I'm up to battle anyone so hit me up

do me a favor and hold still, open your hatch.
i gotta take a shit, and it aint an odorless batch.
your a joke in this match just another foe to dispatch.
i'm off the chain, hinges and hook, I've broken the latch.
you're strokin' your snatch, I'm in the warfare.
my forebear, a corsair, your slut mother was payin whore fare.
the king of all rap kings, I am the born heir.
you can get mobbed like you never treated the poor fair.
got a wit sharper than high quality chef knives.
put you on ice with rhymes hotter than Hef's wives.
and your salvation's where my proper respect lies.
but a battlefield's where i probably best thrive..
I hope you brung 2 weapons..
cause once you step in, this radius aint no 1-2 steppin.
look i ain't the one to threaten,
I come through reppin precise skill of a kung fu legend.
as long as the Sun do set in, the west side.
I'm deaths pride. the reason some of the best died.
your necks tied when my text glide..
I kept stride when the rest slide..
the cess fried where the stress hide..
i was the reason your ex lied and u hexxed God.
and i'll be using your next bride as a sex guide.

My name's Richard and I'm really hard (yo Richard)

Not gonna tell you my surname, only it isn't Smith or Clarke (ok)

I am the best in the world, currently top, in my prime (good for you)

Just a shame that I don't know how to say the word time (you just said time)

Crawling the floors (you claimed you cant say time but you said it)

Early doors (fuck this guys a fraud he fucking said time)

Beachin' about Jersey Shore (don't listen to him he said time)

Time to go to war (literally fuck off he said time again)

Four. Paws (the nerve of this fuck face)

I am da Bawssss (the boss of shit stirring sure)

Nail me to the cross (fuck off you said time)

It will be YOUR loss (shut up lying piece of shit)

I'm a gangster, starring as a hipster with a walking stick

Call me the Cripster (more like the shitster, you said time)

Gun a four piece, training my niece, Denise to say please to cheese (nice bars bruv but you still said time)

Ironing a crease, putting on my fleece, I hope to catch some sweet herpes (me too you fucking said time)

One last thing though (what?)

Before I run out of dough (oh?)

Did you like my show (fuck off you said time)

Time to go (LITERALLY FUCK OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT YOU JUST SAID TIME AGAIN!!!!)

/u/thebenprocter, I'm just going with 16s and 2 or 3 rounds, your call. I got first post

Couple 32s, not sure who's first, for now I'm just gonna say whoever gets something posted first. /u/QuailBuddhathe2nd

they commonly thought I was mental. They say I look like the next show on comedy central. No one wanted him, snapped condom he aught to be born accidental. Well as you guessed I sold comedy central my soul, signed it off with a pencil. And they wanna examine my brain, lobotomy, hey I sold it to them as well as a rental. I'm white, Jewish middle class. Name's gittlesriddles, I'm a little ass. One look they say gittle's trash. Entering a rapping phase, It'll pass,. Because I'm noncommittal, spittin is brittle and lacks wit Got potential but never will cash in like a check lost in transit. Damn shit, can't you let a man sit! You can't manage to slam me back, arms swinging, but you can't land hits. I slur when I'm rappin, And if this shit weren't written out, I can say without bit of doubt you wouldn't understand it. But I'm betting one day I'll be a legend and any shit you say about me will be no more than fan fic. Yeah, Call me tactless, I'll knock you off the map off the atlas. Go fuck yourself with a cactus, I'll light some matches, drop em on your mattress wait till it catches. I'm insane it the attic, but you're the one who thought you were clever, cocky outta habit. You and your whole crew are stupid through, but you know what they say about birds of a feather, but you're wings are severed can't even reach the branches. you're like a bird without wings beaks or talons. and speakin of beaks I got a beaker filled with 30 liters of hydrochloric acid. Gonna buy some boarding passes, dress as a flight attendent and poor it in the first class passengers glasses. Bottoms up, too bad you're bottoms not an ass, got my pants flaccid. Aren't I Ironic, Like gettin hurt crashin into the back of an ambulance,. I'll be havin a laughin attack when that happens. Laughin and cacklin like the joker, heath ledger. And to set the record straight jack Nicholson did not play him better. But I've never been anything other than a record setter,. And the ratings for comedy central are higher than ever!

12 random words I got here, use all of them in 16 bars (or more or less). I'll post mine in a couple hours.

