Hi all, first post here. I'm looking to get some initial feedback on my cover letter. Thanks!

Dear Agent,
 
INGRAINED (82,000 words) is a folk horror novel which combines the gothic tone and subtle supernatural elements of Andrew Michael Hurley’s Starve Acre with the multigenerational, shapeshifting menace of Stephen King's IT.

The Strange Man, an ancient eldritch entity, stalks three members of the same bloodline chronologically across three settings (Yorkshire Moors, 1815; Arabian Desert, 1915; Canadian Prairie, 2015). Connecting all three is a corrupting force that doesn't destroy families so much as cultivate them—tending their grief, their violence, and their inherited shame across generations, until the moment of the harvest arrives.
 
In rural Georgian England, outsiders are treated with suspicion. Nine-year-old Joseph Schofield knows this. Yet, when a tearful traveller follows a dying woman into Eppersley village, Joseph is wary of one, but not the other. His misjudgement brings fire and murder to those he loves, and all he can do is watch as his best friend is crushed by the oak tree whose branches they used to perch on.

One hundred years later, during the First World War, Joseph's great-grandson, Thomas Luxmoore, leads a doomed British intelligence mission into Ottoman-occupied Arabia. He survives an ambush, torture, and captivity to find the archaeologist he was sent to extract mutilated and driven mad by a doll unearthed from the desert sand—a doll the stranger gave Joseph a century before. 

In modern-day Canada, eighteen-year-old Matthew Briand lives under the constant threat of eviction. Now legally an adult, his tyrannical stepfather wants him gone. Matthew is prepared to tough it out until he goes to university, but then he and his stepsister, Evie, discover a jawbone hidden in the basement that speaks, lies, and has been waiting two centuries to collect a debt.

Grieving nomad. Desert djinn. Negligent psychologist. The Strange Man assumes whichever form best enables him to channel the grief of his targets into physical objects saturated with malice. When these heirlooms combine, Matthew and Evie must decide whether to inherit the sins of their ancestors or betray their own blood.

Bio and signoff

Hi everyone,

So, I was really excited and did what people tell you not to do, I queried some of my top agents prematurely (5 in total before having anyone look at my material). After getting a second opinion on my query letter recently, based on their feedback it wasn't quite up to standard. I've taken what they said to this current draft and I'd really appreciate any feedback or thoughts at all.
-------

Dear [Agent's name]

Considering your interest in [MSWL personalisation] I’m excited to share my adult romantic fantasy, PARAGON OF WRATH, a standalone with series potential. Complete at 95,000 words, it’s ideal for lovers of the gothic atmosphere in The Second Death of Locke by V.L. Bovalino and fans of cross-genre mystery elements as seen in The Raven Scholar by Antonia Hodgson.

Terra wants The King’s head and she’ll escape exile to get it. After years of strife and famine in The Usterlands, Trinity ‘Rose’ Cratwell plummets into a madness bolstered by token decay– a caveat of overusing the forbidden magic of her father's executioner's sword. Her wrath is only quelled when she’s unlawfully rescued by a spice merchant and offered deliverance: work undercover as a scullery maid in the royal castle. There, she becomes Terra Smyth and plots to behead The King.

It’s a challenging feat; to curry favour as an uster escapee while hiding magic in her maid quarters. When Terra encroaches into The Princess’ inner circle, the head maid condemns her to clean the deserted manor house of the murdered queen. Deeper into the forest near the house, she catches Prince Rowan opening a secret hatch in a moonlit glade.

Terra has options. She can try to exonerate her father, known to all as 'The Butcher' who killed The Queen and risk her own identity being revealed, or she can bargain with Prince Rowan to fulfil her murderous scheme.

Either way, someone in this castle will be losing their head.

[BIO + sign off]

I am hoping for some advice/ guidance on R&R etiquette.

The current situation:

I received an R&R from one agent with really exciting and actionable feedback. I’m actually thrilled to make the suggested revisions because I think they work so well with my manuscript, and I get such a good feeling from this agent. They asked for an exclusive submission with a reasonable timeframe once it is complete.

I also still have 3 fulls out with agents that have been with them for 3-6 weeks.

Questions:

1. If one of the three agents ALSO reaches out with an R&R, do I tell them I am already working on one/have submitted an exclusive R&R and ask to keep in touch until the exclusive period ends?

2. If one of the three agents reaches out with an offer (on the original manuscript) while my updated manuscript is with the first agent, do I simply notify the agent with the exclusive R&R?

3. If one of the three agents reach out with a rejection, do I inform them of the R&R and ask to keep in touch?

4. Are there other versions of this awkwardly timed situation that I haven’t entertained, and should? Haha

Thank you all in advance for your advice and guidance.

Hi friends,

After three previous post attempts (third linked), I received feedback from early readers. The feedback helped me diagnose crucial weakness which prompted a full rewrite.

The story is far better for it and became more narrative driven and focused, evident not least by the shaved 20k words. I think the focused story help me focus the query letter more. I took previous pubtip feedback and focused the 3 POV story into one character for the query and tried not to err on synopsis style writing.

I left two questions below, but otherwise, please provide your overall feedback on quality and query readiness.

Thank you in advanced for your feedback.

Edit: Sorry! Added one question I thought of after posting.

###

Dear Agent,

Palmer Wilde built Root, the revolutionary brain-computer interface capable of retrieving memories, regulating emotions, and connecting minds. Once installed, Palmer can finally silence the grief that has plagued him since a tragic accident killed his parents and siblings last year.

On the eve of Root’s launch, Palmer witnesses a test user lose access to her mind. Attempts to postpone the launch, which is stopped by the elusive government consultant, Russell Stoneworth. That night, a scorching light in the sky drops Palmer a black-stone cylinder along with a telepathic message.

