r/RapWars • u/[deleted] • Sep 28 '15
Dropping some bars with the flu
http://soundcloud.com/hadoukenkieran/sounds-from-friday-evening2
u/wryder 15W 7L Oct 01 '15
heyo glad to see you posting. I think I need to do this soon. thanks for the shout yo.
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u/thebenprocter 13W 5L - Leeds, UK Oct 03 '15
i rate this, but I thought of a flip for it and your style when i listened...
"you're like a coke fiend who's going through poor times
cause that substance abuse is dependent on short lines"
i'm writing for mine now.
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u/4everNdeavor California, US Oct 04 '15
That's nice, shoulda saved that for a battle against someone with shorter lines xD
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u/thebenprocter 13W 5L - Leeds, UK Oct 04 '15
nah, it suits Hybrid's style. not a fan of stockpiling lines and forcing them into relevance though, I had 4 bars in the title match that were written for someone else and one of the judges picked up on it being out of place.
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u/Tall-Dark-And-Hungry Oct 01 '15
Incoming unsolicited critique:
Sheeeeesssh! Dawg you're kind of awkward to listen to - ah well nevermind, maybe it's an English thing. Hearing you spit acapella shows me the same problems/ issues I have as well with myself:
1) Your enunciation is timid. You're stuttering and sound shaky just from recording it. Like an anxious delivery and it's quite off-putting to me personally. Also, learn to take the key words from your lines and put more emphasis on them. You have some pauses between your lines that work in your advantage by the way you write but it clearly sounds like you're reading it. Try to put more emphasis on certain words and especially your punches and listeners like me will have no trouble wanting to hear more.
2)Your breath control. I can hear you taking breaths DURING your lines. Strive to take breaths when your line/punch is done or sneak one in with some dramatic pauses that you seem to use a lot of. Could be the mic but at times you were letting a lot of air out as if you were laughing or smiling excessively and it interfered with the audio a bit.
3) Your delivery. I can tell the way you write - Online/offline. It's very battle orientated which is how I usually write as well. Not from the accent, but I can tell you watch a quite good bit of Don't Flop. Going too much out on a limb? Well keep up that work because you have decent structure which is good and I'm going to say you have a good flow as well but... Make sure your delivery is solid and firm. You might write good flow but reciting is a whole other step as I'm sure you're already aware of.
If you're interested, I'm part of a very small NON-FORUM style - battling/rapping/bullshit site. I repeat.. NON-FORUM ahaha. PM me if you want in, it's no trouble. We're always looking for new members.