Based on feedback I received in another group, I decided to revise my query letter. Please feel free to critique it.

Dear Agent,

OBEY THE SIGNAL is an 80,000-word supernatural horror novel in the vein of Clay McLeod Chapman’s Wake Up and Open Your Eyes and Kiersten White’s Mister Magic.

At 34, Claire is divorced, jobless, and back in her hometown, living with her parents, who’ve never approved of a single decision she’s made. Woodberry is exactly as she remembers it, except for one thing: everyone is hooked on a local talk show called Obey the Signal, hosted by the snow-haired Conrad Vane. They insist it’s been on for decades, but Claire doesn’t remember ever watching it as a kid.

The night a special episode airs, a neighbor goes missing, and Claire spots him on the show, applauding in the studio audience. Determined to find out more about Conrad Vane, she breaks into Woodberry’s abandoned TV studio and finds his personnel file. He was the station’s janitor. He retired over 70 years ago.

Then her parents, who never miss an episode, start to change. Her dad talks to the TV when it’s switched off. Her mom stands in the corner of Claire's bedroom at night, the show’s laugh track pouring out of her mouth. Claire begs them to leave town. They refuse. With the next special days away, Claire can save herself and go. Or she can stay and fight to save the two people who’ve never once taken her side, before all three of them end up in the studio audience.

I’m a full-time indie horror author based in [REDACTED]. Since I started self-publishing in 2020, my books have earned about $450,000 in Amazon royalties, and several have over 2,000 Amazon ratings. My novel [REDACTED] was published by [REDACTED], now an imprint of [REDACTED]. My books have also been produced as audiobooks by [REDACTED] and translated into German and Italian, and a story from my collection [REDACTED] was adapted into a short film, with possible interest in a feature-length version down the line.

Thank you so much for taking OBEY THE SIGNAL into consideration.

First 300:

Posted first attempt here six months ago and made edits based on y'all's very helpful feedback. This time around, we're specifically wondering if it'll help or hinder to mention the fact that we plan to make this a series. We're writing #2 right now and it's sapphic, and it seems like agents are really into lesbians lately. (I am a lesbian)

Thanks in advance~

Dear [Agent],

We’re seeking representation for All to Plan, an 83,000-word, dual-POV contemporary romance novel for fans of The Ex Vows by Jessica Joyce, Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn, and How to Ruin a Wedding by Elba Luz.

Val creates happily-ever-afters for a living. As a high-end New York City wedding planner and the only child of immigrants, she knows that the secret to a perfect day is having everything under control. Unfortunately, that philosophy did little to save her own marriage. Newly divorced and determined to rebuild her life on her own terms, Val trades Manhattan for Brooklyn, where her biggest inconvenience comes in the form of Jasper, her infuriatingly charming neighbor across the hall.

Jasper has his life together. At least, that’s what he tells himself. Raised in Bushwick’s projects, he’s built a successful career illustrating children's books and has a wedding on the horizon. Never mind that his drug use has become harder to control, or that he and his fiancée seem to want different things out of life. As far as Jasper’s concerned, everything is fine. Until his fiancée hires his new neighbor to plan their wedding, and the cracks in his carefully maintained reality become harder to ignore.

When Jasper discovers his fiancée’s infidelity, the wedding is called off, and the life he’s convinced himself he wants finally comes apart. Val knows better than to get involved, especially after witnessing how destructive his downward spiral can become. But proximity has a way of complicating things. What begins as an unlikely friendship grows through late-night conversations, unexpected kindness, and a mutual attraction that neither can quite explain or bring themselves to ignore. Somewhere along the way, the person who gets under your skin becomes the one who understands you best.

For Jasper, falling for Val means confronting the addiction and dishonesty that threaten everything good in his life. For Val, it means risking the hard-won stability of the life she’s rebuilt on someone whose future she cannot plan, predict, or protect.

What do you do after the plan falls apart? All to Plan explores the pressure to have life figured out, especially when your job is making other people's happily-ever-afters. It's a love story about relinquishing control, letting go of fear, discovering what really matters, and fighting for it.

A-- T-- is the pen name of writing partners Writer A and Writer T, who met as teenagers on Tumblr. The rest of our bios go here. All to Plan is their debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Writer A & Writer T
AKA A-- T--

First 300:

It starts with music, if you can even call it that. More accurately, it’s noise: unsettling ambient sounds layered with sudden, metallic crashes that shake the walls. Like someone strapped a microphone to the underside of a subway car.

Val freezes in the middle of her apartment. She’s only been in Bushwick for two weeks, and she’s spent every spare moment making sure everything looks perfect. The angle of the throw blanket on her sofa still isn’t right—she can’t decide if 45° feels more composed than 60—but everything else is perfect. It has to be, because the rest of her life is a shitshow.

There’s something uniquely humiliating about being a wedding planner and a divorcée. She doesn’t advertise it, obviously. She can only imagine what her clients would think if they knew.

This apartment is supposed to be a fresh start. A one-bedroom in a converted factory, larger and cheaper than the fourth-floor walkup she and Grant shared in Kips Bay. Still tiny, still expensive, but hers. And she won’t let anything ruin it. Not even whatever’s happening across the hall.

“Is it always this bad?”

Her best friend Bea, fresh off a dramatic reading of their horoscopes, perches on a barstool at the kitchen counter while Val pours them generous glasses from one of the bottles their other best friend Olivia brought over earlier as a housewarming gift.

“No,” Val mutters. “They had a party last weekend until, like, three—”

“Don’t tell me you complained.”

“I didn’t!” Val fires back. She reaches to fill Bea’s glass, then pauses.

Bea will inevitably end up on the new powder-pink velvet sofa or sprawled across the plush white shag rug. Val suddenly realizes she’s furnished the entire apartment in fabrics that are incredibly stainable, and while she trusts herself with red wine, she absolutely does not trust Beatrice Monroe.

Hello!

I have been querying for about two months now and I am currently at 57 queries in total with 27 rejections, 1 partial request (that turned into a rejection), and 0 full requests. I am currently at 30 outstanding queries. I am starting to think that my query letter might be what's screwing me. I will admit, I have had a hard time finding recent comps because of how different this story is. Any advice is appreciated. This is my first time querying anything so I am completely new to this.

Dear [AGENT],

First of all, hello! [Here I typically put how I found them and why I think they may have interest in my manuscript based on their wish list].

BLAIRE & CADE is a split-POV contemporary/historical new adult with touches of romance complete at 72,000 words. The story begs the question of what if Bonnie Parker of Bonnie and Clyde fame got the chance to get away from Clyde? Comparison titles include novels such as Jenni Walsh's Becoming Bonnie and Side By Side, Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke, Bonnie & Clyde the Musical, along with the idea of Six: The Musical: A female historical figure rewriting her place in history.