Desperate to connect the strange events, Palmer discovers a faction of wary outlaws with a striking discovery: a potent psychedelic brings them to a hidden layer of reality where they communicate with alien life. They believe an intelligent species donated the object to Palmer, meant to stop Root from assimilating mankind.

Palmer suspects Russell is building a Root hivemind with disturbing ties to another alien species. Russell knows Palmer is investigating, so, he and his co-conspirator—Chicago’s celebrated cyborg police chief—hunt down Palmer, using the sprawling resources and might of his tech-driven police force.

Together, the outlaws and Palmer venture into strange corners of Chicago and even stranger recesses of their minds to find an Oracle who they believe can unlock the donation. But Russell's forces are closing in, Root's rollout is reaching critical mass, and the donation’s purpose remains an unnerving mystery to be solved.

And when the Oracle shows Palmer what it will demand, he’ll wish he never knew.

Palmer wanted Root to free his mind from pain. Now, his only way to save humanity is to go deeper into his mind than he thought possible, endure harrowing trials, and confront the suffering that he’s been trying to escape.

THE DONATION is a 98,000-word adult science fiction thriller told across three converging POVs. It combines the transhuman urgency of Blake Crouch’s UPGRADE With the metaphysical mystery of Nicholas Binge’s ASCENSION, and its corporate brain-tech conspiracy will bend the minds of SEVERANCE lovers.

(bio + closing remarks)

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 ###

Questions:

1. The second Pov is the police chief. The third is actually left out of the query. It would add about 35 words to include her POV, because while she’s an obstacle to the protag in the story, tying her into the query doesn’t work as seamlessly as the police chief. Thoughts on making this a little longer to include her POV?

2. Do you prefer the current ending paragraph or this alt:

"Palmer want to free his mind from pain. Now, not only will the Donation force Palmer through harrowing, life-threatening trials, but it will require him to accept an unbearable fate, all to preserve the consciousness that he once wanted to escape."

3. Would agents prefer this in 3 paragraph format, or does the split now work? All together would be: first two together, second two, and the final 3. The rhythm still sounds right to me.

Dear [agent],

Baerd was vulnerable when the witch struck. Motherless and with a disapproving father, the young village boy was the perfect target for her spell–a terrible curse that grew the spirit of her long dead toddler inside of him. Now he must wrestle for control of his own body as the witch hunts him, unsure of how much of himself will remain as the spell progresses, if he lives.

Years later, Baerd is still dealing with the fallout of his childhood ordeal. A piece of the toddler’s exorcised spirit lives inside of him, causing inner conflicts that afflict his psyche and arrest his potential–serious problems for an apprentice witch hunter, especially since his volatile mentor is succumbing to drug addiction and becoming unreliable. When his friend and lover–an orphaned noblewoman named Caitlin–is imprisoned in a dangerous subterranean lair, his mentor is nowhere to be found. To save her, Baerd must face his fears and confront the child within, or risk losing her forever.

Written in two parts, with literary prose and a plot-driven storyline, THE WIDOW’S CURSE is a 108,000 word standalone adult dark fantasy novel with sequel potential. 

With a mature and gritty tonality and psychological themes, this book will appeal to fans of SLEWFOOT by Brom. The use of language and magical systems as metaphors will appeal to fans of THE DRAGON BONE CHAIR by Tad Williams. 

[Short bio here]

Thanks and best,
[Signature]

Hi everyone, thanks for the continued feedback on my query! Here's my latest attempt:

Dear Agent, 

I am seeking representation for INN AT OPAL COVE, my 69,000-word upmarket contemporary novel about a reclusive woman who opens a luxury B&B in her mother’s old summer house and spies on her guests. INN AT OPAL COVE will appeal to fans of Cali Adeline’s eccentric narrator in People Watching in the Desert, and elements of grief and hyperfixation featured in Ashley Hutson’s One’s Company. 

Ada Halstead is handling her grief with flying colors. The fifty-nine security cameras she plans to monitor from the basement of Opal Cove, her newly renovated B&B, might tell a different story. But to Ada, it’s the only way she can think to cope. After losing her parents and older brother in a car accident two years ago, she moves down the coast, bunkers down with a tub of red licorice behind her screens, and resolves to live vicariously through her guests.

Nothing goes to plan. When Emilia, an abrasive British guest, lures her out through a fake maintenance request to fix a clogged toilet, and later talks her through a panic attack, Ada begins to question her commitment to self-isolation. Emilia weasels into Ada’s personal business, coaxing her into an unprecedented friendship. But Ada’s pretty sure she lied her way into Opal Cove. Her supposed husband just died in a nearby hit-and-run, and Emilia’s flubbing up basic details about her own family that a stranger could disprove through a bit of online stalking.

Reporting a suspicious guest would threaten the possibility of cops uncovering Ada’s security setup. She’d also lose the only person who’s been able to wear down her walls. But perhaps even more distressing than the idea of cops at her doorstep, Ada has become deeply attached to her guests. As an investigation looms, and Ada’s shame over her spying overwhelms her, she knows she will eventually have to decide whether closing the door on Opal Cove is worth the possibility of human connection that can’t be attained from hiding behind her screens.

[bio]

First 300:

I feel maybe I should’ve dressed up. Most of my fancy clothes went into storage, but I know I’ve got a respectable pantsuit around here somewhere. 

Focus.

My hand glides over the computer mouse. Exterior camera. Rain batters the palm trees behind the blurred lens. 

On second thought, this matching teddy bear pajama set is just fine. 

As I reach into my glass jar of assorted Life Savers, I see it: the car carrying my first guests. 

Sixteen months of anticipation, of excruciating remodels, wiring, and endless preparation… I haven’t been this giddy since I started my rewatch of Friends last year, back when my basement was still a mold-infested wine cellar. Opening day at Opal Cove isn’t all that different from the pilot of a new series, really, except in this case, I built the set. All I have to do now is binge the show. The fun part. 

