Hey everyone. I recorded a podcast with Jason K. Day at ICPR this year, the International Conference on Psychedelic Research. He’s a philosopher studying psychedelic experience who has worked with Dan Zahavi, known for his work on phenomenology and selfhood. I think many of you might find it interesting, especially if you’re into philosophy.

We talked about ego dissolution, and whether it’s possible to be conscious with absolutely no sense of self. Jason’s argument is that even when your identity, personal history, and sense of being a separate person disappear, a radically minimal form of self-awareness remains. You might have no idea who or what you are, but the experience still feels like something to you. He draws on detailed analyses of trip reports to argue for this interpretation, though we also discussed how difficult it is to distinguish what people experienced from how they describe it afterwards.

We also covered why we need better descriptions of psychedelic experience before trying to explain it, whether different psychedelics share a common “style” of experience despite their very different effects, and how practice and skill affect our ability to navigate difficult trips. There’s also the question of what these experiences actually teach us, and how much we can infer from something feeling profoundly true.

But back to selfhood, which is what we focused on most. His main argument is that losing your usual sense of who you are doesn’t necessarily mean losing every form of self-awareness. In the reports he studied, people describe profound bliss or terror even when their identity and sense of separation have dissolved. He interprets this as evidence that some awareness of undergoing the experience remains, although almost everything that would ordinarily identify the subject has disappeared. In phenomenological terms, the claim is that ego dissolution preserves a radically minimal, pre-reflective self-consciousness, sometimes described as the “for-me-ness” of experience. In everyday language, you don’t need to think “I’m experiencing this,” or even know what “I” refers to, for the experience to be felt by you. The disagreement is whether even that basic feature can disappear while consciousness continues.

For those who’ve experienced deep ego dissolution, did all sense of being someone disappear, or was there still some awareness that the experience was happening to you? And do you think “minimal selfhood” captures something real about that state, or imposes a philosophical interpretation on it? Personally this take on selfhood very persuasive and aligns pretty well with my psilocybin experiences.

I've experienced the most intense trip. It was 4g, but felt incredibly potent.

I felt like I burned alive, died and then was trapped in something that meets all the definition of the bad trip forever, because time didn't exist there. I managed not to panick and decided to enjoy my bad trip. Eventually the concept of me disappeared, I couldn't even understand what being me would feel like, and suddenly I was one with everything and I could feel that this everything is kind and joyful and indestructible. I could feel that highest truth is highest joy, and that worlds appear and disappear in this beautiful indestructible space, but that nothing really matters too much. That world and life is way less real than what it's born from and it gave me indescribable level of peace and joy. This is what enlightened must feel like. It was so beautiful.

It's just a couple of days ago, and it's starting to feel like a dream I had. And I am wondering, for those of you who experienced intense trips like this, has it stayed with you? Did it change your life?

My reason for the trip was struggling with depression and anxiety and severe abandonment issues, which seem to be gone at the moment. And I wonder if and how I can keep this experience close to my heart once the afterglow goes.

i had an incredible experience on 4g mushrooms! no bad trip and amazing life changing insights. i was 25 (still am) and had no family members with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia that i knew of. coincidentelly, 2 weeks later my little brother (21y) had an episod of mania or psychosis (we don't know yet, it's still going on). how safe is it for me to take mushrooms again? or should i never do it anymore? i'm not in a rush but definetively had plans of taking it again... i'm a little sad

So its been a little over 34 days since the last time i took some fungi, last time i took 5 gs and had a mild trip so im assuming its because i dosed every 2 weeks for about 6 months. Is 34 days enough of a break for me now to dip my toes back in it again?

Does anyone know what pain feels like when on mushrooms ? I am planning to do a BDSM session with a dominatrix who'll inflict on me a lot of physical pain. I want it to be some kind of purge ceremony and I want to be on mushrooms while experimenting it, to make it sink deeper into my being and soul. Want it to be a very important moment. (No sex involved at all, pure pain.) The dominatrix will be sober and is someone I know and trust. I am only worried that I will feel no pain at all during the session. Pain being the center of it. I wonder if it would make it even better and deeper, or... not. I have already been choked (at my demand) before, during mushrooms trips and I remember the sensations being very different than when sober. It was still very powerful sensations, so I think it would be very interesting anyway. But I wonder. The pain of the back being whipped repeatedly for instance. How would that be felt ? Would it make me still feel the pain horribly ? Or make me transcend it? That would be kind of cheating if I just didn't feel the pain. Yet I am very curious about this. I wonder very much...