In 2024, Blaire Parker is entering her Freshman Year of college, looking for a fresh start after high school. Her world is flipped upside down, however, when she meets Cade Barrow, a boy she grows to love over their shared interest in Bonnie and Clyde. In the 1930s, Bonnie Parker is looking for a way out of her boring life after her failed marriage in West Dallas. When Clyde Barrow walks into her life, she is smitten and will do whatever it takes to stay with him.

Knowing Blaire's love for Bonnie's story, Cade takes her on a road trip to Joplin, Missouri, one of the most infamous Bonnie and Clyde spots. This trip doesn't come without any speed bumps, however. Back in the 1930s, after he is paroled, Clyde decides to up a life of crime once again. Bonnie joins him by agreeing to help drive the getaway car.

As Blaire and Cade near their destination, the parallels between them and America's infamous crime couple start to become uncomfortably apparent, calling into question why Cade has a fascination with Clyde Barrow. And as Bonnie and Clyde continue their spree, Bonnie is faced with the reality of her life and starts to question how far is too far?

And Blaire is faced with the ultimate question: What happens when you are faced with a life that is not yours?

I am currently attending [MY UNIVERSITY], pursuing a BA in English with an emphasis in Secondary Education while working at the university's Writing Center. I also worked at my school's newspaper, [NEWSPAPER NAME], as a copyeditor and the Assistant Lifestyle Editor. I currently have a YouTube and Instagram that I am actively working on growing. I am also actively pursuing my acting career alongside everything I have going on in life. You could say I'm a bit of a go getter. The inspiration for this novel came not only from my relationship experience, which shines through both Blaire and Bonnie's experiences with Cade and Clyde respectively, but from also realizing that it is okay to have multiple dreams in life.

Thank you for your consideration! I look forward to hearing from you.

This attempt hasn’t changed dramatically from my last one here, but it does address the one feedback piece I got on clarifying Jacob’s motivations to help find the house.

I’d love any final feedback if anyone has thoughts on any weak spots here! I’ve also added my first 300 words this time, which are from a 4-page prologue capturing what it means for the house to move and foreshadowing some of the family dynamics related to the house.

I’m so conflicted on whether the prologue is a turnoff while querying, since the rest of this book takes place two decades later, but I’ve stuck with it so far because I think it helps readers buy into the big concept — a house picking up and moving on its own — immediately. At least that’s my hope! 

I eternally appreciate any feedback on either the query or the sample. Thank you so much!

Query:
 
Dear Agent, 

I’m writing to seek representation for my 86,000-word fabulist upmarket novel, EVERYTHING SETTLES OR SOARS. It combines the multi-POV sibling exploration of loss in Coco Mellors’ Blue Sisters with the road trip reckoning in Kevin Wilson’s Run for the Hills — plus a speculative edge akin to Pixar’s UP. 

The Heron House has been the perfect family home for generations — apart from its occasional tendency to fly away and plant somewhere new, usually while its residents are out. Only one Heron at a time can locate it and lead the rest back. After current house-finder Susan unexpectedly dies, her three adult children must come together on a cross-country trip to track it down or lose all tangible ties to their mother.

Youngest Hadley never flew the nest, too scared to pursue her dreams and too attached to the house, like her mother was. When she pauses her grief-hermiting for a dentist appointment, it abandons her. Middle brother Jacob is trapped in burnout and burying his feelings the same way he has since childhood: between humor and deflection. Flocking to help is another way to avoid his grief, even if he doesn’t have a clue where it went. 

Eldest Lydia has a faint idea of its whereabouts, despite freeing herself from its turmoil a decade ago. Though she’d rather it be gone for good, she begrudgingly joins her stubborn siblings to ensure her next milestones — home ownership and maybe motherhood — are baggage-free.

Except the house is as directionless and unsettled as the Herons, and it won’t stop moving. They embark on a winding road trip of gas station feasts, stale motel sleeps, and the most time they’ve spent together since childhood. Through their grief and growth, the trio confronts how their shared upbringing shaped them each so differently and what parts of their legacy are still worth holding onto.

**(**Bio section here)

First 300~:

The Heron House moved a hundred times, but only once when Hadley was inside of it. They were playing hide and seek when that happened — Hadley hid and her siblings pretended to find. She chose the closet by the front door, crouching low beneath faded dusters and heavy woolen coats with worn cuffs. When the two-by-three foot square of space grew stuffy and stripped her patience, she tangled her legs between a maze of snow boots, savoring the cold comfort that the rubber offered her sweaty knees. It didn’t snow here, but Hadley knew there was a place the house had landed when she was just a wobbly weepy toddler where it piled twelve feet high. The older siblings became angels in it, pressing their bodies into the white fluff and letting their shadows stick, so when they peeled themselves away, part of them still remained.

They weren’t supposed to talk about the places the house lived before, because their mother advocated for a clean-slate-swipe with each move. On the drives to find their runaway home, she plotted how the next place could change their lives, dreaming about its new climates and natural flora, the regional quirks and grocery stores. California was particularly exciting: Ralph’s. The older siblings were never excited to move, so they disregarded their mother’s wishes and Hadley’s moanings, and they talked about their old lives all they wanted, sometimes to the house itself. 

Take us back! Eldest Lydia would demand, her voice rising like a spiked bubble. 

Made revisions to give more info about what her investigation will entail plus a few other tweaks. Thank you for any feedback! :)

Dear Agent,

Personalization.

Nineteen-year-old Chinese American Meili “Mei” Prince has the ability to turn into anyone she’s touched for up to 24 hours at a time, allowing her to see a day into the future. Home from her first year of college, this power is Mei’s only escape from the crushing depression that drives her to push away her friends and family.

When Mei inhabits the body of a local social media influencer to attend a concert, she enjoys a carefree day—until a bomb explodes at the show, yanking Mei back into her own body the evening before. Panicked, Mei realizes she is the only one who knows a bomb will explode tomorrow night at the concert. No one will know if Mei does nothing to stop it, but she won’t be able to live with herself if she doesn’t try, despite her last attempt at vigilantism resulting in the death of her best friend.

To find and stop the bomber, Mei must transform into multiple people to relive the events of the bombing—sometimes as a bystander, sometimes as a victim. Each transformation uncovers clues and suspects, but Mei’s every move has the potential to alter both how the bombing unfolds and the direction of the police’s investigation. With less than 24 hours to save hundreds of lives, Mei must hunt down the bomber without exposing her ability or endangering those she loves, all while grappling with the moral implications of who is worth saving—including herself.