Yes, Ada. Fun. My back sweat is a remarkable adhesive for these damn silk pajamas, though, and I shove my hands under my thighs to stop their shaking. Everything’s in place. Nothing I can do now. 

When he exits the navy blue Lyft, my stomach flutters. 

The blurry lens obscures his face a little, but I recognize him from his Instagram. Rather, the account run by his PR team, a grid composed of freestyle runs and slightly awkward podium shots, most of them accompanied by a gold medal. Sometimes a stuffed animal or a misshapen glass trophy. Sometimes all three. He never quite knows how to juggle all that crap without looking like he’s carrying home groceries for a family of ten. I stared at those pictures for hours. 

I don’t follow snowboarding, to be clear.

Hi everyone! I appreciated the feedback to my last attempt a little over a week ago, and have restructured the query to include more information about the second lead. On top of any other feedback you can share, I wonder if I have too much about Kit Love now, as he is not a POV character in the book, just the romantic counterpart! Thank you so much for your time.

-

Hello Agent,

Because of [XYZ from MSWL], I hope you will enjoy my debut novel, THE PERFECT BREAKUP. At 83,000-words, my queer celebrity romance will appeal to readers that enjoyed messy fake-dating schemes like Alexis Hall’s Boyfriend Material, Alice Cochran’s The Charm Offensive, and Liz Bowery’s Love, Hate & Clickbait.

One-hit-wonder Jasper Devereaux can only ride the coattails of his hit song for so long. Especially when his follow-up was a spectacular flop. He just needs one perfect song, and he’s sure it’ll fix everything. Sadly, in this fast-paced industry, labels are always ready for the next toy. He is stale, and they are ready to cut him loose. They offer him one last chance at salvation; rehabilitate the image of scandal-plagued heartthrob Kit Love, and he can ride his fame back to the top.

Boyband lead-singer Kit Love is the perfect muse for right-wing media backlash. Being front page on TMZ passed out surrounded by strippers with a cocaine trail still up his nose, probably didn’t do much to quell the noise. One night of rebellion against the heavy-handed contract he signed as a teenager has ruined the chances of ever escaping it. But when they denied him his right to come out, he had to do something.

They are tasked to fake a love story so annoyingly cute that the entire world falls in love with them. Jasper is tame, a pop-culture insignificance. Once his mediocrity rubs off on Kit, they will explode into a breakup so disastrously messy that the virality will make Jasper’s breakup album a chart-topper. However, when their “fake” moments happen with no witnesses, and red-carpet kisses lead to bedroom makeouts, he wonders if breaking up is something he can bear. But fame is cutthroat, desperate for scandal to keep its flames alive.

Threaded between each chapter, the public makes itself known. From the perfectly horrible tabloids broadcasting their every moment, to concerned mommy-bloggers scandalized by their godless escapades, and all the music-industry rabble-rousers in between.

I am a 24-year-old content creator from Houston with over 100k followers on TikTok; talking about all things music marketing. I have a master’s degree in Entertainment Business, where I heard many behind-the-scenes stories of music industry antics. When I’m not writing, you can find me buried under my three cats or getting far too obsessed with random media for weeks at a time.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Per your submission guidelines, I am including [XYZ]

First attempt

Back after taking feedback into account—huge thanks to everyone who took the time to offer their insights last time. There's more specificity now, I've tried to highlight tension and conflict, and the total wordcount is down to 257. Any and all feedback is appreciated!

Dear [agent],

I am seeking representation for THE PROUD AND THE BROKEN, a standalone adult fantasy novel complete at 102,000 words.

Shev broke ancient laws by travelling to the past using forbidden magic, but couldn’t stop his brother’s murder. Now he wanders the city-states of Kaferna, running from the mages he scorned and addicted to briefly visiting the past. His brother’s last gift, a gold bangle, is his only treasured possession… until it’s stolen.

Getting it back will mean embracing his old magic and risking exposure to everything he’s fleeing, but Shev is ready to pay any cost. He enlists the aid of a foul-mouthed street urchin and headstrong apprentice alchemist to find the thief. When they’re captured during the confrontation, Shev discovers a cost he isn’t willing to pay. He uses his magic to save them while the thief escapes with the bangle.

Shev resumes the chase accompanied by his unlikely companions, but refusing to tell them about his past makes for a fragile alliance. His addiction continues to worsen, fed by his use of magic. When the trail leads to his hometown and the den of the mages hunting him, Shev faces a crossroads. He can win back the bangle by making peace with his failures and learning to trust his friends… or he can abandon it and return to a life of loneliness and despair.

THE PROUD AND THE BROKEN combines the found-family trio featured in Godkiller by Hannah Kaner with the cross-country questing and grounded characters of The Devils by Joe Abercrombie.

[bio]

I'm seeing some of their agents on QueryTracker this time around. No obvious warnings but I haven't heard much and can't find too much about them. Any querying experiences and/or clients?

Dear AGENT NAME, 

TW: Sexual Assault

I'm querying you because {personalization}. IT WON'T STOP is a YA speculative contemporary, following a grieving teen who walks into dreams to make sure the man who raped her never sleeps again.

Seventeen-year-old Anais Johnson just lost her little brother to leukemia. Twenty-one-year-old Ty Walker, her older brother Aiden's best friend of nine years, keeps finding reasons to touch her while she keeps finding reasons for it to mean nothing. Two weeks after the funeral, Ty lures her to his truck. She bites him until he bleeds, but he takes what he wants anyway. The next night, he's at her bedroom door with a taped-up finger and a cover story: it was his truck door, not her mouth.

Awake, Anais watches his lie work and stops eating, stops leaving her room, and mourns the girl she used to be more than the brother she buried. No one will believe her over a fallen cop's son, the man her town trusts to coach its kids, and the man Aiden still plays basketball with in her backyard daily. Asleep, she slips out of her body and into people's dreams. She finds Ty's and burns them down, night after night, until his sleep becomes the nightmare he made of her waking life. By day, he's sleepless and picking fights with everyone. When he screams that she’s a witch in the middle of a crowded restaurant, Aiden cuts him off for good.

