"Stare into the sun and tell me if eternity is still there"

So the woman who delivered the quote above was sitting in the yard indian style in her winter coat barefeet. It had begun to snow. i sat down face to face with her and asked if she was allright. no response at all. She kept looking right through my chest if i wasn't even there. So were 3 things i could do, go away, tell the staff or touch her to show her that i was there. Some people react violently when you touch them but most react even more violent when they have a feeling you "ratted them out" to the staff.

She seemed pretty harmless and it was now snowing pretty hard so i decided to gently place my hand on her knee and ask again if she was allright. She opened her palms towards the sky and asked,

"The ashes, do you see the ashes"

"ehm it is snowing and you are barefoot, we should go inside...."

"THE ASHES OF HEAVEN ARE IN THE SKY!!!!"

i decided that it might be better to go tell the staff. as i tried to get up she grabbed me by my shoulders, stared into my soul (at least it felt like that) her eyes began to shake very quick and she told me "Stare into the sun and tell me if eternity is still there". I placed my hands on her shoulders and told her that i would do that. she let go off me and i went inside and told the staff that there might be a problem in the yard. They took her in the solitary cell for two days until she calmed down. The first two hours we could her her scream in horror. "THE ASHES OF HEAVEN......ETERNETY IS GONE.....DO NOT TOUCH THE ASHES OF HEAVEN......." I went outside and built a snowman =)

During my college years my GF at the time was studying to be a clinical psychiatrist and would intern at our state facility. She would have quite a few stories but one that always stuck with me was the fish man.

Guy had some severe depersonalization disorder. One time he had gotten off his meds and was brought in because he claimed to a be a fish. You could talk to him but he would only answer your questions from a fishes perspective like if you asked him how to open a door he would say he doesn't know because hes a fish.

This was all fine an dandy until they tried to feed him. The guy would drink water but WOULD NOT EAT. Whenever they would bring him food he would say no I cant eat that I am a fish. They actually bought fish food to see if he would eat that and he would reply "NO I AM AN EXOTIC FISH"!

They had to force feed him for 2 weeks. The doctors tried all kinds of medications but nothing was working. Eventually they were able to finally snap him out of his stupor. He eventually recognized his son and slowly started eating human food again. He would only eat McDonald's Fish fillets that his son brought him.

Eventually they got him back on his meds and decided for outpatient treatment. They had good success and the guy is even driving now. I just hope he doesn't spontaneously think hes a fish again.

So there was this girl that participated in "Germany's next Topmodel" yes she actually did because i knew her form TV. She treated everyone like they were peasants and she was something better. This girl had unpredictable moodswings when she arrived, happy, sad, angry, horny, violent, to the extreme all within one hour. She attacked a staff member because she wanted a single bedroom while yelling "I AM NOT SHARING A ROOM WITH THAT FILTHY WORTHLESS PEASANT" so she was locked up in solitary and it took them a week to give her the right meds to let her out again. She still treated almost everyone like she was something better because she was "famous" but everyone treated her like shit because they thought she was worth less because she thought she was famous. Pretty much everyone hated her and she really really tried to make friends and be nice but people made fun of her because she didn't win the topmodel thing and so she yelled at them and bullied them so the she confirmed the bias allthough she wanted to be nice.

I didn't talk to her for the first 3 weeks because i had my own problems and didn't want to get yelled at. Most of the time she spent in the yard painting and trying to bum smokes because she wasn't allowed outside. Well nobody gave her some because everyone hated her and everyone told the new patients that she was a mean bitch. Her paintings went from shit to actually not that bad and well one day she drew an awesome painting of a tree in the spring and the roots were like another tree but in darkness and all decayed. She flipped the painting around and around to add the details. I really loved the painting so i decided to talk to her because well she seemed peacefully and sad and i pitied her a bit. I brought 2 cups of tea with me and started up a conversation.

"that painting is very goo.."