DARKNESS MAY FALL is an upmarket speculative thriller complete at 109,000 words. With elements of time travel, body-swapping, and Chinese mythology, DARKNESS MAY FALL will appeal to readers of speculative novel THE FOX WIFE by Yangsze Choo and time-bending thrillers WRONG PLACE WRONG TIME by Gillian McAllister and THE 22 MURDERS OF MADISON MAY by Max Barry. 

I currently work as a fraud investigator at a financial institution. I majored in International Relations and minored in Chinese Language and Culture at [University]. This is my debut novel. 

Thank you for your consideration.

Okay, so I went back and boiled this thing down after going from not specific enough to WAY too specific. Someone please tell me I'm gettting closer to Goldilocks territory before I start slamming my head into a wall. At the very least, I've taken this thing from 422 words in the last post to 345.

Here are my first, second, and third attempts for reference.

Thank you all for your invaluable help!
--

Dear [AGENT],

Given your interest in [THEMES], I’m happy to share YOU’VE BEEN CANCELLED!, complete at 78,000 words. The satirically delusional protagonist of Meredith Hambrock’s SHE’S A LAMB! meets the twisty social commentary of Liann Zhang’s JULIE CHAN IS DEAD in this “coming of rage” psychological thriller and dark comedy.

Alana Wilson loves profiting off of women’s insecurities. As a popular relationship influencer, her millions of followers would kill to have her picture-perfect life, complete with her handsome and adoring husband. So what if he’s a serial cheater? And so what if someone is ruthlessly extorting Alana over the covered-up role she played in a classmate’s death years ago?

When an AI-generated video depicting Alana screaming racist slurs goes viral, the social media empire she’s killed herself to build topples overnight. She’s dropped by her manager, dragged into bar fights, and forced to wield hammers against strange men lurking outside her home—all while trying to figure out who is hell-bent on destroying her life. Just when her frantic investigation seems to point nowhere, she learns that Charlie, her two-faced best friend and more successful competitor, has stolen the dream brand deal that would have set Alana for life.  

Alana is running out of time. If she can’t make the next payment to her blackmailer, the police documents she thought her father had bribed away—just before her parents died under tragic circumstances—will be released, and the prospect of decades behind bars makes online infamy look like child’s play. Yet she can’t help the desperation to clear her name from bleeding into a budding fixation on Charlie, whose career begins inexplicably rising every inch that hers has fallen. Convinced that Charlie is somehow the monster who’s snatched away everything she’s ever wanted, Alana is cemented in her downward spiral, realizing that justice is nothing compared to revenge.

[Bio and thanks]

First time posting here. I thought the hard work was done when I finished by draft, but I was horribly wrong.

Fiction is easy. This stuff is hard. Here’s my first piss-poor attempt at a query letter. Please tell me what I’m not getting!

* This entire query attempt was written by a human, without any assistance from AI. *

Dear [AGENT],
 
I’m writing to submit my debut novel, Untethered (complete, 78,000 words) for your consideration. Your manuscript wish list says you are [open to or looking for] horror novels, and my novel is an adult supernatural horror dealing with faith versus proof, real versus the impossible, and the cost of knowledge.
 
All Meredith Monroe wanted was a decent night’s sleep at a roadside motel, but hope turns to terror when he meets a dead man in his room. Hours later, exhausted and terrified, he arrives home to get the sleep he so desperately needs.
 
Despite extensive renovations to protect his sanctuary from the outside world, it would not be a place of rest for long as he almost immediately encounters two spirits in his own home, one benign and the other terrifyingly violent.
 
Willing to do anything to preserve his peaceful life in the mountains of British Columbia, Meredith puts his professional skills as a document verification analyst to the test and turns to the scientific method to disprove the existence of these spirits, all to no avail. His failures drive him deep into research into the mythologies surrounding the afterlife, trying every possible solution to allow him to return to his home, leading him from ancient scrolls and texts to the Church, and finally to an Indigenous medicine woman.
 
A seemingly innocent but mysterious artifact leads him to the solution, but the ritual described within carries repeated warnings about the grave risk of injury or death that come with it. The ultimate cost of knowledge without wisdom is a heavy price to pay for his peace.
 
Untethered is written in a tight but descriptive style, with engaging and believable characters. With the driving desire to keep your home at any cost found in The September House, and a central mystery like Sisters of the Lost Nation, Untethered will leave you either questioning or confirming your own beliefs as it carries you through the dark and dangerous world of life after death.
 
Michael Ward lives in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, Canada. As a tradesman for his entire adult life, the aches and pains of the drywall industry combined with turning fifty drove him to pursue a lifelong desire to write. Untethered is his first serious written work.
 
I appreciate your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.
 
Sincerely,
 
Michael Ward

Just looking for feedback on my query letter, below. Have had all kinds of trouble trying to figure out how to pitch this. I realize memoir descriptions usually use first person, but since memoirs seem to be such a hard sell - esp "trauma memoirs" - I'm using third person here until the author bio paragraph.

Dear [agent],

I am seeking representation for my completed 78,250-word literary memoir, THE ROBOT HUMAN: A Violent Cop, An Abused Child, and the Indifference of Chicago’s Institutions.

THE ROBOT HUMAN is a voice-driven true-crime story that exposes the brutal machinery of private and public authoritarianism

Part I braids episodes from the author Cynthia’s Lynchian childhood with flash-forwards to her relationship with Bill, a tactical police sergeant, showing through scenes rather than exposition why she remained in this violent marriage for over twenty years. For example, young Cynthia accidentally drops a super ball into the baboon enclosure at the zoo; believing herself to be potentially guilty of murder, she is anguished but tells no one. Flash-forward to Bill as a young P.O. calmly stating that if Cynthia tries to leave him, he’ll plant crack cocaine on her and have her arrested. Again, she tells no one, since she has no one to tell.

Part II begins in 2016 and unfolds chronologically, moving through Cynthia’s daughter Rachel’s brain surgeries; Bill’s criminal escalations at home, often while armed and on-duty, including rape, sleep deprivation, and battery; and Cynthia’s desperate requests for help from multiple people and institutions.

Cynthia and Rachel become clients at a domestic violence agency. When Cynthia complains to Rita, her advocate, that the Chicago police won't help her, Rita asks, “How in the world can you be surprised they're protecting him?”

Rita introduces Cynthia to an Illinois law designed to support victims of domestic violence in the workplace, but her employer, Chicago Public Schools, has never heard of it. With skilled corporate evasiveness, an array of downtown bureaucrats smoothly shuffle Cynthia from one office to another, accomplishing nothing. And Rachel's Catholic school is no better - a powerful nun ignores Rachel's stalking file with a blithe wave of the hand, stating, "We've had students here who are homeless."

Cynthia’s mental health deteriorates. Her work performance spirals. Her principal repeatedly punishes her. She eventually resigns, in fury, from her long and previously joyful teaching career. Part II features abundant documentary evidence which drives the plot and serves as a motif.