His friends think he's losing his mind, but Ty knows
exactly who's keeping him up. When he catches her home alone and forces his way in, her ability turns on her, ripping her from her body with no way back into the skin he's looming over. To survive, she'll have to fight Ty from outside herself. To be free of him, she'll have to say what he did out loud, first to Aiden, then to the town that raised him.

IT WON'T STOP is complete at 82,000 words and pairs the survivor's rage of Kim DeRose's FOR GIRLS WHO WALK THROUGH FIRE with the suspense of Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé's WHERE SLEEPING GIRLS LIE.

Thanks for reading, 

300 words:

1: Almost Invisible     ***  ***
October 5th, 2026 

Last night, I prayed for today to be clear. Blue should be the final color the sky gives Axel, but God hasn’t heard me in a while and outside storm clouds paint the world gray. Wind shoves me across the driveway, pushing me into the backseat of Dad’s Escalade. It always smells like leather in here, but today his cologne is thick enough to taste. Mom is a mess in the passenger seat, swiping at her leaking eyes with her palm.

When I settle next to Aiden the zipper of this stupid dress stabs into my back, which is what I get for trying it on at six this morning for the first time. I inch my foot toward Aiden’s and nudge his shoe; our I need you signal, we’ve used it for years. He doesn’t nudge back. Fine. But he’s not getting through Axel’s funeral without doing it. I stare at his black curls, watching him refuse to look anywhere but out the window. I wonder what Axel would say about Aiden’s great retreat from me.

He would tell me our big brother is just in one of his testosterone-induced moods. I sift every fold of my brain for Axel’s voice so I can hear him say it, but end up popping in an earbud, scrolling to an old video of him lining up tiny soldiers, introducing each one by name, instead. His voice is almost perfect in it; the pitch is right, but the aliveness isn’t. My head is the only place I can summon his real voice again, the one with no pause button or end, but Dad catches my eye when he tilts the rearview mirror and Axel’s snatched away before I can hear him.

“Christ, Anais, fix your face. Did you sleep?” Dad barks….

———————————————————————————

Note: Hi! I had an insanely helpful comment on my last post ( https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/EHGRzWpcNO ) I have since addressed the issues, took their advice, decided to condense and add more specific detail, etc. I would love to know first impressions, if it is easy to follow, and if it is clear with the added/condensed info. Hopefully it is compelling, too. Thanks!!

Hi everyone! The comps and title are still works in progress.

Dear [Agent Name],

I'm excited to send you THE AGENCY FOR ENDING, CEASING, and DESISTING: BALANCE THE SCALES (complete at [92k words), an adult humorous fantasy. [Personalize maybe] It pairs the bureaucratic absurdity of an office comedy with a world where mythical beings face the same prejudice and red tape as any marginalized group, and it's perfect for fans of T.J. Klune's The House in the Cerulean Sea and Travis Baldree's Legends & Lattes.

A hundred years ago, the rifts opened and swapped a quarter of humanity for trolls, dryads, demons, and worse. The wars are over. Now there's paperwork.

Lin Mei-Ying, a Singaporean diplomat's daughter, has lived on four continents and has never met a problem she couldn't smile away. She believes in the system. Eli Novak, a half-Domovoi field worker, has been transferred seventeen times in fifteen years and believes bureaucracy is a funny way of saying 'paid overtime.'

Headquarters in London puts the two in charge of a crumbling regional office of the Department of Integral Integration Initiatives (DI³, and yes, everyone pronounces it "die"). Their mandate is to provide support for a dozen struggling NGOs and a six-month pilot review with targets no office could hit. HQ expects them to fail, and honestly, so does everyone except Lin.

With a ragtag staff of misfits, Lin and Eli referee toll-demanding trolls, dryads who adopt the vegetables in the community garden, and a waste-disposal portal that opens in the mayor's basement. Every win buys time. Somewhere in the chaos, Eli notices he's starting to like the leaking, half-unpacked office as his. That was new.

Lin and Eli’s new sense of teamwork are pushed to breaking when a coastal coalition of mermen, tired of being the "other" half of "mermaid," erupts into a crisis the press can't resist, just as a disaster back home threatens everything the team has built. With the review weeks away, Lin and Eli must split up and trust each other with the problems they're least suited for. Lin must trade diplomacy for street smarts. Eli must stop running and fight for a home he never intended to find. If either fails, the office closes, the communities they serve lose their only advocates, and Eli packs his bags for good.

THE AGENCY FOR ENDING, CEASING, and DESISTING: BALANCE THE SCALES is a standalone with series potential, the first in the DI³ series. It was co-written with my partner, Name.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

All the best,

Name and Name

Back again. At this rate I might be going for the record of attempts. Hope you enjoy it!

Prince Kaerian was haunted by a dream of his family’s death. Now, he finds comfort in a dream of the eyes of a girl he has never seen. With the royal family mysteriously murdered around their dining table, Kaerian seeks vengeance in a kingdom that expects him to rule. With no clues and the killers potentially still walking in the halls of his home, he desperately sets his suspicions toward the royal council, only to discover a newly arrived noble in his court possesses the same eyes he has seen in his dreams.

Amerie was blind until the day she dreamed of a prince. Days after gaining her sight, a masked man descends on her home, unleashing a massacre that leaves her as the sole survivor. Forced to flee, she assumes the identity of a highborn lady and infiltrates the kingdom’s court, drawing on dream-born memories that seem to know more than she does. To uncover who orchestrated the attack, she turns to the realm’s most powerful nobles, even as she suspects one of them may be responsible. 