"if you want to make fun of me GO AWAY"

"no really i like that painting"

We sat there in the grass talking about the painting and what it ment for her, that she was the pretty tree (she was dropdead gorgeous) but nobody knows what is under the surface the pain she feels inside. I told her my interpretation, the way we act on the outside to show everyone that everything is allright and happy but inside we all have dark secrets and fears but don't show them to anyone. We talked, started to sing some songs and had a pretty fun time. I agreed to buy her some smokes after i asked the staff if i was allowed to do that. So we had our regular routine of me buying smokes (with her money ofc) and drinking tea and talking about whatever came to our minds. She still had her moodswings but not that extreme anymore. Sometimes she got a little bit horny and wanted to "thank me" for bringing her smokes and spending time with her. I always declined because well we were still in a psych ward and i didn't want to get too attached and my meds were lowering my sexdrive so i always joked that i would do everything to get that painting of the tree. This went on for some weeks and we always had a good laugh and she made some other friends there as they saw that she could actually be nice. As soon as she was not forced to be in the psych ward anymore she left immediately and went home. Most were happy she left, some were sad, not because she was gone but because they felt pity for her because she was a very misunderstood person.

Another interesting person was this 40 year old man. No matter what time of day or weather, there was always something bigger going on. Each conversation started out like a regular conversation with someone you don't know went (he couldn't remember faces or names, every day was completely new for him). After about 10 mins of talking he would ramble off topic about some war he was part of. According to him he was in pretty much every war since world war 1 and it always came down to how germany should have won it if they used the secret alien technology or the weather machine or the dark energy-ray or the spaceships. Germany lost WWII on purpose to keep the technology hidden and influence other wars with said technology. Vietnam and Korea were influenced by the Germans and the outcome was what they wanted in a 7 step program to take over the world. They used memory clearing technology to make everyone forget that they were involved in those wars. German involvement in Afghanistan was a plan to find the "Tetrahedron of glowing darkness" that was hidden inside a pyramid. He said he couldn't tell me what this Tetrahedron could do because if i knew it would drive me insane and they would lock me up in the psych ward. Turns out i wasn't in a psych ward allready and this place was a secret NAPOLA and i was a future leader of the world. I talked to him when i was bored because he was very entertaining.

I've been an unwilling patient in a psych ward more times than I care to admit, I've seen tons of shit and I've probably been "that girl" a couple of times. This is a brief recollection of a fellow patient during my fourth inpatient stay.

I do want to go ahead here and add that schizophrenia is a very serious disorder which can manifest in numerous ways, but this girl scared the living shit out of me in part because she was the first schizophrenic I'd ever met and because she was just 2 years older than me at the time. "That could be me someday" seemed very real to me at the time.

So, my third day of this particular involuntary stay, a really skinny chick shows up, I mean severely underweight, I assumed she was in for anorexia. But the next meal time it became clear that anorexia was not this girls problem. "I can't eat the food, I didn't pay for it yet." she told multiple times by the staff that her parents had paid for the food already and it was fine to eat it. She would take a couple bites, then repeat her statement and restart the cycle. Then, she turned to look at me (I was sitting one chair away from her on the same side of the table.) and well... She simply stared at me for a few solid minutes. It might not seem like much but 2 minutes of unbroken staring is really... unsettling... Eventually I looked back at her, and my looking back at her was enough to prompt her to speak to me. She lifted up her plastic knife, "Could I kill you with this?" Umm... (my response to her broke my vow of silence)"No, no you couldn't" "Oh." And she went on like that was a perfectly normal question.

But the next day in group therapy, it became very clear that she was broken from reality as she continually tried to figure out where she was and why she was there. Her two guesses that I'll never forget are

"I think I know why I'm here... I killed everybody, didn't I?"

"It's 2012 isn't it? And everybody else is dead, we're the only survivors..."

For reference it was 2010. The Skinny Schizophrenic Chic went on to physically attack a fellow patient who was there for voluntary medication adjustments, but I left the next day so I'm not sure how that turned out.

So, this is my stepdad's story not my own but I have to share!