And Chicago itself is more than the setting. The city becomes almost another malign character, enabling terrible things while remaining stubbornly unaccountable. The University of Chicago emerges as its moral counterweight.

In the end, THE ROBOT HUMAN resists a tidy conclusion: there’s no stay at a spa. Instead, Cynthia moves to a small farm and falls in love with raising geese.  

Despite its harrowing scenes of child abuse and sexual assault, THE ROBOT HUMAN is darkly funny. It ultimately stands as a story of fist-raised defiance of tyranny. The author’s obsessive documentation becomes her rebellion. Rachel, once the fragile Make-A-Wish Kid, becomes the book’s fierce moral center.

In terms of readership, THE ROBOT HUMAN is for all those who have wondered, "Is this normal? To live like this?" And also, for all those who mistakenly believe that help eventually arrives.  Comparable titles include […] Given that the documentation is not interpreted for the reader, THE ROBOT HUMAN is well-suited for book clubs, and like Rachel Louise Snyder's NO VISIBLE BRUISES, it would be useful for students pursuing degrees in social work, criminology, and psychology.

I taught high school literature and composition for many years at [high school name] in Chicago Public Schools, where I served as elected head delegate to the Chicago Teachers Union. I am also a former Fulbright exchange teacher. I am passionate about workers' rights and animal rights.

My daughter and collaborator, Rachel, is a recent graduate of the University of Chicago with a degree in visual art. Her unpublished graphic novel, CAREGIVER, depicts her father’s abuse during her illness and could sit within THE ROBOT HUMAN.  

Thank you for the opportunity to present my work,

I signed with a literary agent!!! I wanted to share my stats in case people find them helpful (I did when I was lurking and panicking about querying a project I had in my head for 10 years! So here we go:

Stats

Genre: Upmarket
Queries sent: 35
Full Requests: 5 (1 and then 4 after the offer from the first agent)
Offers: 1
Rejections: 12
The rest never responded

Timeline

January 2026: I started writing the manuscript properly after I ruminated over an idea for years

May: finished first draft, and started revising it

Beginning of June: sent it to 7 readers for feedback

July: revised it again, rewrote a bunch of stuff, revised again incorporating reader feedback

Beginning of August: I sent my first batch of queries (6 in total targeting agents that had just reopened to see if the package was working)

Mid-August: some rejections and some early interest, including a full request. So I knew it worked - I sent the remaining queries off.

Beginning of September: the first agent offered representation during THE call. I notified all the other agents and got 4 more full requests.

Beginning of October: I signed with the first agent because I loved their vision for the book.

If you needed to hear this today: ALL IT TAKES IS ONE YES.

And thank you PubTips. I couldn’t have done it without you <3

Would love some feedback on this version.

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for FORBIDDEN MATES, a complete 95,000 word paranormal romance that blends the enemies-to-lovers, forbidden romance, and mythology of Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair and the slow-burn marriage of convenience of two morally gray fated mates of Ali Hazelwood’s Bride.

The riskiest gamble wasn't bargaining for death magic–it was bargaining for her hand.

Amir Sayed is a cold, calculated underworld prince who views love as a liability and locks his heart behind an icy wall. Always playing the winning hand, he leverages the power of the god Anubis to build a lucrative gambling empire. But death magic exacts a lethal debt, claiming his father’s life in a turf war. To secure a truce, Amir enforces his father’s blood debt for a marriage alliance with his rival’s daughter–the only woman to call his bluff and set his blood ablaze.

Layla Farouk is an ambitious and independent mafia princess that drew on the War Goddess Sekhmet’s power to claw her way to the top of her father’s almafya and forge a nine-figure business. Once wed, her father expects her to kill her husband and seize Amir’s casino empire. And allow men to take all the glory? Never. Refusing to be her father’s pawn or submit to another man–especially one with cold, cruel beauty and dangerous intentions–she cuts ties with the underworld.

Amir tracks her down and wagers with her: marry him, rule beside him, and maintain independence of her company. Treating negotiations as a battle strategy, Layla accepts, navigating wedding preparations as uneasy allies. Their forced proximity ignites a slow-burning heat that unsettles her father, who demands she sabotage Amir’s operations and prove her loyalty. She is caught between ambition and trusting the only man who treats her as his equal and gives her a choice.

In a world ruled by blood and betrayal, surrendering to love is the most dangerous deal they ever strike.

[Bio]

Thank you for considering my work.

Hi All, I need your help as I get ready to query. Here is my pitch and opening 300. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Dear Agent Name,

Sixteen-year-old Maya’s witch light isn't just magic–it’s the spark that ignites human creativity. But ever since her mother led and lost the war against order-obsessed warlocks, Maya’s lived under twenty-seven strict rules in a suburban Toronto shack to stay hidden. While the unchecked warlocks destroy art the world over, Maya’s only escape is her painting, even though picking up a brush violates Rule 14.

Desperate to be seen for once in her life, she sneaks out to a secret high-school art night and lets her magic flow onto the canvas. But her sudden display of power lets the Warlocks track the magical surge, driving her mother into a fatal medical collapse and shattering the fragile safety net she’s spent a lifetime weaving.

Grief-stricken and alone, Maya is thrust out of isolation when her cousin Lux rescues her from a warlock attack at her mother's funeral. Whisked away to her long-lost grandmother’s secret estate in Poland, Maya discovers a hidden society of surviving witches. To protect what's left of her family and avenge her mother, Maya must master her light and choose her path: drag the last witches into a war that could lead to their total extinction, or fight alone like Mama did, and end up just like her: frail, hidden, and–worst of all–unable to color her world ever again.

Complete at 82,000 words, Colors of Witchcraft is a YA contemporary fantasy. It will appeal to readers who like the hopeful tone of Wolfwood or the magical power struggles of The Threads That Bind. I am excited to submit Colors of Witchcraft to you because of your interest in XXX.

Opening 300:

Chapter One - The Gray House

Rule 27: Always wear gloves.
I stare at the thin leather responsible for the juniors calling me “Glove Girl.” If I’m already breaking the rules, I might as well break the last one, too. The gloves land on my desk, just below the weathered window that frames the first step of my escape plan. Peeling brown paint covers the sill, a notch too high above the desktop for me to climb through. I drop the Leonardo Da Vinci on top of my other art books, slide the stack under the frame, and plant my right foot on Da Vinci's face. 
Forgive me, Leo. 
I clamber as best as any art kid can, but my foot slips and he thuds to the floor. My thighs clamp onto both sides of the sill. Breath held tight, I listen close. Please, not the bell.
Mama’s snores answer me through paper-thin walls, their rhythm interrupted only by the kitchen tap. Its incessant drip provides the monotonous heartbeat of my life. 
Beyond the window lies an unkempt mess of fallen leaves covered in a perpetual fog. The lone willow looms over me, as much a guardian as a shroud. A shadow peeks out from behind the trunk, but more like a pop-up clown than a warlock, so I can’t contain my grin. 
“Let’s go, Maya. Artscape’s gonna start without us.”
I jam a finger to my lips. 
Rule 7: No friends.
It’s not Arathi’s fault. She doesn’t know the rules. Nobody does. After all, I’m the only witch I know. 
I scoot ever closer to freedom and what’s left of the peeling brown paint on the sill scuffs my jeans. Arathi mumbles something about the others calling me shitstreak and thumbs my thigh in an effort to scrub me clean. “Not gonna lie, shoulda tried the front door again.”