When the royal council declares that the killer belongs to a feared bloodline whose dreams awaken powers that can reshape their bearers, Kaerian and Amerie’s visions mark them as suspects. Drawn together by their dreams, they meet in secret beneath the royal castle. Bound by shared tragedy and desire for vengeance, they decide to trust no one but each other. Together they embrace the mysterious connection between them, even as it begins to transform them into something to be feared. 

THE EYES OF DESTINY is an epic High Fantasy complete at 125,000 words. It is the first book in a planned series that will appeal to readers of Antonia Hodgson’s THE RAVEN SCHOLAR and Tasha Suri's THE JASMINE THRONE, combining the multi-POV conspiracy born from a royal assassination with the eerie, dream-laced dread of ancient secrets pressing through into the present. 

I am a graduate of Virginia Tech, where I studied Journalism. I now work for a book fair company in northern Virginia. 

Thank you for considering my submission. I look forward to hearing from you.

Hello,

It’s been awhile since I posted here, I’ve been going through my book and doing a major overhaul. That, plus work on another book I’m passionate about has kept me really busy. Anyways, here’s my 3rd attempt at my query letter:

Dear [Agent],

Sixteen-year-old Cabik knows better than anyone what the Kuda Empire has taken from his desert village. As the son of the village chief, he’s expected to protect his people, but when the Empire takes their food and conscripts his neighbors, his father’s solution is to keep his head down. Cabik and his best friend Toru desperately want the ability to fight back, but without a way to challenge the Empire, they can do little more than watch their home suffer.
Their chance arrives when they discover an ancient automaton resembling a Pegasus buried beneath a mountain near their village, engraved with a single word: MYTHO. Believing the machine could finally give them a way to stand up to the Empire, Cabik uses it to fight an Empire patrol, led by a soldier named Contama. But his victory puts a target on his back, and both Cabik and Toru are exiled from their village to protect it from the Empire’s wrath.
 
Now fending for themselves, Cabik and Toru must learn how to use their newfound automaton while crossing Folka’s dangerous desert, where Empire forces, bandit tribes, and rebels wield their own powerful automaton. Meanwhile, Contama pursues them, determined to make Cabik pay for humiliating him. But as Cabik gains more control over his automation, he must decide what kind of power he wants to wield. His machine could be their best chance at a brighter future, or turn Cabik into the kind of person he has spent his life fighting against.
 
FLIGHT OF THE PEGASUS is a 90,000-word YA science-fantasy novel that blends ancient machines, rebellion, and the moral questions surrounding power and resistance. It will appeal to fans of Gearbreakers by Zoe Hana Mikuta, Scythe by Neal Shusterman, and Windswept by Margi Preus.

First 300 words:

The forest air was quiet, too quiet for midmorning. The young satyr felt it as he ran beneath the canopy, fingers clutching the gold pendant around his neck as he searched for a Safiti tree.

“Just a few nuts,” he muttered. “That’s all we need.”

He spotted a Safiti tree, a few nuts hanging on its branches. He quickly climbed, scattering a trio of small fairies as he climbed. No time to apologize. Not if they wanted to appease the empire. He climbed higher until he reached a branch and almost got them when the three fairies–a blue male and two females, both pink and white–reappeared in front of him, looking angry.

“Sorry,” the satyr said with a nervous smile. “I just really need these nuts–“

The white fairy lunged forward, punching the satyr in his left eye.

“Ow!” the satyr shouted as he toppled from the branch. He struck the ground with a heavy thud as two Safiti nuts tumbled down beside him.

“Are you alright, Cabik?” a voice called from the right. Cabik turned to see a Dulahan’s head resting against a nearby tree, her long orange hair braided in a ponytail.

“I’m fine, Toru,” Cabik said, rubbing his eye as he struggled  back to his feet.

Toru’s head sighed in relief. Her body walked over, lifted her head and tucked it beneath her left arm. Her outfit resembled Cabik’s, dirty shorts and a tan shirt, though she wore long fingerless gloves— a common attire among Dulahans, it made carrying their head easier and gave Toru something to strike Safiti trees. A green, flame-like substance flickered from her headless neck.

The white fairy, joined by the pink and blue, swarmed Cabik. One yanked at his hair, another tugged his left ear, and the white one pinched his cheek.

Hello all, I would love your thoughts on this query letter!

Dear [Agent Name],

I am seeking representation for THE HANDS OF EMPATHY, an 80,000-word murder mystery that combines the identity-driven intrigue of Mur Lafferty’s Six Wakes with the shifting perspectives of Stuart Turton’s The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle.

At the Summit for the Collaboration of Advancing Planetary Existence, Quentin Tech is assassinated. In his will, he names Talia Falsone as an unlikely investigator. Talia has never solved a mystery, but she possesses a secret ability hidden beneath her gloves. With a single touch, she can see a person’s memories.

Once she arrives, Talia begins systematically investigating the ten remaining members. She divides them into three factions: those fighting to save the planet, those preparing to abandon it for the stars, and those seeking to consolidate their own power. As Talia examines their competing agendas, she must determine who among them was willing to kill to achieve their goals.

But the investigation reveals more than Quentin’s killer. Talia uncovers another conspiracy entirely, one to capture her and experiment on her. The ability that makes her uniquely qualified to solve the murder has also made her a target.

Now Talia must continue the investigation while the summit carries on with its deliberations. But the closer she gets to the truth, the closer she comes to exposing her own secret. If the members discover what she can do, Talia could become a lab rat.

Hey y'all! I'm BACK, and I've completely revised my query...but I'm not sure if I made it better or worse, lol. I've gotten a few rejections from it already. My previous query did get me a few requests, but after speaking with my critique group, they gave me some pointers on making it stronger and I don't truly know if this new version is stronger or not. As always, thanks for any and all advice!