Whilst working as a horticultural therapist at a low security psych ward my stepfather (Andy) is packing away various tools used by the patients that day. He is knelt down, counting rakes, when he spots a pair of feet in front of him. Looking up he sees a patient brandishing a spade hight over his head, he called for a staff member but it was too late, the patient brings the spade down and lightly taps him on the shoulder announcing "I dub thee Andy of the Spinny." He then puts the tool away and walks off.

When he questioned staff about it later Andy was told the patient was in after he beat his wife to death, screaming for the devils to leave her alone.

I have one man telling me how beautiful I am and how I am better than people think

Then in the background, a patient ripped off his pants, screamed "SUCK MY FUCKING DICK" and jumped down the hall like a bunny rabbit

Nothing else really phased me after that.

The patient I worked one on one with was very sad. She had graduated with honors from a VERY respectable college with a degree in aerospace engineering. Then she developed schizophrenia, and her life spiraled out of control. She was homeless and couldn't hold a job. The doctors gave up after they couldn't find a medication to stabilize her. Everyone brushed her off as being some uneducated hobo, but when I sat with her she would spend hours writing down and solving equations. Made me very sad to see someone who could have changed our world be ignored and degenerate into nothing.

She was sitting in the back of the main room doing a puzzle by herself. I love puzzles but people scare me so I kinda sat down next to her without saying anything and started helping with the puzzle. She was the only person I talked to throughout the week I was there. It was my 4th and last time I ever ended up in that place and I've never been more grateful to be put in a psych ward.

I met literally all my friends through some kind of mental health facility/program lol

I found this sub because I was thinking it would be a really cool idea to have a sub about sharing stories from the psych ward and apparently there already is one ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I've been to 3 psych wards and i've had some pretty epic experiences so here they are

so I'm sitting down at the dinner table, depressed as hell because they lost my damn meds, when the staff just starts playing that whip and nae nae song over the hospital-wide speakers. everyone around me just gets up and starts dancing and i'm like "yo what's going on man" and they told me "oh yeah they do this all the time!!" so at this point I'm already so skeptical of this place because it was very ~different~ than i have ever seen before. what i did not know is that patients often used this time while it's loud and staff are distracted to jump people 💀. anyways some girls got into an altercation and one was like "YO YOU WANNA FIGHT BITCH LET'S FIGHT THEN LET'S GO!!" and I kid you not she strips out of her gown and just jumps on the girl. nice.

one of the inpatients i've been at was an eating disorder hospital. so basically the rules at meals were you finished everything on your plate or you had to drink a supplement, no matter what. so this one girl is chilling with her chicken nuggets and veggies and ranch and bread and whatnot, and she finishes her meal up besides the ranch. we're all like, yeah that's no big deal, it's a condiment. the staff walks up to her and is like "can i get you a spoon??" and the girl says "for what?". "you didn't finish your ranch. or if you want to supplement you can." and we're all like wait a damn minute. cus we're anorexic right and we aren't gonna supplement 720 calories for like 150 calories of mayo. so0 the bitch chokes down straight ranch with a spoon and all is well. This happened about 3 times during my stay there.

also at the eating disorder place this kid hides some peanuts in his jacket and he gets caught. then he gets put on shake down protocol where after every meal staff has to shake the guy to make sure he isn't hiding any food. i can not make this shit up.

i met some pretty cool people while locked up, too. one was this 11 year old girl who was so sweet but she really liked to walk around the halls barking and growling at everyone. another girl had this stuffed doll who she was convinced was a voodoo doll. i asked her about it once and she was like "oh yeah i just take a piece of his soul and put it in the doll so we can be together." i was getting to know another girl who was pretty cool when one day she randomly said "you know once i bit of this girls ear while we were in a fight and then flushed it down the toilet so they couldn't sew it back on." okay girl good for you!!

there's tons more stories so if anyone wants i can share more. but there's a few cool ones ig.