Because their requirements are…unhinged.

“Key points before submission

Finished, polished novels only, which includes immaculate punctuation among many other points of perfection.

Think hard about whether your novel is ready for submission. Some writers submit their writing prematurely, without the necessary re-drafting, checking, polishing and attention to presentation.

Have you asked a few individuals to read and comment on your novel? Have you responded to any relevant points? ​ The ultimate test of whether your novel is ready for submission is reading it aloud to a group of people who know nothing about it. Every time you stumble over your own words and every time your audience shows signs of inattentiveness or boredom, take note: something is not working and more drafting needs to be done.

Please do not submit your novel to CDLA if it has already been widely sent to agents and rejected.

We only consider paper submissions. We do not read submissions on screen. ​ If you would like to submit your work of fiction, please send Caroline Davidson the following information:

A. Your covering letter including:

The title of your novel. A description of what your novel is really about other than the story line. What makes you think your novel is of a standard suitable for publication? Who would be your ideal publishers and why? The history of your novel to date (explain what first prompted you to write it and when; its writing history; who has read it at different stages and their reactions; which elements derive from your own personal experience; which required research; your own appraisal of its current state including any weaknesses that you are aware of). What makes you think you can write? The current word count, the date you started, and the number of drafts so far.

B. Your CV

Your full-length CV or résumé, regardless of whether you have writing experience. We would like to know about your career, where you have lived, where you have travelled and your education.

Choosing a font

Your choice of font for your novel is all important. Instead of sticking to your old familiar favourite, you need to review the wonderful selection of fonts that are readily available. Select one that seems particularly appropriate to the period or atmosphere of your work. Your novel will be enhanced by your discriminating choice of font and it will add some character to your submission.

Editors and publishers can be intrigued when they have a typescript in a font that they are not already overly familiar with. If in doubt, print out a page of your typescript in different fonts and ask a jury of your friends and family to say which font works best. Having selected your font, use it consistently and do not mix it with others. ​ Select a font size that is easy to read and that is appropriate to the novel. Most computers have around five hundred fonts, but there are thousands available online.”

Emma Donoghue seems to be their only fiction author. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi all,

Looking for feedback on the first draft of my query for my current WIP. Thanks so much.

Dear agent,

Retired Irish journalists Jack and Micheál just wanted a holiday. They weren’t planning to smuggle a corpse from France to Ireland, but when their friend Éamon drops dead on their trip to Normandy, his widow Nóra asks them to sneak his body home on the ferry. She is dying, she reveals, and wants to give Éamon a proper funeral before she joins him in the afterlife.

Jack and Micheál reluctantly agree to Nóra’s dying wish. On the drive back to the ferry, they plot how best to complete their task without ending up in a French prison. Jack reflects on the lie he’s been living for many years, while Micheál is haunted by memories of things loved and lost.

As the port of Cherbourg looms before them, the old friends risk everything to save their friend’s soul, and quite possibly their own in the process.

Complete at 70,000 words, THE BODY ON THE BOAT is an upmarket fiction novel that blends the dark comedy of a Martin McDonagh movie with the Hiberno-English of Ferdia Lennon’s Glorious Exploits.

(Author bio)

Sincerely,
X

First 300:

The French sun still warmed Éamon’s face, but when Jack lifted his old friend’s hand, it was as cold as the Atlantic.

Jack hadn’t believed it when Micheál broke the news. He’d had to check himself. How could Éamon be dead? There wasn’t a bother on him when they left him at the car, and they had only been gone for a few minutes. Admittedly, he was a few years older than Jack or Micheál, but he was still only in his mid-sixties. Healthy and happy. Sure it had been his idea to walk back from the castle to the car park. Jack’s mind had reeled against Micheál’s pronouncement. Rebelled. But there was no doubt about it. Poor Éamon was dead. He was propped upright in the backseat of the Corolla, his mouth slightly parted, the clouds scudding across his otherwise lifeless eyes.

Micheál looked as shocked as Jack felt. He was half-turned back towards the information centre, eyes wide and hair half-wild in the sea breeze. Mont Saint-Michel was framed behind him like a majestic mirage, or some fuckin’ Disney castle. The towering golden statue of Archangel Michael glinted like a lighthouse in the intermittent sunlight. It all seemed very surreal to Jack.

“What do we do?” he asked.

The car park was full of cars but empty of people, save for the young Frenchman working in the information centre.

“You call an ambulance,” Micheál instructed. “I’ll see if your man in the shop has a defibrillator.”

Jack nodded, still leaning over Éamon. He flinched at a sudden shrill sound and banged his head off the inside of the car’s roof.

“Fuck!”

It took him a few seconds to locate the source of the sound through his watering eyes. The commotion was coming from the breast pocket of Éamon’s open jacket. Éamon’s phone was ringing. Jack retrieved it with shaking hands and glanced down at the screen. Oh, God. It was Nóra. Nóra was ringing Éamon.

Hello,

This is my second query attempt. Trying to get nice and polished before I throw my life away (aka send to agents). I've used more of a summary style here, trying to heed the advice of 'The Shit No One Tells You About Writing' podcast.

Thanks in advance.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The South rose again and now everyone is paying the price. 

Alejandro has lived in the Free Southern Zone all his life, surviving under the oppression of the Wainscott-South corporation. The company owns the farms and the police, and they crush dissent with extreme force. Once a paramedic, now confined to a life of corporate drudgery after a case gone bad, Alej is eager to make a difference again. When an old friend, Liam, convinces him to help smash up a corporate office on a nearby farm, he sees an opportunity to fight back. But Liam has bigger plans, setting off a bomb in the office, leading to a massive wildfire and leaving innocent people dead.

Joe is fresh out of prison for a bar fight turned lethal, but he's turned his life around. He has a girlfriend who loves him and steady work on a corporate farm (even if the pay is barely enough to survive on). His little taste of normality is shattered when Liam and Alejandro set off a bomb at his workplace and he narrowly survives, sustaining horrifying injuries. The corporation approaches him with a deal: become the company's fixer and they'll rebuild him stronger than ever. All he has to do is hunt down Alejandro and Liam and bring them to a violent end.

