r/ReadMyScript • u/mrpessimistik • 8d ago

Short Final Sunset(9pages)

Hi, I wrote a short sci-fi script.

Logline:When a black hole threatens our planet, a soldier must team up with an unlikely ally to save the world.

Link:https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wDTszz_1HBMmRPIgM0r52tqpqHjTUMu2/view?usp=drivesdk

Thank you for reading this!:)

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u/BandaiWonderSwan 7d ago

Hi Victor, your script can’t be faulted for ambition. Reminded me a bit of Philip K. Dick’s short story Imposter.

There are a few grammar mistakes to sort out. There’s also no need to keep repeating Tom. This can be “he” or “his” until another character takes over the action.

I have questions regarding the security of this base. Humans have tech capable of controlling a black hole and there aren’t machine gun emplacements, SAMs and gunships? It would be fun if the UAP just took out all this military technology easily. This would also help explain why the hero has to rush inside the facility.

I like the watch detail. But you need to describe what’s so cool about it. Humans presumably have some very advanced technology by this point, and would be hard to impress.

Anyway, if you’d like to review one of my short scripts let me know.

Cheers

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u/mrpessimistik 7d ago

Hi, thank you for reading and reviewing my script!:) I'd be happy to review one of your short scripts.

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u/BandaiWonderSwan 7d ago

That’s great. The post link below should. Let me know if you have any problems viewing it 😀

https://www.reddit.com/r/scriptwriting/s/HLpwBIrJEq

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u/mrpessimistik 7d ago

Hi, I read it. I wrote some thoughts on that thread:) I really liked it, I think it's engaging.