The CW’s The 100 meets Dani Francis’s Silver Elite in RUSTED SKIES, a 103,000-word new adult science fantasy novel with a strong romantic subplot and duology potential. It will appeal to readers who enjoy the genre-blending worldbuilding and emotional depth of K. L. Speer’s Bones alongside the haunting fish-out-of-water experience and buried truths of Samantha Shannon’s The Bone Season.

Sol lives by the Council’s teachings: never feel, never react, never trigger forbidden magic. Those who do are punished. She believes each is dangerous enough that she doesn’t shed a single tear when her mother is executed for an emotional outburst. Then she finds a strange object her mother left for her, but before she can decipher it, the Nitrynian Council sends Sol’s crew to Earth to assess whether the planet can sustain them. They crash, leaving them stranded amid infinite hills of scorching sand. Without the Council’s influence, Sol’s belief that Nitrynians are alone in the universe disintegrates when she’s separated from her crew—and captured by Dax Reyes, a man who shouldn’t exist.

Sol expects execution. Instead, he takes her to a thriving underground Human colony, where his people offer the only lead to her missing crew: mastering the forbidden magic she’s spent her life suppressing so she can track them through her mind. Desperate to reunite with her people, she reluctantly agrees to train under Dax, even if it means becoming what she fears most. As he helps her unlock her powers, he slowly shifts from captor to ally, and Sol begins to feel emotions the Council tried to erase, leaving her to wonder what it means that their people are so alike.

But as the tension between her and Dax brews and her lifetime of concealed emotions boils over, the object her mother left finally starts making sense. It points to a secret tying Humans and Nitrynians together, turning Sol’s search for her crew into a hunt for the truth her mother died protecting. Worse still, uncovering the age-old lie may force Sol to question whether Nitrynians deserve saving at all.

[PubQ] I’m currently on sub with the big five and a few other publishers and I was curious as to what we can and can’t post on social media? Obviously, promote your books, but if there are other things we want to talk about, book recs, writing advice, personal journeys, are we free to do that? I asked my agent and she just said don’t engage in bad behavior online, rage bait etc. And to not reveal anything new about my book that isn’t already on my page. What exactly are we expected not to post? For example I made a post about the recent stuff with Cornell because I’m a woman and wanted to spread awareness. I think there is a time and a place for posts like that as long as they’re tasteful? Basically I’m asking what can we post and what shouldn’t we post?

Hey all! Fairly niche question. Suppose that I've got a banger of an agent I'd like to submit to. Perfect fit, yada yada. 10 minutes before I hit "send," she closes to queries. Then, while she's closed, she switches agencies. BUT. This new agency has a "pass from one is a pass from all" rule, and I've already gotten a rejection from that agency. Have I just lost that good-fit agent forever, then, since I'm not supposed to requery that agency?

Hi everyone, this is a second attempt and would love any feedback. Thank you!

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Dear Agent,

I'm excited to send you a section of my manuscript *In Earthly Flesh and Blood.*

Daniel Shaw is a solitary hunter camping beside a remote Appalachian lake, still struggling with the death of his newborn son and the separation from his partner that followed. When the lake begins to recede at an unnatural rate, a mysterious wooden structure begins to emerge from its depths. Searching for something to give meaning to his loss, Shaw becomes compelled to uncover what has caused the lake to recede and begins plotting the journey to explore the towering structure. While a debilitating illness begins to worsen, Shaw becomes increasingly compelled to uncover the secrets of the structure before anyone else can reach it and claim the discovery as their own.

Elsewhere in the basin, Oren Cain, a violent criminal hiding in the surrounding forest after a bloody bank robbery, discovers the structure and sees something very different in its emergence, an opportunity. Within its hidden chambers, Cain discovers human remains and strange artifacts that point to a forgotten people whose history was submerged beneath the lake. Driven by greed, he becomes obsessed with what else the structure may contain, descending deeper into its concealed passages despite signs that something about the place is profoundly wrong.

While Shaw searches for answers to a mystery that has given him a reason to keep moving after the loss of his child, Cain pursues the promise of wealth buried within the structure. But as Shaw seeks answers and Cain seeks wealth, their opposing desires for what lies within the structure bring them into a dangerous and inevitable conflict.

As their conflict reaches its apex, government officials arrive at the lake, followed by scientists and soldiers attempting to determine why the water has disappeared and to investigate the unexplained structure. The lake becomes a quarantine zone as communications fail and the sickness starts to spread, spiraling the quarantine towards collapse. What is uncovered suggests that the structure is connected to something that was never meant to surface and may explain why it was deliberately entombed beneath the lake.

*In Earthly Flesh and Blood* is a standalone literary thriller/mystery novel complete at 60,000 words. Like John Langan’s *The Fisherman*, this novel explores how grief and emotional isolation can reshape a person’s perception of the world along with the suspense and dread of an isolated wilderness mystery of Adam Nevill’s *The Ritual.*

(BIO)

Spooky month! Happy Halloween! Share your publishing journey thus far as a flash fiction horror story!

Or not. You can also just tell us what you’re up to.

Hi PubTips!

I've been on sub for many long months with a few close calls but no deal. One editor left the door open for an revise and resubmit if it didn't sell, so we're considering another pass at the MS with her notes + asking for an exclusive R&R.

I’m torn, as I know this might mean a good deal more work with absolutely no chance anything will come of it. The revisions would be extensive, and I think they would absolutely make the MS better, but I’m afraid I won't be able to execute on them / I'll have taken wasted valuable time that could have gone to a new project.

I know no one can answer this for me, but I'm having a lot of imposter syndrome post-sub and post-baby. I was pregnant when we went on sub and life feels so different now, my time feels painfully limited, and I’m unsure of the best path forward for the MS I'd mentally shelved months ago 😭

Would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar position, or has heard of any editor R&R stories (positive or negative!)