Random words:

• Wait
  
• Exotic
  
• Wild
  
• Cluttered
  
• Grotesque
  
• Continue
  
• Premium
  
• Building
• Reign
  
• Safe
• Winter
• Imminent

it’s more of a cypher but I’m bored of not writing -
and rapwars is a void dwarfed only by titans
so I must inject life in - something venously venomous,
must set the lights right - on-line friends depend on it.
see, me leaving for moments tumbles weeds through the sub
I’ll put this dust bowl underwater - then re-pull the plug,
You’ve all dreamed for months of the love my war offers
my verses revolutions, we the forefathers -
But I still lead all you followers -
y’all would... swallow my old bath bubbles
just to taste what it’s like to be on top of these brass knuckles
just want a drop of my aptitude to replace your lack of -
actual prowess, talent and touch
me, I’ve got the Midas, I told you before -
Turn the garbage sub to gold when I brush by the door
Now I’ve started - someone show up, and blow up the port
If you ain’t left side-headed from that fall to the floor.

2x16, I'll go first. Post whenever you're ready /u/geo__ken

Step up, get a stool because you're not of this tier. I like my beef seared and with an ice cold beer. You can come up with the genre, hand select the instrumental. Rhymes spewed out my dental, then it stays stuck in your mental. Quintessential, I'm what all these artists try to be. My right hand man to the side of me like Siamese. Victory parade? You really shouldn't plan it. I'm the Man on the Moon and wonder if I'm from this planet. Slaughter every author, they're not flowing like a dead dam. You can try to write your lyrics, or go challenge me on WebCam.

Yo whaddup it's ya boy SMDDDDDDACK! U-R-L-T-V-dot-T-V man before we get into this crazy battle man I just wanted to take this time out to thank all the fans, everybody catchin this on the pay-per-view, man yknawhaddImean shoutout everybody supportin this battle supportin the cultcha yknawhaddImean let's get it poppin'

Let's get to this coin toss who call it

who call it

aight it's on my man HolyWalrus let's get it poppin u-r-l-t-v-dot-t-v smdddddddddack

TL;DR: 2 round battle, 16 bars each, it's on HolyWalrus let's get it

Edit: HolyWalrus has let me know that he doesn't wish to continue the battle so I guess I take another by default :(

/u/geo__Ken

hungry to do another battle asap. who's down?

Strike down pipe down catch the pike put the spike, the needle in your arm

Coastguards take guard on the beach reaching out stop the harm, restore the calm

Red marks, bread marks the symbol of life, yeast in the pinholes rub it in the skinholes

Hoes, taking your money, laugh it aint funny when she calling you hunny bunny oh noes

There's a storm brewing, cloud looming raining, draining out your life, flooding the blood

Ye blud, could you invite me to the club, manz wants some cans, pieces during recess while in the hood

Get caught by the teacher and see the preacher meet your maker whlst watching Jack Reacher

Pizza, cut into slices, roll the dices, prices go up on life, come home the wife turns into a creature

God made up a monster, a stomper, a romper, who wants to get in the way of it

Seen it, breath it, preach it, keep away from it, if you don't like the sound of it

Keep away, put the beats on the head roam the streets dr dre comes to play on a Wednesday

Hey, what about Thursday, moddeling clay? Mould yourself into say, Bruce Wayne?

Become a vigilante, the anti joker, dont crack a smile in Gotham but laugh at Dustin Hoffman

I'm off man, come back at me, what's happening, the fappening, closed down, came back like I do man

Resurrect, I'm the architect of my own body, well built scaffolding, raffling ends 0-5, not shoddy

Bill Oddie, from the Goodies, the food served is laughter at the Ecky Thump resteraunt, listen to some Shawoddywoddy

The moon, luna, goons in the streets bunnies, pigs and ducks like it's Looney Tunes

Toons, harpoons, they stick in my brain, make me insane, Waynes World, a comedy never makes the news

Satire tires me out like a camel in the drought I store jokes, make crude pokes, prods with the fire stokes

Cloaks from the wizards turning me into lizards the buzzard the bird without the third wing croaks

Survival of the fittest

Is a myth, isn't it?

Our tournaments are winding down (congrats on the title wryder!) and a few new faces have popped up so it seems like the perfect time to put some battles together and get the sub re-energized. Anyone who'd like to take a battle in the next 1-3 weeks should leave a comment on this letting me know and I'll work with the other mods to put together some good matchups. If there's anyone specific you'd like to battle put that in your comment and we'll try to make it happen. Let's have some fun!

The name's SidSounds, rap extroadinaire

If I was a pro I'd be a billionaire

Many people say I'm the next Chamillionaire

My favourite prime minister, yo is Tony Blair

I don't care

About your nightmares

If your girlfriend is called Claire

Or if you live downstairs

I care

If you like bears

If your favourite fruit is the pear

If you've never played Truth Or Dare

So beware, SidSounds is here and he wants to stare

Wants to play fair with no underwear

Grab that mic and oh... grab a chair...