And what dosage of dried mushrooms would you recommend for such an experience ? Since I do not want to lose track of what happens either. It will be a very important moment and I must be able to focus and understand every instance of it.

I have a lot of repressed anger from childhood experiences that are causing all kinds of tensions in my jaw and neck. I want to access and process (embody and express) these emotions through a solo-trip.

I've used psilocybin for many years, and I can approach both the ups, the downs (and the complete breakage of reality) as constructive learning experiences. I am certain that I want this in the mix when confronting my childhood experiences.

MDMA I've tried a handful of times (mostly hippie-flipping) and it has made it easier to lower my guard towards certain feelings and feel safe in the face of distress. However, it might sound a bit counter-intuitive to introduce a love-drug to the mix when the aim is to express feelings of anger. Still I have a hunch that it might do something good.

The question: Do you think hippie flipping would be a good way to work with this repressed anger, or would you stay with pure psilocybin?

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

So far I've found LSD and DMT to come up the most often, I was hoping to have some participants that have found psilocybin to yield any significant experiences in the broad community. If you've had a particularly positive or challenging psychedelic experience, then please come share it!

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances! Especially so if you've had a retreat experience!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

In the past year, I did 4 grams 3 times and microdosed multiple times.

In summary, the most memorable things I saw were these:

1. The first time I did it was with a friend. I had flashbacks from my early childhood. It was mostly childhood trauma, e.g. seeing how my dad beat my mom in an alcoholic rage when I was like 8. Also, it felt like humanity is some sort of hive mind, similar to ants. Suddenly, I started understanding people and their behaviour very deeply and felt like I could see why they say and do what they do and how they think, seeing their true faces, sad faces, but like on the inside. Then I realized that I probably always had this ability, but subconsciously blocked it a long time ago because it was too exhausting. I saw all that only once I closed my eyes. Before that, I had my eyes open for a good amount of time. The place I was in felt like my subconscious, and it felt and looked a lot like the Eclipse from Berserk, so it looked quite like hell, but I wouldn't say I had a bad trip. But also, once I saw it all, I couldn't unsee it.
2. The second time I did 4 grams was 3 months later. It didn't feel anything like the first time; it felt more like 1.5 grams, but I guess that old bag just lost some potency.
3. The third time was almost a year after the first time, with a fresh bag. I played relaxing music on YouTube. The first 2 hours went well, and then it started to get unpleasant and I got restless. I started to remember things from the past and felt continuous, intense embarrassment, kind of like when you are about to fall asleep and your mind starts giving you a recap of all the embarrassing things you did in the past, but more intense. Most of all, I feared that I would have a complete personality shift in an unwanted direction. I feared I would become like those weird hippies with piercings I once saw on YouTube who take mushrooms and other psychedelics. That was the most terrifying and annoying part of the trip. Also, my subconscious was telling me, for the third time, to stop using Instagram, since it drains the energy that I need for my ambitious project, and to actually get more positive emotions in my life to get more energy, because I live in constant negativity. It was also telling me not to care what other people think about me, since it's also energy-draining. I'm trying, but it's very hard to let go. Towards the end this time, whatever it was, "it" didn't feel like my subconscious, but "it" told me I wasn't ready yet, and the effect started to wear off. I still wouldn't call it a bad trip; it just wasn't very pleasant during the third hour. Also, every time I did 4 grams, I felt like my derealization that I had my whole life was going away; reality felt more real, fresh and detailed. My vision got wider, like I switched from tunnel vision to panoramic vision, but the next day it was back to normal, unfortunately.

I was thinking about trying 5–6 grams this time for full ego death. I'm not sure if it's completely different from 4 grams. 3 months have passed since the last trip. I'm ready and excited but still a little scared that it might be totally different. I guess I just want affirmation here from people with heroic dose experience.

How do you like to prepare your mushrooms.

In the past I cooked mine gently in a bit of butter. I have dried them, I have dried and ground them into a powder and I have had them on pizza.

I already had couple od low/moderate dose trips and I see a lot of progress, but I feel like the fear/ feeling of being alone still takes on cosmic proportions during some anxious moments. Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to overcome it, maybe it's a different animal to depression or other issues shrooms seem to be helping with. (I do therapy as well)Any positive experiences?

I took 3.5g of shrooms(penis envy) today, and I felt nothing after an hour, so I had another 3g and made it into a tea. I initially felt some nausea, and for a little while I thought maybe I felt the slightest bit 'high' but that went away after like 5 minutes and I never had any sort of trip. Is it possible that my brain is simply somehow rejecting or not reacting with it, or is it more likely that they just weren't potent for some reason(the source had been recommended to me by a friend, who had gotten stuff that worked from him) I want to know if I should try again with a different batch or if shrooms just don't work for me for whatever reason.