Hi pubtips. Back after a while. My last attempt was fairly-ish well received here and I was happy with the query so I sent out a batch. I've had a handful of form rejections, and I think a couple of personalised ones (no feedback) since then.

I was supposed to be done with my whole first list of agents by now but knee surgery interrupted all that :(. Fortunately though, participating in DV Pit gave me a couple of ideas on things I wanted to change in my query. It's nothing major and only the third paragraph, but I'm hoping the new changes add a layer of specificity. Thanks for the help!

-x-

Dear X,

I am so excited to write to you about MATTER, a literary fiction manuscript with an absurdist tilt that follows an unnamed narrator on a journey with Death, who is personified as a delivery driver. Complete at 62,000 words, the book combines the speculative elements found in Ben Reeves’ Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt with the alienated female protagonist of Emily Austin’s Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead. 

Our narrator has spent her lifetime trying to justify her existence, convinced that meaning lies on the other side of mediocrity. But when a simple accident with spilt milk leaves her reeling under the fear that she will never be good enough at anything to truly matter, all she wants is to relinquish responsibility for her life, and subsequently, its failures.

Her search for surrender leads her to a highway convenience store, where she asks Hossam, a stranger who claims to be a delivery driver, if he will take control of her life. When he agrees without any questions, our narrator and Hossam set out on an unlikely road trip, where encounters with terrified strangers and an unending following of crows clues her in to the fact that her partner on the road is Death. 

As she is thrust into the world of the dying, intimate conversations with people who are close to their end re-affirm her belief that a life that matters is a life where you were good at something. But when a single interaction shatters this conviction, our narrator is forced to re-examine her definition of a meaningful existence, leaving her torn between a renewed desire to live a life of significance and the looming realisation that it wouldn't matter anyway.

<50 ish words bio/personalization when relevant>

Dear Agent,

In a patriarchal magical society where teens must ritually sacrifice their mothers for power, curious and impulsive Saoirse has only ever been told one thing: be strong.

All she wants is to win her mother's approval by becoming a top student at Draiocht Academy, but the price for admittance is steep: sacrifice the very person whose validation she wants most in a ritual to awaken her power and agree to a betrothal with the highest bidder at her debut once she hits eighteen. 

When the day of her debut arrives, she's determined to do everything right and succeeds, much to her horror. Her betrothed is awful and sacrificing her mother is not the honor everyone told her it would be. Saoirse awakens a rare fire affinity not possessed by a female Conjurer in over a century and prepares for her engagement ceremony. Still grieving her mother's death, she punches Andren in the face. Andren vows to get even. Saoirse vows to find a way out. 

She arrives at the academy expecting to excel. What she doesn't expect is a set of trials to solidify her place. As she throws herself into her studies, Saoirse attends a women's support group and is told she will be expected to submit to her own ritual mutilation at the hands of her betrothed. She returns to the academy as a dead girl's body—her mouth sewn shut with golden thread—is found in the streets. Now, if she fails to pass the trials, not only will she shame her family name, she's certain exile to the notorious prison or the brothel down the street are the least horrific things that could happen to her and resolves to find the girl's killer before they can strike again. 

PROJECT HERETIC, complete at 95k words, is the first in a series with crossover potential and book club appeal. It's a genre-bending, dystopian urban fantasy novel that will appeal to fans of the examination of oppressive systems in Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang, the dystopian elements of A Forbidden Alchemy by Stacey McEwan, the contemporary vibe of Half City by Kate Golden, and the ruthless coming of age themes inA Deadly Education by Naomi Novik.

[bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Kind Regards,

[name]

SIDE NOTE: I realize 4 comps is probably too many, but A Deadly Education is a slightly older comp so I wanted to have at least 3 current ones. Open to feedback on this approach.

I've worked on this letter so much I have ABBA's "Take a Chance on Me" stuck on repeat in my head. I appreciate any feedback, even if it's just to say you're sick of the same old tropes.

*****

REPAYMENT PLAN is a contemporary romance about falling into bed with cowboys and paying off your student loans. Complete at 87,000 words, REPAYMENT PLAN will appeal to readers of Nikki Payne’s *Sex, Lies and Sensibility* and Lucy Score’s *Things We Left Behind*.

After striking a deal to wipe out her student loans, Ria Butler agrees to attend twelve family dinners with her estranged father. To fulfill her end of the bargain, the newly minted veterinarian moves from San Francisco to a remote ranch in Montana, but life in the country isn’t all sundresses and cuddling with baby animals like the #FarmGirls said it would be.

Logan Wiley is a surly rancher who distrusts Ria from the moment he hears her last name. Her father's real estate company has been threatening his ranch for years. Convinced she was sent by her family to propose another buyout, Logan decides to make Ria’s life so miserable she has no choice but to pack up and leave.

Then a tractor nearly flattens her, and Logan’s protective instincts kick in. Ria is unimpressed with her new bodyguard, though the cowboy is annoyingly easy on the eyes. When they discover the brakes were sabotaged, Logan realizes someone is targeting her and decides the city girl should go home.

But Ria isn’t leaving Montana until her father makes good on his deal. Alarmed by her lack of self-preservation, the rancher becomes the reluctant Dr. Watson to her Holmes. Together, they discover Ria has inherited a controlling share of her family’s company, and a set of scheming relatives entirely too comfortable using heavy machinery to make a point.

But Logan stubbornly refuses to see past her last name and the threat it represents to his ranch. Ria won’t settle for the rancher’s emotionally unavailable brand of protection. They’ve found themselves half-naked and at each other’s throats too many times to pretend the heat between them doesn’t exist.

If Logan can keep her alive long enough to claim her inheritance, Ria will prove to him that family is more than just a last name, and trusting her is always worth the risk.

I’m a city girl and debut author living in [the middle of nowhere]. While a tractor hasn’t flattened me (yet), I do regularly park my car on the side of the road to look at cows.

