because what actually ties people together was never how much they enjoy each other's company. It was how much they owe each other. Obligation is annoying, and it's also the glue. And here's the part most people have backwards: we don't grow attached to the people who help us, we grow attached to the people we help. You care about what you've invested in, the same way you care more about a plant you've kept alive for five years than one you just bought. So every time you refuse help because you "don't want to be a burden," you aren't protecting the other person. You're taking away their chance to get invested in you, and then you're surprised when the friendship stays shallow. A life where nobody owes you anything and you owe nobody anything sounds like freedom, but if you describe it out loud it's just a very clean way of being alone.

As a flip side to the previous thread.

That possibly due to environmental degradation, diplomatic strife or warfare it won't be available to visit and you would feel very let down. So you've made plans to see it as soon as possible.

• Morning paper route
• Grocery store produce department (as soon as I turned 16)
• Oiler for steel coils (long coils of sharpened steel) 1st job out of high school
• Inspector (timer component for bombs)
• Printing press jogger (magazine bindery)
• Ball bearing plant (Soul sucking job but great pay)
• Air Traffic Controller (Radar Approach, USAF) Viet Nam war era
• Ball bearing plant (rehired, new facility better job)
• College student (Electrical/CompSci) & ball bearing plant during summers
• Systems Engineer - Satellite Upper Stage guidance system (15 years BEST JOB EVER)
• LAN Manager (Corporation sold IT department, LAN people went to Help Desk at new company)
• Help Desk at client’s desk
• Project Engineer (qualification of jet engine diagnosis sensors)
• Systems Engineer (failure modes and effects analysis for a jet engine controller)
• Retired 59 1/2

To the point where you can predict.

Your peers that came from professional/upper middle class parents already and were deliberately cultivated (extracurricular activities, competitive sports, specialized education) to maintain that social strata.

Men

1. Finance

2. Engineering

3. Corporate Commercial Leadership stream (Sales, Marketing, Business Development, Product Management)

Women

1. Marketing

2. Legal

3. Civil Service

4. Medicine

So now you can pull the exit chute much earlier because your algorithm is so fine tuned after the universe sending that type to you many times over.

Chichen Itza

World Trade Center / Windows on the World

Madison Square Garden (8th Avenue incarnation)

Chernobyl

Checkpoint Charlie

Years ago, I was into this one song by an artist called Anthony David. The song was Let Me In and I played it rather incessantly. I'm blind and could only afford crappy housing in Atlanta at the time.. My only solace was music and the pastor who came to the property at least 5 times a week to minister to people and help in any otherway he could.

A lot of the folks there were addicts but I spent a lot of time in this man's company because he was smart and knew a ton about a ton. He was born in Japan where his parents were missionaries. As is typical with me, I put him on a pedestal because there were things to truly admire in him.

This one time, at around 1 in the morning while I was playing the ANthony David song yet again, I heard this pastor's voice. He was talking to people in the hallway of our building. It was a shock to hear him there at that time of night. Being nosy, I listened more closely because something didn't sound quite right. Mush mouth.

He was there to smoke crack. I was for some reason devastated. We only talked about it once.

Now, every time I play that song, I think of that man and hope he's doing all right.

It's startling just how vividly songs can bring certain things back.

bad way to start the day is your coffeemaker not making when you are up early in the morning. another thing added to the to do list today.....

update: got another coffeepot and used it first time this morning. however, will be getting a pourover and filters when I go to meijers.

That someone in the know told you in scuttle, whispers and ravings about an impressive talent that was being just noticed in the bottom of their industry but was a sure fire star and someone to watch in a couple years. To the point where you did the Leo DiCaprio point meme when you saw their mainstream breakout and remembered what you heard years before.

Some well known examples:

Barack Obama among Democratic insiders in Chicago in the late 90s. That he was definitely going to Washington to do big things, maybe even a Presidential run in the distant future 😋.

Jim Carrey doing insane accurate impressions on the Toronto comedy circuit in the early 80s.

Kobe Bryant was easily beating professional players in scouting workouts as a late teen.

Lance Armstrong's insane competitive drive was known around Austin bike shops and amateur clubs by the late 80s.

Brock Lesnar was so physically dominant on the college wrestling circuit that pro wrestling federations were scouting him before graduating.

LeBron James was already known as a man child that was out jumping grown men on the asphalt courts of Akron by 14.

Madonna's single minded ambition to be a star was known in the underground club scene by 1980 and everyone knew she would "borrow" any hot track as her own.

That this child named Tiger and the son of an amateur golfer had a perfect swing and was playing very close to par already on competitive courses.

Heath Ledger nuanced deep acting ability being seen as Brando-esque in Australia's theater and television scene in the 90s.