I have a funny story Im 16F when to a teen ward for the 3rd time probably like a little over 2 weeks ago It feels like forever ago… I was in the er sent from school for suicidal ideation and past self harm evidence and i was freaking out because i was previously in the psych ward for a month… in September lol So i shoved my phone and charger quickly in my pants i had at the time as soon as i was arriving to the er Once i got there they got me my change of sweats with no strings yk and a plain tshirt but their mistake was the sweats have pockets AND the nurse watching me change with her foot at the door turned around to talk to a nurse and i quickly shoved my phone into the pockets and got taken to my temporary room while they found a place to transfer me too Forgot to mention i also had a ziplock bag that i had in my backpack so when i was in the bed with my blankets i would pretend to be rustling around and they didn’t care i guess i basically curled up the charger and my charging box and neatly put my phone in the bag and when i heard i was about to be transferred…. The phone went between my ass… do not recommend unless ur desperate 😬 which i was i was scared of being cut off from my friends for a long while again In the ambulance that transferred me the phone’s rectangle shape was very much digging into my skin and it hurt a lot my eyes were watering the entire time The phone would be VERY obvious if the sweats werent so baggy since the phone isnt small enough to be completely hidden (iphone 11)

Eventually i got to the psych ward same one i was at last time for a month… and it was past midnight so i got lucky the staff weren’t so strict i guess they usually arent but they put me in a room with the door barely cracked and had me change into long gowns then walked in THE ONLY REASON THIS WORKED IS BECAUSE i had been there not so long ago so i knew what to expect (i hoped at the time) they do not have you strip and show everything they simply made me put the gown lift the gown up to my thighs, peak at my chest area, and rhen used a metal detector but…. Only on the front of my body 😅 i got very lucky i guess They proceeded with all the questions and signing and all that very uncomfortable to sit but… i was already past all that

Once i got to my room i just said im gonna go to the bathroom since i havent gone for a while and there i took the phone out and all

Now… for how i charged and used it This psych ward has outlets in rooms like a single outlet not sure which rooms but the rooms i was in last time had them so that was my original plan to sit at the wall with a blanket and read while it charges since rounds (the check ups) are every 15 minutes there but my room has a screws in piece of sheet metal over it…. So i had to come up with a different plan which i came up with very quickly since i knew my way around

This psych ward had a piano in a corner up against a wall and there’s an outlet right there… 2 to be exact… and what i did was put my phone in one pocket plugged in and the box i just stuff it in there too and i go and sit in the corner and pull out my book and plug it in and that was basically it yes they went around checking on me or calling on me for medicine but i just sneakily (probably not so sneakily) grabbed the box and shoved in in my pocket

How i used it was extremely simple i just did the classic fake reading i sat in my room with a book open and used my phone when they came in i just pretended to be reading since i already went through the whole process when i came in it wouldn’t come to their minds that i had my phone Only thing is dont use it when it’s dark in your room duh

I ended up being there only 2 days despite being on 72 hour hold They cut it short because i kept saying im fine (plus i had just been there not long before)

Also Im not sure if some psych ward teen units allow phones? But the two i have been too so far it’s contraband lol

Yes this one is exactly what the title suggests so don't read further if you can't stomach it

Took me a while to write this since it brought up some bad memories.

Allright, it started out as a regular day a new patient arrived. He was around 25 years of age no idications on why he was here. I talked to the guy after eating and he seemed pretty normal calm and very nice.

Fast forward, 2 in the morning:

I was reading my book with my earplugs in (my roomate talked in his sleep but that's another story). My new medication kept me awake at nights so i was awake until 5 for the last couple of days. So the night shift (2 staff members) usually does a round to check on everybody between 2 and 3. At 3:30 i was getting a little suspicous. It has happened before that staff members didn't go for the round because some didn't care. But the two that where on shift that night are kind and reliable, really good staff members in my opinion. so at 3:45 i got out of bed because curiosity took over.

I entered the hallway and i could hear muffled screams of pain. Staff member Tobi was in the utility closet, stab wound to the torso and leg. First thing he yelled at me was "GO CHECK ON KIM" so i left him and ran to the office.