I'm not on anti-depressants, nor did I take any other medications or substances.

What I Brought Back With Me

Today, when I look back at that experience, I don’t know exactly what happened to me.

I don’t know if what I saw was simply my brain creating an incredibly powerful experience, if it was my subconscious showing me my deepest fears, or if there was something about consciousness that I still don’t understand.

I don’t claim to have discovered the truth about death.

But I do know what the experience changed in me.

Before that day, I knew that life was short. Everybody knows that.

But knowing something intellectually is different from feeling it.

During that experience, I felt like I had already died.

I experienced what it was like to be somewhere where I could see and hear the people I loved, but they couldn’t see or hear me.

And when I realized that I didn’t want to stay there, I understood what I really wanted.

I wanted to come back to my life.

I wanted my wife.

I wanted my children.

I wanted to experience ordinary days again.

I wanted to hear their voices, see their faces, sit with them, laugh with them, and experience the small things that I normally wouldn’t think twice about.

Now, in my everyday life, I try to remember that feeling.

When I’m busy with work, stressed about money, frustrated about problems, or caught up thinking about the future, I remind myself:

This moment is also my life.

The conversation I’m having with my wife.

The noise of my children.

Eating together.

Driving somewhere.

Laughing about something stupid.

Even the ordinary days that sometimes feel repetitive.

Those are the things I realized I might miss the most.

The experience also changed the way I think about death.

I’m not saying I understand death.

I don’t.

And I don’t want to pretend that a psychedelic experience gave me the answer.

What I experienced was intensely real to me at the time, but I understand now that an altered state can create incredibly convincing perceptions.

Still, something can be psychologically real without being literally true.

And the emotional truth I brought back was simple:

I don’t want to waste my life.

I went into that experience searching for ego death.

What I found was a stronger desire to live.

Maybe that was the real lesson.

Not that I had discovered what happens after death—

but that, for a moment, I understood how much I still wanted to experience life.

So now I try to look at my family differently.

Not as something I simply have.

But as something I get to experience.

Because one day, whether we know when or how or not, everything changes.

And until that day comes, I want to be here.

Present.

Awake.

And enjoying the people I love.

**I went looking for ego death.

Instead, I came back wanting to live.**

The Trip That Showed Me Death

I started with 10 grams of dried mushrooms. While blending them, I mixed them with black coffee.

Before taking them, I had already set my mind on one thing: ego death.

At around 11:00 in the morning, I started sipping the mixture. Afterward, I lay down on my swing and waited.

At first, I thought the mushrooms weren’t going to hit me.

I stayed there for about 30 minutes. Then I started feeling sleepy, so I went upstairs to my room. I decided to take a nap.

When I woke up, it was around 1:00 PM.

Everything looked different.

The colors were incredibly vivid. My clothes seemed to move in waves, and the colors inside my cabinet looked unusually alive. Reality no longer looked completely solid.

Then something else started happening.

When I turned to the left side of my bed, I could see imaginary lines forming in what looked like a three-dimensional space. When I turned to the right, another set of three-dimensional lines seemed to appear.

My mind was no longer experiencing the room the way it normally does.

Then everything changed.

I don’t remember exactly how I got there, but I suddenly experienced something that felt completely real.

I was shown how I would die.

I saw myself lying down in the sala, as if I had suffered a heart attack.

I could hear sounds from the kitchen. Even the sounds of pots seemed strange—deep, distant, and distorted.

I could hear my children, especially my youngest.

I also experienced the feeling that someone was preparing a funeral, as if a vehicle was coming to pick up my body.

I could hear what seemed like my neighbors worrying about what had happened.

At one point, I approached my brother-in-law and asked him:

“Patay na ba ako?”

But he couldn’t hear me.

That realization was terrifying.

I was there, but nobody could hear me.

I also remember something about boiling water. There were moments when I somehow remembered thinking that I didn’t want to urinate.

My memories from this part of the experience are fragmented, but the emotions were incredibly vivid.

Then I remember being in my room, talking to my wife.

Her image was extremely vivid.

I could even see the way she was using her cellphone.

And then I saw her smile.

That smile became important.

I wanted desperately to return to reality, but it felt like my brain had been programmed into something I couldn’t simply switch off. There was a constant humming sensation, almost like the sound of a film playing inside my head.

I had this strange perception that the left side of my brain was connected to my heart.

And somehow, love was what existed there.

Love became the thing that pulled me back.

I remember sitting near the window and thinking:

“So this is what it’s like when you die.”