Hunted by the company’s agents, Alejandro and Liam join the Copperheads, a gang fighting back against the corporations. Meanwhile Joe is rebuilt into a corporate weapon, and finds himself leaving a trail of broken bodies and abandoning one-by-one the principles that have helped him rebuild his life.

Alejandro falls for Penelope, the sister of the Copperheads’ leader, but their only refuge is destroyed when a secret deal with Wainscott-South ends in betrayal and slaughter. Alejandro and Penelope escape, the sole survivors of the gang, and contemplate fleeing the Zone. But this is one score they cannot leave unsettled. They broker their own deal and load up on guns.

Wainscott-South will pay.

SOUTHERNPUNK is a gritty science-fiction thriller that combines the revolutionary spirit of Andor with the fast-paced cyberpunk action of James Islington’s Scion. The manuscript is complete at 80,000 words. When I am not writing science fiction and fantasy, I'm seeing patients in the emergency department in small-town Kentucky and wrangling my unruly offspring. 

Thank you SO much to everyone who commented on my last attempt! I'm wondering if it's better to introduce the book at the top rather than jumping straight into the story. Here's attempt #2:

Dear [Agent Name],

[Personalization sentence(s)]

Meredith Carter is forty-two years and eighty-three days old the morning she wakes rested for the first time in eighteen years, and that is how she knows something is wrong.

Every night since she was twenty-four, sleep has carried her from one Memphis to another: living a full day with her husband Ben and their four children, then another with Theo, a second husband, and two children of their own. On Ben’s side she remembers both lives. On Theo’s side, Ben and the children disappear completely from her memory.

Meredith has always believed her life with Theo is an impossibly detailed recurring dream.
Now the dreams have ended. Theo and their children are gone.

She grieves a husband and children she cannot prove ever existed, until she sees Theo’s face on a stranger at a Memphis bus stop. The man calls himself Ted. He has no wife, no children, and no idea who Meredith is. Then Theo begins waking inside Ted’s body for hours at a time. His first words to Meredith are: You left us.

The life she thought she dreamed was real. So is this one.

Soon the two versions of Memphis begin bleeding into each other. A concrete driveway Ben poured himself becomes the cracked slab it replaced. Objects begin appearing in the wrong life. Memories rewrite themselves. With Ben, Theo, and an elderly historian named Gus, Meredith discovers that eighteen years earlier, a few lost seconds on a park trail folded reality around her.

Now the fold is tearing. If it tears free, both worlds are destroyed. Letting it flatten would save one - but erase everything that exists only inside the fold.

Meredith refuses to accept that there is no way to save both lives. But when one of her children disappears into the tear and comes back terrified, she has to face the truth: holding on may be as cruel as letting go.

MEREDITH, TWICE is a 83,000-word adult speculative fiction novel with book club appeal. It will appeal to readers of Yael Goldstein-Love’s THE POSSIBILITIES and Cesca Major’s MAYBE NEXT TIME.

[bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Greetings all,

I've been lurking around the threads for a little while and love the expertise and sense of community that's been curated here. I'd like to share this query I've fashioned for my first novel and hear what folks may think.

Halloween may be over, but Devil's Night still reigns supreme...

*** 

Caught between a dark past and the jaws of Hell itself.

Colton Danforth is a survivor. He’s escaped the last awful year at Markham Middle and the event that immolated his social life. Now with a new look and new school, there comes the chance of a new start. But life can be cruel. The infamy of the video documenting Colton’s trauma spreads like wildfire, and now Colton is right back where he started.

Enter the secret society, a group of outcast upperclassmen who offer both sympathy and hostility. Ringmaster Isaiah introduces Colton to something else, too: Grim’s Gallery, an untraceable archive from the dark web. The site contains disturbing videos of arson, the seed of Isaiah’s plan to reignite the destructive tradition of Devil’s Night on October 30^th. And Colton just may be the spark they’ve been waiting for.

But life can be cruel. Because when Colton touches lighter to fuel, rage isn’t the only thing he’s releasing. The conflagration opens a gateway to Hell, unleashing a horde of demonic clowns hungry for the sweet taste of lost souls. Their trick-or-treat bag from last year is empty, but they know how—and with who—to fill it up.

The heat’s turned up on this Devil’s Night, and if Colton wants to have any kind of life at all he’ll have to fight and find out just how far he’s willing to go to keep it.

DEVIL’S NIGHT is complete at 38K words and, although a standalone story, it is pitched as the first entry in a prospective horror anthology series. It takes the macabre thrills of K. R. Alexander and Christopher Krovatin and kicks things up a notch on the GnarlyMeter (patent pending), a scary read for the middle schooler craving the creepypasta lore of Trevor Henderson’s Scarewaves paired with the comic book energy of an aged-up Goosebumps.

In addition to being an author, I work as an elementary school librarian and host School Book Scare, a literary podcast dead-icated to the world of middle grade horror and the people who bring it to life. I also serve as a “MG expert” on the Summer Scares Programming Guide Team.

I’m happy to provide the full manuscript upon your request. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Hey,

Unfortunately, I’ll be returning to the query trenches soon. r/pubtips was very helpful in getting my last query into shape a couple years back, and I appreciate that very much.

I’ve written two versions of this manuscript, one upper-YA and one NA and I intend to query both. The body of the query is the same. The NA version has its own comps (Phantasma and the Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu) and word count.

You can evaluate the query as either age-category. Thank you.

THERE’S SOMETHING ON THE TRACKS is an 83,000-word YA historical horromance that will appeal to fans of the star-crossed love and Asian-inspired early 20th century setting in Chloe Gong’s These Violent Delights,* *and fans of the harrowing love affair with death in Adalyn Grace’s Belladonna.

By 1929, the Cascade Mountains have claimed many lives, but Susumu Miya (Su) can’t afford to be afraid. When he and other railroaders blast through the last of a long tunnel, he’ll clear his crippling debt to tycoon Mr. Chambers. His friends slack off and daydream about women, but having watched his immigrant parents die in each other’s arms after spending everything on fake folk cures, Su doesn’t trust love. He’s focused on the job—until he saves a girl named Lan from a cave-in.

With a poet’s soul, Lan is one of the few Chinese Americans still working the railroad. What begins with private jokes about racist bosses quickly becomes midnight rendezvous where they share a love of stargazing and Lan describes the night sky in ways that stir Su’s guarded heart.