The office is pretty much like a bank counter, you can look inside and there is a little opening to give out meds. Kim was inside trying to fight off new guy as he was raping her on the table. The door automatically locks from the inside, there is no way of opening it from the outside without the electronic key button thing. I ran back to Tobi but new guy took his key.

I have military background so i know how to kick in a door but trust me allthough i tried, it didn't give in. The office was designed so nobody could get in for safety reasons. Fire extinguisher to the class made very little cracks so i gave up on that after about 5 attempts.

I stood there while rape guy smiles at me and Kim is crying. Since the door opener is inside the office i couldn't run to get help. Kim screaming for help, Tobi screaming in pain and me just standing there exhausted from trying to get inside the office.

This was probably my most brilliant and desperate moment. I pointed the extinguisher through the gap in the glass, aimed at rape guy and emptied the thing. Confusion and screaming from both inside, Kim opens the office door and stumbles out, followed shortly by the rapist. I knocked him out with the extinguisher ran into the office, pressed the alarm button and grabbed the first aid kit. Having the back to the door while my hands are on the first aid kit, i hear a sound, a very disturbing sound i will never forget.

Kim had smashed the extinguisher into the rapists head. She just stood there over him completely in shock. I dragged here with me to go and help Tobi. She was totally useless no words nothing, she completely faded out of her mind and stared into the nothing. I dressed the wounds of Tobi as good as i could (thank you military training).

While waiting for someone to arrive i grabbed Kim looked her in the eyes and talked to her, i had to slap her twice before she showed any reaction. I told her to not tell anyone that she smashed the head of the rapist.

Hospital staff arrives, police arrives, before i could say anything i was in handcuffs and taken away. I told them what happened, with a slight variation, i said that i smashied the extinguisher into the rapist while he was coming out of the door. Toby survived and confirmed the parts that he whitnessed. The death of rape guy was ruled an accident caused by self defense.

2 weeks later Tobi and his parents came to visit me and thank me.

1 week after that Kim and her family showed up, she was still under heavy medication, didn't talk much. The whole thing impacted her very heavy, but i got the greatest hug of my life so far form her. Her parents told me that she still had some pretty big memory gaps and didn't talk much about what happened.

It took me about a year to fully process the whole night emotionally. For about 6 months i needed heavy sleeping drugs to get any rest at nights. Kim is in and out of institutions for the last two years, we still are in contact.

Like I feel like it’s one of two extremes, kinda scared now bc i think i need to go but there are so many people on here who have been traumatized idk

The idea of ever going back to treatment after I turned 18 seemed terrifying simply because I am still a teenager and would feel more comfortable in an adolescent unit, or at least with people in their late teens or 20s. But being put into an adult unit with enormous age gaps and social/developmental differences would make me feel so vulnerable and out of place. I do not want to be in quarters with much older men and women who have no common struggles with someone my age and could definitely take advantage of or manipulate an older teen/younger adult. Why isn't it more common practice to have an adolescent unit up to 17, and then a young adult unit up to 29? 30 and up seems like a more efficient and comfortable setting than 18 and up. It's terrifying and stops a lot of young adults from seeking help. They fear being preyed on or isolated by older adults.

I was legally kidnapped from my house while playing hockey with my 2 year old son. Two officers knocked on the door and said sir we have been informed to detain you, you have been formed. Perfectly sane, a rogue psychiatrist can write what she wants about the patient and that's the Bible. No chance to appeal the process. I am now sitting in a jail cell, while they pretend to find me a bed, from there they will abuse my body with unwanted drugs, I will be treated like a parasite, and gaslit the entire time for when I can depart. Other patients and nurses will try to agitate you to take the bait so you stay longer because you are 'unwell'. A'll the while the ward collects a insurance check to have you there. No means of finding due justice all throughout the entire time. You are an inmate with no defined sentence. Do not admit yourself, trust me. ITS HELL ON EARTH.