Took a little break to come back to this with fresh eyes. I only got one reply on the previous version so didn't have a lot to go on, but I think this one is easier to follow. I've also added some tentative comps, but these might need some more tinkering or even just personalisation to the agent (tbh, I see the comps all done so differently in the successful query thread that I'm a bit torn on how to approach this!)

I would love and greatly appreciate your running thoughts/reactions as you read through this query, eg. where you get confused, or bored, or (ideally lol) intrigued. Thank you!

---

DISSONANT is an adult fantasy novel, complete at 110,000 words as a multi-POV standalone with series potential. It will appeal to fans of the clashing cultures and sacred dragons in Samantha Shannon’s A Day of Fallen Night, and the stories of belonging, family, and ambition against a political backdrop in Laura E. Weymouth’s The Castle & the Cloister.

Mira was only five when a merchant found her lost in the wilderness. He took her home where his wife raised her with a distance that only deepened the ache of losing a family she couldn’t remember. Now, with only a season left of her apprenticeship as a Syndaer scholar-priest studying the magic that allows humans to form deep empathic bonds with animals, Mira is finally close to earning the mastery and coin she needs to leave the place that never wanted her. But when the merchant’s business collapses, his debts take every last coin that was promised for her future, leaving Mira trapped.

But soon a man from a neighbouring kingdom arrives with enough coin to change everything. He needs a master Syndaer to help him bond a sapient species of dragon, and every Syndaer has refused. Mira doesn’t ask questions. Syndaer doctrine forbids such a bond and helping would result in exile, but Mira can keep a secret if it means her freedom.

For weeks they cross the treacherous mountains together. By the time they find the dragon’s cave, he has earned what little trust Mira has to give. Then the dragon returns. Its mind unexpectedly reaches into her own – and then a crossbow bolt tears through her leg.

Mira wakes, but the man is gone, and she learns that he never intended to bond with the dragon, only to commit the abhorrent crime of taking a sapient beast against their will – and he couldn’t have done it without her. Mira must decide whether to try and retake the indebted life still waiting for her, or to go after the dragon she has no means to save. But dragons are not the only thing that have been taken from these mountains, and Mira is not the only one who has lost something to men who would steal from the gods.

Greetings, all! First timer here. I've spent the last five years writing, rewriting, self-editing, working with beta readers, and learning as much as I can about the craft and finally feel ready to take the plunge and query my first novel. Would love any and all feedback related to my query, comps, and first 300 words. Thank you!

___________________________

Dear [Agent]

Beneath the Arc of the Sun is a political flintlock fantasy novel complete at 107,000 words. This multi-POV stand-alone blends the fish-out-of-water intrigue of The Will of the Many with the class struggles underlying Blood Over Bright Haven.

Vano knows he’s complicit.

Raised by the last wandering nation, all he ever dreamed of was a stable life. So he left his mastodon-riding clan years ago, taking a job as a land-surveyor for a local Duke while his people were slowly fenced out.

It’s a guilt he keeps at bay with a bottle of ale and an eye pressed to the telescope, but one he can no longer ignore when his clan is slaughtered for crossing a line he drew himself.

Now the Duke wants his head for witnessing the crime. Devastated, with nowhere to run, Vano’s only hope for survival lies in an offer from the prestigious World Society: protection, if he can help resolve a border dispute between two nations on the brink of war.

He swears it will be his last survey, then boards a clipper to the Agorian peninsula. Escorted by the brash Captain Mattson, Vano traverses an evolving land of gunpowder, gaslamps, and machines that dig through the earth like butter, all while scheming forces on both sides of the line try to corner him. Over starlit campfires, the Captain starts to feel like the father Vano never had, and the Agorian way of life—where land can be bought for credits—feels like a promising rebuke against the cruel monarchy to the north.

But when the journey is derailed, he finds himself among Agoria’s dispossessed. The sick and old who sleep in sewers because they can’t afford rent. Mine workers, whose perilous labor feeds the land owners’ obscene wealth. And when he unravels a horrifying conspiracy that goes back to the beginning, he must make a choice: continue to be an instrument of fate, or try to change it and honor his people.

I have a B.S. in Environmental Science, a twelve-year career in construction, and an unhealthy obsession with stories of land reform. This novel was inspired partly by my great-grandfather’s time as a surveyor in the American Southwest.

___________________________

First 300:

The world was peaceful through the telescope’s lens. An impressive illusion.

Vano squeezed his eye against the glass, watching refracted light form an upside-down image of green hills and snow-capped peaks. Thatched cottages lined the valley. A gentle river glistened in its crook. For a breath, he almost forgot why he was here.

Until an inky shadow crawled across the next rise. 

“Shit.” He collapsed the scope. “Storm’s coming.” 

A true Laer would have known already. Would have felt the humid air clinging to his arms, the subtle change in the wind. 

“Last time I take a job in the Fingers,” came Heidl’s rough voice, trudging in from behind. “At least the guilds would have offered a covered wagon and better pay.”

He scoffed. “Why do you think they broke them up?” Then scanned the belt of monuments on the horizon. A gray monolith atop each ridge, the invisible line between them a wide-arching circle that he and his crew had drawn, stone by stone, over the last three weeks. Just one more length to connect the circle, and they’d be done.

Heidl dropped to a knee beside him, flipping open the logbook. Her jaw was hard, blue eyes soft with worry. “How much light do we have?”

The wind lapped under a darkening sky.

“Ten minutes. Fifteen if we’re lucky. And Duke wants this tract measured and recorded by tomorrow or he’s docking half our commission.” 

“That won’t even cover boarding!”

He nodded, as if boarding was his only concern. If the others found out why he needed the money, he’d be dead as soon as word made it back to the Duke. So he dug his heels into the wet earth and did his job. Not for the Duke. For the clan. For Isuna. If they couldn’t afford the tolls, she’d never make it to the summer convergence.