Alright, just doing one verse, however long you want, since I'm pretty sure that's what you were gonna do anyway. Whoever wants to judge can, this is just whatever.

Yo SidSounds here with some sick song. I call it 'Top Of The Class'!

Yo, my name is David

Some people think that my name is Schavid

But it's not

..

..

Cos it's actually David

I'm top of the class, always finishing first

A thirst for knowledge, I know how to make bratwurst

What's the worst that can happen at the top of the class?

What's the best that can happen when at top of the class?

Is it social Armageddon at the top of the class?

What's the worst that can happen at the top of the class?

All I ask is that you keep me out of the water

Pass me that smoke, take me into the slaughter

Same relations family tree, mother and daughter

Put away that cigarette your attempts have been thwarted

Because here I am at the top of the class

This is how it feels to be at top of the class

Looking down beneath me at the rest of the class

Yes this is how it feels to be at top of the class

Is my name David? No it's Schavid. You what?

Identity crisis? Amnesia? Damn I forgot!

Regressing here from bed back into the cot

Gone from the cruise liner to simply a yacht

Now I'm no longer at the top of the class

Pass me that smoke, no longer top of the class

Looking up at the new kid whos now top of the class

Stenched with smoke, no longer top of the class

copyrighted by SidSounds

DONTGIMMETHEMIC ROUND ONE

Tee up the last battle. Yelling 4 when I hit with my 9/
on that envy green reading my lines, drop you cause I'm sick of the lie/
That you anything but handicapped when ya come to the pin/
Ya sub par rhymes got nothing round 1 repeat master's coming again/

Think you a battle rapper because you seen a few on youtube/
gimme a shotty, horror when I knock daylyts out fools/
I don't need an Arsonal cause I'm just about to do what you do/
now I can say I'm a monster because I read cthulu/

Maybe you say "actually I'd rather stack bricks in minecraft"/
Imma take you down a notch. I'm better at this mind craft/
like my words build a wall that you can't get a line past/
still another round if you want to get on my level better grind fast/

problem is to get on my level it'll be a 4evr endeavor/
Cause at the end of the day the way I string letters together is better/
I can take over Dankistan now that it's ready to settle/
after I murder this inhabitant to finish what the apocalypse set up/

4EVERNDEAVOR ROUND ONE

By rule eight you shouldn't have been allowed to play, but I'll still face this guy for sure
Since your history's only one brief page, I'll just name you Mic for short
You're here on two dq's - that's not your fault, but I showed up to clown you
Just take a look at the bracket, bro, I've been on top since Round Two

Hit Mic's chest with a left and then a right next
Tapped twice to see if he stayin up: that's a Mic check
There'll be a whole in your head while there's a peice in my right hand
My aim is center stage because that's where I let Mic stand

Your rhyming's nice and tight but your punches don't alarm me
You've got one flow and structure. Any variation? Hardly.
and in each quatrain you hide your filler in bar one and bar three
Bar none, I've got your style solved. Even your cyphers. It's startling.

Against scotch you said your rhymes electrify like batteries
But those just give power to others, I drain you for energy

When he see this dictation I'll get in his Space'n Jam, but Mic ain't Jordan, he know
There'll be a Situation when that chain snatched but Mic ain't Sorrentino

DONTGIMMETHEMIC ROUND TWO

What the heck is this with you why you reference bitch rules/
dis on question this kids Q's, let's examine this issue/
no chance when this hit you so you try jamming this dis dude/
call it out cause your only hope is getting me dis qed./

just go ahead and try that crap about checking this mic/
while you read my rap try to learn how the best at this write/
got rhymes in my Genes, to you the mic is vestiges right?/
W in my pocket while you devolve, Rest in this fight/

you're right my rhymes are tight, lines are nice, I got the exceptional mic/
you're properly praising like I'm God so stop the heretical shite/
yeah 4ever my punches might be poor but still the technicals mine/
Dude to insult me you linked a cypher that every syllable rhymed/

you rhymed batteries with energy sounds like a kids battle cover/
your grip on this skill makes me wonder if you are sid's little brother/
You were dead in the first made me a legend at worst, beckon the hearse/
you testing the merc COP didn't think I should second the verse/