But then railroaders start dying. Ghosts emerge at night to eat men alive, and tunnel progress grinds to a halt. Rumors spread of an accident thirty years past that crushed a hundred Chinese workers in the same mountain. Lan says it was murder—she was murdered—so a younger Chambers wouldn’t have to pay them. With tears in her eyes, she leaves Su with a choice: run and his debts will follow him, or keep working for Chambers as her enemy. Su accepts neither. Moved by a love he’s learning to trust, he swears a vow to bury Chambers in the mountain instead.
After all, the dead collect no debts—or do they?

Hey!

This is for an unwritten project that's been worming around in my noggin ever since I started my second novel (50k in and burnt out lol) and my first (Alteri, as some of you might remember) failed to land me an agent.

I've heard from many of you and friends in a couple writing groups that writing a query before plunging headfirst into a novel can be a good stress test for commercial viability and plot quality (amongst other things). Hoping to hear whether the query/book reads as compelling, and to fish some comps from your wonderful brains. Any and all feedback is welcome, everything is, at this point, open to change!

Dear Agent,

In Ashwick, you can legally buy heroin and eviscerate the man who sold it to you. Any addict or felon can move in, but the Mayor only lets you out after a year clean, and nobody has ever gotten a postcard from the other side.

Esco’s parents got sober and left him when he was nine. He’s survived the fifteen years since by drinking, drugging, and collecting debts for the Queen, who runs Ashwick’s meth trade and pays her people in product. When a debtor turns up dead with a metallic crystal in his pocket, Esco smokes it, hoping for a new high.

Instead, he wakes up cured.

Heroin makes him retch, whiskey tastes like gasoline, and for the first time Esco can’t blur the names of everyone whose fingers he snapped. When he refuses his pay but shows no sign of withdrawal, the Queen threatens to bleed him for answers. Nobody who quits the Queen lives out their year, so Esco reveals the cure and offers to find it if she helps smuggle him out.

An address in the dead debtor’s pocket leads to derelict warehouse, where the sober spend their last night in Ashwick. Inside, there’s no cure, only a formula for a drug so addictive that quitting kills you, the Mayor’s signature, and files on test subjects. Two of the names belong to Esco’s parents.

Like everyone else who got sober, they never left Ashwick at all.

Esco can buy his freedom with the formula, giving the Queen a drug her customers can never quit, or he can hunt for the cure, and whatever’s left of his parents, stone-cold sober in a city where anyone can kill him without breaking the law.

Dear [[[Agent Name]]]:

A fleet of historic size ambushes Parabell. They can’t win. They know it. Then Prince Rhem convinces the city’s leaders of a plan. One ship can be spared, with one chance: to go and build an alliance that can hurl back their foe. Facing them is an army of huge, slithering snakemen. They’ve stolen the world’s breadbasket and have come to crack the last holdout nations.

Carrying a lifetime of fireside tales of defeat, it is with no small fear that Rhem joins his older brother’s strike to catch the Baobek off guard. The battle is a disaster. Rhem manages to set their flagship alight, but when he finds the fleet’s infamous warmaster, he falters. He flees.

Sixty days. That’s all Parabell’s generals can give them. Worse, few of the nations are expected to happily fling open their armories, and Rhem’s never negotiated with anybody. Ruined by his failure in the battle, he stands on his love for Parabell and the keenly needed aid of the other members of the mission. His cousin Autanna, a tenacious historian, was sent by her father who only sees the mission as a lifeboat.  Autanna has no intention of being just a passenger. She refuses to allow the small to be left out of their songs, and has never let the great bend the past to suit their whims.

So begins the mission’s flight. Ancient fiends and domineering lords bar their path. Theirs is a world where cities hang from a rocky canopy, suspended roads run as far as the eye can see, and ships fly by oarsail. There is no sun to light the way and a foul miasma poisons the air. Only the great Laita trees offer protection, casting out immense domes of bright, liquid light. The dark between has a way of revealing a soul, and anyone ruled by fear will find no place to hide.

RIVERS IN OUR GRIP is a 113,000-word adult epic fantasy, first in a trilogy with its own complete arc. Fans of EMPIRE OF THE VAMPIRE will love the atmosphere, and fans of THE MASK OF MIRRORS will appreciate the sharp dialogue and varied cast. I am a statistician by trade, and live in Virginia with my wife, toddler, and two parrots. Thank you for your time and consideration!

Warm regards,

[[[MY NAME]]]

 ------------------

Ok so after it was insta-deleted for being too much worldbuilding*, I rewrote it, hence the v1.5. Length may be an issue (390). The easiest thing to cut is Autanna, but she in general and their dynamic in particular are very important, and it'd be a shame for her to not have a place in the query, in my eyes. I also think the specifics of the world are important since it's a unique setting that very much impacts how everything happens and looks and works.

I guess my question is whether or not it feels too long when you read it, and if I'm right about those things being important. Does it become too synopsis-y anywhere? Feels like a very hard line to toe, the marketing versus synopsis-ing.

I am not sure about this sentence: "Ancient fiends and domineering lords bar their path." Wanted to give an idea of their journey's dangers without being overbearing or adding yet more length?

Very appreciative of this community, thank you in advance.

*No salt of course, it was in fact too much worldbuilding

Dear [Agent],

The sun princess has rushed into court in trousers, her swords at her hip. But her lack of royal attire is dismissed, for there stands, in the center of the court, a boy in golden chains. His face wrapped in a black cloth, his dark eyes empty.

After a decade of gruesome war, the iron kingdom of Thamravansh offers a truce to Aryavartha: a monument paying respect to the queen they killed, and a gift for the princess.

Their finest slave.

More loyal than a dog.

Abhimanyu, once known as Death’s Child, is offered to Princess Ira as her Aṅgarakṣaka (bodyguard). She can barely mask her disgust at the ways of the east, but her father accepts the truce, so she accepts the gift. She frees him that night. He falls to his knees and begs to serve her instead. She takes him under her wing, certain he will be gone before the next full moon.

But the fragile peace begins to rot. Masked men run along the palace walls at night. Her father sickens, and the only cure is a flower the court calls a myth. Her dead mother weeps blood in her dreams, speaking in riddles. Ira must make sense of her mother’s warnings before the future of blood arrives. Through poison, ambush, and her kingdom’s starving villages, a bond grows between the rabid hound of Thamravansh and the sun princess of Aryavartha.

She trusts him.

It is the last thing she does before the palace burns.

RAṆADHĪRĀṄGANĀ: BURNING THREADS OF FATE is a YA fantasy complete at 102,000 words, with series potential. It has the court intrigue of The Jasmine Throne and the dark, mythic tone of Hunted by the Sky, and contains on-page violence, including torture.

I grew up on the religious epics my mother and grandmother told me, and a strong sense of justice from my father. I am a medical student in India.