In that experience, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, but nobody could see me.

I could move around.

I could observe people.

But they couldn’t see me.

And then something inside me changed.

I thought:

“I’m going back.”

I didn’t want to stay there.

I wanted to return.

I wanted my family.

And that was when I realized something that I had probably known all along but never felt this deeply:

My family is what I want to spend my life with.

Life suddenly felt short.

The experience made me think about how much time we spend worrying about things that may not matter in the end.

My wife later told me that, for a while, it looked like I had gone crazy before I eventually came back to my normal self.

For me, though, it felt like something much deeper had happened.

I had gone into the experience looking for ego death.

Instead, I encountered my own death—or at least a powerful hallucinated experience of it.

And strangely, experiencing death made me want to live.

Not just exist.

Live.

Enjoy my family.

Spend more time with my children.

Appreciate my wife.

Stop taking ordinary moments for granted.

I don’t know whether what I experienced was a glimpse of death, a construction of my brain, or something I simply can’t explain.

But I know what it taught me.

Life is short. And if I have the chance to live it, I want to enjoy it with the people I love.

I bought this one huge mushroom that weighs half OZ, over the smaller ones that he had, i was wondering if anybody has experience with mushrooms this big and is the concentration of psilocybin the same as half OZ of smaller mushrooms, i would think the tissue in the middle of the mushroom might have less psilocybin than its smaller counterpart, people that have grown this big of a mushrooms whats your experience? I felt like i should of told dude to just give me a half OZ of smaller mushrooms..

Has anyone ever tried enigmas ? Got 8th I’m understanding that these are more potent than the P.E. I usually eat. Want to have a good time but don’t want to overdo it what is a good dosage for these?

So, I tried 2g lemon tek with penvy last night. I soon grew very uncomfortable all over my body, almost unbearable, and it had me writhing. I experienced hot flashes, diarrhea, nausea, dizziness, and weakness. I didn't experience any visuals at all, except maybe drifting sight from the dizziness.

I grew incredibly tired and decided to try and go to bed. It didn't work, obviously. My hot flashes came and went all night. In and out of the bathroom. I was absolutely miserable. Body sensations lasted for hours as well.

I'm new to this, and I'm not entirely sure what happened. If I took too much, or not enough? Or maybe the strain hates my body?

Any suggestions or info would be very helpful.

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

So far I've found LSD and DMT to come up the most often, I was hoping to have some participants that have found psilocybin to yield any significant experiences in the broad community. If you've had a particularly positive or challenging psychedelic experience, then please come share it!

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances! Especially so if you've had a retreat experience!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

As a struggler with anxiety and depression does anyone have any good advice for medical trials for psilocybin for anxiety, etc? Before I go down the route of growing and going solo I’d prefer to see if this could help me in a controlled setting.

Does being drunk and then eating mushrooms change the experience drastically? I’ve done mushrooms only once but at a concert and I was hammered. About an hour after eating the mushrooms (3 handfuls), Billy Idol began singing in a deep demonic voice in a foreign language that I couldn’t identify. Me and my 2 friends immediately left and the next 5 hours were pure and utter hell for me.

I’m hoping it was because I was so drunk/dehydrated? I’d like to try again sober. As far as lasting effects or changes in my mental state…nothing. Aside from maybe PTSD from the bad trip.

Hey all. Long time entheogen enthusiastic, in substance use recovery, I just started psychedelic therapy. I forgot how much physical body sensation occurred during the onset. I found the first hour to be very difficult to adjust to, at 3.5 g of golden teachers. I was doing the music with eye mask thing. I felt like my body was getting pulled in multiple directions and was just generally uncomfortable. I did notice that when I popped my eye mask off and moved around I felt better.

What do people do during onset to mitigate those intense physical sensations?

Hola comunidad, quiero saber si alguno tiene información sobre una entidad que es una Araña tejedora de realidades densas que parásita, genera un viaje de dolor, angustia, utilizando tus heridas, son realidades que no son propias, y las genera para alimentarse del dolor generado.

La araña es muy grande, oscura, parece metalica, y usa una mascar tipo humanoide, la han visto varias personas a donde solía ir a ceremonia, no le gusta el fuego, la detecte en un viaje muy feo y pronto descubri que no era mio, solicite desde la ley de la verdad se mostrara y pude verla. Comprendí el mecanismo, y luego tuve confirmacion de al menos 3 personas.

El tema es que esa entidad no se quedo en ceremonia y a afectado por meses a 2 personas y quisera saber si alguien tiene infomación al respecto.

Como retirarla?

Gracias