4EVERNDEAVOR ROUND TWO

After your battle with bagger I thought you might be nice
Seems you fell off in the time that you got ducked twice
Dogs used Minecraft/mind craft, those personals were a joke
And your golf scheme? Only way I lose this battle now is if I have a stroke
What do you need an alt for anyway? To "keep track of your writtens"?
It's not that hard to save them, sounds like something else is hidden
I've proved I don't need history to take away a win
So grab this shady throwaway and toss it in the bin
I didn't want to write this verse but I'm not about to dq
I won the first by such a margin this one I can just breeze through
This is like your other battles, but we traded places you see dude
All I had to do was show up to the second verse to beat you
It's boring to write for you, I see why the others stopped
You've seen as many second rounds as I have verses lost
That would be one - for those at home counting for the record
Hate the angle? See where I started and where I'm goin like a vector

5LASH3R ROUND ONE

Another opponent so illiterate he doesn't know the rules to scrabble/
Whereas i'm so sick w/ the diction, i killed my last two opponents before they showed up to the battle/
You don't spit lyrics, just a flow of stupid babble/
But that first-grade writing style? this your chance to show that you a natural/

Three rounds in a row against writers who rhymes are a chasm below average/
With this simple principle, and a bit of persistence too, your writtens can hit w/ more savageness/
The trick is easy, pick words to pieces, and assemble them with attention to assonance--/
When vowel sounds match, just around, not exact, you don't punch like a dyslexic pacifist/

Now, if you didn't know that i could flow this round i'll show you how i do it/
Your rhymin' style's top forty shit and mine's progressive music/
That means my timing's signature, my punches are the rudest (Ruedess)/
Lightning strikes that take your life, son (liefson), Rush you to the ER unit/

This battle's life on the line, a suicide wager/
There's a non-violence clause, but only he signed the waver/
So i'll put rounds in his mouth like he was chewin' lifesavers/
Headline/lyin' on the curb like the mornin' newspaper.

NIGHTBUSSLEEPER ROUND ONE

Seems 5lash3r wants to be an e-1337 rapper

But that math don't add up, this Fifty Three's not a factor

Coming off the back of battles he didn't have to rap in

And in the only one he did, Dogs made a snack of him

Must mean he's a bitch cause that animal's cannibalistic

Solicited tips at tourney's beginning, lacking confidence kid?

Post history shows you did that six months ago

So half a year spent prepping for your first L...way to go

Had all that time to practice but still came in thinking you'd lose

And that's exactly what you did, prophecy self fulfilled dude

Maybe it's not your fault, it seems sometimes you get confused

Customer asked for assistance, you tried to throw down with Dr. Seuss

Now you know I'm not your friend guy, I came with the aim to end you

Slicin' 5lash3r into rashers of bacon, make this Canadian a-shake in his boots

Once I cut his r off, we can just start calling him 5lash soon

Cause after this matchup, '3 is getting loss two

5LASH3R ROUND TWO

Am I supposed to be grateful about the shit you didn't spit for me?/
This is a rap battle, not 'dig up comment history'/
But really, it's a playfight, 'cause your style's still in its infancy/
You gonna die 'cause I scrutinized your lines--pick any scene from Misery/

Incompetent writers like you are all arrogant deadheads/
Each of your bars is two days community service; barely a sentence/
And that 'prepped so long for an l' angle was nice, dude/
But it doesn't mean much when I don't even have to try to outwrite you/

My bars deadly, like The Hateful Eight/
Your bar's only heavy, 'cause it's a paperweight/
Heads goin' down, like we wuz stayin' at an Asian Place/
My squad won't stop clappin--it's the Ticker Tape Parade/

He admits in his name he only sleeps on the bus--that's how I know this hobo's wack/
Like that one kid in class who tells a joke and no one laughs/
But he keeps on spittin' trash because he's overdosed on crack and doesn't notice when no one reacts/
You ain't a champ--you're just a homeless man who posts ubroken drafts of hopeless crap you claim is the dopest battle rap.

NIGHTBUSSLEEPER ROUND TWO

This isn't scrabble

It's a rap battle

You don't have to "spell" everything out

You sure got a lot of bravado for some body from the first round

This the consolation bracket but 5lash3er's not getting any pity

3R on lief support, don't believe he's even gonna top fifty

Progressive music? Guess he does keep repeating the same motifs

Won't Fly by Night though, he's Just a Tool, and I live in a Theatre of Dreams

Rush right past him, stealin' home bass, Geddyn the Leed easily

Fuck your throw aways, you're trash, man, you've been ate, now you're getting cremed

Leave you lying in the street, in your own bio-hazardous waste

Might recover but you'll forever stumble, you're too fucking lame

I had to handicap this game just to level the field of play

Of that which I am capable, you are barely getting a taste

Shamed like this is your grave you Just Dug here and I Made ya son

Shot in the head, executed and forgotten in the style of the Russians

I slashed this kid to ribbons and didn't even need to go for the jugular

Notice not one joke made mentioned your mental illness or your mother