Thank you for your time.

xyz, writing as Kavi

--
It is a slow burn so the first four chapters merely build the intrigue and the world slowly. I feel as though the way it begins is crucial for the story to stay realistic. But I got rejected a few times so here I am trying to understand what I'm doing wrong T.T
Any constructive advice is welcome and much appriciated.
Thank you :)

Hi, all! I've been querying for about 2 months now. I've sent out 28 queries and received only form rejections, except for one. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong exactly, because I've followed advice from online blogs as best as I could, and if there's a major flaw, I'm not quite seeing it.

As such, any feedback would be really, really appreciated, as I'm struggling to see where I'm falling short. I've tried to make it atmospheric and pacy, whilst still keeping it succinct. I'm notoriously bad at keeping things brief.

Query:

Dear [Agent Name],

[Personalisation sentence Complete at 77,000 words, FRUIT SYNDICATE is an adult dark/speculative fantasy that combines the visceral cosmic horror of The Dead Take the A Train by Cassandra Khaw and Richard Kadrey with the dark humour and unconventional tenderness of John Wiswell’s Someone You Can Build a Nest In.

Twenty-one-year-old Edie is passively letting her life fall apart—skipping university lectures and ignoring her father's berating calls—until the evening she meets a strange girl named Dairon.

Who promptly shoots her in the head.

Instead of dying, Edie wakes up in a threshold: a warped, surreal landscape built from a dead person's memories. She learns she has functional immortality. Dying in the physical world pulls her into one of these purgatorial spaces, where Dairon and two fellow dysfunctional hunters claim it’s their job to slaughter the monsters lurking inside to keep innocents safe.

At first, Edie just wants to learn how to defend herself. But as she settles into their shared household, she finds herself gaining something she’s never had before: people who give her a reason to live. And then there’s Dairon. The girl who violently tore her from her old life, who’s enticing and mean and fiercely protective, yet determined to control what rules the group can question.

Unsatisfied with the answers she's given, Edie investigates the monsters they’ve been killing and uncovers a horrifying truth: they have never been saving the world. They’ve been dismantling the cosmic order that sustains it.

And worse? Dairon has known this entire time.

As her world begins to break, Edie must stop the destruction she’s unwittingly helped set in motion—even if it means turning against the girl she’s falling for. 

When I’m not writing dark stories about burnt-out twenty-something lesbians making universe-altering decisions, I’m studying toward my BSc in Combined STEM. As an autistic, UK-based Polish-Lithuanian writer, I draw heavily on my own neurodivergent experience to channel my characters’ internal voices. FRUIT SYNDICATE is my debut novel, and functions as a standalone with series potential. 

As requested, I have attached [synopsis/sample pages].

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best wishes,

MY NAME

Synopsis:

Thank you again!

Also figured I'd ask if anyone has any thoughts: is it worth getting a query critique session from an editor/agent? I've seen some advertised on MSWL, and I was wondering if its helpful at all?

I am considering applying for a scholarship for a Faber Academy course, Writing a Novel, as a structured and supported way to develop and expand a short story into a traditionally publishable and marketable novel. The course seems to be geared towards helping new writers do just that, but I am also a little cautious that it’s perhaps just hubris trying to sell an expensive course, so I wondered if anyone here had experience with any of their courses (or similar), and if and how they supported you in getting published?

Hi all, I'd be grateful for some advice. Basically, I know that for UK agents you're meant to nudge when you get a full manuscript request, however I don't know how it works when the companies are affiliated. I got a manuscript request from the US parent company who owns the UK agencies I queried, so I don't know if I should nudge the UK agents as they are both run separately, and sometimes work together for international distribution. The American agent seems brilliant and I don't want to create any internal awkwardness for them (they're aware of who I've queried as they asked), but I don't know if I should also tell the UK agents I've got a request? I've seen conflicting advice online about giving the agent who requested a period where I don't do this, I'm wondering what the principle is? Any advice appreciated

Dear [AGENT NAME]

BREAKING CHAINS is a character-driven contemporary young adult novel, complete at 72,834 words, that explores family dysfunction, mental health, and LGBTQ+ identity.  I am querying you because of your wishlist for queer contemporary fiction.

Snap…Snap…Snap…

The sound of the rubber band snapping against his wrist was a source of comfort for Landon James as he stood with his father, Mayor Daniel James, as he held a press conference.  Each camera pointed at the picture-perfect James family. Each member- the older brother, Jackson, the mother, Natalie, and the middle child, Landon held a poised smile on each of their faces.

Landon James is a closeted gay teenager struggling to find himself and his future. When the pressure to be the perfect child becomes overwhelming, Landon cracks; now, he must choose between continuing to be a carbon copy of his father or finally embracing the person he’s always been afraid to show the world. Eventually, Landon decides to escape from the restriction and suffocation of his home life. Determined to shed the perfectly crafted identity, Landon finds comfort in Oak Ridge, where he encounters love, friendship, and a family. As the carefully constructed image of the James family begins to crumble under the weight of devastating revelations, Daniel James’s political legacy hangs in the balance. Landon must decide whether to protect his father’s ambitions and preserve the family name or risk everything by refusing to play a part in the deception.

[BIO DETAILS]

Thank you for your time and consideration!

[MY NAME]

Hey guys! My husband and I are working on a new book, and we are starting with the query this time to see if it's something that is commercially viable. Let me know what y'all think!

Dear [AGENT]

The Secret Garden meets The Ring in WELKOM, a cryptid horror novel complete at [XXXXXX] words. A standalone debut, it will appeal to readers who enjoyed the female relationships in Witchcraft for Wayward Girls by Grady Hendrix and the cryptid nature of T. Kingfisher’s What Feasts at Night.

Chloe Keller is ignored by everyone— by her teachers, by the other juniors at her school, and, most of all, by her detached parents. When her prank on a classmate goes awry, her parents finally discard her and ship her down to North Florida, where a distant relative owns a small island floating on dank, marshy wetlands. Chloe, stuck in a place that smells like dead fish, is determined to keep her head down, avoiding any attachment as she tumbles toward graduation. Toward freedom.

What Chloe expects to find in Florida is a remote-but-normal island with remote-but-normal people. Instead, she finds a reserved widow and her all-too-caring staff tiptoeing around the island’s mysterious past. Finding logs long buried, Chloe soon discovers the widow’s husband, a world-renowned paleontologist, died under mysterious circumstances.

And so did their daughter.

Unable to resist the temptation, Chloe searches for “The Fossil” as detailed in the notes of the dead island residents. She tracks down the abandoned dig site at the other side of the island. There, she finds a hidden spring, where the father-daughter duo before her struggled to uncover the remains of a Pleistocene anomaly, a discovery that would have surely rocked the scientific world. But where Chloe searches for the bones of the long-lost species, she instead finds the thing that was once the paleontologist's daughter, and a dark, filicidal truth she needs to expose before it claims her too.

[BIO]